The Therapy

[Sweet.]

The Therapy.

 

Insanity?

 

You know nothing of it,

 

A cold feeling of hatred towards yourself,

 

And a constant need to vomit.

 

.

 

My mother used to tell me, that I was a normal child,

 

But when she imagined my future, she always became tearful,

 

My father used to beat me, like an animal out in the wild,

 

And as the only offspring, my thoughts were always fearful.

 

.

 

What if he lashes out at me like he did at mum before,

 

Like the time he dragged her by the hair, right along the floor,

 

Or when he bruised her innocent face, after hitting it hard against the door.

 

.

 

We used to go to Church on Sunday and sit together in the pew,

 

But that only lasted a while, before my father began to spew.

 

My mother took him outside, I sat quite and ignored,

 

I knew that I would be safe if I took refuge in my Lord.

 

.

 

On September 19th my mum walked out on us,

 

She kissed me on the forehead and told me not to make a fuss,

 

A tear rolled down her pale cheek as she began to smile,

 

And whispered in my tiny ear “I’ll only be gone for a while”,

 

From around her neck she handed me a cross, and a light blue rosary,

 

Which had the scent of her perfume, lavender with a hint of rosemary.

 

.

 

I was only 7, how was I supposed to know,

 

That I’d be left alone with a man, who was to become my greatest foe,

 

The man I used to admire, the man I called my dad,

 

Was clearly losing it even more, it became clear that he was mad.

 

.

 

A confused 15 year old, my head was all over the place,

 

My dad not attending parents evening, the school was on my case.

 

A syringe on his bedroom floor and a drawer full of marijuana,

 

Was just an everyday thing to see, like a scene from Copacabana,

 

He said that it made him strong and “stimulated his thinking”,

 

But lying face down on the kitchen floor, it was clear that even then he’d been drinking.

 

.

 

I tried to call a doctor, but nobody wanted to know,

 

A broken family household, we’d hit an all time low,

 

Last nights tantrum, left a scar across my face,

 

With a father who can barely walk, unable to tie his own shoelace,

 

For a while I used to hide upstairs, crying behind the drape,

 

A spiralling donward abyss, I was trapped with no escape,

 

I tried to stay positive, and keep my faith strong,

 

But as Father McTrevor once said, "Even God's men sometimes go wrong".

 

.

 

A year later and not a lot had changed,

 

Me thrown out of school, and my dads drug habits rearranged.

 

I was providing, from a dead end career,

 

Only to come home to an inevitable fear,

 

Beaten on a daily basis, was becoming to much to bare,

 

So I decided I had to do justice, and only what was fair..

 

---------------------------

Copyright© Sweet 2013

---------------------------

Edited May 15, 2013 by Sweet.

[Ziggy455]

HAHAHAHA.

Edited May 23, 2013 by Ziggy455

[VProductions]

Nobody here will steal your work. Except GTA-King, maybe.

 

Lolled so hard.

 

 

 

@Sweet - Great poem man, it doesn't feel forced either so that's a good thing

[Sweet.]

Thanks Mates, I'm looking to post more work here soon, The Copyright thing was just for looks aha. glad you guys liked it, As for the "." Separating the stanzas I thought it was a cleaner look

[Mokrie Dela]

A quick note about the copyright

 

I could take this and use it and that word at the bottom would do nothing to stop me

In order to lawfully use that C symbol, you must have taken out a copyright with a registered agency thus paying to register it as yours. Get rid of it because its like the word 'confirmed' in the v section, it's completely stupid being there and actually (I feel) detracts from your work

 

 

As for the poem - I applaud anyone who posts poems. I agreed with ziggy about that line - love it

I see a little of my problem here (to which I don't see and answer) and that's the adhering to the rhyming structure - feels a little forced and (as zigs said) clunky

 

It's good though , but I didn like the double spacing.

[Eminence]

A quick note about the copyright

 

I could take this and use it and that word at the bottom would do nothing to stop me

In order to lawfully use that C symbol, you must have taken out a copyright with a registered agency thus paying to register it as yours. Get rid of it because its like the word 'confirmed' in the v section, it's completely stupid being there and actually (I feel) detracts from your work

No.

 

The moment you author something, you lawfully own its copyright. You do not have to register something in order to own the copyright.

 

What registering something does is provides proof that you authored something on a particular date. The only thing placing "copyright ____" alongside your work does it mark you out as an amateur, for numerous reasons.

 

 

 

As to the poem. The story itself is well told and thorough - you leave no stone unturned in conveying it to us, which I think is a good thing in this case. It's not vague. But it is cliche. We've seen all of this before, so it feels very familiar. I wonder if you could've done something a little more unique with it?

 

The structure itself is very rigid, and I don't think that helps. Rhyming only works when it's both unforced and when it doesn't interfere with the flow of each line. At times you seem to grasp the flow and rhythm very well, but then at others there are just far too many syllables crammed in as you try to arrive at the rhyming word.

 

The key to poetry is to experiment. You can tell when it's someone's first attempt at poetry (perhaps not literally their first attempt, but thereabouts) when they're a slave to the rhyme. It's perhaps the biggest misconception of all that poetry revolves around rhyming - if it doesn't rhyme, how can it be a poem? But just give it a try not rhyming and you'll soon start focusing on the rhythm as opposed to the rhyme.

[Sweet.]

Thanks, I'm Working On Something BIG Now..

[Mokrie Dela]

A quick note about the copyright

 

I could take this and use it and that word at the bottom would do nothing to stop me

In order to lawfully use that C symbol, you must have taken out a copyright with a registered agency thus paying to register it as yours. Get rid of it because its like the word 'confirmed' in the v section, it's completely stupid being there and actually (I  feel) detracts from your work

No.

 

The moment you author something, you lawfully own its copyright. You do not have to register something in order to own the copyright.

 

What registering something does is provides proof that you authored something on a particular date. The only thing placing "copyright ____" alongside your work does it mark you out as an amateur, for numerous reasons.

 

 

 

As to the poem. The story itself is well told and thorough - you leave no stone unturned in conveying it to us, which I think is a good thing in this case. It's not vague. But it is cliche. We've seen all of this before, so it feels very familiar. I wonder if you could've done something a little more unique with it?

 

The structure itself is very rigid, and I don't think that helps. Rhyming only works when it's both unforced and when it doesn't interfere with the flow of each line. At times you seem to grasp the flow and rhythm very well, but then at others there are just far too many syllables crammed in as you try to arrive at the rhyming word.

 

The key to poetry is to experiment. You can tell when it's someone's first attempt at poetry (perhaps not literally their first attempt, but thereabouts) when they're a slave to the rhyme. It's perhaps the biggest misconception of all that poetry revolves around rhyming - if it doesn't rhyme, how can it be a poem? But just give it a try not rhyming and you'll soon start focusing on the rhythm as opposed to the rhyme.

Ok, talking from a legal point of view, it's not copyrighted or proof thereof, thus making "copyright ____" pointless and as you said, amateur.

 

I suppose technically, the posting date is proof of when you wrote it, so perhaps I'm a bit off the mark, but i still think my point is there - saying "Copyright ____" at the end of a work, does not have ANY effect. but whatever lol I won't turn this into a debate

[Iv F34R vI]

That's good! However I believe in stanza four it is supposed to be *quiet* not quite, just a really small thing but good Job

[xMohawkkinGx]

Nice story, Sweet. Really good work. Keep it up.

[Sweet.]

Thanks guys appreciate it.

[Ziggy455]

You aren't welcome here any more. Lock this topic.

[VProductions]

C and V are obviously the only letters that the OP knows.

[TonyZimmzy]

Thanks, I'm Working On Something BIG Now..

Oh...

[Ziggy455]

Could it be, mine eyes deceive?

 

A 12 year old, we told to leave,

 

Stealing work from stronger minds,

 

f*cking sh*t up, cause he's just blind.

 

Plagiarism, theft, swindle of the soul.

 

You f*cked up, now accept it whole.

[VProductions]

we should stop the rhyme,

 

True, he did crime,

 

To leave, its is time,

 

Please lock, don't decline,

 

(My first attempt at a poem ever I think lol)

 

 

EDIT: Oh, and you tried to copyright someone elses work lol, evil genius.

[Sweet.]

This is actually mine..