Typhus Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 (edited) Deleted. Not good enough. Edited January 17, 2013 by Typhus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VProductions Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Kind of creepy but interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Very nice. Writing-wise it's spot on. Narrative-wise, well, it's just such a unique, well-executed concept. Really good stuff! Love the way it ups the stakes towards the end: the idea of the book/paper representing the people, a la Dorian Grey, was a really nice fit, I thought. Maybe one thing to think about - though it's not something you could really rectify, as it's in-built within the entire thing - is that from the start it's pretty easy to figure out where it's going; there's not much of a swerve or anything towards the end. Not that that's necessary or anything... just an aside. I mean, at first you have that central question - who is the speaker - and you wonder about the possibilities: possessed by the devil, conscience... any number of things, really. But the answer to the question doesn't really change where it's headed. Still, it's a very satisfying conclusion, I think, regardless of its slight predictability. And it's punctuated by the disturbing, morbid undertone that's really a hallmark of your work... it really does all come together well. As I've already said, I think satisfying is the perfect word to describe it. A slight concern, perhaps, is that at times it seemed to reach for cliches. Like when you describe the character's significant other: it's all just a caricature, a stock image of a relationship, from start to finish. When it's so inherently played out like that, I feel like it takes away from the otherwise really unique style. A last little point, and this is neither here nor there, but this isn't the first time I've seen you repeat the opening line at the start and end of a piece. I think it's a really, really effective technique -- but I'd hate to think, with you using it a lot, that it's a little bit of a crutch. Don't want to be a one-trick pony, do we? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danni Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 This is probably one of the best pieces I've seen on the discussion in several years; disturbing, well-written, magnificent work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenEightyOne Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 It needs lots of re-reads to fix the parts that don't quite shine... but it's a hell of a good base to work from! Really enjoyed reading it - I've seen some good work in this forum but this stands above those. With polishing it'll be really excellent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Typhus Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 It needs lots of re-reads to fix the parts that don't quite shine... but it's a hell of a good base to work from! Really enjoyed reading it - I've seen some good work in this forum but this stands above those. With polishing it'll be really excellent! Well, what parts need polishing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now