The Writers' Room

[TonyZimmzy]

I'm gonna sound like an idiot here, but what the f*ck is a semi-colon?

It's the ';'

 

To this day, I'm still not 100% sure if I should be using one or not when I place it in a piece of writing. Anyone else ever feel this way?

[Ziggy455]

I think I've set some good rules for my writing if I continue:

 

1. No semicolons, ever.

 

2. Structure in paragraphs, and don't overfill with bland descriptions.

 

3. Pertain style, stick in somebody's head or the style becomes boring.

 

4. THINK about the structure of what I'm writing when explaining the scene.

 

I'd say those are the four big points I've taken away.

 

I always thought a semi-colon would emphasize the noun of the sentence.

 

 

His eyes were rotund and yellowish; infectious as opposed to color.

 

I think even that is wrong, so I'm banning myself from using semi-colons.

[Eminence]

3. Pertain style, stick in somebody's head or the style becomes boring.

Care to elaborate on this one?

[Ziggy455]

 

3. Pertain style, stick in somebody's head or the style becomes boring.

Care to elaborate on this one?

I'd say that if I'm doing what I've done so far, then I have to look at everything with a subjective view. If I'm not in somebody's head, then it's much harder to show how they react or feel. Like in one very demented scene, if I was to explain it just as I want you to see it, then there's not much power. If I'm in Jensen's head, and you feel what she feels, and you're watching her snap from the abhorrent things she is seeing, then it's much more powerful for the reader.

 

The bridge was cold because they were in space.

 

Seems lacking as opposed to:

 

Jensen hated the way the bridge always lacked any kind of warmth, even when the heating system was at full power, the piercing cold always found its way in, and Jensen always felt it when it did.

 

There needs to be a human anchor, not an omnipresent narrator who knows all because that ruins the mystery of it.

Edited August 3, 2013 by Ziggy455

[Eminence]

I feared that's what you meant!

 

Don't restrict yourself to writing in a character's POV. In my feedback I was merely trying to illustrate that if you're going to interject with the character's thoughts, then be consistent, and do it often. Play up to it and have your prose take on that character's style.

 

But don't fool yourself into thinking that this is the only way to write. Prose can be effective in all of its forms – it's just down to the writing.

 

Using a character's thoughts can be a great stylistic choice. It can also be a crutch; by definition, it's telling instead of showing. Writing in third person limited gets you thinking much more about how you can show something.

 

To reword your example:

 

Jensen winced as she entered the bridge, footsteps echoing across the floor. She glanced at the monitor for the heating system. Full power. That didn't stop the hairs standing up on the back of her neck.

 

Not great, but you get the picture. It's using the physical movement and appearance to try and conjure the same emotion, while also hinting at something else – what's more, at no point does it specifically reference the 'cold'.

[Ziggy455]

 

I feared that's what you meant!

 

Don't restrict yourself to writing in a character's POV. In my feedback I was merely trying to illustrate that if you're going to interject with the character's thoughts, then be consistent, and do it often. Play up to it and have your prose take on that character's style.

 

But don't fool yourself into thinking that this is the only way to write. Prose can be effective in all of its forms – it's just down to the writing.

 

Using a character's thoughts can be a great stylistic choice. It can also be a crutch; by definition, it's telling instead of showing. Writing in third person limited gets you thinking much more about how you can show something.

 

To reword your example:

 

Jensen winced as she entered the bridge, footsteps echoing across the floor. She glanced at the monitor for the heating system. Full power. That didn't stop the hairs standing up on the back of her neck.

 

Not great, but you get the picture. It's using the physical movement and appearance to try and conjure the same emotion, while also hinting at something else – what's more, at no point does it specifically reference the 'cold'.

I see what you mean. Writing without POV is very possible, I believe it's something I need to work on. Writing omnipresent is something that'll take a while to work with but like you've said, the writing makes it seem much less formidable as an obstacle when done right. I'll find a way over it eventually, but the third person POV works well for this.

 

I think what makes this much easier to do with Jensen's POV is the fact that she has her own fears and problems related to the crew, and her own POV makes this better to explore. But I've gotta try and think out of the box too. How could I do this without keeping in her head and still make it retain that creepy, mysterious aura of the Redemptio?

 

I think one of my biggest problems is I just seem to explain things how they are. It's cold, it's hot. That hurt. When I think I need to keep trying to show. That's a big flaw of mine. I think you nailed it on the head when you gave a much better description without even referring to the cold.

[Acehilm]

For the latest chapter of Peasant Blurs, I've tried to create a hook or some sort of climaxing tension.

[Pooka Mustard]

Guys, do you think this line would fit the monster Roxy... admitting that she's insane after Maxy told her he'd get her sanity back?

 

"I... I... I... I can't get back even a tenth of my sanity back! I am... INSANE. You found the best word to describe me..."

 

What do you guys think?

[Ziggy455]

Do you guys go anywhere to be alone to think about your thoughts/writing ideas/plots anywhere? Like do you have any rituals? I always find myself on roofs, overlooking my city when I want to be alone to think. I've always got headphones in. I find those kind of places are the best to stir up some deep inspiration.

 

What about yous?

[Tyler]

Didn't Typhus make a topic just for that kind of talk, Zig.

 

 

I don't really have any rituals or predetermined plan beyond sitting down in the mornings and evenings to write. I form a lot of my ideas when I'm exercising or when I'm out in the country, but I don't actively try to be alone to form my stories. As for inspiration, well just doing new things helps me with that. I think a ritual would be counter-intuitive in that sense.

[TonyZimmzy]

Guys, do you think this line would fit the monster Roxy... admitting that she's insane after Maxy told her he'd get her sanity back?

 

"I... I... I... I can't get back even a tenth of my sanity back! I am... INSANE. You found the best word to describe me..."

 

What do you guys think?

Hmm...

 

I underlined the main problem there.

[Mokrie Dela]

Guys, do you think this line would fit the monster Roxy... admitting that she's insane after Maxy told her he'd get her sanity back?

 

"I... I... I... I can't get back even a tenth of my sanity back! I am... INSANE. You found the best word to describe me..."

 

What do you guys think?

Honestly, no.

 

Firstly how is Maxy going to restore her sanity? That sounds too farfetched to me.

 

 

But i wouldnt have this. Having a character state they're insane would be counterproductive. Kinda like the show don't tell thing; have the character ACT and TALK in an insane manner, but don't state they're insane.... This for example - at no point do i say "he's insane" or anything. Instead his actions and speech (is supposed to) show it.

Consider that "less is more". ask yourself if roxy is truly insane or just twisted? Has she lost her mind (and why/how) or is she just consumed by hate etc. Can you show that in her speech without SAYING it?

[Vercetti42]

Time to party a bit:

 

http://www.gtaforums.com/index.php?showtopic=570010

[Pooka Mustard]

Guys, do you think this line would fit the monster Roxy... admitting that she's insane after Maxy told her he'd get her sanity back?

 

"I... I... I... I can't get back even a tenth of my sanity back! I am... INSANE. You found the best word to describe me..."

 

What do you guys think?

Honestly, no.

 

Firstly how is Maxy going to restore her sanity? That sounds too farfetched to me.

 

 

But i wouldnt have this. Having a character state they're insane would be counterproductive. Kinda like the show don't tell thing; have the character ACT and TALK in an insane manner, but don't state they're insane.... This for example - at no point do i say "he's insane" or anything. Instead his actions and speech (is supposed to) show it.

Consider that "less is more". ask yourself if roxy is truly insane or just twisted? Has she lost her mind (and why/how) or is she just consumed by hate etc. Can you show that in her speech without SAYING it?

Hmm, now I notice the back problem.

 

She's all of the above. Insane, twisted, lost her mind and consumed by hate. Think of why she's killing random people in madness, when she could do that in a more organized and secretive manner, that will hide her evil doings for longer. She even plots to kill children, and she loves blood so much.

 

Actually, after I looked at the document again, Maxy told her that if he made her insane, then he can get her sanity back, to show her how much he cares, and he used the sanity thing as an example.

 

I forgot to mention that she sorta started to get the shivers because she heard the insane word, but then, that was the truth from her eyes, she was sorta insane to the point that she had no problem admitting so.

 

Still doesn't work? Well I got the idea from reading Rainbow Factory to sneak in as part of her backstory, sorta becoming insane by time.

[Mokrie Dela]

Truth hurts?

 

Her insanity could be a useful plot device - having a mystery around it could pull the readers in and keep them interested. Revealing everything - how etc - in one go isn't always the best route.

 

There seems to be a complicated history regarding roxy, and if you can feed the answers in the right way throughout your story, you'll have hit the "hook" to keep people reading. In City of Lies, this (i think) was the mystery over the identity of the electronic voice that manipulates Niko. People wonder who it is and they'll read on to find out - but you still have to give them things on the way or they'll get bored.

 

What intrigues me is 1 - how MAxy made her insane, and 2 - how he plans to "fix" it. I get the impression that it's like Tim Kring's HEROES - an event is seen to have happened in the future, so the people in the present try to stop it.

[Acehilm]

The latest chapter for Peasant Blurs is out and I wanted to give it a hook. Has anyone read it yet & what are your opinions on it?

[Ziggy455]

I think I'm gonna just chuck URA Redemptio deep down into a drawer to fester for a while. I can't seem to write it the way I want, and somehow research is lacking. I didn't want to overburden the reader with lots of technical terms, but I didn't want to come off as making half of the sh*t up. The more I try to sit down, condense, re-write, and make the characters feel natural, they just don't. I don't feel happy when I sit down to write it. I cannot seem to come up with a decent plot, and I feel like I'm forcing it, which is wrong to me. I believe in trying, but I know I've done that. Somehow, I feel like I'm going around in circles.

[MacAshford]

Maybe it's best to leave it for a while, just keep jotting your ideas down, soon you'll have it all prepare and ready.

[Ziggy455]

Maybe it's best to leave it for a while, just keep jotting your ideas down, soon you'll have it all prepare and ready.

It just feels bare to me. Like I'm writing but nothing good is coming out. I think I'm just going to leave it for a while, and read up on some science-fiction a bit more in order to really get an atmosphere going. Until then, I can't face it. It has defeated me, for now.

[MacAshford]

Try playing Dead Space, it's the same sort of genre as your story, you might find some inspirations and get a sense of the atmosphere that the situation has in the game and compare it to your story.

[Mokrie Dela]

One piece of advice i give is for writers to set their work aside for a week or two and forget about it (kinda) and return to it fresh for the edit/proof read. starting the proof the second you finish writing is not the best idea so having time in between works imo. Sometimes Ziggs, you just need to set it aside. Work on something else, come back to it when you're fresh, otherwise you mind becomes stale and it'll show in your writing.

 

I've chucked up part of something i'm writing on these here parts, which im not sure about. Hopefully some critiquing will help me nail what's missing etc...

 

EDIT:

About my piece. I'm experimenting with a dual timeline - with flashbacks. The "present" story takes place in third person, as normal, but it's broken up by "journal entries" that fill in the character's past, providing the "past" storyline - in first person.

 

Does this sound like a format that could work? OR should i stick to chronologically linear chapters?

Edited August 6, 2013 by Mokrie Dela

[MacAshford]

@Mokers - It's nice to see a fusion of both, I think you could pull it off.

 

 

EDIT: We kinda need to be more active in here, talk more. How about we try to reach page 100 before the release of GTAV.

 

EDIT #2 : I'm thinking of releasing one mission per week for Project Avalon, maybe on a Friday or Saturday.

Edited August 7, 2013 by Vice President

[PerceptortheShootist]

So I've been suggested to just focus on the first season at the moment and especially put my attention towards the pilot. However, I have plenty of plans for the three subsequent seasons. Am I to not worry about them until I get to them? There would be a sense of continuity and stories and details that were briefly told and viewed in the beginning would be expanded upon, mostly the origins of Axcel, his empire, and overall his life.

[Eminence]

Look, man, let's just get down to it. If you don't write the best pilot you can and it ends up sh*t, then nobody wants to read anything past that. You're thinking too far ahead.

[Vercetti42]

anyone interested in a short horror story? I'm thinking of writing up one in preparation for the next chapter for the darkest hour.

 

and apologies coat. haven't got time to read the latest chapter of peasant blurs, I'll try checking it out later.

[Otter]

Look, man, let's just get down to it. If you don't write the best pilot you can and it ends up sh*t, then nobody wants to read anything past that. You're thinking too far ahead.

Agreed.

However, a series bible is an important asset to you at this point, to inform and flesh out the story. Without that richness - and it can, and should be, vague and open to change on your part - a pilot will seem a little empty, as opposed to the 'best pilot possible' that Em has rightly mentioned.

 

Having developed a failed pilot myself (but we got paid to do it!) creating the bible completely changed the direction of our first few scripts and made them incredibly more cohesive. It's a step I'd strongly recommend.

 

The bible should include notes on style, direction, look and feel, as well as a brief look into the future.

[MacAshford]

How do these Bible things work? I basically use Storybook windows software but I wanted something physical and not digital just incase...

[Otter]

The only software you need is textedit. Brainstorm in a notebook, type it up and edit on machine. Or create a wiki for yourself to save it online. (a wiki is super useful for world-building sh*t, because it can quickly become difficult to keep track of it all)

 

It's basically an outline of the entire show, broken down roughly thusly:

 

- synopsis

- description of style (genre, references, visual look and feel, notes on acting and direction, setting, format, length, anything unique)

- a breakdown of the backstory and detailed description of the setting

- lists of main characters with bios backstories and relationships

- story (this would encompass the overarching story of a season, or even plans for seasons down the line)

- episode examples (synopses)

- A pilot script, or a few full episode scripts

 

 

[MacAshford]

Thanks I'm gonna get straight to it

[Acehilm]

How's everyone been? I'm having a break from writing Peasant Blurs for a while.