Stiffy.

[rudy]

We all kinda have a love/hate relationship with Mr.happy. Sometimes it makes us feel like a f*ckin' god and sometimes it makes us wish we had a vagina!

Anyway, this thread is meant for sharing your most awesome/awkward boner stories ever. Got any tips to avoid to avoid/calm down Mr. Happy? Post 'em right here. I'll start first, this happened to me this past saturday. (I apologise in advance for any typing mistakes. Blame my mom's keyboard, it sucks)

 

So's there's this girl in my uni who I have a crush on. We text each other pretty much everyday and albeit she isn't into me, she can be a massive flirt at times. About her, she's not hot but good looking. And she's exactly my type/kind. Anyway, this past saturday, I was at my uni to submit an assignment and when I was about to leave I saw her in the cafeteria. I intended to avoid her and just walk past by her, idk why. But, she was like 'Hey' and asked me what I was doing there, I told her why I was there. What followed is a 15 minutes conversation bout stuff. It all started here. She said that her friends didn't show up to pick her up and asked me if I could drop her home. I was like 'sure.' So I was driving her home. I wanted to ask her if she's gonna be home alone that day but I was afraid that she might know my intentions or what I'm up to. So I asked her about her parents just to keep the convo going. I've never asked her about her parents before. Anyway, she said that her parents are business partners in some huge ass company in America and f*cking blah blah.. Then for no apparent reasons, she said they're now in Edmonton and will be home before christmas. I was like 'Damn, she wants it too.' it got me real excited and eventually Mr. Happy becomes proud of me and starts knocking my pants. At this point, my dick was like a rocket which is moments aways from its countdown. So we reached her home. She then went on to ask if I would mind some coffee in her home. I was like 'sure, why not?' Boy, was I getting more and more excited. I followed her in annnnnnnnnnnnd guess what happened?

 

She started calling 'nana' and an old, white-haired figure popped out of the kitchen. The old figure turned out to be her grandma, she (my crush) was like 'nana, this is Jean, my coleague' and her grandma was like 'Hi.' She came forward to hug me and unfortunately, my Mr. Happy was still flexing his body up. I wanted to scream 'NOOOOOOO' but it was too late. I hugged the granny with my dick still flexing but still maintained eye contact while trying to angle myself so it wouldn't be obivious. Then, we sat our asses down at the couch and she asked me all sort of boring questions while my crush made me some coffee. I realized I should probably get going so I said bye and left with a dead dick.

So yeah, instead of sticking it to my crush, I sticked it to her grandma, f*ck me.

[theadmiral]

Forum needs a dedicated section for ridiculous boner and made up sex stories at this rate!

[DEALUX]

Nothing ridiculous to share. I used to get boners when I was talking to a girl I had a crush on. It was kinda out of control because I wasn't even thinking about sex. I was trying my best to pay attention to what we were talking about.

[GTA36362355]

Forum needs a dedicated section for ridiculous boner and made up sex stories at this rate!

Just think what would happen if they actually made such a section.

[TheGodDamnMaster]

It's hard for me to get it up honestly. I only get it when I force myself to (iow fapping).

 

TMI, I know...

[Mr. Scratch]

This made my day.

 

 

[Kiffster]

This is off topic but it's what came to mind when I saw the title...

 

In the 70s and 80s there were floppy discs (they were floppy and flexible, hence their name I guess). Then along came the smaller 3 1/2 inch floppy disc that was not flexible anymore. They were made from a non-flexible plastic. Here in SA, they were known as a Stiffy, because they were hard lol. True story. Don't know if they were known as Stiffy's in other countries as well.

 

Floppy and Stiffy... Genius!

Edited December 25, 2013 by Werebot85

[na89340qv0n34b09q340]

I'm always afraid I'll get them at the dentist, when they lean you back in those chairs and lean over you to work. I remember coming across a forum for people with dental-fetishes, not a forum, but a cluster of stories on some website that I won't give the name of. It just seems like one of the least attractive things, having buzz-saws and scrapers stuck in your mouth, and I guess it's believable because of how big sadomasochism is, but ugh. Having gloved fingers stuck in your mouth by attractive people in medical uniforms is the only way I could ever get in on that, and even then it'd take a while. So I've never gotten stiffies in the dentist's office, usually I just fall asleep.

Edited December 25, 2013 by Joe Chip

[Shah Sam]

Best was to get it down is to get chills. I usually scratch my nails at something, and then I get chills. If I'm having a boner while I'm eating, I scratch the fork against my plate. It really helps, my dick drops faster than the speed of light.

 

EDIT: Scratching teeth or scratching a blackboard with your nails also helps, but I suppose it won't really help to go to the front of your classroom and scratching your nails against the blackboard while you're having a stiffy.

Edited December 25, 2013 by PaletoChickenCapo

[orbitalraindrops]

Got a boner in a meditation class once lol.

[aStiffSausage]

Something cool.

[Creed Bratton]

High school math class. Our teacher was hot. She looked like Angelina Jolie. So there was I, daydreaming about my hot math teacher with a giant boner under the desk. And then she calls my name and wants me to solve the problem on the chalkboard. Everybody knew that I could, and I was usually eager to do it. So I couldn't say that I didn't know how, and even if I could I probably wouldn't want to. F*ckin' pride. And for some reason I couldn't think of another proper excuse so I started arguing about free will, just long enough for the boner to go away. It was so awkward. To this day I think that she might have had an idea about what was really going on, because from her perspective I just lost my mind for no apparent reason. I was suddenly a different person for a couple of minutes. It kills me every time I remember that moment.

Edited December 25, 2013 by The Yokel

[98 in 1]

Just think of Martha Stewart naked on a cold day. Usually works for me.

 

I don't have any notable stories, but I can say that Mr. Johnson cannot resist getting happy when a woman sits on him. Luckily enough I always wear pants/jeans with pockets so I can adjust accordingly before he pokes. Pocket pool champeen 2013.

[Finn 7 five 11]

Forum needs a dedicated section for ridiculous boner and made up sex stories at this rate!

You're no fun, you just denounce anything as fake, albeit most probably are, at least have some faith for the fun of it, don't ruin it for us with faith.

 

This story is actually reasonably plausible.

[I<3GTAV]

Everyday at 10 AM, I get a boner for some reason. That's at a time I leave class, so it gets pretty awkward when I'm not wearing a sweatshirt that is large enough to cover Mr. Ding-a-ling-a-long.

[GunWrath]

Remember those stiffy's we'd get in the middle of class and other occasions when younger and to this day? Yeah, man.. stiffy's can be one of the most embarrassing moments in a young man's life.. but at the same time, monumental.

[Raavi]

Back when I was just a little puberty-stricken lad, I went for yearly checkups. One year my regular a not unattractive though not stiffy-inducing 40-something female doctor was absent so she was replaced for the day by this very attractive fresh out of med school gal. Which at the time was the embodiment of all that made the bald guy down under spring to life. And spring to life he did, right after I stepped in the room and feasted my eyes on her. It was as though as my nuclear launch code had been compromised, instantly the missile was ready to be fired. Fortunately the first tests allowed me to sit and conceal "Big Boy", keeping the missile silo doors shut. But my luck was about to run out. Shortly after she completed the eye tests, hearing test etc she pointed me to a changing stall and told me to take of everything except my underwear. So I did, in the mean time desperately trying to tame the beast, but it was to no avail. A few moments later I stood there, arrow pointing right at her, but to my surprise she completely ignored it. After a few more tests and the most uncomfortable 10 minutes of my life thus far she told me that she needed to have a look at the summit of mount pointy. So I dropped my last layer of defence and laid my arse down on the examining table, closing my eyes in a last attempt to have a safe landing, but it didn't work. The first thought that popped into my head was Missis McDreamy slowly taking of her lab coat, presenting what I'd imagined to be perfectly shaped gifts of the lord. Needles to say Joseph Boney got lit up even further, which to my horror she commented on, she said and I'm paraphrasing "I see everything is working in the nether regions, don't be ashamed it's completely normal, though the erection must not last longer than x amount of time". I felt as though a picture of my weiner had been posted all over Myspace. I was defeated.

Edited December 26, 2013 by Raavi

[Finn 7 five 11]

^Hence why I never want to go for a massage, they know it's normal to get erections from it from "toxins and stress being released" and when you get one, they get up, leave the room and say "Take as much time as you need."

Seriously, I can't do that!

[Tikhung]

Is it normal to have a boner and then masturbate next to my cousin while he's playing Dota? He didn't even notice.

Edited December 26, 2013 by tikhung01

[Max]

Got a boner in a meditation class once lol.

Meditation class? What type of hippy education did you receive son?

[WBaker]

A boner is a lovely compliment for a lady.

[El Dildo]

I don't really have any good boner stories anymore.

 

the angry/uncontrollable boner phase passed sometime during college.

nothing like a good ole fashioned 16 year old bone pressing up against your girlfriends back in her room with her parents watching TV just around the corner.

 

f*ckin' blue balls until she can finally give you a blowjob in the car.

and then you'd still pop raging woods all night like it wasn't enough

 

good old days.