orbitalraindrops Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 In the quest for sexual fulfillment I've put my below average member in many things. 1) A warm banana skin Review - Failed in being a simulation of a vagina. What did happen was that my dick stunk of bannana and there was some weird curdled yellow sh*t in the microwave 2)The back end of a hoover Review- It doesn't feel like a blow job and if done too much it can burst blood vessels. Not good. 3) Sophie Aspey Review - Half my height and twice my width. Managed to last longer than 2 minutes but fell short of the golden 3. A pitiful way to see in the new year. 4) Rise of the Ogre (The Gorillaz "biography") Review - Orbital - 14 years old. On one of the pages there is a cartoon breast on a prostitute. I proceeded to make love to this cartoon breast repeatedly. This was my masturbatory fantasy for about 2 months or so. 5) Fleshlight Review - None of the intimacy of a real life sexual encounter with all the despair and disgust associated afterwards. Waste of £70. 6) Ella O'Reillys pillow case Review - I wanted to have intercourse with her. She declined me. She threw an end of sixth form party though. At this Party I was half tempted to steal a ton of sh*t tell everyone I hate them then get some of my meow head mates to crash the party. I didn't. Instead whilst everyone was getting off with one another I snuck off and raped her pillow case. To this day she doesn't know who procured the glob of semen on her bed sheets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sef Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pyrrhic Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Beer. You mean the beer bottle, right? I putting your dick in beer, whether it be a small puddle or a pool filled with beer, isn't exactly what I would call pleasurable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orbitalraindrops Posted February 16, 2013 Author Share Posted February 16, 2013 Give us some reviews I want in depth stories here guys. I want to bask in your embaresment and maybe if the story is hot enough have a cheeky fap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. Foley Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 A Listerine Mouthwash bottle. It was empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crispypistonx8 Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Weirdest thread on gtaf... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E•MO•TION Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Reusable water bottle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bread Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 yo mamas pussy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Typhus Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 My high school sweetheart, Katie Vick. I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. Her expression didn't change much either. Honestly, halfway through I started wondering if she was even human at all or if she was just wearing human skin and was filled with sawdust and embalming fluids or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryda King Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 My high school sweetheart, Katie Vick.I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. Her expression didn't change much either. Honestly, halfway through I started wondering if she was even human at all or if she was just wearing human skin and was filled with sawdust and embalming fluids or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H. León Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Damn, guys. I thought my dick wasn't big, but if some of you can fit it in such places... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sef Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Beer. You mean the beer bottle, right? I putting your dick in beer, whether it be a small puddle or a pool filled with beer, isn't exactly what I would call pleasurable. Lol, no ! Beer in a plastic cup Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orbitalraindrops Posted February 16, 2013 Author Share Posted February 16, 2013 My high school sweetheart, Katie Vick.I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. Her expression didn't change much either. Honestly, halfway through I started wondering if she was even human at all or if she was just wearing human skin and was filled with sawdust and embalming fluids or something. Fairplay to typhus! . I thought you were a sexless robot aha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonshield Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 My high school sweetheart, Katie Vick.I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. Her expression didn't change much either. Honestly, halfway through I started wondering if she was even human at all or if she was just wearing human skin and was filled with sawdust and embalming fluids or something. And then you filled her body with sawdust and embalming fluid. She sits in the corner of your study to this very day. Just sitting there, staring blankly out of the window. Just staring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blitz Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Beer. If your penis fits in the peak of a beer bottle you should be worried. Also, my view of men has slightly lowered with this thread. Typhus, are you sure she wasn't a blow up doll? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr quick Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Milk carton: worse than fapping iPad smart cover: worse than fapping guitar: weirdly pleasurable vagina: 10'000'000 times better than fapping Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Rabbit Posted February 16, 2013 Share Posted February 16, 2013 an empty plastic carton/bottle I was in hospital at the time and that was its purpose, to piss in, as I was attached to the wall via chest tubes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
universetwisters Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 This thread has made me change my opinions of all of you guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theNGclan Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 A blender. Now can we end this topic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matajuegos Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 my tennis shoe, it was wonderful I'm gonna do it again some day, when i have the time, it smells good edit: forgot the comma, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseph Cooke Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 My friend's Jager Bomb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chunkyman Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 My own mouth. I ended up cracking 3 f*cking vertebrae in the attempt. While technically it was a successful effort, having my parents find me a few hours after the fact while I was crying on the ground in pain with my nothing but a T-shirt on sorta outweighed the benefits. Review: Certainly gives one an interesting life story, but the damage to your body will seriously outweigh all of the pleasure. I left out the more morbid details of the story, but feel free to read them below. Just kidding, the weirdest (and only) place has been my own hand. Since I want the spoiler part to look like it has some meat to it, I will tell you history trivia. Did you know that president Ulysses S. Grant's real name was Hiram Ulysses Grant? He hated that his initials spelt "HUG" and adopted his new name after a typo occurred when he was applying to West Point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orbitalraindrops Posted February 17, 2013 Author Share Posted February 17, 2013 I can put the tip of my penis in my mouth easily and thats just because im pretty flexible. My dick aint even that big and I can do it. The whole sucking oneself off is a myth i can easily give my self some bellend action. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr quick Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 oh yeah forgot that completely: my own mouth: very very pleasurable. Never tasted my own (or anyone else's for that matter) man juice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AH64Hunter Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Nobody said "your mother" yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sneakerhead. Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Nobody said "your mother" yet? Mockage did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrownBear Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Really guys? We're really doing this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTAb0yWonder Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 One of these... It's still in there to this day.. I have to use the vacuum if I want to pee.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA-King Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 A pile of mud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGodDamnMaster Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Well this is....interesting. My hand I guess. Intel Core i9-9900k | Seasonic FOCUS Plus 750W | 32GB Corsair Vengeance LPX 2666MHzMSI GeForce RTX2070 | WD Blue 1TB HDD | Samsung 950 PRO M.2 512GBAntec Nine Hundred Black Steel ATX Mid Tower | MSI MPG Z390 Gaming Pro Carbon AC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts