indo_14 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) This storyline is divided to 5 sections and divided to 3 protagonists -Ray marvin, betrayed by his right hand, Mickey, he been escaped to somewhere and he found big trouble there. With his DEagle, the journey is begun -On his journey he found Eric scott he is payed army he is helping Ray out, Still... The problem ain't finished yet. -Ray and Eric united, and its called "Foxy Deagle", With they're DEagle they can destroy All Bikers to they're turf. -Brian Jackson, he found Foxy Deagle, his fate is same like Ray, betrayed, he was a biker, he united with the Foxy Deagle. -Back to roots, Ray, he found Mickey in Venturas, but Ray can't do it, Mickey go to san fierro after a while Ray knew that is mickey is in there, still, when Ray go to San Fierro Mickey got go to LS, after a while thinking how to make he cant escaped to anywhere, he have an idea to isolate the Los Santos with Foxy Deagle gang. Mickey got nowhere to run and he been have a trip to hell. PROTAGONISTS -Ray Marvin Main Protagonist -Eric scott 2nd protagonist -Brian jackson 3rd Protagonist MINOR -William Stark Mission giver for Ray -Carl Lopez Constructer -Charlie McDouglas Quarry Worker -Tony Wilson Weapon modifier -Los Santos Next Generation Ray's main gang but its changed to hostile -Foxy Deagle Ray's 2nd gang -Fort Carson Bikers Bikers on fort carson ...may it will be updated soon Note: i will be make the others protagonists story after i finish Ray Marvin's Edited January 21, 2013 by indo_14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satourn Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Alright, lemme help you a bit. First, request some graphics here - http://www.gtaforums.com/index.php?showforum=64. People like to look at something fancy, if you'll add graphics to your topic, you'll attract more people. Second, work on your English. I understood what you wrote, but some people may not. Third, it'd be better if you'd add more details, like character descriptions. Describe your characters. This topic - http://www.gtaforums.com/index.php?showtopic=540466 - will help you to do it. And last, you'd better publish at least one mission before creating your topic, so people can see your work and tell what you need to improve and what is good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dude1 Posted January 20, 2013 Share Posted January 20, 2013 (edited) http://i.imgur.com/DjEpOLs.jpg http://i.imgur.com/XiDttOe.png http://i.imgur.com/mVHsPCk.png http://i.imgur.com/HN2GAWi.png Here, something like this. You should improve your english btw. There are mainly english-speaking users on this site. Edited January 20, 2013 by Dude1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indo_14 Posted January 21, 2013 Author Share Posted January 21, 2013 thanks for SatournFan and Dude1 but the boxart, i've been made it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indo_14 Posted January 25, 2013 Author Share Posted January 25, 2013 ray marvin #1 uploaded! download Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satourn Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 Can you upload your missions on dyom.gtagames.nl? It'd be easier for people to download, as well as for you to upload, since you don't need to wait for mods to make your missions downloadable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zizo008 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I played your missions. You made good use of the storyline feature. However, they weren't so good First, i didn't understand anything from the story. It's not because of your grammar, it wasn't very good but i understood it. But you just rush everything, so let's say with first mission, "go here - hey! You're going to die" then you escape to find some more people to kill, and you straightly go give a man a first aid and he eventualy becomes your best friend, i'm not summaryzing it, that's how it sounded to me. I'm not sure if this is your first try on DYOM. If it is, it wasn't bad, you kinda got to know most of the things. But if it's not, it just wasn't good at all. Sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indo_14 Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 I played your missions. You made good use of the storyline feature. However, they weren't so good First, i didn't understand anything from the story. It's not because of your grammar, it wasn't very good but i understood it. But you just rush everything, so let's say with first mission, "go here - hey! You're going to die" then you escape to find some more people to kill, and you straightly go give a man a first aid and he eventualy becomes your best friend, i'm not summaryzing it, that's how it sounded to me. I'm not sure if this is your first try on DYOM. If it is, it wasn't bad, you kinda got to know most of the things. But if it's not, it just wasn't good at all. Sorry ohhh... my bad.... are you admin? please lock this topic and remove my mod, till i finish this to be understanded by the others Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satourn Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 I played your missions. You made good use of the storyline feature. However, they weren't so good First, i didn't understand anything from the story. It's not because of your grammar, it wasn't very good but i understood it. But you just rush everything, so let's say with first mission, "go here - hey! You're going to die" then you escape to find some more people to kill, and you straightly go give a man a first aid and he eventualy becomes your best friend, i'm not summaryzing it, that's how it sounded to me. I'm not sure if this is your first try on DYOM. If it is, it wasn't bad, you kinda got to know most of the things. But if it's not, it just wasn't good at all. Sorry ohhh... my bad.... are you admin? please lock this topic and remove my mod, till i finish this to be understanded by the others You don't have to ask mod/admin to close your topic. As Dutchy3010 said in The Designers Lounge: If you start, make a topics with some missions. Then continue when you WANT, so if it takes 3 years, so be it... Take your time. If it takes you months, then let it be this way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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