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DrandonBavis

Best and funniest GTA V quotes!

Recommended Posts

AlbanyEsperanto

My favorites are:

1.Trevor:Listen, nobody likes likes you

2.Farmer:F**king libro (lebro) idk how to spell but this crackin voice is funny

3.Truck driver:Hey f*ckface

4.Npc:you bassstard

5. Security guard:What is your problem!?

6.Meth dealer:Aaaarrrrrggghhhh motherf**ker!

Edited by AlbanyEsperanto

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Leone Family

Salvatore Leone: "I see nothing but good things for you my boy"

 

2 days later, tries to assasinate you.

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1972

This just happened to me, had to laugh hard :D

Started talking to a hobo in Los Santos as Trevor:

 

"Hi."

(No response)

"What's up?"

(Stares into space)

"Did you loose a very big bet?"

"Whatever man.."

 

:D:D

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Leone Family

This just happened to me, had to laugh hard :D

Started talking to a hobo in Los Santos as Trevor:

 

"Hi."

(No response)

"What's up?"

(Stares into space)

"Did you loose a very big bet?"

"Whatever man.."

 

:D:D

HO...LY...sh*t! :D:D

 

Las Venturas confirmed! x)

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Darealbandicoot

Don't try to persuade me your not lovers! Cheng sr when leaving Michael to be turned into mince meat.

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Keano

Most of the quotes are done by Rockstar, however, I do know that Rockstar have walked around their game's real life locations and have recorded real everyday people saying some ridiculous sh*t. They did it for San Andreas and GTA V - I'm sure they did it for all their games but San Andreas and GTA V are two confirmed titles they've actually done this for. Pretty clever and typical Rockstar when you think about it.

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universetwisters

My Aunt Henry came up with them. She's the Vice CEO

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NUTCRACKERRR

The funniest SWAT quote for me was the random 'I LIKE KILLIIIING!' warcry I heard during the shootout after the Mexican standoff. Funny sh*t.

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~Tiger~

So does anyone know how these quotes are made?

 

I've merged your topic into the existing thread buddy because it's already started to morph into a clone, and Keano has pretty much answered your question.

 

:^:

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AlbanyEsperanto

 

My favorites are:

 

2.Farmer:F**king libro (lebro) idk how to spell but this crackin voice is funny

 

 

That redneck farmer says "liberal" like "f*cking liberal", lol.

 

Thanks for correcting, yesterday another one says F..king Liberal to me. LOL

Grettings from Croatia

Edited by AlbanyEsperanto

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Failure

Continuing the topic of politics-

 

"This is not a socialist country. This is America, we're nationalists. National Socialists, if you will."

 

:lol:

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Good Hombre

Cletus Ewing: We're gonna try our luck on something less stationary.

Trevor Philips: Ooh, liberals?

Cletus Ewing: Nothin' as slippery as that. You'll see.

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GoldenGrim

Got some more funny quotes for ya:

 

"CHILDREN OF THE NEXT LEVEL GOING AWAY IN A MUTHAF*KIN SPACESHIP!" -Some hobo

 

"IIIII"M THE MUTHAF*CKIN VICTIM!" -another hobo

 

And there's always that one wannabe gangster complaining about the "struggle".

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Wackyshrek

1. "HOW BOUT YOU SUCK MY C*CK! HUH? We'll both get a center before that happens."-Michael [Reuniting The Family]

2. "Kids, rooms. If you find cheap women, dead bodies, or Trevor Philips we're checking into the Rockford Hills Hotel."-Amanda [Reuniting The Family]

3. "F*CK YOU TOO!"-Michael [Prolouge]

4. "So him and Tonya can smoke crack in peace? N*gga please."-Franklin [Franklin & Lamar]

5. "A guy can love his mother while not loving his mother."-Trevor [series A Heist Bikers Setup][Online]

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MrPhillips

I find most of the cops quotes extremely funny, expecially when they are really angry.

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TheRealAndrew

"You can't put a price on self actualization. Well actually, you can...and I'm paying it"

Edited by TheRealAndrew

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B_E_N_1992

Trevor to Franklin: Dye pack ?. You amateur"

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Hot Pursuit

Trevor: "Oh you don't think so huh? Why don't we just ask him then huh? Hey hey, hey cowboy, do you mind if I f*cked your old lady? Sorry, what was that? Oh oh no no? You don't mind? Oh because you are a dead man? And the only sentient part of you left is this little bit of a brain? And the grizzle at the and of my boot? Well THANK YOU VERY MUCH COWBOY"

Terry: "BULLsh*t"

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highspeed

" do you want me to get my dick out again? huh? does anybody want that?"

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Dr. Robotnik

Blink and you'll miss it, but I love how when Martin Madrazo's telling Michael and Trevor that Javier's going to be taking a flight in "Caida Libre", he does a little impromptu airplane impression where he whistles and waves his arms like a little kid. It comes out of nowhere, it seems out-of-character, and it's f*cking hysterical.

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Blight77

Well i thought both Trevor's backstory during "Friends Reunited" and the whole hipster conversation between him and Michael during The Paleto Score setup is definitely hilarious.. i rarely talk to pedestrian though, so i might as well try to do that so i can find some funny moment/conversation..

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highspeed

Michael after saving Jimmy's f*cking useless ass, he goes on and on about trolling some dude and getting into graphical gay details as all loser virgins like him do

 

"ENOUGH! E-f*ckING-NOUGH!!!"

 

Had me in stitches, haha. Dad problems.

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Gettin up

"Hope you're enjoying your vacation, idiot. I hear Mexico is lovely at this time of year?"

Lester Crest to Trevor after Minor Turbulence.

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theGTAking101

- "Milkshakes...fries"

- Michael & Trevor's bickering during The Paleto Score

- Wade & Trevor's conversation on their way to Los Santos

- Michael & Trevor's confrontation in North Yankton

Edited by theGTAking101

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FozzQuaker

I think I'll Meditate, Masturbate or Both -Trevor

 

On what Trevor wants from the Port of LS when questioning...

"It's like pornography or the perfect turd. I can't describe it, but I'll know it when I see it.

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Blight77

Wade : "Cousin Floyd says strip clubs objectify women. But you ain't objects, you're people"

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A.C.M.

Wade : "Cousin Floyd says strip clubs objectify women. But you ain't objects, you're people"

lol i went in strip club in my second funny moments

with all 3 protags and this line got clearly with subtitles recorded also got other funny quotes from same trunk trip.

Trevor before going to bar: "But most importantly, frank, is that we learned to not be snakes!" "you got that?" "Because if you learn too much from Michael and not enough from Trevor, then you're doomed" (after michael finished praising IAA and gold robbery success)

Trevor getting out drunk: "I just realized you both hate me...you both do...I see it now...you pair of f**king snakes... you both hate old Trev. Trevy Trev trev. Kind old Trev, nice old Trevor, and you creepy pair of rats hate me"

Franklin: "Oh man no we don't...nobody hates you man that ain't true."

Michael: "We love you, T, T, T, T, T."

 

Trevor continues crying: "You hate me. You both hate me. You both jeallous of me."

"You hate me because I'm real and you hate me because I'm smart." "Or the other way around. Either way, Shut the f**k up!"

Edited by ACM-Jan

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ChiroVette

Michael to Trevor and Patricia: "Yeah. I hear Stockholm syndrome is nice this time of year."

 

Simeon to Franklin: "You tell me exactly what you want, and I will very carefully explain to you why it cannot be."

 

Trevor: "You can jerk me off if I get bored. I'm kidding! You can suck me off."

 

lol Love this scene when Trevor explains his psychotic reasoning for the kidnapping:

 

Trevor: I asked for a fair day's pay for a fair day's work. Well, he kinda got a little angry. So, I admit, I kinda got a little angry too.

Michael De Santa: Did you kill him?

Trevor: What kinda f*cking animal do you take me for? No, I didn't kill him!

[Michael sighs with relief]

Trevor: But I did kidnap his wife.

 

 

This whole Michael analyzing Trevor segment in the car on the way to Paleto Bay:

 

Michael De Santa: You... are a hipster!

Trevor: What?

Michael De Santa: You're a hipster.

Trevor Philips: I hate hipsters.

Michael De Santa: Classic hipster denial.

Trevor Philips: I abhor hipsters. I eat them for fun!

Michael De Santa: Hipsters love saying they hate hipsters.

Trevor Philips: Well, I really f*cking do!

Michael De Santa: Self hatred. Common hipster affliction.

Trevor Philips: Only because I'm living out here away from the Bean Machines, and the bankers?

Michael De Santa: You're gentrifying. Soon, the skinny jeans will show up, then the skinny lattes, and then the bankers. And you'll be somewhere else starting the cycle all over again. Maybe you're not a classic garden variety hipster, but you're what the hipsters aspire to be. You, Trevor, are the proto-hipster.

Trevor Philips: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't agree with what you're saying. You're talking bullsh*t. And you're trying to wind me up. But I'm very, very angry, and I want this conversation to stop right away.

Michael De Santa: Hipster.

Trevor Philips: f*ck you! f*ck you, Michael! Say it again!

Michael De Santa: I've made my point. I'm not a sadist.

 

 

 

This is one of my FAVORITE humorous scenes in GTA history. Unfortunately it loses something without Trevor mocking Cheng's Asian accent:

 

Trevor Philips: [flying back from North Yankton. Phone rings] Trevor Philips Industries.

Mr. Cheng: Mr. Philips, this is Wei Cheng. You know my eldest son, Tao.

Trevor Philips: Yeah, the X nut. Back out of a contract we agreed on. How is he?

Mr. Cheng: Still learning the ropes. Thank you. My friends missed you in North Yankton. I was hoping we could talk.

Trevor Philips: Oh, was that your people?

[in mock Chinese accent]

Trevor Philips: Oh, 'course. so sorry I hadta cut out.

Mr. Cheng: Your operation causes problems for me. I want to expand into Blaine County. But your business and your temperament prevent me from making inroads.

Trevor Philips: Oh, well, too bad. I don't know what you can do 'bout that.

Mr. Cheng: I've already done something. We have your lover.

Trevor Philips: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, my lover?

Mr. Cheng: Michael De Santa. You live in your trailer together, with the maid. And then you were alone in that big house. Why you're clearly very close. How much will you give up for his safety?

Trevor Philips: Ha. My lover? Yeah, right. That's a tough break. I'd never want to double cross a friend and put him in danger, but you gotta do what you gotta do. My business ain't goin' anywhere.

Mr. Cheng: I am serious about this. He will die!

Trevor Philips: Tell him I love him dearly.

Edited by ChiroVette

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A.C.M.

brilliant scenes, chirovette, i can even imagine the sound to each line just by reading it, i can hear them in my head when reading them.

Only true fan can appreciate those and remember what made them good! BTW if i repeated those lines with trevor-ish voice IRL you would laugh yourself into pieces.

Edited by ACM-Jan

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FozzQuaker

Not really that funny to be honest

 

But I love the start of the torture mission, if you start the mission as Michael, Trevor is randomly squatting, curling one out, he will say to Trevor something like

 

Are you taking a dump...Whats wrong with you...

 

I say curling one out, judging by the farts, he is probably squirting one out

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