The Writers' Room

[3Hunt]

H-Hi people, I'm scared. Nah, I'm writing a "story" 'bout a nigga named Elroy. Yeah, Elroy. Here's a sneak peek;

 

 

If people saw my Goob story then yes, it won't be serious.

 

 

NOTE; I'm half black so I can be racist. (I know I can.)

 

NOTE 2; Don't take anything I say serious.

Edited October 29, 2013 by 3Hunt

[Mokrie Dela]

NOTE; I'm half black so I can be racist. (I know I can.)

Sounds legit.

 

NOTE 2; Don't take anything I say serious.

Not a chance in that happening, don't worry

[Platinum Card]

I want to post the outline for a mission I wrote entitled "In The Past" it's the last mission for the 2nd Chapter of Brie': The Assassin. I wrote everything freely, not bothering to go back and correct anything. The plan was to have an idea of where I wanted to go with the plot and the main story. I'd like some help in the form of advice, maybe even someone to co-write the series with. I don't want to provide anything watered down when I publish the mission pack. I want the writing to stand out just as much as the action and gameplay. If anyone wants to help, I'll post it here, with spoiler tags just in case anyone wants to play the mission, spoiler free.

[Mokrie Dela]

Aceray's your best bet with his DYOM experiance. PM him, I'm sure he wont mind, though he'll probably pop in here soon.

My advice is patience. Its the best advice i can give anyone. Take your time, attention to detail etc.

A technique i feel is great:

 

Write the chapter/mission. Then leave it for a while. Write more, write something else, go on holiday, go to work, whatever. Leave it for a few days or a week (THIS BTW, is why all my promised projects are taking so long). Leave it until you've almost forgotten it. Then come back to it and read through it. You WILL find much of it's sh*t. That's where you rewrite it. Also take this opportunity to proof read (see below). Leave it a while again, and come back to it.
Once you're happy with the quality, post it.

 

Proof reading: I split this up as advice for new writers, so if you're experienced, you can combine the steps.

1 - read through it, looking for spelling errors and grammar errors.

2 - Read through it again, focusing on Tense and Viewpoint (if the story's in the PAST or PRESENT (he DID/he DOES), and where the "camera" is, if you like - that is whose eyes is the story seen through?*)

 

3 - Read through to make sure it makes sense. Also, does each sentence do it justice? Are they too long winded? Are you saying "James jumped into the air, seeing the ground move away from his feet as he rose. He sailed over the alleyway below, seeing the rooftop approach. He landed and rolled as he touched the roof, coming to his feet after a good landing" when "James leapt over the alleyway, landing in a roll on the adjacent roof" would do!

4 - after setting it aside, repeat the previous 3 steps (again, they can be combined).

Not always practical to do this, but definitely leave it a few days if you can and come back to it with a fresh mind.

 

 

*I fell into this problem before. If the story's told through one character's eyes, then be sure to keep it that way. I had a story, told through one/two people's eyes (they were a team) and at parts it jumped to another random person. Such intimate exploration of the personalities, and everythings as they see it, then all of a sudden the reader is shown something that they wouldnt see - the viewpoint changed. You can do this, of course, but as long as it's intentional. If BOB is walking down the street and gets mugged, would he know what the mugger's thinking? No.

[AceRay]

Sorry Mokrie, I run BUYG, I've never done any DYOM work, which is different. I would be up for helping him out though with some writing.

[Mokrie Dela]

Whoops, wrong acronym!

haha

[Platinum Card]

Thanks Morkie & AceRay. I'll take note of the advice Morkie. AceRay I will be sending you a pm soon.

[albanyave]

Hi guys. Just thought that I would let everyone know that I have decided to write another story. Breach of Security, my last story, garnered more interest than I thought it would so I am continuing to build stories in Pace City.

 

This story focuses on Malcolm and events immediately after the end of BoS. I've done some writing but have been preoccupied with GTA V. I'll post here to let everyone know when the story will begin.

[Mokrie Dela]

Hi guys. Just thought that I would let everyone know that I have decided to write another story. Breach of Security, my last story, garnered more interest than I thought it would so I am continuing to build stories in Pace City.

 

This story focuses on Malcolm and events immediately after the end of BoS. I've done some writing but have been preoccupied with GTA V. I'll post here to let everyone know when the story will begin.

I'm glad to hear it. Breach of Security wasn't the best thing i've ever read, but I really enjoyed reading it. I'm glad you're continueing with Pace City - I felt that was a bit of an underrated star of the story, in a way. I don't know why - maybe it's because I went in depth with feedback, but i felt it had more to offer !

 

On a personal note, one of my upcoming projects - working title: Duality - is coming along nicely. Decent progress this last week. It's starting to move!

I'm even tempted in putting up the first chapter as a teaser.....

Edited November 1, 2013 by Mokrie Dela

[Eminence]

Just a very immediate response to that: Duality is a bit of a nothing title for me. It's an extremely common theme that recurs through a vast array of works, so it's a little too broad, I think.

[Mokrie Dela]

Fair point, Em, thanks for the advice. It's only a working title atm, so it can change no problem at all.

[Acehilm]

I've been trying to write the next chapter of Peasant Blurs but it has been difficult.

 

I don't want the chapter to be too boring, or too fast. Since the last chapter, it's as if it's skipped a beat and gone out of sync which has really bedazzled me. I feel as if I need a high action chapter to grab a lot of viewers attention, at the same time I don't want to rush the story.

 

Any advice for my situation guys?

[Mokrie Dela]

I know what you mean Coat. But ask youself why do you feel it skipped a beat? Was there action you omitted? Or put in needlessly? If i get time i'll check it out again (i seem to remember enjoying it!)

 

If you feel a chapter is boring - ask yourself why. Does anything happen, or does the chapter do anything to the story? Is someone introduced or killed off, or anything like that, or is it just filler? The latter, if boring, will have people skipping and asking why it was there. Obviously you don't want that. But if the former, then you can't cut it of course. Therefore, you have to make it more interesting - the characters and events should do this. If they don't you need to work a bit more on it.

Perhaps going back and reading a few of the previous chapters will help you get the flow and "synch" back? Is there anything building up, or a common theme you're omitting?

High action chapters are great, but only if they fit. Instead of trying to throw action in, have your written it as best you can? Have you 'shown' and not 'told'? Have you gone into the characters thoughts and emotions?

My advice is to just write it. Just do it, write it how you feel. Then leave it a few days and go back and read over it - preferably while reading the previous chapter - if you get me. Then think, as a reader, is this working?

I'm in a similar boat. I've got two lead characters whom i love dearly. I love the contrast i've created between them, and even their contradictions and hypocrisies. But I worry if they seem flat, and whether the chapters will be boring. I've decided to just write - just to steam on and write the next chapter. I'll come back and read the entire thing afterward (I'm trying to write each "act" in full before uploading), editing and trying to improve as i go. Hopefully then, as i had written more of the story, I'll know it well enough to improve - hints and threads of future events and mysteries, flashback humour, prior references etc.

Hope that helps

[Tyler]

Don't be afraid of writing something awful. Hammer every through you have onto the screen until you're mind is melted, then save it and go back later and find what's worth keeping. Sure a page of tripe isn't worth much, but neither is an unrealized idea that you lost because you were too scared to verbalize it.

[Osric]

Hey guys, I've been watching Naruto lately, and I had considered doing a Naruto fanfiction, but then I got to thinking....

 

I could do an original or semi-original story with a similar premise to Naruto with a ninja village and a land that is a mix of modern and medieval technology, but things aren't what they appear on the surface.

 

Like in the Naruto anime, clothing and most technology is modern, with the noted exception of military and transportation. In the anime, guns and any form of steam engine or automotive engine doesn't exist. Now, with my original story, black powder guns are somewhat common, and there is a steam train.

 

The premise of my story is of a seemingly post-apocalyptic region whose society is heavily modeled after anime and manga, particularly Naruto. But once again, things are not as they seem.

 

It's better than it sounds.

Edited November 5, 2013 by Osric

[AceRay]

Naruto is a pretty average Shonen anime in terms of story and characters, it just has a huge fanbase. Its probably because its the last anime to do crazy stupid stuff like people summoning planets and moons on battlefields and crashing them down on enemies. In all honestly, if you're going to go Shonen, you should go for the granddaddy of them all; Fist of the North Star, which pretty much codified the entire genre and by far understands characters and pacing way better than DBZ.

Seinen is way way better than Shonen from a story perspective, because it doesn't cater to stupid 14 year olds. Death Note would have been better if it turned down the Light vs L rivalry and focused more on the social ramifications of a society literally built on fear, which was in the background. And no, NGE is not Shonen, I don't care if it was made for kids or not.

 

seemingly post-apocalyptic region

 

If you do post apocalype, its going to sound a lot like Star tbh, which was Bruce Lee meets Mad Max.

[MacAshford]

Guys, I found a better way to do my trilogy, instead of a big trilogy just to have it as one epic story that contains all the other stories. I mean like to combine PowerBass Records, 18Months and Diamond Prime Alliance into one huge gamescript that has all the stories in it. I've been planning this for a few days now and I'm nearly done planning.

 

EDIT: Done all the mission planning, got 53 missions planned with an awesome storyline in a document now (almost 7000 words of planning)

 

Mission Checklist (I'll check missions off as I write them):

 

ACT 1:

INTRODUCTION (Done)

SUN IN THE SKY (Done)

WRONG PLACE, WRONG TIME (WIP)

MEETING THE LOCALS

IF LOOKS COULD KILL

ARMED AND DANGEROUS

STORE TO STORE

VROOM VROOM

GLOWSTONE GETAWAY

STABLE PROPERY

GOING UNDERCOVER

BANK ON IT

WHEN THE ODDS ARE ALL AGAINST YOU

TRACTOR TRAIL

BOOM GOES THE GLOWSTONE

PLANE DANGEROUS

DRINK TO THAT

OFFSHORE DELIVERIES

RUNAWAY TRAIN

WHITE LINES, BLOW AWAY

SWEET ESCAPE

ACT II:

SHOPPING SPREE

DEPRESSION

MUGSHOT

THE CARNIVAL

HOME IS WHERE YOUR HEART IS

BACK TO WORK

GUN FOR HIRE

RING OF FYAH

RESORTING TO VIOLENCE

EAVESDROPPING

BEACH PARTY

WEAKEST LINK

THE BREAKFAST CLUB

TWO OUT OF THREE AINT BAD

SEWER RATS

UFO

CHEMICAL WARFARE

BURN NOTICE

ACT III:

WEALTH MEANS NOTHING

BREAKING GOOD

DEALING WITH THE DEALERSHIP

OUT OF HIS MISERY

SAYING GOODBYE

THE ROSE FADES

REVERSE ABDUCTION

COMMON ENEMIES

FLY-BY

I PREDICT A RIOT

KEY TO THE CITY

THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS

THE LAST RACE

FINALE

Edited November 10, 2013 by Vice President

[Mokrie Dela]

Ring of Fyah? Wth?


Some interesting titles there... Breaking good... hahaha

I just wrote to a bit of music. I've included the lyrics in the chapter, showing the effect it has on the character, how it touches them, reminds them of him, and the love that they've left behind. A touching moment, I felt, but it made me think:

 

Have any of you included music or something in your writing - deliberately and specifically?

Edited November 10, 2013 by Mokrie Dela

[MacAshford]

Thanks, and awesome. Music can really bring a lot of emotion and inspiration to many people, good music that is, none of that crap about partying in the charts. I've used music a lot in writing, not for the emotional value but more to display how some lyrics can perfectly capture moments. May I ask what the song was that you wrote to?

[Mokrie Dela]

That'd be telling!

All will be revealed when my story's out

[Eminence]

Using music is risky, simply for the fact that nine times out of ten, the reader is going to be unfamiliar with the song you're referencing. So even though it may seem to you like it's adding resonance and depth, to the reader it will usually just be alienating and annoying. It can come off a little amateurish, as though you just have to include that song that you can't stop listening to at the moment. It's substituting actual depth of your own story for something artificial.

Edited November 11, 2013 by Eminence

[Mokrie Dela]

I can see that, Em.
Way i look at it though, is that in most people's lives, music is there, and it has an impact - you know, when you hear that one song that gives you chills or something. I challenge anyone to watch a live performance of a touching song and not be moved.

I think it works - and the inclusion of it isn't too risky in terms of alienating, in my eyes, as the character's listening to the words, and reflecting on how they apply to their situation. I don't plan to fill the story with lyrics and in depth descriptions, though - song titles will be mentioned from time to time, but only in a referenced manner.

It can come off amateurish? haha, i AM amateur!

I will consider that, though, and see what the edit brings. I personally like the moment, so i want to keep it, but I'll have to see later, if i think it works or not.

[Eminence]

Of course you like it, you know the song. But what does namedropping a title do for the reader, other than draw them out of the story? Unless the reader, like you, has a connection to the song (and it will never be the exact same connection that you have) then it basically just falls on deaf ears.

 

I'm not debating that music has a huge impact on people. I'm the same - it inspires me, it affects me. But, for me, prose is just the wrong medium to try and incorporate it. Music has to be heard; you can't describe it. Lyrics have to be sung, not written. Film & TV? Right medium. Novel? Less so.

[Mokrie Dela]

I see your point. By "I like it," I meant the scene where it's included. As we've discussed before, sometimes "it's your darlings that have to be butchered" and that may turn out to be the case. I may read it in a few weeks and say "what was i thinking."

Music is definitely going to be referenced at least, as in the radio's DJ might introduce a song. In that example, if someone doesn't know the song, its not going to break the story.

It's just the dynamic that it had in my mind, i felt was good. Perhaps it's the way i write - i see it play out in front of me, in my mind, like a film, and all i have to do is write down what i see/hear etc Perhaps it's because I'm hearing the music, seeing the scene, that's why it works so well, why it has that power. On paper, yes, of course music doesn't work too well.

I'll have to assess it with a fresh and objective mind later on

[Vercetti42]

Is it weird to write a modern war novel? Like an action-war novel, fighting, guns, stuff. In short an FPS game.

[Mokrie Dela]

Not at all. HAsn't Chris Ryan made a living doing just that?

 

Come to think of it, thought, a first person war novel could be pretty awesome. Although they're not the best written books, the first two splinter cell books were brilliant in the sense they were first person - it really felt like Sam Fisher was talking to me!

I'd like to see it anyway, but a "modern war" novel is nothing new or groundbreaking. I

[MacAshford]

@Mokrie - I really can't wait to read your new work

 

@Ace - Modern war is definantly a genre that can be experimented with too. I'd love to see a novel that combines modern war fiction and post apocalyptic fiction, sorta like Fallout but starting before the war instead of starting after. What I'm trying to say is you have mixed feelings about writing a modern war novel maybe experiment with it until those feelings become positive and you're happy with it.

[Tyler]

Re: Music

 

If you want to meticulously craft a playlist to go along with your story then maybe write a script because you're concentrating on the theatrics of storytelling more than the prose. The only way I've ever seen music references in a novel not seem badly shoehorned is by Bret Easten Ellis. Thing is, when he makes Patrick Bateman talk for pages and pages about how great x artist is, it's because he's using pop culture to convey how empty Bateman is on the inside. How he has to regurgitate every buzzword and pop chart tune word for word and pretend to enjoy it to engage in the society around him. In short, it's not because of the music itself.

[Mokrie Dela]

I must admit the fallout war interests me greatly.

 

RE music. I think you're looking into my comment too much, Tyler. I'm not looking to set up entire playlists. It's one scene, that's heavily featuring one song. Other songs will be mentioned but only very, very breifly:

 

Bob sat listening to "Call on me", nodding his head in rhythm to the song.

I'm aware of the risks, so i will of course restrict any songs featured.

VP: It's currently at 90,000 words, and nearing the end of Part one. Then it's in need of a few edits, and it'll be up. If i can get the time, i'm aiming for this side of Christmas.

 

Don't quote me on that though...

[MacAshford]

Whoa 90k words in one part, that's awesome