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Tritium

Funniest things NPCs say.

Recommended Posts

DeniLHell

Once i was standing on a bridge when some npc car stopped and the driver shouted at me: "JUMP!"

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cipher656

an npc swore at me and told me to turn my lights on, not mentioning the head on collision with a tree i just had.

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whywontyoulisten

"Mom, I miss my old boobs."

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CBas1220

Pinche Mamamierga!!!

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JON22

Don't know if it's been mentioned, but I find 'sh*t my damn pants' sort of funny. Also when an npc became hostile and called me mother f*cker, once I pulled my gun out he yelled the scared higher pitched mother f*cker before running off. Cracked me up.

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ATeaDaze

Not the funniest but I hear these more than anything:

 

"Hey-hey! My dude, right?"

"See you at the knitting circle!"

 

Humane Labs raid:
"THEY GOT SANCHEZ!", poor Sanchez always gets whacked.

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joel15cat

The spanish voices:

- Pinche mamaverga.

- ¡Santa Mercedes!

- ¡Santa María!

- ¡Ayuda! ¡Me han dao, me han dao!

- !Necesitamos ayuda!

- Puta madre, piece of sh*t.

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grand theft spaghetti

3 years playing ive never heard an npc say this before.

homeless group of npc next to soda machine, "do you have change for 114 kittens?"

 

chavvy? is that what you call the baby mamas that play online while neglecting their kids in the background? feed the kids? no, mama needs to use the creator glitch from behind wall breaches to snipe players entering los santos customs. wish i was making that up. poor little conner. i'll never know if he got that bowl of cereal for breakfast at 2:15 in the afternoon.

 

oh but dont you dare mention how they raise their kids. you have no idea what the circumstances of their situation is...

lol, i know you're online being a troll while your kid begs for food in the background.

Edited by grand theft spaghetti

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Katemosswithoutmakeup

One fat lady said something like this yesterday;

 

"Hey it's me. How did you forget,we had sex in your car!"

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whywontyoulisten

 

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HKM87

I heard a hispanic NPC on the phone saying something like this: "I'll prove I'm hetero all over your face mamita!" Mmmmm!!!

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mollipop

A Trump supporting npc called me a "Immigrant Cocksucker".

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Dirty Hairy

"sh*tdick! Ya hear me, sh*tdick?"

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Rt001

I punched a paramedic in the face one time, he punched back and said: "I know MMA! Mexican Martial Arts!"

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GR Choke

 

 

 

 

 

"Everytime you get your f*cking period, we f*cking fight."

 

Not heard an NPC say this yet but my boyfriend has once or twice.

Wooft that and the chavy skank bird in your sig. I can imagine the burberry monthly nightmare he suffers right now.

From now on I'll picture you as Vicky Pollard.

 

Yeah but no.

Chavvy.. f*ckin' excuse me?

 

download_20150902_221223.gif

 

Lol. Def a pure 100% chavtastic skank

 

That gif doesn't help your cause.

She looks like the biggest bike on the council estate, with her 5 Benetton kids and all her Argos jewelry on.

More STD's than a garage full of modded Sentinels and a fanny like the mersey tunnel.

Penicillin, bleach and a wire brush required.

 

Thinks think is pronouced "fink" and counts "Dappy" and "Towie" as inspirational rolemodels and a lifestyle choice.

Has a social worker that describes her as "Troubled" and has a criminal record for shop lifting Bicardi breezers from the local

shops and is probably banned from the Spar nearest her but still hangs around outside.

 

Kids are called sh*t like Chardonnay and Chelsea and the oldest one is 7 and still hasn't been to school yet.

Thinks knock off perfume forgoes the need to shower and could do with some live yoghurt slapped about several bits of her to try and kill that other smell she has ;)

 

Seriously, EEEWWW!

 

 

 

 

Smiley-ROFL.gif

 

 

Edited by GR Choke

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ulrak

Lol. Really? OK Vicky. Bye bye now.

Don't let the door hit you on the arse on your way out.

 

On topic

Simeon. That ribald Armenian.

Delivered the Balla Schafter to him and he said.

"You are like the daughter, I never wanted" and then had a quick check out of my arse. (Oi cheeky! Eye's up here.)

 

Is he the only contact NPC that changes what he says? As fas as I'm aware Gerald and Madrazzo say the same sh*t whether you are female or male.

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whywontyoulisten

 

Is he the only contact NPC that changes what he says? As fas as I'm aware Gerald and Madrazzo say the same sh*t whether you are female or male.

Trevor sends my female character pervy texts after a mission, although he probably does it to the guys as well...

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Guest

A woman I drove too quickly too close to yelled "f*cking hipster trash!" at me :D

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xxi

Lol. Really? OK Vicky. Bye bye now.

Don't let the door hit you on the arse on your way out.

 

On topic

Simeon. That ribald Armenian.

Delivered the Balla Schafter to him and he said.

"You are like the daughter, I never wanted" and then had a quick check out of my arse. (Oi cheeky! Eye's up here.)

 

Is he the only contact NPC that changes what he says? As fas as I'm aware Gerald and Madrazzo say the same sh*t whether you are female or male.

tumblr_n8nvft19f61tgwexmo1_250.gif

Edited by Candy Suxxx

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whywontyoulisten

"Hel-looooo? I'm trying to get to the roller derby?"

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hyperar

Pinche Mamamierga!!!

It's mama verga or cock sucker

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TheFroggmann

"Oooo you DEAD!" Just before I drop his ass into the ocean...

 

 

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Tonguegirl

"Hey, you're a boring sh*t".

Edited by Tonguegirl

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seven50iL

"Hey I love your car!"

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Furry_Monkey

"Hey I love your car!"

 

GTA in a nutshell...

 

i-like-your-car.png

 

 

I have heard what I believe is both sides of a telephone conversation. One was a woman talking to a guy and saying she's going to smell his dick when he gets home (to see if smells like it's been somewhere it shouldn't), and the other was a guy who said something like, "Woman, my dick smells like onions".

 

I'd love to get a recording of both conversations and merge them together so we can hear the whole thing.

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CarimboHanky

im walking out of a store and i bump into this npc... he goes like

 

"i hope you're hungry 'cause i got a knuckle salad for you"

 

hands down the most memorable

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Horse_With_No_Name

"Charlie's been hit"

"They got Chester"

"Probably an idiot liberal" (coming from an old dude in a PRIUS)

"sh*tdick, you hear me, sh*tdick!"

"I kill for a living!!!"

"Killing makes my dick hard."

"Sold my puppy for a pound a crack."(guy on phone)

"I got Coorkeerrzzz tickets!!!!"

"Laaaaadeeedaaaaaa"

 

Best one: getting a money drop from a modder in an ally way $40k a bag. A hobo wakes up from the dumpster walks towards us muttering "got any spare change?

 

 

"Cheesy Vagina"

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Joey McCoy

"Go f*ck your momma in the keister!"

 

Just the way female NPCs say it.

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Fluffy Sock

One day in Grapeseed a fat redneck turned hostile on me. He ran towards me, I showed my gun when he was about to punch me, and then he yelled "TURNATION" while making a 180º turn.

 

Damn I didn't record that :lol:

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guster-von

"You're my dude right?"

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