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I Have a Confession to Make


The Pizza Delivery Guy
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I see what you mean now. Yes, I think I'm getting close to that, too. I have 2 things I want to do then I will prolly move on...git gud at PvP and also at strafing via jet.

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I have big fear of emptiness... even in games. For example. If im alone and im playing a game and suddenly because of a glitch or something else if i fall under the map, i will close my eyes. Its scary to me. Also back then when i was playing rachet and clank, the whole game had tons of places to fall into void and die. I would f*ckin shake everytime i fell to my death in that game. Its not the fear of height or death. Its the emptiness that scares me.

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I have big fear of emptiness... even in games. For example. If im alone and im playing a game and suddenly because of a glitch or something else if i fall under the map, i will close my eyes. Its scary to me. Also back then when i was playing rachet and clank, the whole game had tons of places to fall into void and die. I would f*ckin shake everytime i fell to my death in that game. Its not the fear of height or death. Its the emptiness that scares me.

I feel the exakt same, it's difficult to explain.
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yeah its good to know im not alone :D search Powerfool on youtube she explains exactly

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The sound of the styrofoams in packages gives me goosebumps . Especially the squeaky sounds it makes when it rubs together or rubs on something.

 

I have a strange case of Trypophobia. Instant goosebumps.

 

I feel like I'm wasting my life away following society's standards. It's like the further I go, the critical it gets, and the more depressed (sometimes suicidal) I become. I feel like I'm becoming a walking corpse...

Edited by Karami
changed...
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i'm wearing jorts rn and i'm only a little embarrassed

update: some middle-aged woman told me i had 'sexy shorts' on

 

i do not think i will be wearing jorts again

 

Clerks sucked btw.

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make total destroy

mfw

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My family is cancerous.

 

How can I start, where do I start, when do I start to get you to see what I am seeing, experiencing what I am experiencing, feeling what I am feeling?

 

It all began when my grandmother had my mother and my aunt. My aunt was always treated better than my mother, and was my grandmother's ace boon coon ever since. My grandmother is a hardcore Christian but is also 100% hypocritical. She'll tell other people that they need to go to church and stop judging people, but disowned her own granddaughter for being a lesbian, and talks down on those better/worse than her.

 

My aunt is no better, in fact she stole hundreds of dollars from my grandmother and they still act like two peas in a pod

 

 

My grandmother and aunt are the serpent(s) in the bible spoken about. They lie and twist words. What started out as a simple conversation between me and this woman inside of a building turned into the woman calling me retarded according to my grandmother.

 

My aunt makes assumptions that because I play video games, every day I'm in my room crafting bombs and stacking up on ammunition for a school shooting.

 

My sister is a f*cking moron who gets involved with deadbeats, fa**ots, vagrants, idiots, and whoever else cherishes the street life. On top of that, she's an attention seeker, is ADD, and diagnosed retarded to the tee, and always has these random outbreaks of "I HATE EVERYTHING, THIS FAMILY IS STUPID, RAH RAH RAH" etc.

 

My mother claims she is not like any of them but my sister gets the raging temperament from her, which she gets mad at us and says sh*t like "I can't wait until so and so gets here so I can marry him and leave y'all." Which drives me to the conclusion...

 

I don't care. I sent the entire day building conversations with small talk with my mother, sister, etc. just for all of the good vibes to be ruined because someone tries to pick onions off a hamburger.

 

I'm writing all kinds of medical papers, so the sh*t I'm writing about has me super conscious about germs, and I am extremely on the fritz about other people's germs. Combined with how much is trapped in the crevices of your fingernails before and after you eat/sleep/sh*t etc. I'm f*cking woke. Blacklight is a bitch.

 

Back to the point. I've always been a quiet kid. As I've grown older, I have to constantly teach myself to detatch and not give a f*ck about anyone or anything because they're all just poison or not going to last long.

 

If I have to play cat and mouse with people for the rest of my life I'm just going to be a f*cking hermit. I don't play games, I don't have time for foolishness, I don't argue, I don't let others waste my time, I don't identify as a member of my family.

 

Hell, what the f*ck is a family? Cause I sure as hell don't have one. I've spent years making my own, shaping my own heroes, stories, villains, etc. The only way I escape this hellscape of reality is through the pencil.

 

I'm on some real f*ck you sh*t right now. You want to tell me about your day? I don't f*cking care. You want to tell me about your diet? I don't f*cking care. You want for repeat the same sh*t for the 45th f*cking time in the same week? Go away, you bore me, I don't f*cking care.

 

Anything that has to do with anyone else, I don't f*cking care. Never have, never will.

 

I have to remember it's me myself and I from the womb to the casket and f*ck everybody else who ever lived.

Edited by Lucius M. Galloway
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HolyGrenadeFrenzy

^^Wow.

 

You're a misanthropic nihilist with a desire to not relate to anyone.

 

We attempt to relate to you and you refuse to do anything but post dialogue without discussion.

 

I'm not saying that life is fair or that you don't get a raw deal sometimes or that others are honest, honorable or kind to you. Yet.....if you don't give them a benefit of a doubt to behave as altruists then you've sold them short and that makes you the sell out.

 

Don't get me wrong, I've seen my share of psychological warfare and wrong is wrong not matter how you slice it.

 

I haven't decided whether I believe you are even a living life form, writing authentic posts. This could be a copy paste troll for all we know. We need some confirmation that you really exist at all. The possibilities also get dark fairly quickly in our experience.

 

What kind of man says these sorts of things without any interaction or discussion with forum members?

 

It is quite improper, even if you are repeating something someone else has done to try and understand them or some other experiment or whatnot.

 

Ranting and discussing are two different things. It seems like this thing you've been trying is quite getting you what you need. Why not try something new?

 

Why are you on a forum?

 

Do you have anyone at all that you trust?

 

If you don't answer these then we will have reason to ask you other questions that are less comfortable, mister.

Edited by HolyGrenadeFrenzy
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chronic lumbago

Tldr:

"I HATE EVERYTHING, THIS FAMILY IS STUPID, RAH RAH RAH".

 

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I think I'm in love

 

rGQTag9.jpg

 

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Hell, what the f*ck is a family?

 

I should stop doing this, but I still have hopes that this registers somewhere. And I'm speaking to you Alexander, for I'm quite finished with Lucius.

 

Family in my book are the people I associate with most (in part, I have even the etymology of the word on my side here, but words change their meanings anyway, just saying).

This has nothing to do with blood-of-my-blood and all that crap. I haven't talked to my "relatives" for years, and if this was another kind of forum I could give you an account of them, for reference purposes. But life is no "Who suffers best" competition, and this is not the place for this kind of exposure anyway.

 

Point is, after settling certain legal issues, I walked away from them. I'm not just talking about moving out (I did that earlier), but about cutting the bonds entirely. Incidentally I was 19 then, which is maybe why something here keeps hitting my nerve.

These people had been holding me back in so many ways, yet I had also become quite complacent in allowing them to do so. So I've stopped conveniently blaming my faults and mishaps on the mere existence of those that treated me wrong and took responsibility on starting my own life, playing the cards I've been given, with only myself left to blame for my faults (or rather not blaming at all, since the blame-game only too often stands in the way of actually finding solutions)

 

I am currently living with people that I do regard being my family, although I know some of them for only very few years. Yet they are the people that actually gave me some place I can call my home for the first time in my life.

 

Before this becomes a wall-filling counter-rant, I just want, again to express my wish that you find some kind of peace, Alexander.

 

Should Lucius insist on reading this: Get your sh*t together, man

Edited by Guest
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HolyGrenadeFrenzy

^^ Yes, family is a bigger experience than blood relation...... not to sell them short for what they do contribute or anything of the sort for good or ill.

 

The key concept is mostly relation, I mean, who do we relate with? Who remains relatable to us or anything we go through in life?

 

 

--------------

 

With whom do we find the love we need to thrive and often just survive?

 

Love, is an act, sure it's compassion and passion that full it yet it's a direct why of being toward others. I posted an ontological definition on this forum years ago, maybe more than once.

 

------------------

 

Yes, I agree with Lucy on this matter.

 

Some of us are fortunate to have family that are both, yet that often isn't every member of our blood relation, at least temperamentally. Sometimes this is able to mend and other times not.

 

The lesson is sometimes a gift even when it is burdensome and other times it is a horror show to drop off a cliff in a nightmare landscape.

 

 

 

-----------------

 

I have two blood relatives that I trust and adore more than the others. They also happen to be the most honest with others, and usually themselves, of all the people that I have ever met on this earth.

 

It's interesting, my love for them is in addition to this, not fueled or created by this quality they have, yet respectfully and gently untarnished by the rest of the brutality the world offers us even when it still damages us.

 

Sure, we all have our frailties, that's a given as people of mankind, yet it doesn't disparage us from being bettered with families with many kinds of diversity to strengthen and preserve us. It's called tribal adoption and yes, it is very much a family form in any setting it lives in.

 

A family binds us, some with blood others with spirit and love, then a tribe as a larger family it binds to support our growth. Remember, tribes are often not large, at first.

 

A Tribe, and things tribal are not the same thing as tribalism and the various tribal society issues.

 

A tribe is a family structure that is social in nature, sometimes it has blood ties as well and other times it doesn't. I wouldn't be living today if it were not for my many tribal families. I love them, each of those bonded and all of their relation both blood and tribal within them. This is a family matter. It remains so, not withstanding of the level or type of society you are from, regardless of what else you call your tribe.

 

The bonds are bindings to draw us up out of the struggle and raise us up out of the grave to live and thrive again out of the storms we find in life, to set us back on earth, gently, until we stamp our feet justly rewarded.

Edited by HolyGrenadeFrenzy
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universetwisters

My sister is a f*cking moron who gets involved with deadbeats, fa**ots, vagrants, idiots, and whoever else cherishes the street life.

 

Woah bud don't call people that, it's homophobic???

 

Seriously though, turn the computer off and get mental help. There's a lot of similarities between your incoherent ramblings and the manifestos Randy Stair wrote up before killing his coworkers for some Danny Phantom fanfiction.

Edited by universetwisters
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My sister is a f*cking moron who gets involved with deadbeats, fa**ots, vagrants, idiots, and whoever else cherishes the street life.

 

Woah bud don't call people that, it's homophobic???

 

 

Agreed, please people don't be flinging words around like that, it starts the slippery slope to that reply button not working.

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HolyGrenadeFrenzy

I concur, Crokey, the words Witch Burning Kindling, is much more appropriate because it hasn't been ruined by overuse regarding orientation issues and it applies to more people that regard others as they ought to be regarded themselves.

 

How dismal the future looks through the jaded spectacles.

 

It's sad that empathy is so low these days yet what do you expect with the world when the bloke on the street is forced to take abuse with no avenue of recourse to even the fields of life?

 

 

I consider the importance of Mr. T's Infinite Pity.

Edited by HolyGrenadeFrenzy
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I used to think Fox Mulder owned the FOX network.

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I used to think Fox Mulder owned the FOX network.

I confess this is my favorite confession in this topic!

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Menstrual Deranged

Scrolling through Facebook gives me selfish relief and I often use it for this purpose. Example: The other day, a pregnant acquaintance of mine who lives in another state posted about how she had to take her vomiting toddler to the doctor, and also had to drag her preschooler along because her husband is on a business trip and she has no family nearby to watch him. It's extremely hot where she lives, her toddler was diagnosed with strep throat, the bucket of puke spilled in the car, she came home to find her two dogs had pooped everywhere. I felt bad for her but at the same time I thought to myself, "I tailored my life specifically to never have to deal with this much bullsh*t all at once."

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"I tailored my life specifically to never have to deal with this much bullsh*t all at once."

I've tailored mine to never have to deal with it...ever.

 

I confess that I am super happy to have lived a child free existence...with a wife who feels the same. It only gets scary when you realize there will be no one to take care of you as you age to your deathbed. Instead of paying for a child's education, we have to save for when we need to move to a senior assisted village. Haha

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Femme Fatale

I listen to Velvet Underground & Nico, and Lou Reed's Transformer at least once a week. I also enjoy Metal Machine Music.

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I confess that I am super happy to have lived a child free existence...with a wife who feels the same.

Literally one of the best things in this world is to find a significant one who shares same thoughts/plans with you.

 

 

We i don't plan to make kids, because my parents... well, they could be a lot worse, but they're surely not the best. And i was always thinking that i will be even a worse father.

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Mr. Scratch

You'll never have to worry about kids if you're shooting blanks. f*cking win-win situation.

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Literally one of the best things in this world is to find a significant one who shares same thoughts/plans with you.

Amen to that! Literally without my significant other I probably wouldn't be the person who I am now. And would probably still be living in my old ways. Apart from having grate friends there's always that special someone that is there to support you. She was with me when I tragically lost a few close friends back then as teens along with some other sh*t that came across through out the years, she still with me now both going into our 30's. Without her I wouldn't see the point still cruising down whitter blvd in LA just as we did as teens back then. Wonderful feeling. Just can't explain it another way.
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chronic lumbago

As if I'd sacrifice my free time, joy and money for some unthankful brat and a woman who thinks she deserves to own every second of your life. I'm not made to have a family. It's better to realize that than to lie to myself.

 

Who knows if it changes in the future but currently I have zero desire in that sh*t.

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Menstrual Deranged

 

"I tailored my life specifically to never have to deal with this much bullsh*t all at once."

I've tailored mine to never have to deal with it...ever.

 

I confess that I am super happy to have lived a child free existence...with a wife who feels the same. It only gets scary when you realize there will be no one to take care of you as you age to your deathbed. Instead of paying for a child's education, we have to save for when we need to move to a senior assisted village. Haha

 

I love my 12 y.o. daughter to death and wouldn't trade her for anything but trust me, I totally understand how glorious it must be to enjoy the child-free life. My daughter is from my first marriage, so I have to share her with her dad and stepmom. This allows the hubby and I to be "child-free" for roughly half the days of the month. It's not a bad set up, really. We briefly thought about having one of our own but we realized we enjoy our kid-free solitude a little too much.

Edited by Menstrual Deranged
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I agree with all of you even though im not married.There's this girl im talking to at the moment. We're just friends but from the signs she give out it seems like it can be more than that. That friendship alone made me start studying again on my own , fix my sleeping schedule ,eat well, overall become the awesome person i once was. Anyways i hope you get my point :D

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Don't let your metabolism ruin it!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Excalibur Voltaire

I always report threads in GTA V forum that was about Online or complaining topic

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