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Tritium

Funniest things NPCs say.

Recommended Posts

McGhee

An npc outside my nightclub on his phone: "Got into that porn company this morning. I got so horny I jacked off in the car!" 

 

they also write funny sh*t: 

 

I1ufmkC.jpg?1

 

Found at the Life Invader server room

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Battle Scars

Heard an NPC outside my nightclub talking about cows, meat and arseholes 

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Battle Scars

Tony Prince on a club promo mission "You know my momma always said, Want to catch some flies, you need a pile of sh*t", then this: " Collect some pieces of sh*t rich folks for us, bring them to the club, and all the flies will follow" LOL not heard this before 

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KazzMajol
On 2/2/2014 at 12:29 AM, Headdogg81 said:

A female NPC on a mobile said something along the lines of " I dont care if he's married. I need a fix of d**k." I cant remember it exactly but it was to that affect. I tried honking at her to indicate I had her fix but she ran off. :p

 

not sure if it's the same one, but last night i managed to catch the rest of the conversation where the fat lady walking down the street says into her phone, 'wanna meet me at the Glory Hole around the corner?  i need my creamy fix.'      she's talking about a donut or something.   she goes on to tell her friend or whoever, (paraphrasing...i was laughing my ass off)  'well, screw you, then...if i don't get me a delicious-ass pastry right now i'm gonna effing knock somebody out...'

 

my all-time fave isn't an NPC, though.   it's the last line from the Princess Robot Bubblegum show on the TV.    the gay, blind guy with the sword hacks off the Isaac Hayes/Little Shop of Horrors monster's head and says, "Shut the f*ck up, singing plant-ass bitch....  how i look?"   L M A O

Edited by KazzMajol
obv

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J-Scott-D

Last night, I heard a hooker say "When are d!cks gonna learn to suck themselves?" lol.

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DentureDynamite

I've been hearing quite a lot of new NPC dialog that I've never heard before; Mr. Ammu-nation included. lol

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McGhee
9 minutes ago, DentureDynamite said:

I've been hearing quite a lot of new NPC dialog that I've never heard before; Mr. Ammu-nation included. lol

 

Mr Ammunation gets the bullit everytime I'm there. I bet he voted Trump 😂

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TheFroggmann

Not the funniest but the most true NPC statement I have heard:

 

"THAT guy is the problem!"

 

Yes my mental state was maxed out and I was playing with the cops... in a tank. 

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mrgstrings

Cops yelled at me " Stop the car or you will be executed!".

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Battle Scars

Cops when they say Charlie's been hit lol 

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Lucy_Woooolfe

Overheard two blaine county people on the porch of "Trevor's meth lab"; one was relating some story about his grandchild, and the other suddenly answered

"You talk like you think I'm interested - which I ain't!"   right the second I had formulated a quite similar remark in my head. Nice one :) 

 

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DentureDynamite
9 hours ago, mrgstrings said:

Cops yelled at me " Stop the car or you will be executed!".

lol That's new to me.

 

I always laugh when I hear the LSPD telling me to "Pull your vehicle over!" while I'm standing on a rooftop sniping them.

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Mazawattee

The Blaine County police never get old. I can't get "You better throw the keys out the winda!" and "INBRED DICKWAD!" out of my head.

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mrgstrings
14 hours ago, DentureDynamite said:

lol That's new to me.

 

I always laugh when I hear the LSPD telling me to "Pull your vehicle over!" while I'm standing on a rooftop sniping them.

 

Same, never heared that line before.

Edited by mrgstrings
" Stop the car or you will be executed!".

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Tomtomsengermany

Played the Zombie capture.

 

Was in the middle of the map and haunted by a single NPC zombie clown.

 

An player from the other team spotted me and tried to get me into his trap to kill me 

 

Shortly after ive killed this player the NPC zombie clown shauted a very funny: f*ck you! 

 

I couldnt have said it any better 

 

 

 

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Rumble Bunneh

"Bring those titties over here girl."

 

It's actually kind of funny, but I still like to brutally murder any NPC that says that when there are no other players or NPCs around.

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kcole4001

I love it when I'm roaring across traffic in a crates van or something and narrowly miss a ped, and they shout "crazy f*cker!".

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whywontyoulisten

"I got seven of those, every colour of the rainbow." - as I'm getting into my Nero Custom.

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Lucy_Woooolfe

Another complete surreal exchange near my club

 

First: "This entire world in unreal!" (or something to that effect)

Second (into a phone): "Woah, I never knew!"

Third (from across the street, into his phone): "Hell, I don't care!"

A fourth, behind me: "Horseville!" (which he answered to everything)

 

Just another day in the matrix… :D

 

(Not sure about the "Horseville!" either, at least that what it sounded like to me. Can any native speaker clear that one up?)

 

 

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whywontyoulisten
6 minutes ago, Lucy_Woooolfe said:

 

(Not sure about the "Horseville!" either, at least that what it sounded like to me. Can any native speaker clear that one up?)

 

 

"Whoresville". You poor innocent.

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Lucy_Woooolfe
3 minutes ago, whywontyoulisten said:

You poor innocent.

Neither.

 

But thank you all the same :) 

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TheFroggmann
On 10/24/2018 at 11:17 PM, mrgstrings said:

Cops yelled at me " Stop the car or you will be executed!".

And if you stop the car they STILL execute you!

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