Anyone here divorced?

[Finn 7 five 11]

I think you should get help for your wife, like everyone else stated, and/or see a marriage counsellor. Exhaust all of your options buddy, because otherwise you will have most of your money taken, you will have your children taken,you won't have someone to be with, and you will be left wondering "Is there more I could have done?" Which is something you never want to leave hanging in the air. Hell I still have little regrets about a couple high school crushes I didn't jump on, I can't imagine what it'd be like if it was the love of your life.

 

I can just about guarantee she will get everything, getting divorced ain't worth it, it's bullsh*t, total bullsh*t, but that's how it works, I remember having an alcoholic mother who showed up to court drunk many times, and even after my sister and I stated our living preference to be with my father, he had a hell of a battle in court to get custody. It was ridiculous.

 

Divorces are so ugly, and that's why I am not getting married until I have a rock-solid pre-nuptial agreement, if the woman I am with will not agree to it. Well I will not be getting married then, If we get divorced I will part with some money of course, just to be fair, but i'm keeping much more than half of what I had to start with, that's for sure.

 

Call me shallow, but I don't care how much I love someone, people change, and you can't do sh*t about it. I am going to look after number 1 first, if my marriage goes to sh*t -which statistically speaking, it most likely will - at least I won't be sleeping in a trailer park crying about my life.

 

 

[Jimmy_Leppard]

1. Every woman on this planet has mental issues. Some hide them better, some don't hide them at all.

2. Women are always threatening with something, that's also nothing new. However, if she's threatening that she'll kill you or your kid, then you gotta get away from that bitch.

3. Women aren't cars. If you decide to get through with a divorce, she will take half of your sh*t, that's just how it is.. But if you use the threatening as a subject in court, you might do alright.

4. Try talking to her. If that doesn't help, see the last part of the sentence at number 2.

5. Bottom line is, the moment you start thinking about a divorce, I think it's time for a divorce.

 

However, we don't know you or your wife. You two are the only ones who can deal with your situation. Or call your lawyer.. before she does.

I like how it took until the fourth point before you acknowledged her as, y'know, an individual human being.

I see you can't read. I already stated twice that the first 3 points were jokes. Wow, have you guys ever heard of a joke? It must be very hard to be you.

It's almost like you have a sh*tty sense of humor.

 

Oh wait, that's it exactly.

Yeah, and? Now we must write 200 comments about it? It is very hard to be you guys with so much holding onto one thing for so long. Just let it go, it will be easier for all of us.

[Tyler]

Yeah, and? Now we must write 200 comments about it? It is very hard to be you guys with so much holding onto one thing for so long. Just let it go, it will be easier for all of us.[/b]

Are you divorcing me?

[Toke]

 

But it sounds to me like you're holding something back, are you possibly the same way with her? Because why would you marry someone like that? Bi-polar isn't something she's going to develop just recently, she would of had it during when y'all first date up until marriage and if you're just now thinking 'holy sh*t, this bitch is nuts'.. I find it hard to believe man.

 

 

This.

 

In your first post you say she's "possibly" bi polar then you go on to tell another poster that she is indeed bi polar so which is it? And really the "symptoms" you describe are more akin to a woman who's either had a child too early in life and does not know how to handle it and/or unhappy with her marriage because of your actions/inactions.

[Kirsty]

 

Here that mate, just take her out to get fixed then everything will be better!

 

If you don't think you'd leave were you in his position Kirsty, then fine, tell him that but don't guilt trip him for doing what's best for him. Mental health issues or not, she doesn't consider the feelings of those around her, neglects her kid, makes her husband's life hell and refuses to register that she's doing anything wrong. She's not compelled to do these things by some unseen force; plenty of people with mental illness don't ruin everybody else's lives.

I appreciate you're providing an opposite opinion to myself here as you're entitled to, but I feel you said is down to a little ignorance and/or inexperience.

 

Everything you listed about what she could be doing is exactly what someone with an untreated mental illness can do, without remorse; I have a right to make statements such as that because my own mother has bipolar disorder so I have seen the destruction it can cause for both the person and their immediate family without medication and support. What you're basically suggesting is to leave her (and the child, I'm not exactly sure??) to her own devices. He obviously still loves/cares about her, which is exactly why he should stick by her side if she does truly have an illness and support her through getting well.

 

Obviously it might be completely opposite and there is no illness at all (not all 'crazy' people are actually crazy afterall) and she is just a troublemaker that is really taking advantage of the fact that her husband is just going to sit there and take her sh*t. I completely agree with you that he needs to, and should, look out for himself and remove himself from a situation that is causing a great deal of stress and hurt, especially with her apparent carelessness. You're not realising here though that he has something that he should consider more than himself; his one 1 year old child. That doesn't mean I'm suggesting he should stay in a loveless marriage and risk dropping into depression himself over her behaviour; I'm merely saying that he needs to pick himself up and sort it out or he risks making it worse for every party involved.

 

Calling someone out to lift up their head, take control and potentially provide a better home life for their child is hardly berating, IMO, it's about facing responsibilities.

[GunWrath]

Here that mate, just take her out to get fixed then everything will be better!

 

If you don't think you'd leave were you in his position Kirsty, then fine, tell him that but don't guilt trip him for doing what's best for him. Mental health issues or not, she doesn't consider the feelings of those around her, neglects her kid, makes her husband's life hell and refuses to register that she's doing anything wrong. She's not compelled to do these things by some unseen force; plenty of people with mental illness don't ruin everybody else's lives.

I appreciate you're providing an opposite opinion to myself here as you're entitled to, but I feel you said is down to a little ignorance and/or inexperience.

 

Everything you listed about what she could be doing is exactly what someone with an untreated mental illness can do, without remorse; I have a right to make statements such as that because my own mother has bipolar disorder so I have seen the destruction it can cause for both the person and their immediate family without medication and support. What you're basically suggesting is to leave her (and the child, I'm not exactly sure??) to her own devices. He obviously still loves/cares about her, which is exactly why he should stick by her side if she does truly have an illness and support her through getting well.

 

Obviously it might be completely opposite and there is no illness at all (not all 'crazy' people are actually crazy afterall) and she is just a troublemaker that is really taking advantage of the fact that her husband is just going to sit there and take her sh*t. I completely agree with you that he needs to, and should, look out for himself and remove himself from a situation that is causing a great deal of stress and hurt, especially with her apparent carelessness. You're not realising here though that he has something that he should consider more than himself; his one 1 year old child. That doesn't mean I'm suggesting he should stay in a loveless marriage and risk dropping into depression himself over her behaviour; I'm merely saying that he needs to pick himself up and sort it out or he risks making it worse for every party involved.

 

Calling someone out to lift up their head, take control and potentially provide a better home life for their child is hardly berating, IMO, it's about facing responsibilities.

 

Oh, yes she did.

[Jimmy_Leppard]

Yeah, and? Now we must write 200 comments about it? It is very hard to be you guys with so much holding onto one thing for so long. Just let it go, it will be easier for all of us.[/b]

Are you divorcing me?

Yes, we're through.

[Devyl]

My wife has has severe mood swings that go from week to week. One week shes nice, happy and loves me and the net she lies, doesn't care abou my feelings and is plain disrespectful. I am constantly walking on eggshells around her on a day to day basis. This has gone on throughout most of our marriage. Its sad because one day she will be this great mom and wife and the next she dumps my daughter on her mom, ignores me all day and goes out with her guy friends and gets hammered. Throughout our entire marriage, I have been trying to help her and get her normal but she always comes back saying that I am the one with issues and I dont let her do what she wants. This whole thing is confusing and its making me very sad to see our marriage go this way. I love her to death and care about her very much but there is only so much I can take.

This sounds a lot like my ex-wife. For the first 5 or so years, everything was golden. Life was good. Then she slowly started to become more & more agitated at small, simple things. No matter how hard I tried (talking it out, counseling, time apart) nothing worked. Turns out she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and refused to take her meds. When she threatened to kill me one night over an empty soda can, I had enough and left.

 

[El Dildo]

my parents are divorced, does that count?

[Clem Fandango]

 

What you're basically suggesting is to leave her (and the child, I'm not exactly sure??) to her own devices.  He obviously still loves/cares about her, which is exactly why he should stick by her side if she does truly have an illness and support her through getting well.

I'm not suggesting he do anything. He'll do what he thinks his best regardless of what two people much younger than him on a forum tell him. I'm simply pointing out that your attempts to guilt trip him are unfair and stem from a misunderstanding of mental illness. There are people with untreated mental illness who don't make other peoples' lives hell.

 

You seem to think that, because someone is mentally ill, they aren't also callous and selfish for letting it affect other people. She's still still ultimately responsible for everything she does.

 

You also seem to believe that if he supports her long enough, and she receives treatment long enough, she'll eventually be totally normal and they'll be a happy couple. The odds are, that won't happen. Despite your experiences, in the overwhelming majority of cases, treatment won't alleviate the strain on the subjects loved ones, because the subject has no qualms about putting that strain on them in the first place!

 

Nothing to do with inexperience or ignorance; in fact, it's you who has the shallow pool of reference. Fact is, she thinks her behaviour is a acceptable. It has little to do with a mental disorder preventing her from taking responsibility for her actions or however you think it works. She thinks her feelings take precedence, she thinks she should be allowed to ditch her kid and go out drinking. She thinks it's okay to make her child and husband's lives hell because she's in a bad mood. How do you even expect treatment to rectify that?

 

I see no indication that is head is in, or anywhere near, his arse.

Edited June 7, 2013 by Melchior

[Fireman]

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