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Shoumaker

Angela's letter to Bayardo.

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Shoumaker

A Brief Explanation.

 

Recently I thought instead of writing a story like most people here I thought I would do something a little bit different to bring out my writing skills. So in the perspective of Angela Vicario I have written a letter to Bayardo San Roman (Her Ex-Husband). I decided to do this because Marquez never showed how she wrote her letters to Bayardo. So I tried to look into Angela's character and tried to get into her head while doing this.

 

Any feedback will be appreciated as I'm trying to improve my writing skills and don't afraid to be critical. Because that's how I will learn. Even if you didn't read the Chronicle I would like to know what you think! English is my second language so there could be a few grammatical errors.

 

Dear Bayardo,

 

It has been nearly a year since you have left. I have been thinking about you again and the days of the past back in the village. How are you doing, dear Bayardo? I hope all is well with you. The village had some drastic changes since you left. Santiago Nasar was murdered by my brothers to help regain the honor I had lost and are now imprisoned. I have been thinking about myself recently and I have come to the realization about something. These are my feelings for you and my feelings getting more intense every time I write to you.

 

When I first met you Bayardo, mother used to describe you as a man swimming in gold. I used to think you were too much of a man for me. I’ll be honest; I thought you were stuck up, that you were a Polack and you also you seemed ignorant like any other typical wealthy person. When I heard that you paid significance to me by wanting to marry me, along with everyone else I found it rather thorny to believe. Although it was flattering, with all those presents you gifted me, the house of Xius, the wonderful wedding ceremony and the music box you won for me at the fair all turned out to be a waste. I found all the nice things you did repulsive at the time. Because I never wanted to tie the knot with you back then. I felt we were too completely different beings but what I did not realize was that opposites do indeed attract. The entire wedding was planned out by my family and they forced me to go through with it. My mother even told me ‘Love can be learnt too.’ It felt like I was being obligated to marry Satan himself. I hated my parents for this, for them choosing where destiny will take me instead of letting me choose who I wanted to get married to. I also hated it that they chose you because you charmed them into marrying me with your prosperity; promising to give up a part of it. In the night I was returned back home, the permanent scars I have gotten from the beating I had received still haunt me to this day. But I still believe it was not your fault since you did the right thing in my opinion. I deserved it and I can only appreciate it that you did not do anything else to take revenge upon me. Since I know how violated you felt when you found out my dirty little secret. But there was too much pressure on me at the time and I am glad all that hiding came to a conclusion.

 

From the second I was pushed back into my home. The elements which fulfilled my mind were remorse and shame. I knew I was guilty from the beginning but in all honesty I did not know what to do at the time being. Even though I didn’t have as much passion as I do for you now back then. The way you portrayed your love towards me is simply too much for me to pay back. I felt like a traitor when the moment of truth came upon me. I knew you would feel violated when you find out. But Bayardo you must understand how much pressure I was under back then. I would have faced consequences as well if I did not marry you. My mother would beat me as vigorously as she did the night you returned me. So it was a real dilemma because I had to do one to sacrifice the other. In my opinion I feel my family and I would lose more honor than I did at the time being for what I had done. This was something I was not willing to accept. So at the end I was convinced to feign my lost virginity by one of my dear sisters.

 

My sisters had also thought me a trick so I could fake the blood stains on the bed sheets. But I chose not to carry it out at the end because I already cheated on you once and I could not do it again. Everything went according to plan until it was time to pull off the trick; my conscious at that moment stopped me from doing so. It is said when you encounter a near death experience your entire life flashes by you. So by the time I figured out I would not pull of the trick I knew our marriage would end. Suddenly all the good times we had together flashed by me like an illusion of some sort. I still do not regret what I did because it was time to reveal the truth. I would not be able to live my life knowing our entire marriage would be based on a terrible lie.

 

I felt relieved when I was returned to my family. I remember after my mother had beat me up I was sitting in my room when I felt shattered and burst into tears. It was not due to the beatings but my mind could not handle the fact that I betrayed you.

 

As children, we think what our parents tell us is wrong. It turns out they are the ones who were right the entire time. Mother was correct before our wedding night when she said that love could be learnt. Even though it did not happen in the sense my mom or I had expected but she was still correct.

 

My mother used to tell me that it’s bizarre that I don’t stop writing to you. She told me that If you do return to me one day. Only then will it not be a bit stranger than me writing a letter a week after week without a response. Parents are always the ones who end up being right, do her justice Bayardo.

 

Love,

Angela

 

 

 

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Andreas

 

My mother even told me ‘Love can be learnt too.’ It felt like I was being obligated to marry Satan himself.

It's just a minor mistake but you have to put a dot after the end of the first sentence in the part I have quoted.

 

 

From the second I was pushed back into my home. The elements which fulfilled my mind were remorse and shame.

I think you should merge these two sentences into one. Put a comma before the word which and after the word mind.

 

 

I knew I was guilty from the beginning but in all honesty I did not know what to do at the time being.

I would have put a comma after honesty.

 

 

But Bayardo you must understand how much pressure I was under back then.

You have to put a comma after Bayardo.

 

 

So by the time I figured out I would not pull of the trick I knew our marriage would end. Suddenly all the good times we had together flashed by me like an illusion of some sort.

You should put a comma after the words trick and Suddenly.

 

 

She told me that If you do return to me one day.

The word If should be lower case.

 

I have to say that the letter was a good read! Keep writing letters, stories, et cetera and you will improve your writing skills even more than you did in the last months. smile.gif

Edited by Carl CJ Johnsons Brother Brian

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