crispypistonx8 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) ^ someone is holding back. Edit: I'll contribute weirdest thing ive done was right hand jack with icyhot. Edited February 17, 2013 by crispypistonx8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne Daniels Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. The f*ck is wrong with you? I love it when they're like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I had an old mattress that we kept in my room when I was around 9 or 10. It was old as hell and worn out, and the only reason we still had it was if we had company over and they needed a place to sleep. One day, I cut a hole into the mattress and poured some lotion in it. I then proceeded to "go to town" on it. Wasn't very pleasurable, at least not as much as I expected it to be. Also tried sticking it into a shampoo bottle when I was maybe 9. Burned like a motherf*cker. Like they say: "If you stroke the bamboo, don't stick it in shampoo." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne Daniels Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I had an old mattress that we kept in my room when I was around 9 or 10. It was old as hell and worn out, and the only reason we still had it was if we had company over and they needed a place to sleep. One day, I cut a hole into the mattress and poured some lotion in it. I then proceeded to "go to town" on it. Wasn't very pleasurable, at least not as much as I expected it to be. Also tried sticking it into a shampoo bottle when I was maybe 9. Burned like a motherf*cker. Like they say: "If you stroke the bamboo, don't stick it in shampoo." LOL I've stuck it in between 2 mattresses, never cut a hole in it though. Did the springs not cut ur dick???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zilcho Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I initially thought you were a perverted, socially imploded sexual deviant, but then I realised I was on the internet and that this is probably modest behaviour. The outpouring of similar stories has only helped me remember that I'm on a network (the webz) full of absolute miscreants. Sorry guys. I have never inserted my penis into anything other than ladies or my hand. I don't know why I'd want to either to be honest. U R B A N I T A S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corndawg93 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Da Fuq did I just read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Light Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 my own mouth: Really? I can't reach that far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandMaster Smith Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 *Voted Thread of the Year* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canoxa Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I guess my ex was weird enough to qualify. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finn 7 five 11 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 My high school sweetheart, Katie Vick.I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. Her expression didn't change much either. Honestly, halfway through I started wondering if she was even human at all or if she was just wearing human skin and was filled with sawdust and embalming fluids or something. And then you filled her body with sawdust and embalming fluid. She sits in the corner of your study to this very day. Just sitting there, staring blankly out of the window. Just staring. You just described my life, I don't know why she just sits there, I thought it was only I with this problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loch Dawg Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 This is my favourite thread of 2013. Bravo sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Killa Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Inside the barrel of my AR-15. You don't know freedom until you f*ck it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
na89340qv0n34b09q340 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 When I was fourteen I cut a hole into one of my larger/longer pillows and dressed it up in clothes. When I wanted to turn the pillow into a man I'd stick an over-sized chess-piece (A rook with a pointy hat) into the sweatpants it was wearing. So basically a hermaphroditic pillow, which also stuck it's 'dick' into me once or twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA-King Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) Haven't we all? Edited February 17, 2013 by GTA-King Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dale Nixon Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 The corpse of a twelve year old girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Life Bandit Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 The corpse of a twelve year old girl. What. the. f*ck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acmilano Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 My high school sweetheart, Katie Vick.I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. Her expression didn't change much either. Honestly, halfway through I started wondering if she was even human at all or if she was just wearing human skin and was filled with sawdust and embalming fluids or something. http://themadchuck.wordpress.com/2011/07/0...-vick-incident/ I didnt know you are actually triple H Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne Daniels Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 @GTA-King I prefer bratz dolls myself but hey each to their own Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kifflom112 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 The corpse of a twelve year old girl. That's not really funny... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dale Nixon Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 The corpse of a twelve year old girl. That's not really funny... I think it is. She was dead and had the tighest c*nt I've ever been in, haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Dildo Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I've never had my dick in anything more exotic than a Fleshlight. and that was actually a present from a girlfriend when I was still in college, because I had bought her one of those Trojan personal vibrators. I jerked off like a pretty average dude until I started getting laid. pretty much just my hands and some body lotion for lube. no Apple pies, no grapefruit fresh out of the microwave, no banana peels, no hot-tub-suction vents, no teddy bear. kinda boring. when I need to jerk off now, I still just use the old fashioned hand + lube. I still have the fleshlight but it's a pain in the ass to use it because then you gotta' clean it. much easier to wipe up with some kleenex or jerk off into a condom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuisBellic Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Also tried sticking it into a shampoo bottle when I was maybe 9. Burned like a motherf*cker. Like they say: "If you stroke the bamboo, don't stick it in shampoo." Learned that the hard way when I hit puberty. Then it got extremely dry and took like a week to peel off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvilFuture Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 That's Jill, my girlfriend of 14 years. She's been with me from day 1... literally. She is literally the best girlfriend a guy could have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiva. Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 That's Jill, my girlfriend of 14 years. She's been with me from day 1... literally. She is literally the best girlfriend a guy could have. She looks hand-some. @Dale Did you undergo a HIV test? What if the girl has died from HIV? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Triple Vacuum Seal Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 - I had sex with one of those trashy Jerry-Springer type girls from New Orleans after a breaking a few months back (the sex was 'too easy' to decline). I felt exceptionally dirty afterwards. In hindsight, it was a good decision since it prompted me to get tested for STDs for the first time. After having the results come back clean, I felt liberated and much more informed and in control of my sex life. - A water bottle to piss into while playing in the yard as a kid. - A girl's mouth while receiving oral with a condom on back in high school. It was pretty awkward and pointless. "shut up, sit down, relax" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne Daniels Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 @Dale Did you undergo a HIV test? What if the girl has died from HIV? By the sound of this psychopath, it's more than likely he killed her, so he knows what she died from Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.Mister Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) The hand of a 39 year old. She had long fingernails and told me she was going through a nasty divorce. Good stuff! My older bro caught me dry humping a teddy bear under my covers one night. Teased for years Edited February 17, 2013 by Mr.Mister Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Scratch Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 We are monitoring this thread....hah hah huh huh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fireman Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 My older bro caught me dry humping a teddy bear under my covers one night. Teased for years You gotta make a hole in those teddy bears. Shame the fillings get stuck to your dick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DEALUX Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_PR9-tzPW1Q/UJ5a...barbie-doll.jpg Haven't we all? I remember a doll incident back when I was ten or younger. Other than that I can't say I've used anything weird except a plastic bag. The Audiophile Thread XB271HU | TESORO Gram XS | Xtrfy MZ1 | Xbox Elite v2 | Hifiman Sundara | Fiio K9 Pro i7 4790K 4.4 GHz | GTX 1080 Ti | 32 GB Crucial DDR3 | ADATA 256GB | Samsung 860 PRO 2TB Xbox | Xbox 360 | Xbox Series X | PS2 | PS3 | Google Pixel 6 Pro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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