The Odyssey Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) This is the town of Juania. It is located in Tijuana, Mexico. Back in the 80's/90's this town would get lots of tourism, of its view overlooking the river and it's authentic Mexican food. However it is 2013 and this town get's no business anymore. Jose is a 28 year old paper boy that has an ill family. With no business and a poor family, Jose plans on smuggling his family into America, the land of opportunity, with the help of his drug smuggling crazy friend called Pablo. Pablo only asks for one thing in return. To work for him once they are in America. This leads to Jose doing dirty jobs, and eventually becoming a drug lord. Will he go join or start an average American business like his Mama wanted, or will he continue with the high paying cocaine business, constantly being watched by the FIB? Name: JoseAge: 28 Role: Protagonist Status: Alive Description: Character you play as. Growing up in Juania, and in a poor family, he is still grateful of what he has. Name: PabloAge: 32 Role: Duerotagonist Status: Alive Description: Joses drug addicted crazy sociopath. He is dangerous to be around and is part of a gang called Los Santos Rifa. He is the one smuggling Jose's family into America, as he is an American citizen with a passport. Name: MamaAge: 72 Role: Side Character/Friend Status: Alive Description: Jose's ill mother. She is a typical mother, caring and protective of er child. She is desperate to get to America and find the right cure to her sickness. Name: PapaAge: 73 Role: Side Character/Friend Status: Alive Description: Jose's father. He is quiet and afraid of police, because of the may crimes he has committed as a teenager. Name: JuanAge: 29 Role: Side Character/Friend Status: Alive Description: Jose's best friend he grew up with. Jose wants him to come to america with them but he doesn't want to leave he town him and his ancestors grew up in. Name: LucaAge: 34 Role: Side Character/Friend Status: Alive Description: Owner of one of the best Mexican restaurants in Tijuana. But of course the tourism has died down so he is becoming very poor. Intro MissionName: A family by the border Status: Finished. Info: Meet Jose, his friends. And the town of Juania. Link: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/25729 1st MissionName: Smuggling half of Mexico Status: Finished Info: We meet Pablo for the first time, and he's seen with an illegal drug that will put them in danger. Link: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/25772 2nd mission Name: The Smuggling Status: Finished Info: Time for Jose's family and friends to be smuggled, with Pablo's strange but creative plan. Link: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/25841 -Dutchy and PatrickW - for the mod -Graven - for the GFX Please Note - Critics are always welcome. Edited June 6, 2013 by thegtaman531 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Odyssey Posted June 3, 2013 Author Share Posted June 3, 2013 2nd mission is out! Can you guys actually comment on this? I really want some feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notna Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 Everybody has to start somewhere, and for a start it's good enough. There's still a lot to improve. Your cutscenes last way too long. I counted 7 seconds for a single cutscene, when it should be 3-5 seconds. In maximum, if it's a long dialogue then a 6 second cutscene. But got to say the story is really original and that's good. Then one thing to add if you want it to be more realistic, the Mexican Police DOES NOT carry AK-47 in any occasions - it's actually against the Mexican law. Neither do they carry M4 but they do carry it's other variants like Colt 733, which is actually the variant used to stand in for M4 in San Andreas. In general, I'm really surprised since this was a lot better than I expected. 7 out of 10. I'm looking forward to your next missions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexander Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 I played the mission, I would like to tell you a couple of things I really liked your missions. The story is very good and original, you used spanish on some dialogs (that added some realism), the gunfight with the police was fun too, but too short in my opinion. Maybe you can work and make your missions a bit longer (but that is what I think, don't know if someone agrees with me) Waiting for the next mission. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3N3GADEAPOC Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 The story is a good concept but it seems that you're trying to hard to work with the story, for example, real Mexicans in Mexico would never say ese, Only Mexicans in California say that, make the enemies more realistic too, like what Notna said with the AKs. Also the gun fights were way to easy, try giving them more health and turning headshots off to make it more challenging. I saw some grammer mistakes but still tolerable, but when you say "I should really go over the plan with the smuggler, Pablo" You should say "I should really go over the plan with Pablo" you should've mentioned Pablo was smuggler earlier on. It's alright so far, I'm not gonna rate it since you only have two missions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Odyssey Posted June 5, 2013 Author Share Posted June 5, 2013 I was thinking of doing some research into Mexico before making the MP but since only 2 of the missions were in Mexico I didn't bother. Thanks for the feedback. The 3rd mission is coming along nicely, I'm done with exams so it should be up by tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3N3GADEAPOC Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sloth the storyteller Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 Between a little I'm going to try your missions and I'll let you know what I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sloth the storyteller Posted June 5, 2013 Share Posted June 5, 2013 The two missions are very nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Odyssey Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 New mission is out. http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/25841 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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