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Typhus

Van Goghed

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Typhus

Deleted.

Not good enough.

Edited by Typhus

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VProductions

Kind of creepy but interesting.

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Eminence

Very nice. Writing-wise it's spot on. Narrative-wise, well, it's just such a unique, well-executed concept. Really good stuff!

 

Love the way it ups the stakes towards the end: the idea of the book/paper representing the people, a la Dorian Grey, was a really nice fit, I thought. Maybe one thing to think about - though it's not something you could really rectify, as it's in-built within the entire thing - is that from the start it's pretty easy to figure out where it's going; there's not much of a swerve or anything towards the end. Not that that's necessary or anything... just an aside. tounge.gif I mean, at first you have that central question - who is the speaker - and you wonder about the possibilities: possessed by the devil, conscience... any number of things, really. But the answer to the question doesn't really change where it's headed.

 

Still, it's a very satisfying conclusion, I think, regardless of its slight predictability. And it's punctuated by the disturbing, morbid undertone that's really a hallmark of your work... it really does all come together well. As I've already said, I think satisfying is the perfect word to describe it.

 

A slight concern, perhaps, is that at times it seemed to reach for cliches. Like when you describe the character's significant other: it's all just a caricature, a stock image of a relationship, from start to finish. When it's so inherently played out like that, I feel like it takes away from the otherwise really unique style.

 

A last little point, and this is neither here nor there, but this isn't the first time I've seen you repeat the opening line at the start and end of a piece. I think it's a really, really effective technique -- but I'd hate to think, with you using it a lot, that it's a little bit of a crutch. Don't want to be a one-trick pony, do we? tounge.gif

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Danni
This is probably one of the best pieces I've seen on the discussion in several years; disturbing, well-written, magnificent work.

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TenEightyOne

It needs lots of re-reads to fix the parts that don't quite shine... but it's a hell of a good base to work from! biggrin.gif

 

Really enjoyed reading it - I've seen some good work in this forum but this stands above those. With polishing it'll be really excellent!

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Typhus
It needs lots of re-reads to fix the parts that don't quite shine... but it's a hell of a good base to work from! biggrin.gif

 

Really enjoyed reading it - I've seen some good work in this forum but this stands above those. With polishing it'll be really excellent!

Well, what parts need polishing?

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