Out of Retirement

[J. Walker]

 

Out of Retirement

 

Here I stand in my cabin deep in the woods awaiting my enemies to charge in with my weapons locked and loaded. As I'm standing by the window staring into the darkness, I can almost hear them walking towards my direction along with a whole militia of corrupt officials that prey on the weak. Check the time; it's three fifteen. When will they be here? It is as dark as a blind mans sight and my flashlight decided to die out on me, that's what it always seem in my life, people that get near me, die.

 

Five years sober and it's been hell. I always had a bottle of Jack Daniels besides me as a "In case of emergency." What emergency? I myself don't even know. I grab the bottle and its rich brown color describing its taste makes me want to break my promise but I cannot seem to break through the force. Something is holding me back so I don't take not even a sip; and behind me I see a picture of my family from a long time ago. In the background was the beautiful beach of Puerto Rico where we went for a family reunion. All I can think about is the good times we had that day, full of laughter, fun, and dancing. This was moments before... they were taken away from me in a brutal attack. I died with them but I came back as something I've never though I'd become.

 

Outside I hear "He's in there." and I look out the window and I see a whole mob of men armed with heavy weapons giving me the death stare. A man walks up and yells the name I haven't used in years... "Frank Castle!" I reacted in a violent burst of bullets punishing every opposing enemy in my sights. It was dark out and all you can see was the guns firing, one man injured by one of my bullets lays on the ground seeing a dark silhouette approaching him. I took out a cigar out of my pocket and lit it, as I did, the injured man saw my torso being lit up by the matches... the last image he'll ever see was a white skull giving him the death stare he gave me.

 

Frank Castle is no more... I am The Punisher, out of retirement.

[AceRay]

First off, tense gets a little off in a places, as you switch between present and past tense here and there, such as "A man walks up" and "I reacted" being two different tenses. Present is if its acutally

 

Its a little matter of fact in the description here and there. Its a general phrase known as "show, don't tell," in a few places like "I see a whole mob" or "A man walks up," could use a little more description, also I felt the word "die" gets thrown around a bit too much.

 

But as an introduction to WD, this was pretty good, and I look forward to more, Walker.

[J. Walker]

First off, tense gets a little off in a places, as you switch between present and past tense here and there, such as "A man walks up" and "I reacted" being two different tenses. Present is if its acutally

 

Its a little matter of fact in the description here and there. Its a general phrase known as "show, don't tell," in a few places like "I see a whole mob" or "A man walks up," could use a little more description, also I felt the word "die" gets thrown around a bit too much.

 

But as an introduction to WD, this was pretty good, and I look forward to more, Walker.

Thank you for your feedback AceRay. I shall edit this a little more and make it more interesting.

 

By the way, I wrote this right after I saw the short film of The Punisher on YouTube entitled Dirty Laundry. If you haven'y watched yet, I strongly encourage you to watch it, it's very well scripted and detailed.