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Best and funniest GTA V quotes!


DrandonBavis
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The one where trevor meets with michael for the first time after all the years gone by.

"Oh that's great, that's great!"

and the reuniting the family mission

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When Wade gets covered in sh*t on that mission and later covers his cousins apartment in sh*t, then Trevor says to Wade's cousin something like "So you are ok with what happened to your cousin? At least let him have a bath". And then Wade starts yelling "NO! NO BATHS!" lol

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Michael De Santa: You... are a hipster!

Trevor Philips: What?

Michael De Santa: You're a hipster.

Trevor Philips: I hate hipsters.

Michael De Santa: Classic hipster denial.

Trevor Philips: I abhor hipsters. I eat them for fun!

Michael De Santa: Hipsters love saying they hate hipsters.

Trevor Philips: Well, I really f*cking do!

Michael De Santa: Self hatred. Common hipster affliction.

Trevor Philips: Only because I'm living out here away from the Bean Machines, and the bankers?

Michael De Santa: You're gentrifying. Soon, the skinny jeans will show up, then the skinny lattes, and then the bankers. And you'll be somewhere else starting the cycle all over again. Maybe you're not a classic garden variety hipster, but you're what the hipsters aspire to be. You, Trevor, are the proto-hipster.

Trevor Philips: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't agree with what you're saying. You're talking bullsh*t. And you're trying to wind me up. But I'm very, very angry, and I want this conversation to stop right away.

Michael De Santa: Hipster.

Trevor Philips: f*ck you! f*ck you, Michael! Say it again!

Michael De Santa: I've made my point. I'm not a sadist.

 

I know people posted this.... But Lol!!!!

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Some of the ones I like.

 

The random Mexican guy, similar to the one who drives the Downtown Cab Co. taxis. His voice, for some reason, just cracks me up. :lol:

 

'Midgetc0cks'

'Dwarfd!cks'

'We're going to hell!!!'

'It's happening!'

'F**K YOU!!!'

'This is it...'

'You're a d!ck, without a d!ck!' (Already said that elsewhere but hey ho)

'D!ckless wonder' (Or something like that)

'Eat me!!'

 

The conversation between Wade and Trevor, about trolls and troll boobs, had me in stitches. :lol:

 

Another random guy in Vinewood. Not sure how it goes word for word, but it's when he answers his phone. Something along the lines of...

 

'Heyyyyyyyy wadup my bro...........................oh...hi Mother....'

 

Last night, Trevor picked a fight with a construction worker. Punch up followed, not before the guy said...

 

'Your gonna feel like a two tonne girder landed on your jaw!'

 

 

There's loads more, but I can't remember from memory. :lol:

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Amanda sitting in the living room in bathrobe and mask, fanning her face: "The things I do to look beautiful..."

Michael walks in: "Baby, it's what's on the inside that counts!........... We're so screwed."

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Amanda sitting in the living room in bathrobe and mask, fanning her face: "The things I do to look beautiful..."

Michael walks in: "Baby, it's what's on the inside that counts!........... We're so screwed."

 

Lol, that also makes me think of the one with Amanda sunbathing out the back of the house. Where she asks Michael 'How do I look?'

 

'As good as the day we met............only with slightly more clothing...'

 

:lol:

Edited by Aaron030792
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"Sent that bitch a smiley face, bitches love smiley faces." - Random ped from the hood.

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Random Sandy Shores drunk: Is there any place that I'd rather be

Than drunk as a skunk at the Alamo Sea

Told the wife "Bitch, I'm going out for a snack"

That was ten years ago and I ain't went back

Oh show me the way to Sandy Shores

I spent all my money on meth and on whores

 

I prefer to punch him mid-song, at which point he stumbles away warbling, "AH DON'T LIKE YOU!"

 

Trevor whenever he crashes into somebody. "I just hope that BROKE YOUR GODDAMN NECK!" or "THAT WAS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!"

 

Just about all the dialogue between Trevor and Nigel and Mrs. Thornhill when they're chasing after Al Di Napoli. ("THE CAH PAHK! NO WORRAYS, MATE!")

 

Trevor saying to himself "That is one annoyingly fast car," when chasing after Lenny Avery, mostly because that's exactly what I was thinking at the time.

 

As others have mentioned, the hipster conversation and a lot of what Trevor says to Ron.

Edited by Dr. Robotnik
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One more this includes CoD:

 

Dr. Isiah Friedlander: Your son, James. He's a good kid?

 

Michael De Santa: He's a good kid? A good kid? Why? Does he help the f*cking poor? No. He sits on his ass all day, smoking dope and jerking off while he plays that f*cking game. If that's our standard for goodness... then no wonder this country's screwed.

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Cutter De Blanc

"You know what Mike? You a real easy dude to identify with man, 'poor me, poor me!' Man, pour me a drink nigga!" -Franklin

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ROCKSTAR MANIC

Devin Weston- "I'm a pay upon completion job type of guy. If you don't like it, take f*cking walk"

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  • 2 weeks later...

After Trevor takes drugs from that guy at the table.

 

"The f*ck was that, huh? Was horrible!"

 

I was laughing too much.

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  • 3 weeks later...
FCState Trooper

 

"Nah, don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful nigga,

Maybe if you'd got rid of that old yee-yee-ass haircut you got, you'd get some bitches on your dick.

Oh! Better yet;

Tanisha'd call yo' dog-ass if she ever stops talking to that brain surgeon or lawyer she f*cking with...

"Ni-iga-a"."

 

-Lamar Davis

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  • 4 weeks later...

"Nigggggaa"

- Lamar Davis\

 

"In through da mouth, out the anus"

 

- Yoga guy

Edited by LancerG2
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*After trying out the elk diaphragm*

 

Sounds exactly like a clarinet player being strangled, and I am speaking out of experience.

Edited by Bonnano
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  • 3 weeks later...

random ped - i had to basicly f*ck a guy to get you into that audition :lol::colgate::happy::pp:p:D

 

trevor- you want to end up in the trunk of this thing

 

franklin - im drunk but s*it i anit getting drunker

 

jimmy - ye its a merical i made it around los santos

Edited by gtabubble
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"Daddy's been Bad Boy ! Please Son"-Trevor.

Edited by Michael De Santa ™
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"One second he's in a sex dungeon, and the next thing you know, he's dead! It makes you think…."

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Trevor : It's a bit, well, like pornography, or a perfect turd, I can't quite describe it, but I'll know it when I see it.

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Trevor: (Kicks in Floyds front door); "Your cousin's come to visit ya, you rude f*ck, now get up off the floor and fix me a f*cking drink!"

 

Floyd: "I ain't got no booze"

 

Trevor: "Then go out and f*cking get some!"

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Trevor Philips: You're like every other asshole. You made a bit of money, and you became a turd.

Michael De Santa: I've got news for you, I was always a turd.

Trevor Philips: No! You weren't, man, you were something, but now, man, yeah, you're like this place, you're shell.

Michael De Santa: Go f*ck yourself. Are you some kind of pure, morally justifiable asshole? What, because you're... You're totally psychotic, somehow it's okay?

Trevor Philips: I'm honest, alright? You're the hypocrite.

Michael De Santa: Oh, yeah, you're a f*cking hero. So far above it all.

Trevor Philips: Oh, yeah? Well I'm not above ripping open your f*cking chest to see what's replaced your heart!

Michael De Santa: Rip it open, see what's there, baby, 'cause I'm ready!

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As Trevor runs over a pedestrian..

 

Pedestrian: "Crunch/splat"

 

Trevor: "Ahhhh, I gotta get my eyes checked....!"

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