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The Writers' Room

Eminence

By Eminence
in Writers' Discussion

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  • Replies 2.2k
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Top Posters In This Topic

  • Mokrie Dela

    440

  • Ziggy455

    245

  • VProductions

    159

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Vercetti21
Vercetti21

Hey there, stranger.   Quick update for those who care: I'm in a period of slow input right now, but I've recently discovered how much I enjoy writing creative nonfiction. With the help of my mentor

Otter
Otter

Just barf some stuff out. A lot of our workshops are visited by folks who want to write but are afraid to commit something to the page that isn't perfection.   ...editing is your friend, and you ca

GTAKid667
GTAKid667

Are you pasting the code into the editor in it's default state?  If you haven't already, click the light switch icon () in the top left of the editor and it will switch to a BBCode View and the table

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MacAshford

MacAshford

Posted
Posted (edited)

I just thought I'd post this here and see if I can get a bit of feedback, here's a bit of the first mission from the 18 Months remake. Thanks for reading :D

 

 

 

PWs4xy1.jpg

 

BsUP64L.jpg

 

ymt43hj.jpg

Edited by Vice President
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Abel.

Abel.

Posted
Posted

Got the second half of that short story mapped out but probably won't write it as the first part was not well received.

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Vercetti42

Vercetti42

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm writing a novel called The Italian Mafia. I've taken a lot of inspiration from The Godfather film triology (especially the first part). It's the story of a Don, he has three sons. He wants one his sons (Toni) to take over the empire after his death but his other son (Jose) doesn't want Toni too take over since he feels that he is too weak. However, the Don feels the exact opposite saying that Jose is the weak one. It isn't just that though. The businesses of the empire and others are also described in the story.

 

I hope to finish it and publish it someday. I might share an excerpt here.

Edited by AceKingston
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Eminence

Eminence

Posted
  • Author
Posted

It all sounds very familiar, and a lot has been written about the mob, but that doesn't mean that you can't throw your own ideas into the mix. Try to find something unique about your story and really emphasise that aspect.

 

You gotta change that title, though.

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Mokrie Dela

Mokrie Dela

Posted
Posted

Life? What's that? This thing called GTA V had eradicated that.

Haven't written for weeks.

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.


087rqaU.pngVw81Z2a.pngxWvxZoT.png1fb6cYB.png


Click here to view my Poetry


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Eminence

Eminence

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Currently taking my masters in creative writing. Don't have my PS3 with me. Have yet to play GTAV.

 

It hurts, believe me.

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Ziggy455

Ziggy455

Posted
Posted

Damn, man. With GTA V out, everybody's sort of slipped away from writing. I've been writing a short story. I'm getting back into my groove. Holy Christ, you haven't played it yet!? :O

 

Sweet Jesus...

"I might have laughed if I'd have remembered how."

 

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Mokrie Dela

Mokrie Dela

Posted
Posted

 

Also, RIP Tom Clancy

Was about to post this :(

 

Yeah, kinda came out of left field.

As i'm sure you all know, he's my favourite author.

New book's due out in a few months (I'm sure Grant Blackwood or someone will fill in the holes if need be), i bet they'll dedicate it to him - would be weird, his own book dedicated to himself.

I will also bet the upcoming JAck Ryan movie will be in his memory.

 

Such a shame.

 

At least he's left behind one hell of a legacy.

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.


087rqaU.pngVw81Z2a.pngxWvxZoT.png1fb6cYB.png


Click here to view my Poetry


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Ziggy455

Ziggy455

Posted
Posted

Can't believe that. Currently reading Without Remorse. R.I.P, man. He was a big part of my childhood with his books and games.

"I might have laughed if I'd have remembered how."

 

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albanyave

albanyave

Posted
Posted

Had no idea. It is a shame. Just purchased two of his books last weekend. Greatness on paper forever.

 

R.I.P. :(

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Mokrie Dela

Mokrie Dela

Posted
Posted

Without remorse is a damn fine book. Rainbow six fans will love it to see John Clark's origin.

Clark and Ryan are essentially the same character, but contrasting variations thereof. I like that.

Currently reading "Dead or Alive" (NOT written by clancy, i'm sure), nearing the end of reading ALL of his Ryan/Clark novels.

When i read the last one, I hope there's an END to it. Would be fitting, but sad too. Once I get there, It'll sink in that he's gone.

"Hi, I'm Tom Clancy; I wrote the book they ignored" - Clancy on THE SUM OF ALL FEARS commentary.

The man who said "no" to Sam Fisher's multi-goggles because it wasn't realistic. 2 years later, a company made them for real!

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.


087rqaU.pngVw81Z2a.pngxWvxZoT.png1fb6cYB.png


Click here to view my Poetry


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Ziggy455

Ziggy455

Posted
Posted

It was my birthday yesterday. Here was my cake! I don't want to cut it!

 

28cmruc.jpg

 

LOOK AT IT. OH MY GOD, LOOK AT IT.

"I might have laughed if I'd have remembered how."

 

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Mokrie Dela

Mokrie Dela

Posted
Posted

GOD DAMN Ziggy. That's a sweet ass cake.

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.


087rqaU.pngVw81Z2a.pngxWvxZoT.png1fb6cYB.png


Click here to view my Poetry


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albanyave

albanyave

Posted
Posted

Guys, I made a FaceBook profile for one of my characters, is that too far?

Which character? Does he/she have any friends? Might be an interesting way to come up with story ideas.

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GTA-King

GTA-King

Posted
Posted

Happy late birthday, Ziggy.

 

I truly am sorry for everything I did to you, and countless other people around here. I can only hope that you all will believe me.

 

Take care, and stay classy.

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Ziggy455

Ziggy455

Posted
Posted

Happy late birthday, Ziggy.

 

I truly am sorry for everything I did to you, and countless other people around here. I can only hope that you all will believe me.

 

Take care, and stay classy.

 

What the sh*t? How the hell did he get banned?

"I might have laughed if I'd have remembered how."

 

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Mokrie Dela

Mokrie Dela

Posted
Posted

he probably exposed himself to some kids.

 

Or he made a new account, and deleted it for a fresh start.

Who cares?

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.


087rqaU.pngVw81Z2a.pngxWvxZoT.png1fb6cYB.png


Click here to view my Poetry


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Vercetti42

Vercetti42

Posted
Posted (edited)

He requested a ban but he's probably browsing through the forums with an unknown new account, he's always whining for attention so it won't be long until he is back.

 

Anyways, haven't touched the novel I wish to publish sometime in the future because of school but here is an excerpt, thoughts? I only took the conversation part because I feel it's the most interesting:

 

-----

 

As Rocchi seated himself, he placed a file in front of Pazzini before saying, who took one quick look at it before saying:

 

"An offer?"

 

"Not just an offer" replied Rocchi "An offer you can't refuse"

 

"Well what is it?"

 

"I'm in need of drugs, I have the money but not the drugs"

 

"If you have the money why not buy the drugs?"

 

"I don't know any trustable drug dealers Mr.Pazzini"

"How do you know that I can be trusted?"

 

That's it.

Edited by AceKingston
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Ziggy455

Ziggy455

Posted
Posted

Breaking Bad ended so he probably felt his time was at an end too.

 

That is kind of pathetic, in a deranged sort of way.

"I might have laughed if I'd have remembered how."

 

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Eminence

Eminence

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
As Rocchi seated himself, he placed a file in front of Pazzini before saying, who took one quick look at it before saying:

 

"An offer?"

 

"Not just an offer" replied Rocchi "An offer you can't refuse"

 

"Well what is it?"

 

"I'm in need of drugs, I have the money but not the drugs"

 

"If you have the money why not buy the drugs?"

 

"I don't know any trustable drug dealers Mr.Pazzini"

"How do you know that I can be trusted?"

 

That's it.

 

An error in the first sentence means I'm thinking you need to proofread a little harder! :p

 

I also think you need to go back to the drawing board a little in terms of what your unique take on the mob is. This is very cliche, bland stuff at the moment - I'm certain you can come up with something more exciting!

 

The "how do you know I can be trusted" is a nice line, and an interesting little idea/reversal to explore. But it's not enough on its own.

 

And never, ever, ever, ever, ever use "an offer he can't refuse" seriously in any story, especially not one about the mob. Reasons should be self-explanatory.

Edited by Eminence
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Vercetti42

Vercetti42

Posted
Posted

It's only the start of the story and I don't write this on my PC, I write it in a notebook, hence the error. :p

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Mokrie Dela

Mokrie Dela

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm working on something new. I'm tempted to upload the first chapter now, but i think I'll hold off and proof read a few times first.

 

 

EDIT:

The idea is a spoof of something, and I've hit my first obstacle; I'm not funny! Anyone written spoofs? If so, any tips?

Edited by Mokrie Dela
  • AceRay and Tyler
  • Like 2

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.


087rqaU.pngVw81Z2a.pngxWvxZoT.png1fb6cYB.png


Click here to view my Poetry


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