The downfall of Tommy Vercetti...

[GTA-King]

 

 

The downfall of Tommy Vercetti

 

Chapter 1: The Rosenberg Situation

 

The year was 1994. Ken Rosenberg was living in a condo in uptown Los Santos, San Andreas. For the past 2 years, his cocaine addiction has gotten worse. He followed Mad Dogg around on tour with Kent Paul and Maccer. During the 1993 tour, Ken's coke addiction started to get worse. He would be up for days in Mad Dogg's mansion, snorting coke off of models' asses. He really had no sense of purpose, just partying at Madd Dogg's mansion. He was in one of Mad Dogg's music videos last year. You know... the closeup of the guy that had coke all over his face? That was Ken. Anyway, his life was basically in the sh*tter. Ken always says to himself (during one of his coke frenzies) "I wouldn't even be in this position if Tommy didn't cut me out of his operation." Ken is tired of talking and not acting, so he decided to take action... to finally gain a piece of mind. He decided to call Tommy's old nemesis... the Forelli's.

 

"Hello? Is Franco around?" said Ken, sitting on his patio while wiping coke from his nose.

 

"Who is this?" asked the man on the other line.

 

"Look, just let me speak with Franco. I have a deal I would like to propose."

 

As Ken is waiting, he snorts another line off the patio table.

 

"Who the f*ck is this?" said Franco, finally.

 

Ken wiped the remaining coke off his nose. "This is Ken Rosenburg. I'm sure you've heard of me."

 

"Oh yes. So what the f*ck do you want?"

 

"I'm willing to put a $1,000,000 bounty on Vercetti's head." Ken said, coldly.

 

"And how the f*ck do you have that kind of money?"

 

Ken looked at the patio table. There was 2 kilos of coke sitting there... untouched.

 

"I have my resources. So do we have a deal or not?"

 

"Meet us in Liberty for the exchange." replied Franco.

 

Ken hangs up, then snorts his last line of coke. He puts the 2 kilos into a duffel bag, and heads out the door.

 

Franco is now pacing around his office in Staunton Island, Liberty City. Ken is willing to pay that much for Vercetti's head? If Ken was serious, Franco knew he had no way of performing the hit. His hit men wasn't all that great. Ever since the Vice City massacre and losing their stake in Caligula's in Venturas, the Forelli's influence was depleting. He decided he was going to need outside help, and devised the perfect plan.

 

"Hey Mike, arrange a sitdown with the Leones. I've got a rather profitable deal for Mr. Salvatore." Franco said.

 

2 days later, Franco and his men meet Ken at Francis International Airport. They picked him up, and then began driving towards Portland.

 

"Where's the money?" said Franco.

 

"It's all right here." said Ken nervously, pointing at the duffel bag.

 

Franco told one of his men to search the bag.

 

"Ahhh f*ck! What is this?" said Franco's goon.

 

"Ummm, yeah I had a bit of an accident before my trip here. I don't like flying much. I figured that would be a good cover for airport security." Rosenberg said, embarassed.

 

His clothes and sh*tty underwear were covering the money in the duffel bag, which is how he got past airport security.

 

"You're still a pathetic piece of sh*t I see." Franco laughed.

 

Rosenburg faked a smile, and looked out the window.

 

They finally pull into Salvatore's drive way. They park the car, and walk into his estate.

 

"Mr. Leone is sitting on the bench out back. Please follow me." said one of Salvatore's men.

 

They followed the man out back.

 

"Ken Rosenberg. It's been 2 years since I last saw you." Salvatore said, getting up from his bench.

 

"Ummm, what the f*ck is going on Franco?!" said Rosenberg, frantically.

 

"Revenge for betraying us is Venturas." Franco grinned.

 

One of Salvatore's guards put a noose around Rosenberg's head, and tied it to the bottom of the bench.

 

"Time to sleep with the fishes, scum." Salvatore said, as he sat back down.

 

His men threw him off the side of the cliff, where he was strangled to death. After that, he was cut down... and fell into the ocean.

 

"You have no idea how satisfying that was." Franco said, watching as Ken's body floated out to sea.

 

"I've always hated that little prick. So what else was it that you wanted Franco?" asked Salvatore.

 

Franco took a seat next to him, and motioned for one of his guys to show Salvatore the money.

 

"Franco, I am not going to wash your dirty underwear." Salvatore said, looking in the duffel bag.

 

"No, that was how that prick Rosenberg got it through airport security. Mike, get that sh*t out of there!"

 

Mike threw the dirty underwear off the side of the cliff. Salvatore looked into the bag again.

 

"I will give you $1,000,000 in exchange for Tommy Vercetti's life." Franco said.

 

"Vercetti... that's the guy who sold out Sonny in the 80's right?" asked Salvatore.

 

Franco nodded.

 

"So Rosenberg wanted him dead? Why?"

 

Franco shrugged.

 

"You do know that Tommy was the guy that massacred 11 of my men in Harwood, under Sonny Forelli's orders, in 1971 right? Sonny wanted him dead, but he managed to kill all 11 of my men." said Salvatore.

 

"We are very aware of that. Which is why we are asking you personally to carry out this hit. Plus, we know you have the most influence... so it would be better if you handled it." said Franco.

 

"Well, for a $1,000,000... you have a deal. I will get my best guy on it." said Salvatore, grinning.

 

Chapter 2: Lust for Money

 

In 1991, Tommy lost a great deal of his businesses. The goverment seized Cherry Poppers after learning it was used for exporting coke, as well as his boat yard for importing the coke. About a month later, they find out his Printing Company is being used to make counterfiet money, so they seized that too. All Tommy really has now, in 1994, is a failing Taxi company called Kaufman cabs (competition finally beat them), a burnt out dance club... The Malibu Club. Without a steady supply of coke being given out to the people at the club, it became less fun... so less people come. A used-car dealership, that no on ever shops at, and a strip club. The Porn Studio is where most of Tommy's income comes from now. Because of his loss of influence in the city, Tommy has developed a pain killer/alcohol addiction... which started around the time the Printing Company was seized. Tommy married Mercedes in 1992, in a desperate attempt to ease his pain. He figured having a wife would keep his mind off of business. But things slowly become complicated through the years... since she's still in the Porn industry. Tommy eventually finds out that Mercedes was cheating on him with Steve Scott, Tommy's lead director in the porn business. After learning this, Tommy drives over to the studio and punches him right in the nose. As Steve is bleeding, he yells that Tommy is done with the porn business, and he's cutting him out. Tommy then storms off, but sees Mercedes on the way out. He backhands her, and yells...

 

"Why did you do it, you f*cking bitch?!"

 

"Because you are becoming broke, you asshole. I need to be supported!" said Mercedes, wiping blood from her mouth.

 

Tommy shook his head, and walked away, back to his infernus (which was supposed to be repo-ed due to lack of payments... but Tommy killed the repo man) and drove back to his mansion to wash away his sorrows in his office with some pain killers and vodka. Upon arriving, Tommy's head of security, Mario, meets him at the top of the staircase leading up to the mansion.

 

"Tommy, Avery Carrington called. He would like to have a meeting with you." Mario said, following Tommy up to his office.

 

"Tell him I'm not taking any meetings today." Tommy said, as he slammed his office door in Mario's face.

 

Chapter 3: Colombian Calculation

 

A storm was on the horizon as Avery was sitting in his Bobcat by the lighhouse in Ocean Drive. Around this time of year, Vice City got at least 6 storms a week. Avery kept looking in his rear view mirror for his contact to arrive. He bagan feeling nervous, and a bit sad at what he was about to do. But business is business... and ultimately, you have to go where the money. He then saw headlights behind him, and knew the choice to back out was completely off the table. He got out of his truck, and walked over to the black SUV.

 

"Hold it. Put your hands on the hood." said Miquel, stepping out of the SUV with some of his goons.

 

Avery did as he was told, and one of's Miquel's goons patted him down.

 

"So you're really going to go through with this Avery?" Miquel said, smiling.

 

Avery nodded his head.

 

"Good, cabrone. So here's how it works. You seize all developments here in Vice, and help us set us some developments of our own. You back up all developments we have for you, with your enfluence in the real estate world. Just as you've done for Tommy. Is that understandable?" said Miquel.

 

"There's nothing left for me here in Vice. It's basically just a retirement home now. No more room for guys like me here." said Avery, coldly.

 

"Excellent! We expect to see you in Liberty next month for our first development. Be sure and break all ties you have to Tommy by then." Miquel said, shaking Avery's hand.

 

Avery got back into his truck, and drove away. Ever since Tommy killed Ricardo Diaz in 1986, Miquel has dreamed of bringing him down. It was Diaz, afterall, who was Miquel's main distributor from Columbia. When Tommy killed him, he was then forced to supply HIM with coke instead of Diaz... something Miquel would soon regret. After Tommy's fronts were seized in 1991, the goverment cracked down hard on coke being pushed into vice... so it was hard for Miquel to make any money anymore. In 1993, Miquel decided to start on a new venture... pushing SPANK into Liberty City by using a construction company as a front. His first step in taking down Tommy was taking away his real estate guide, which will make him lose even more influence in the city. Since that was now completed, it was time to move on to the next and final step... killing him. Miquel took out his cell phone and dialed a number.

 

"Is this Auntie Poulet?" asked Miquel.

 

"It is my dear. And who you be?" said Auntie Poulet.

 

"I am the leader of the Columbian Cartel. I have a rather interesting propostion for you." said Miquel.

 

"I don't want no trouble with you Columbian boys, you hear?" she said.

 

"Oh no, it's nothing like that. This is somethime that is beneficial to both of us. Can we meet somewhere?"

 

"Meet me at my villa here in Little Haiti my dear, and we can discuss this oh-so important matter in person."

 

Miquel hung up, and order his driver to go to Little Haiti. Once they arrived, they parked in front of Auntie Poulet's house, then went and knocked on the door.

 

"Come in my dear. Please leave you boys outside, aight?" she said.

 

Miquel stepped into the trailer. Auntie Poulet offered him some tea, but he declined.

 

"It is my understanding that Tommy Vercetti betrayed you in 1986." said Miquel, as he took a seat.

 

Auntie Poulet's put her tea pots down on the coffee table.

 

"Yes, that fool done manipluated the gang war he had so that dem Cubans would win. Shunned him, and hated him, ever since den. Why you ask this?"

 

"Well, I would like to pay you, and your gang $10,000,000 for his head." Miquel said, grinning.

 

Auntie Poulet dropped her tea onto the carpet, and stared at Miquel.

 

"I take it that's a yes? Good. It doesn't matter who in yor gang kills him. You get paid regardless. I'm sure $10,000,000 will help you gain the

influence you deserve in this city. Might I suggest a raid on his mansion to be the most successful method?"

 

Auntie Poulet nodded her head.

 

"I can get me boys together from Haiti in about a month to perform the raid, my dear." she grinned, as Miquel shook her hand and left.

 

Chapter 4: Down the Rabbit Hole

 

Tommy was passed out at his desk. A bottle of pain killers to his left, a half finished bottled of Vodka to his right. He slowly raised his head from his desk, trying to adjust to the light. He popped another pain killer, and quickly washed it down with some vodka. He then laid his head back down, just as someone knocked at the door. Tommy ignored it. Then, Mario comes bursting into the room.

 

"Tommy, Avery is here. He wants a word with you." Mario said, an ashamed look on his face.

 

Tommy said nothing. He just kept his head down on his desk. Mario invited Avery in, and told him to take a seat. Mario then left the room. Avery took a seat in front of Tommy. After a few minutes of silence, Avery finally spoke up.

 

"Tommy look... we've been in business for about 8 years now. Property development in Vice is slowly running out. I have to move on. There's simply no business left for me here. I'm sorry Tommy. The columbians want me to help them develop a construction site in Liberty, and I've agreed to. I hope you can understand."

 

Tommy looked up at him, his eyes filled with tears.

 

"Just get out." he whispered.

 

"Pardon me?" said Avery.

 

"JUST GET THE f*ck OUT! YOU WANT TO BETRAY ME FOR THE COLUMBIANS?! JUST GET THE f*ck OUT YOU f*ckING SNAKE!" yelled Tommy, as he threw the vodka bottle at the wall behind him.

 

Avery stood up, and walked out. The last thing he said before leaving echoed inside Tommy's head.

 

"All good things must come to an end eventually, Tommy."

 

Tommy took another pain killer, then yells for Mario.

 

"Get the car ready. We're heading to the Malibu."

 

Mario shook his head, but listen to him. He got the car started as Tommy stumbled outside. During the drive to the club, Tommy realised he has lost all of his friends in Vice. The only person he really had left was Mario, and he was ashamed of him. Tommy knew that he cared alot for him, but he didn't know how to show his appreciation. He was too worked up about his own life to care. Once they arrived at the club, Tommy picked his favorite booth in the back... where it was the darkest. He ordered his favorite drink... a White Russian. He takes a sip, then pops another pain killer. Mario shakes his head, and heads towards the bar. Tommy spits at him, but misses and hits a dancer.

 

"Hey you mother f*cker" the dancer yelled.

 

"What?" Tommy asked. He was pretty wasted at this point.

 

The dancer walks right up to him, and punches him right in the mouth.

 

"Spit on me again you washed up mother f*cker, and see what happens!"

 

Mario comes running over, pulling the dancer away. Tommy is laughing while touching the blood running down his nose.

 

"No no, he's right Mario. Just look at me. I really am a washed up, pathetic, piece of sh*t. Just let him go."

 

Mario frees the dancer, and stares at Tommy for a few seconds, than walks back over to the bar. Tommy takes another long sip of his drink. Tommy

eventually passes out in his booth. Mario wakes him up a couple hours later with some bad news.

 

"Tommy, I just got word that the Haitans are planning an attack. It's just a rumor though... nothing confirmed. What are we going to do?" said Mario.

 

Tommy looked up at him, his face was laying on the table.

 

"What are we going to do? Well, we're going to f*cking kill them all! Go get the car ready." Tommy slurred.

 

Mario looked worried as he walked out of the club.

 

That night, Tommy was sitting at his back deck, sipping on some White Russian... comtemplating what to do. He took out his cell phone.

 

"Hey, can you meet me at the Escobar Airport runway lot tomorrow with some merchandise?"

 

"What kind of merchandise you looking for, old buddy?" said the man on the other line.

 

"The best you've got." said Tommy.

 

The next day, Tommy meets his contact at the airport runway. He knew he had arriving judging by the place.

 

"Tommy! My old buddy!" said Phil Cassidy, stumbling out of his WWII fighter plane.

 

"Where the hell did you get this thing, Phil?" Tommy said, flipping a cigerette away.

 

"I've been traveling the good 'ol USA collecting military merchandise since 1986. Trying to start my own military enterprise in Liberty. Got this

baby in Las Venturas from an old military airport. Flew it all the way to Cuba to pick up some of my merchandise there. Got what you need by the

way."

 

Phil pulled a gun crate out of the cargo hold of the plane.

 

"Good luck, comrade. Give them hell!" Phil said, then he takes off.

 

Tommy opens up the gun crate. There was an M60 inside.

 

Chapter 5: Resignation

 

Tommy was sitting in his office, drunk as a skunk. He has almost downed an entire bottle of pain killers. He was looking out the window. Another storm was on the horizon. Both geographically, and metaphorically. Tommy was watching the lighting in the distance, just as we was watching Haitans to raid his mansion any minute. He finished his bottle of pain killers, and dropped it on the floor, where it rolled towards the M60 he purchased from Phil... which was leaning against the wall. Then, Mario came into the room.

 

"Tommy, words on the street is there is alot of movement coming out of Little Haiti. I think they are planning to attack soon. What are we going to do?" asked Mario, sounding worried.

 

"We're going to fight them, Mario. What else?" Tommy said, arrogantly.

 

Mike shook his head.

 

"Tommy. I think it's best if we try to escape the city. We don't have as much firepower, let alone manpower, as we did in the 80's. I think it would be best if we just went on the run."

 

Tommy roared with laughter.

 

"Run? That's your answer? Wow, you have become a real pussy for someone who's in charge of my security. Get the f*ck out of my face."

 

Mario said nothing as he left the office, closing the door softly behind him.

 

Tommy downed the rest of his vodka, took another bottle of pain killer from his desk, and popped 6 at once. He knew he was close to an overdose, becase the room was spinning uncontrably. Tommy got up from his desk, and tried to walk over to the couch to rest. He collapsed on the floor, and started crawling around his office.Tommy's mind began to race. So this is how it all ends? An overdose? He then passed out...

 

Tommy awoke to the sound of gunfire. It was coming from out front. He ran over to check his monitors, and noticed about 6 vans parked out front. There was Haitians all over the front yard, shooting at Tommy's men. They were almost inside the estate. Tommy ran over to his M60, picked it up, and slammed in onto his desk and loaded it. He grabbed his bottle of pain killers, and took the rest of him in one quick gulp. As he was putting the bandolier into the M60, he heard a loud crash at the front door. The Haitians were inside. Tommy ran over to his office door, and locked it. Then he ran back to the monitor. Mario was on the upper floor balcony, with 2 of Tommy's other goons.

 

"Get out of here, boss!" Mario yelled.

 

Tommy could hear him through the walls. He looked at the office door, then back at the monitor just in time to see Mario and his 2 goons gets mowed down by a group of Haitains who snuck up the back staircase. Mario died trying to protect him. Tommy should have listened to Mario, and left the city. But no. Rage begin to burn inside Tommy now.

 

"YOU f*ckING MOTHERf*ckERS!" he bellowed, as he slammed the bandolier shut.

 

He looked at the monitor again, and noticed there was a group right outisde his office door, about to bust in. Tommy positioned himself right in front of the door with the M60. He opened fire on it, tearing not only the door to shreds, but the Haitians behind it as well. He slowly walked out onto the second floor. There was a group by the front door. Tommy opened fire on them, killing most of them. One of them got lucky and hit Tommy in the shoulder. Tommy could barely feel it due to all the painkillers he took. He killed the last of them by the front door, then focused his attention on the second floor. They were POURING out of the room leading from the back staircase.He managed to take out 4 or 5 of them, when they starting pouring out from the first floor room that also leads to the back staircase. He then began opening fire on them, just as more came from the 2nd floor and Tommy got clipped about 5 times before he fell to the ground. He crawled, bleeding, back to the door of his office. He struggled to get back to his feet. Once he did, he walked back over to the edge of the stair case and began opening fire towards the Haitains near the 2nd floor room.

 

"EAT LED YOU f*ckING COCKSUCKERS!"

 

Tommy maws through the rest on the 2nd floor, then focuses his attention on a small group that comes barreling through the front door. He takes out 3 of them, then the M60 jams. Tommy tried to fix it, but fails. The Haitians seized fire, for some reason, and just stared at Tommy.

 

"WHAT!? THAT'S ALL YOU PRICKS GOT?!" Tommy bellowed, then started laughing uncontrollably while holding his wounds.

 

Boom. Tommy was shot in the back. The gun had to of been very powerful, because it knocked Tommy all the way down the front steps, to the floor below. All the Haitains looked up at the man who shot him, mad at him for stealing their bounty. The man was Toni Cipriani, the hitman Don Salvatore hired to kill Tommy. Toni then ran back into Tommy's office, repelled back down the window, and out to this boat. He then left Vice City and went into hiding for the next 4 years. The Haitians then decided to just burn down Tommy's mansion, so they started throwing gasoline everywhere.

 

The blood from Tommy's back poured out onto the carpet, eventually reaching the open front door, and out towards the city he lost...

 

 

Edited January 10, 2013 by GTA-King

[The Notorious MOB]

You were inspired by that topic about who killed CJ I see

 

It's a really good start man and I'd like to see more of it to find out how it ends, although I fear it may be in the wrong section. Why don't you try posting it in the writer's discussion section?

[GTA-King]

You were inspired by that topic about who killed CJ I see

 

It's a really good start man and I'd like to see more of it to find out how it ends, although I fear it may be in the wrong section. Why don't you try posting it in the writer's discussion section?

Yeah, I was inspired by that.

 

And I figured this would be the best place, since it gets alot more traffic. I've been told to post these kinds of things here before anyway.

[The Notorious MOB]

You were inspired by that topic about who killed CJ I see 

 

It's a really good start man and I'd like to see more of it to find out how it ends, although I fear it may be in the wrong section. Why don't you try posting it in the writer's discussion section?

Yeah, I was inspired by that.

 

And I figured this would be the best place, since it gets alot more traffic. I've been told to post these kinds of things here before anyway.

If it's a literary piece then it should really go in writer's discussion.. this section is really more for full on game concepts with weapons and a soundtrack etc. it's no big deal though and I'm not a mod so I can't really do much to force your hand.. even if I wanted (which I don't) I'm just giving you some friendly advice.

 

How many chapters do you envision writing overall?

[GTA-King]

You were inspired by that topic about who killed CJ I see 

 

It's a really good start man and I'd like to see more of it to find out how it ends, although I fear it may be in the wrong section. Why don't you try posting it in the writer's discussion section?

Yeah, I was inspired by that.

 

And I figured this would be the best place, since it gets alot more traffic. I've been told to post these kinds of things here before anyway.

If it's a literary piece then it should really go in writer's discussion.. this section is really more for full on game concepts with weapons and a soundtrack etc. it's no big deal though and I'm not a mod so I can't really do much to force your hand.. even if I wanted (which I don't) I'm just giving you some friendly advice.

 

How many chapters do you envision writing overall?

5 Chapters. By the way, I just got finished with the second one.

 

Updated it to the OP.

[The Notorious MOB]

You were inspired by that topic about who killed CJ I see 

 

It's a really good start man and I'd like to see more of it to find out how it ends, although I fear it may be in the wrong section. Why don't you try posting it in the writer's discussion section?

Yeah, I was inspired by that.

 

And I figured this would be the best place, since it gets alot more traffic. I've been told to post these kinds of things here before anyway.

If it's a literary piece then it should really go in writer's discussion.. this section is really more for full on game concepts with weapons and a soundtrack etc. it's no big deal though and I'm not a mod so I can't really do much to force your hand.. even if I wanted (which I don't) I'm just giving you some friendly advice.

 

How many chapters do you envision writing overall?

5 Chapters. By the way, I just got finished with the second one.

 

Updated it to the OP.

The second chapter is very breif.. maybe you could incorporate it in some other way like when Salvatore or his hitman (Toni?) is gathering intel on Tommy for the hit they could report back to Liberty City with that info.

 

I also feel that Salvatore accepts the job a bit too quickly. Why would he want to get involved in Forelli affairs when it's none of his business? Sure the money is attractive but the type of person he is I can see him just saying "f*ck you, why don't you take care of it yourself" - And why don't they by the way?

 

If Sal had his own reasons for wanting Tommy dead however then he is far more likely to take on the job. What if it was the members of Sal's old crew that Tommy massacred in Harwood in '71 that would be some good motivation. Or better still, what if Toni's father was one of those men.. that's some hollywood style revenge sh*t right there

[GTA-King]

 

You were inspired by that topic about who killed CJ I see 

 

It's a really good start man and I'd like to see more of it to find out how it ends, although I fear it may be in the wrong section. Why don't you try posting it in the writer's discussion section?

Yeah, I was inspired by that.

 

And I figured this would be the best place, since it gets alot more traffic. I've been told to post these kinds of things here before anyway.

If it's a literary piece then it should really go in writer's discussion.. this section is really more for full on game concepts with weapons and a soundtrack etc. it's no big deal though and I'm not a mod so I can't really do much to force your hand.. even if I wanted (which I don't) I'm just giving you some friendly advice.

 

How many chapters do you envision writing overall?

5 Chapters. By the way, I just got finished with the second one.

 

Updated it to the OP.

The second chapter is very breif.. maybe you could incorporate it in some other way like when Salvatore or his hitman (Toni?) is gathering intel on Tommy for the hit they could report back to Liberty City with that info.

 

I also feel that Salvatore accepts the job a bit too quickly. Why would he want to get involved in Forelli affairs when it's none of his business? Sure the money is attractive but the type of person he is I can see him just saying "f*ck you, why don't you take care of it yourself" - And why don't they by the way?

 

If Sal had his own reasons for wanting Tommy dead however then he is far more likely to take on the job. What if it was the members of Sal's old crew that Tommy massacred in Harwood in '71 that would be some good motivation. Or better still, what if Toni's father was one of those men.. that's some hollywood style revenge sh*t right there

The only reason Salvatore is accepting the offer from the Forelli's is basically for the money. A hit for $1,000,000 is attractive to him. Plus, the Forelli's come to him because he has the most influence, and because his hitman (never said Toni) is one of the best he has, and the Forelli's know that. The Forelli's would do it themselves, but they don't have enough influence.

 

As for the Hardwood massacre, I like that idea alot. Maybe the Forelli's offer is also so the Leones can avenge the men that died in Harwood. I'll update it. Also, the reason chapter 2 was so short was because it's a brief look into Tommy's life, and his downward spiral, starting to happen.

 

By the way, chapter 3 & 4 & 5 is done. Updated to OP. Hope you guys enjoy my story!

Edited January 10, 2013 by GTA-King

[Irrational]

Another very nice read.

 

Congrats, man, I'm looking forward to see more stories from you.

[The Notorious MOB]

 

You were inspired by that topic about who killed CJ I see 

 

It's a really good start man and I'd like to see more of it to find out how it ends, although I fear it may be in the wrong section. Why don't you try posting it in the writer's discussion section?

Yeah, I was inspired by that.

 

And I figured this would be the best place, since it gets alot more traffic. I've been told to post these kinds of things here before anyway.

If it's a literary piece then it should really go in writer's discussion.. this section is really more for full on game concepts with weapons and a soundtrack etc. it's no big deal though and I'm not a mod so I can't really do much to force your hand.. even if I wanted (which I don't) I'm just giving you some friendly advice.

 

How many chapters do you envision writing overall?

5 Chapters. By the way, I just got finished with the second one.

 

Updated it to the OP.

The second chapter is very breif.. maybe you could incorporate it in some other way like when Salvatore or his hitman (Toni?) is gathering intel on Tommy for the hit they could report back to Liberty City with that info.

 

I also feel that Salvatore accepts the job a bit too quickly. Why would he want to get involved in Forelli affairs when it's none of his business? Sure the money is attractive but the type of person he is I can see him just saying "f*ck you, why don't you take care of it yourself" - And why don't they by the way?

 

If Sal had his own reasons for wanting Tommy dead however then he is far more likely to take on the job. What if it was the members of Sal's old crew that Tommy massacred in Harwood in '71 that would be some good motivation. Or better still, what if Toni's father was one of those men.. that's some hollywood style revenge sh*t right there

The only reason Salvatore is accepting the offer from the Forelli's is basically for the money. A hit for $1,000,000 is attractive to him. Plus, the Forelli's come to him because he has the most influence, and because his hitman (never said Toni) is one of the best he has, and the Forelli's know that. The Forelli's would do it themselves, but they don't have enough influence.

 

As for the Hardwood massacre, I like that idea alot. Maybe the Forelli's offer is also so the Leones can avenge the men that died in Harwood. I'll update it. Also, the reason chapter 2 was so short was because it's a brief look into Tommy's life, and his downward spiral, starting to happen.

 

By the way, chapter 3 & 4 & 5 is done. Updated to OP. Hope you guys enjoy my story!

The Forelli Family is very powerful in 1992, pretty much on par with the Leones and they're still powerful in 1998 so it's unlikely that they lacked power in 1994. In fact they probably should have sent their men down to Vice City to kill Tommy straight away when they heard he had killed Sonny but we know they didn't since he's still alive at the time of the Introduction in 1992. This leads me to believe that Tommy struck up some sort of a deal with them. The Mafia know how to hold a grudge more than anybody but the one thing they care more about than revenge is money. If Tommy were to have cut Sonny's sucessor in on a piece of his drug operation, sending a certain amount of coke up to them in Liberty City every month for example then they could reasonably forget all about him killing Sonny. Of course not all of the Forellis would be happy about this but they would be forced to comply for the fear of being whacked themselves by the boss. So that would be a good reason for a dissident member to seek out a a hitman from outside the family... just a thought.

 

I really liked the conclusion of the story and it ended exactly how I thought it would . It was a good little story overall.. except the part about the Columbians offering the Haitians $10,000,000 to kill Tommy.. that's pretty rediculous.. no person's life is worth that much

Edited January 10, 2013 by Money Over Bullshit

[GTA-King]

Well, the Colombian's really wanted Tommy dead... so they used the Haitians as their lackies. The main reason I had them pay so much was to represent their eagerness to have Tommy killed, but not having to do it themselves, and to represent irony... since in the end, they wasn't the ones that ended up killing him.

 

And you are prolly right about the Forelli's having power in 1994, but according to my story, they lack a good Hitman... and they are aware of the reputation Salvatore's hitman has... so they hire him to ensure the job gets done. Maybe after learning Rosenberg was willing to give Tommy up, it inspired them to take down Tommy...

Edited January 10, 2013 by GTA-King

[The Notorious MOB]

Well, the Colombian's really wanted Tommy dead... so they used the Haitians as their lackies. The main reason I had them pay so much was to represent their eagerness to have Tommy killed, but not having to do it themselves, and to represent irony... since in the end, they wasn't the ones that ended up killing him.

 

And you are prolly right about the Forelli's having power in 1994, but according to my story, they lack a good Hitman... and they are aware of the reputation Salvatore's hitman has... so they hire him to ensure the job gets done. Maybe after learning Rosenberg was willing to give Tommy up, it inspired them to take down Tommy...

Ok man I get that they really wanted him dead but 10 million just seems a little bit too excessive.. nobody it going to pay that to have somebody killed.

[GTA-King]

Well, the Colombian's really wanted Tommy dead... so they used the Haitians as their lackies. The main reason I had them pay so much was to represent their eagerness to have Tommy killed, but not having to do it themselves, and to represent irony... since in the end, they wasn't the ones that ended up killing him.

 

And you are prolly right about the Forelli's having power in 1994, but according to my story, they lack a good Hitman... and they are aware of the reputation Salvatore's hitman has... so they hire him to ensure the job gets done. Maybe after learning Rosenberg was willing to give Tommy up, it inspired them to take down Tommy...

Ok man I get that they really wanted him dead but 10 million just seems a little bit too excessive.. nobody it going to pay that to have somebody killed.

Well, the Colombians are pretty rich (this is right after the 80's mind you). Plus, they know the Haitains are pretty poor... so that much on the table would definitively inspire them to get the job done... hence why they are mad at the end when the hitman kills Tommy instead. The price the Forelli's put on Tommy's head was only $1,000,000 so it's a bit of comedy that Toni was the one to kill him, even though the Colombians had a $10,000,000 bounty on him.

 

So in the end, I guess you could say Tommy was worth $11,000,000.

[Johnny Playert]

I finally got around to reading it bro, and it was a great read!

Basically it feels exactly like GTA. Liked the Scarface references, even though they were a bit too obvious That's ok though, the same goes for VC in general. But it makes me think, why didn't Tommy just get hooked on coke? Seems easy enough, right?

 

◆ Ken getting killed (liked that) actually gives some closure... Poor schmuck though, always getting pushed around. Oh well.

 

◆ Loved how you made it clear that Tommy is really washed up, you know... all businesses failing, assests seized, even killing the repo-guy... a pill-popping drunk on his last breath (*cough Max Payne? *cough ) Maybe that's necessary to really make it his downfall. Because personally, i always saw Tommy as being the kind of guy coming on top, and staying there too. But i guess this story works too, because a 'happy end' is very rare in these kinds of stories. But if i had a choice, i'd really rather see a story where he actually did decide to run, to LS or LC, doesn't really matter, but i wonder what you would've come up with in that scenario

 

◆ Also liked how you got Avery involved. Makes a lot of sense. Even though he was a little too easily persuaded if you ask me.

 

◆ Great little Breaking Bad reference with Phil Cassidy there... you can't help but be inspired by it can you? I don't blame ya.

 

◆ Very funny you used 'Mario', couldn't help but hear "Forget about it Mario" lmao. Still hear it now LOL

 

◆ And i liked the ending very much so. Real twist at the end there, i totally forgot about the fact the Leone's were after him as well. Good stuff. Also gives Toni much more stature in general, and gives a great feeling of immersion.

 

All in all, i like it very much. I'd say great job man.

Next up, i promise, i'll finish reading your GTA V concept story soon

 

 

 

 

 

And, because i couldn't resist...:

 

 

 

(20 sec. mark )

 

Edited January 10, 2013 by Johnny Playert

[GTA-King]

^ Thanks for the great feedback man! Much appreciated! +Respect

 

About Avery, I wanted to make it seem like all he really cared about was money, hence why he betrayed Tommy for the Colombians. Vice City is basically a retirement home in the 90's (much like today), so construction was less needed, which means Avery was too.

[Tyla]

I enjoyed reading this and I admire someone who has the balls to write the toppling of Vercetti so I would like to leave you some feedback.

 

First off, excellent job portraying the build up in Liberty City and those involved in engineering Vercetti's demise. You got them spot on. It's interesting to learn what happened to all those old faces and to explore events prior to LCS. Besides Avery, it was a shame that most of Tommy's allies from 1986 were neglected a mention or involved in plotting against him. What happened to Umberto and the Cubans partnership with the Vercetti Gang? Big Mitch Baker (and his possible involvement with meth/SPANK) and the Bikers? Where is Cortez? I always thought he was a shady bastard and probably had something to do with setting Vercetti up in the first place. What's his reaction to the failed marriage, learning that his ally has been featuring his daughter in sleazy skin flicks and pimped her out to Scottish bisexuals?

 

For me, the downfall of the story was the downfall itself. Tommy and his situation play out like a carbon copy of Scarface. It's like he spent his fall from grace cooped up in his office, watching the film on Beta. He acts like Tony, he talks like Tony (when did Vercetti spout "f*ck" every other word, if ever?), abuses substances like Tony and even goes out like Tony. I saw the ending coming a mile off, the shootout right down to Mario being an amalgamation of Chi Chi/Ernie. You could have done Tommy's portrayal and the conclusion much more justice.

 

Definitely write more of these - you've got me thinking about posting my own thoughts on how Tommy's reign came to an end and I would love to see how you would tie up loose ends Post-GTA III and Pre/Post SA.

[GTA-King]

Thank you for the constructive criticism.

 

I will try & answer some of those questions:

 

-Umberto and his gang were deported in 1988 after being arrested for street racing

-Big Mitch Baker and his gang left in '92 for Las Venturas to help out one of their brother chapters.

-In 1989 the Albanians capture Cortez for stealing nuclear arms from them. They hang him not long after. He never found out about Mercedes.

-The reason Tommy says f*ck all the time is basically because of the alcoholism and pain killer addiction

-And yeah, I guess I could have made a more original death. I just figured that there were so many references to Scarface anyway, why not go out like him? Plus, I put my own spin on the shootout... which I thought was interesting anyway.

 

I think the next downfall story I do will be about Claude!

[dannyz]

I Loved it, the Tommy only cares about himself and the reason Ken wanted him dead. You should do more stories like these like what happened to CJ did Sal get someone to take him out, Claude's story could be good because at the end of III everyone hates him and he is all alone anyways.

 

 

I Loved it and I hope you do more because I know I will read them.

 

[GTA-King]

^ Thanks man! Much appreciated! +Respect

[The Notorious MOB]

Well, the Colombian's really wanted Tommy dead... so they used the Haitians as their lackies. The main reason I had them pay so much was to represent their eagerness to have Tommy killed, but not having to do it themselves, and to represent irony... since in the end, they wasn't the ones that ended up killing him.

 

And you are prolly right about the Forelli's having power in 1994, but according to my story, they lack a good Hitman... and they are aware of the reputation Salvatore's hitman has... so they hire him to ensure the job gets done. Maybe after learning Rosenberg was willing to give Tommy up, it inspired them to take down Tommy...

Ok man I get that they really wanted him dead but 10 million just seems a little bit too excessive.. nobody it going to pay that to have somebody killed.

Well, the Colombians are pretty rich (this is right after the 80's mind you). Plus, they know the Haitains are pretty poor... so that much on the table would definitively inspire them to get the job done... hence why they are mad at the end when the hitman kills Tommy instead. The price the Forelli's put on Tommy's head was only $1,000,000 so it's a bit of comedy that Toni was the one to kill him, even though the Colombians had a $10,000,000 bounty on him.

 

So in the end, I guess you could say Tommy was worth $11,000,000.

Ok I see you point.. the 3D era was always a lot more zany and less realistic than the HD era even down to the rewards for completing missions so I suppose an outrageous price put on Tommy's head would fit into that mould.

 

Like others have said I would like to see you do more of these.. they're breif yet enjoyable. Maybe for the next installment CJ sets Toni up with a place down in Los Santos to hide out in as payback to Salvatore for not killing him.. That would be a nice little lead in to a San Andreas based story

[Phil Collin]

Thank you for the constructive criticism.

 

I will try & answer some of those questions:

 

-Umberto and his gang were deported in 1988 after being arrested for street racing

-Big Mitch Baker and his gang left in '92 for Las Venturas to help out one of their brother chapters.

-In 1989 the Albanians capture Cortez for stealing nuclear arms from them. They hang him not long after. He never found out about Mercedes.

-The reason Tommy says f*ck all the time is basically because of the alcoholism and pain killer addiction

-And yeah, I guess I could have made a more original death. I just figured that there were so many references to Scarface anyway, why not go out like him? Plus, I put my own spin on the shootout... which I thought was interesting anyway.

 

I think the next downfall story I do will be about Claude!

Yes... Do a Claude.

[Irrational]

I think the next downfall story I do will be about Claude!

Could be interesting, I'm anxious to see how you'll do it.

[universetwisters]

I think the next downfall story I do will be about Claude!

That would be wicked awesome. I wonder who will take him down this run around?

[The Notorious MOB]

I think the next downfall story I do will be about Claude!

Just bear in mind that according to Rockstar (in the asked and answered for the GTA III 10th Anniversary) that Claude "certainly isn’t dead" in December 2011. This his official status but you could always deviate from that if you wanted him to meet the same fate as Tommy.

[GTA-King]

I think the next downfall story I do will be about Claude!

Just bear in mind that according to Rockstar (in the asked and answered for the GTA III 10th Anniversary) that Claude "certainly isn’t dead" in December 2011. This his official status but you could always deviate from that if you wanted him to meet the same fate as Tommy.

I try to say as official as much as possible. I wonder why R* said that specific month & year though...

[The Notorious MOB]

I think the next downfall story I do will be about Claude!

Just bear in mind that according to Rockstar (in the asked and answered for the GTA III 10th Anniversary) that Claude "certainly isn’t dead" in December 2011. This his official status but you could always deviate from that if you wanted him to meet the same fate as Tommy.

I try to say as official as much as possible. I wonder why R* said that specific month & year though...

No you misunderstood.. I meant they said in December 2011 that Claude "certainly isn't dead" not that they said "Claude certainly isn't dead in December 2011". But it also means that at the time of posting that answer he was still alive (in the GTA universe).

[GTA-King]

 

I think the next downfall story I do will be about Claude!

Just bear in mind that according to Rockstar (in the asked and answered for the GTA III 10th Anniversary) that Claude "certainly isn’t dead" in December 2011. This his official status but you could always deviate from that if you wanted him to meet the same fate as Tommy.

I try to say as official as much as possible. I wonder why R* said that specific month & year though...

No you misunderstood.. I meant they said in December 2011 that Claude "certainly isn't dead" not that they said "Claude certainly isn't dead in December 2011". But it also means that at the time of posting that answer he was still alive (in the GTA universe).

Hmmm. Interesting. That's crazy how Claude is still alive 10 years after the events of III. Maybe I can write a happily-ever-after story for him instead.

 

That's crazy how he's still alive though, considering how many enemies he had. Unless R* was hiting that Claude & Claude Speed are the same person... GTA 2 takes place in the future after all.

[The Notorious MOB]

I think the next downfall story I do will be about Claude!

Just bear in mind that according to Rockstar (in the asked and answered for the GTA III 10th Anniversary) that Claude "certainly isn’t dead" in December 2011. This his official status but you could always deviate from that if you wanted him to meet the same fate as Tommy.

I try to say as official as much as possible. I wonder why R* said that specific month & year though...

No you misunderstood.. I meant they said in December 2011 that Claude "certainly isn't dead" not that they said "Claude certainly isn't dead in December 2011". But it also means that at the time of posting that answer he was still alive (in the GTA universe).

Hmmm. Interesting. That's crazy how Claude is still alive 10 years after the events of III. Maybe I can write a happily-ever-after story for him instead.

 

That's crazy how he's still alive though, considering how many enemies he had. Unless R* was hiting that Claude & Claude Speed are the same person... GTA 2 takes place in the future after all.

That's what I'm thinking aswell because they say in another answer in the same article that his name may or may not be Speed.. may or may not usually means it is but I think they don't want to confirm it because Claude Speed gets killed in the GTA 2 movie and they don't want to confirm that one of their protagonists has been killed off due to the affection the fans have for their leading characters. I would say that the timing of the answer is also relative to it's validity.. going by journal entries attached to the official GTA 2 website the game takes place in 2013 so in December 2011 he was still alive and will be for a few months until the events of GTA 2 take place.

[GTA-King]

^ I can definitely use that info to make a good story. Thanks for sharing!

[The Notorious MOB]

 

^ I can definitely use that info to make a good story. Thanks for sharing!

No problem man. They also say that Claude originally comes from the West Coast (likely San Andreas). Since it is unlikely that he stuck around Liberty City due to the amount of gangs who would have put out a hit on him after GTA III he probably returned to SA before continuing on to Anywhere City.. that's my hypothesis at least. Either that or he got arrested and spent the following 12 years in prison.

Edited January 12, 2013 by Money Over Bullshit