Who betray

[Acehilm]

The glimpse of a new generation rises from it's foundation

With a dart of light that overthrows the lands and the fields

Which can not yield a man from a man

Which can not hold what's truly grand

And the dart of light will dress it's finest in golden armor

For we are now what is nothing more than

A richer farmer

 

Gather what you need to enjoy the praise

And jump onboard this almighty phase

To which it will change the minds of people who wonder

And to people who ponder

 

Those holly expectations are seen as only an illusion

Not to be mistaken by the presumptuous idol in the vase

And we hold it, not to be it and but in one with it all

 

This will change your mind in time

Like a candle that never lights or glimmer

But leave the land dimmer

In which he, who betrays is the one who lets all of us down.

Edited August 23, 2013 by Coat.

[walkingsickness]

Deep!

 

I got a visual from that.

[Acehilm]

Thanks dude. I am glad you enjoyed it.

[Tyler]

I can dig it, man. Your flow gets better and better as you go on. I particularly dug the hell out of the 'richer farmer' bit, it brings to mind how close agriculture is to what society is, and how even now we've kind of forgotten that by and large. I thought the line "to which it will change the minds of people who wonder/ and to people who ponder" felt a little clunky, but that's because I'd change wonder to wander. It would tie pronunciation together and it'd make more sense. People who wander are more apt to be changed by the phases than those who are at wonder, aren't they?

 

 

 

This will change your mind in time

Like a candle that never lights or glimmer

But leave the land dimmer

In which he, who betrays is the one who lets all of us down.

 

This part feels a little off to me as well, but only for grammatical reasons, not really rhythm. "Like a candle that never lights or glimmer" -- the word "glimmer" should become "glimmers," but to be fair I don't really like the way this is structured to begin with: "A candle that's never lit, never glimmers" would be more apt, to me.

 

I'm left wondering what 'he' represents, though, and I like that. Keep it up, Coat.