rudy Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 So's I was shorts-clad and was home alone that day. I didn't bother wearing my undies because when I feel my balls dangling freely like christmas bells, in the background some Daft punk starts to play some random songs, and as the divine sound of rock reaches my ears, I realise how awesome it is to have a unclad testes. I figured that it's a perfect time to do the 5 finger shuffle. But, I also realise that my bladder was full, and I should probably drain my radiator first before getting to work. So I made my way to the toilet. I opened the dam gate and watched the water flood out into the toilet bowl. After being done with it, I pulled my zipper up and I was all 'FFFFFUUUUUUUU'. When I looked down, I noticed the bottom of my dickskin caught withing the zipper. The pain was f*ckin' EXCRUCIATING. It almost felt like getting a blowjob from SATAN! I held my breath, and pulled the zipper down and the pain was even more painful. I ran all around the bathroom like a lunatic, whilst shouting like a ninny. Jesus. The pain eased away when I FINALLY dipped my dick in cold water and it felt Oh, so good. This harks back to the time when I was a kid and got my foreskin caught in the zippo, and it was one long f*ckin' battle. Imma be more careful the next time I'm pulling my zipper up, and SATAN can go f*ck herself. So how many time have you been a victim of your zipper? Share your painful experiences here, peeps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FAH-Q Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 I just cringed reading this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peregrin Brandytook Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 thread of the year lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracksuit Hitman Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 I just cringed reading this. You only cringed? I weeped in pain just thinking about it. aka geobst Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGodDamnMaster Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 I've done that many a time as well. The worst is when the it's the tip. Intel Core i9-9900k | Seasonic FOCUS Plus 750W | 32GB Corsair Vengeance LPX 2666MHzMSI GeForce RTX2070 | WD Blue 1TB HDD | Samsung 950 PRO M.2 512GBAntec Nine Hundred Black Steel ATX Mid Tower | MSI MPG Z390 Gaming Pro Carbon AC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rewas Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 This was painful to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hmmm nice bike Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Luckily, I've never had to "back it up" or even gotten it caught like in There's Something About Mary (which is instantly what this topic reminded me of) ...but just as bad, I once zipped up too quickly and gave myself a nasty little cut right the tip, excruciatingly at the tip of the tip. From now on, I always make sure it's back in the boxers before zipping up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fnorg Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 I am a victim of zipper abs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oddsock Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 I have never, ever, EVER gotten my privates stuck in my zipper and I can't imagine how anyone could. I mean really, how do you dress yourself in the morning if you can't even manage to remember to tuck your junk back into your pants before you zip up. It's like pressing the gas pedal before you turn the ignition. How can you be that unaware, seriously? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Fromage Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Now I am afraid of zippers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
epicluca Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Are you sure this isn't a cover up for how you molested your zipper, the cops aren't dumb they won't buy it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talakua Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Precisely why I only buy jeans that have buttons. Zippers are just an accident waiting to happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secura Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 That's enough GTAForums for one day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johan Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Yes. That's why I pull down my pants a bit when I pee instead of slipping it out through my zipper's hole. Last time this ever happened to me was like 8 years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricornus Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 LMFAO. Not very often that vagina's get caught in zippers...right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiffster Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!! Luckily this has never happened to me before.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Outcast Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Happened to me putting on a pair of jeans when I was something like 8 or 9 years old. After that I didn't wear jeans until around my High School graduation. For nearly a decade of my life I made do with shorts and cargo pants because of the pants sh*tting terror I had of getting my junk caught in those metal deathtraps again. I know your feel bro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FAH-Q Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Happened to me putting on a pair of jeans when I was something like 8 or 9 years old. After that I didn't wear jeans until around my High School graduation. For nearly a decade of my life I made do with shorts and cargo pants because of the pants sh*tting terror I had of getting my junk caught in those metal deathtraps again. I know your feel bro LOL> I feel you bro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Souths CraZe Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Twice, horible sh*t. Thank god it never happened in a public toilet or a full house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolf of Badenoch Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Ouch. I weep just at the thought of something like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA_stu Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I did rip a couple of pubes out once, but apart from that close shave I've never actually touched the frank or the beans. Thank god. I always try to make sure that everything is tucked away safe and sound before I zipper up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I got dropped kicked in the testicles by an Asian woman after my advances for her were rejected. After that moment I found that little to nothing has ever hurt me in the same way, including but not limited to slicing my scrotum while shaving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rudy Posted June 3, 2013 Author Share Posted June 3, 2013 (edited) LMFAO. Not very often that vagina's get caught in zippers...right? Women seldom get their vag caught in zipper, Capr. But say Ms. Pigsy has one huge amazon forest on her Va-Jay-Jay and she's also a huge fan of the mormons. And the chances are she can probably get her vag hairs caught in the zipper when she tries to pull the it up. Remember zipper loves moisture, and women are known for getting their vag hairs wet after they take a pee. Edited June 3, 2013 by rudy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Dildo Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 this has never happened to me before. I have never, ever, EVER gotten my privates stuck in my zipper I've never had to "back it up" or even gotten it caught I've never actually touched the frank or the beans. apparently we have learned that Werebot, Odsock, Claude, and Stu each have a small dick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA_stu Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 apparently we have learned that Werebot, Odsock, Claude, and Stu each have a small dick But I make up for it with my terrible personality and below average looks. That is what the bitches go for right? Small sick, awful person, weird face? And they do like to actually be called bitches? When they see Stu come a rocking, the girls they be flocking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluetops Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I remember when my mom tells me about these kind of incidents. I thought it was just a myth, turns out it can even happen to adults. f*ck.. I can imagine the pain. It's like circumcision without anesthesia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMaster Smith Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 this has never happened to me before. I have never, ever, EVER gotten my privates stuck in my zipper I've never had to "back it up" or even gotten it caught I've never actually touched the frank or the beans. apparently we have learned that Werebot, Odsock, Claude, and Stu each have a small dick ..or maybe they just know how to get their dicks out of their zipper when zipping it up..? lol I mean who the hell would zip up their zipper with their dick still sticking out? Cover your sh*t with one hand, zip with the other. Never once have I zipped my dick nor do I ever plan to. Common sense people.. xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gtaghost22 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 So how many time have you been a victim of your zipper? Many times. No recent incident, though. It does hurt a lot indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolf of Badenoch Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I got dropped kicked in the testicles by an Asian woman after my advances for her were rejected. After that moment I found that little to nothing has ever hurt me in the same way, including but not limited to slicing my scrotum while shaving. I didn't need to read that last part. Sounds f*cking agonizing, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finn 7 five 11 Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 I have never, ever, EVER gotten my privates stuck in my zipper and I can't imagine how anyone could. I mean really, how do you dress yourself in the morning if you can't even manage to remember to tuck your junk back into your pants before you zip up. It's like pressing the gas pedal before you turn the ignition. How can you be that unaware, seriously? Yeah I reckon, I always wear underpants so it doesn't happen when I'm out. At home if i'm free-ballin I either pull down, or just zip up carefully. There is no way I am risking penis damage via a zipper, it's one of those things i'm always careful with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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