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Master of San Andreas

Grand Theft Auto: State of Crime

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Master of San Andreas

 

user posted image

 

All 3 Era Protagonists in one story face off in the final battle,who will win?who will lose?

 

Well,before I begin this project I will let you know that the story is set in 2004,where all the III Era protags are fighting to take over San Andreas,Vice City and Liberty City and yes Victor Vance is there even though he is dead,it's just a story so don't bother.Some characters are imaginary yes.The logo is by UNRATED69 by the way.

 

Annyway will your favorite protagonist win? read on to find out!

 

 

Chapter Name Number
The Chase # 1
1 Month Back # 2
Edited by Master of San Andreas

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Master of San Andreas

 

Chapter One - The Chase

 

Two Police cars rammed into each other,in pursuit of a hooded man on a pcj-600.The man took a sudden,yet awkward turn into a narrow pathway which caused confusion between the police therefore cutting down the number of police behind him.There were still four behind him though, and the chase only got tougher.

 

The man decided to something,putting on a sudden burst of speed he dived sideways like a bolt of lightning into a big crate,He dived so fast that the the police didn't have a clue where he'd gone off too.

 

He sat listening,then one of the officers spoke thorugh his radio.

 

"Suspect has escaped and is at large.I repeat suspect has escaped and is at large."

"Roger that" came the reply "We're keeping an eye out for that guy"

 

Meanwhile, back in the crate the man was fumbling with his pockets.

 

"Must phone Lee" he muttered

 

He found the phone he was looking for,quickly he dialled Lee's phone number:

 

"Hello? Lee?" asked the man anxiously

"Hey there is it Ryan?" replied Lee.

"Yes" answered Ryan.

"What's up ?"

"Police"

"Did they get you ?"

"Nah, I shook 'em off for now"

"Good,So where are you?"

"In a crate somewhere in Liberty City,think it must be portland"

"Can you get to the docks,we'll come and pick you up"

"I'll try"

"Let us know when you reach the docks" said Lee and he hung up.

 

"Great" cursed Ryan

 

He chanced a glance above the crate,The Pathway was deserted.He jumped out and ran as fast as he could until he reached the main road.He crouched behind some crates,Police cars were still there apparently searching for him.

 

He continued to keep looking in all directions as though hoping to find something to help him.Suddenly he spotted a free car close to him.

 

"Ready" he said "3,2,1-"

 

SWISH! He was off in a flash to the other end,quickly he got into the car and ducked behind the glass pane.

 

"What was that?" asked an officer.

"Must've been the wind" said the other

 

They resumed their search apparently unaware of Ryan in the car.Slowly Ryan made his way into the driver's seat.It suddenly struck him that the car was unlocked.This he found suspicious and what made him even more suspicious was that the key was in the car itself!Nevertheless he started the car slowly.

 

He took a right turn into another pathway,when he reached the main road he noticed that no one noticed him in the car,He was quite relieved.

 

After 15 minutes he was pretty close to the docks now and then he heard a strange sound,from the backseat.

Tick,Tick,Tick................

 

He looked at the backseat and to his horror noticed a timer bomb,there were 15 seconds on the clock.

 

"So,it was a trick" he said to himself,he tried the door but it was locked,he was afraid to stop the car as he thought it might explode.

 

"Gotta jump the hardway" he said.

 

5,4,3,2,1- BOOM!

Edited by Master of San Andreas

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H.I.M.
Nice Work MoSA, Alert me for updates.. cookie.gifcookie.gif ..

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Celestial Hyena

Good work MoSA icon14.gif hope you update it soon smile.gif

 

But shouldn't you have reserves?

Edited by Celestial Hyena

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Mokrie Dela
Chapter One - The Chase

 

Two Police cars rammed into each other,in pursuit of a hooded man on a pcj-600.The man took a sudden,yet awkward turn into a narrow pathway which caused confusion between the police therefore cutting down the number of police behind him.There were still four behind him though, and the chase only got tougher.

 

The man decided to something,putting on a sudden burst of speed he dived sideways like a bolt of lightning into a big crate,He dived so fast that the the police didn't have a clue where he'd gone off too.

 

He sat listening,then one of the officers spoke thorugh his radio.

 

"Suspect has escaped and is at large.I repeat suspect has escaped and is at large."

"Roger that" came the reply "We're keeping an eye out for that guy"

 

Meanwhile, back in the crate the man was fumbling with his pockets.

 

"Must phone Lee" he muttered

 

He found the phone he was looking for,quickly he dialled Lee's phone number:

 

"Hello? Lee?" asked the man anxiously

"Hey there is it Ryan?" replied Lee.

"Yes" answered Ryan.

"What's up ?"

"Police"

"Did they get you ?"

"Nah, I shook 'em off for now"

"Good,So where are you?"

"In a crate somewhere in Liberty City,think it must be portland"

"Can you get to the docks,we'll come and pick you up"

"I'll try"

"Let us know when you reach the docks" said Lee and he hung up.

 

"Great" cursed Ryan

 

He chanced a glance above the crate,The Pathway was deserted.He jumped out and ran as fast as he could until he reached the main road.He crouched behind some crates,Police cars were still there apparently searching for him.

 

He continued to keep looking in all directions as though hoping to find something to help him.Suddenly he spotted a free car close to him.

 

"Ready" he said "3,2,1-"

 

SWISH! He was off in a flash to the other end,quickly he got into the car and ducked behind the glass pane.

 

"What was that?" asked an officer.

"Must've been the wind" said the other

 

They resumed their search apparently unaware of Ryan in the car.Slowly Ryan made his way into the driver's seat.It suddenly struck him that the car was unlocked.This he found suspicious and what made him even more suspicious was that the key was in the car itself!Nevertheless he started the car slowly.

 

He took a right turn into another pathway,when he reached the main road he noticed that no one noticed him in the car,He was quite relieved.

 

After 15 minutes he was pretty close to the docks now and then he heard a strange sound,from the backseat.

Tick,Tick,Tick................

 

He looked at the backseat and to his horror noticed a timer bomb,there were 15 seconds on the clock.

 

"So,it was a trick" he said to himself,he tried the door but it was locked,he was afraid to stop the car as he thought it might explode.

 

"Gotta jump the hardway" he said.

 

5,4,3,2,1- BOOM!

Hey man, im gonna read through this and make note of things i see/think as i go.

 

Also as a side note, you may want to look at my two stoies (in my sig) and note what i've done with the chapters/tables - the table is linked to each post, so where people are replying, instead of scrolling through, people can just click in one place and load whatever chapter they want. Worth a thought?

 

 

Right to my critiquing! (it's not all bad - none of it's insulting, just observations and constructive. I usually leave positive things to the end)

 

Things in RED are things i think that need removing. Things in GREEN are things i would add. Bear in mind that everything i say is my opinion too, i'm not claiming to be a perfect writer!

 

Firstly:

Two Police cars rammed into each other, in pursuit of a hooded man on a pcj-600.

No comma is needed there. the sentance isnt long enough or segmented enough for it. you're also missing a space.

 

The man took a sudden,yet awkward, turn into a narrow pathway which caused confusion between the police, therefore cutting down the number of police behind him

The first comma i've added in is a personal choice. I don't think by not having it is wrong, but personally, i would put it in because i think it would flow better.

The second comma i've put in breaks up the sentance a little. Try reading the sentance outloud and you should see what i mean. When writing action, short, sharp sentances are useful. Sometimes it's not possible though, and thats where commas can be useful.

This sentance could be broken into to though i think:

"The man took a sudden, yet awkward, turn into a narrow pathway. The police were slow to react, with many overshooting. For a moment, he was in the clear."

That's just an example. I've tried to add a little more action - instead of saying the police were "cut down", i've shown it - they've missed the turn, and for a few seconds, he was on his own.

A different approach could be:

"The man took a sudden, awkward turn into a narrow pathway, surprising the pursuing police. He gunned the engine as the police recovered and resumed their chase."

I don't think it's critical to say their numbers were cut down - instead hint at it, sometimes that can be more powerful.

 

and the chase only got tougher.

This doesnt work for me. Instead, i would have chose something like : "and the chase didn't look like getting any easier; this was Liberty City after all" (note the city is irrelevant in this example, you can see what I'm saying smile.gif )

 

That said though, it's a good start - start with a bang. straight into action. That can go a LONG way into grabbing the readers' attention.

 

The man decided to do something. Putting on a sudden burst of speed./ he veered sideways like a bolt of lightning into a big crate. He dived so fast that the The police didn't have a clue where he'd gone off too.

A few changes here. Firstly, a missing "do" - we all do that, and that's the importance of PROOF READING. I'm not sure this has had that - a little too enthusiastic to upload perhaps? biggrin.gif

I've also changed the sentence structure, as i feel it flows better. Thing of it as an action scene, with each sentence a camera view. you want to make the story move with pace here, so avoid long sentences.

I've also changed "dived" to "veered" Why? Because veered works better in cars. You VEER right to avoid an obstacle. Diving is a term better used for people. Again personal opinion perhaps. I've also highlighted "like a bolt of lightning" to be removed. the reason is, we've established that this is a chase. The short, snappy sentences will make the readers think it's a fast chase. There's no need to use such simile here, just say what needs to be said. Now personally, im not clear on this bit. He drove into a crate. The police thus lost him? How? By crate do you mean a container like on ships? Or a little wooden box. You're portraying the police as idiots, and that's going to eliminate their impressiveness, and thus turn them from an enemy into a cliche. Instead, i'd advise to give them more power. Instead of saying he drove into an alley and a crate to lose them, why not say they're more determined, relentless even? Police are the biggest "enemy" in GTA, aside from gangsters, so write them with respect, the reader will have respect for them, and that will provide greater antagonism for the characters and thus make it more exciting!

Also a school boy error at the end - "too". To, two, Too - get these right because these are signs of amateurism, and in somecases, may make people thing you as an illiterate, and not take the work seriously. I'm not saying you are, because that's already clear, but these simple mistakes (that even i make) are the easiest to erradicate, and leaving them in your works is a bad idea).

 

Again, i'm seeing constant absences of spaces. You're constantly forgetting to put a space after a comma. That looks really poor, and all it is i think is a lack of an edit/proof read.

 

Judging from the next bit, it sounds like the guy's broken line of sight with the cops then hidden in a container. This isn't clear, and i find myself asking. I dont think you made it clear when you mentioned "crate" - surely the cops would have seen him drive into it, as you've said 4 are still on him, or have they become blind. I'd consider rewriting this bit, thinking it through and double checking it afterward. You don't want to confuse your readers like this this early on.

 

You mention of the radio - i'd suggest changing that to scanner:

"He sat, listening.

The voice of one of the pursuing cops crackled through his police scanner: "Suspect has escaped and is at large."

 

Also, spelling - i'm seeing a few errors - honest ones to be fair - but nonetheless - you should be proofreading before uploading

Also i'd research police radio discipline. In GTA you hear this a lot - "We've got a ten twenty four in north ...." I'd suggest not saying "escape" but instead "We've lost visual contact with the suspect." or something like that. But again, thats opinion more than craft.

 

 

Meanwhile, back in the crate the man was fumbling with his pockets.

"Must phone Lee" he muttered.

He found the phone he was looking for,quickly he dialled Lee's phone number:

"Hello? Lee?" asked the man anxiously.

"Hey there is it Ryan?" replied Lee.

"Yes." answered Ryan.

"What's up?"

"Police"

"Did they get you ?"

"Nah, I shook 'em off for now"

"Good,So where are you?"

"In a crate somewhere in Liberty City,think it must be portland"

"Can you get to the docks,we'll come and pick you up"

"I'll try"

"Let us know when you reach the docks" said Lee and he hung up.

 

"Great" cursed Ryan

Firstly here, youre spacing is all over the place. I actually like the double spacing you've used - makes it easier to read, but it's not even i dont think.

The first three lines could be put down into one paragraph. no need for three here.

Now to punctuation. Where are the full stops after sentences? You don't end speech "like this" but instead "like this." Another simple thing.

the bit in red - what is that supposed to be? "Hey. Where is it ryan?" "Hey there, is that ryan?" the comma there is important to separate the sentence: "Hey there. Is that Ryan?" See, there's a separation. Could be split into two. Even better: "Hey, Ryan?" - much shorter, snappier and quicker.

Also "Replied Lee" - firstly the R should be capitalised (if writing in a word processor, the program should have corrected this.) Secondly, "replied lee" is not needed. "the man" phones and says "Hello? Lee?" The reply is yes, so we know it's lee. no need to say it twice!

 

The next paragraph shows Ryan running - what's wrong with his bike? Where's it gone? You need to show what he's thinking - if he's ditched it because they're looking for a bike, say so. if he's looking for a change of vehicle, say that tounge.gif

 

He continued to keep looking in all directions as though hoping to find something to help him. Suddenly he spotted a free car close to him.

Again a couple of bits that arent needed. Think of your writing as a plane. You want it to be aerodynamic. You want it to be smooth and sleek. chop off all the extra bits you don't need.

 

"Ready..." he breathed. "Three.... Two... One..."

I've changed this, for two reasons. One, i've changed "said" to breathed - give the word "said" some action. He said could be so useful! "He breathed. He shouted. He whispered. He asked. He rasped. He exclaimed. He pondered. He thought outloud. He advised. He suggested. He ejaculated (yes that one is legitimate!!!!). It's a tiny tiny tool, but a very useful one!

I've used "breathed" here because by doing that, i'm showing that he'd active, he's just run, so he'll be out of breath, and also he's nervous - the cops are right there.

Secondly i've changed the numbers to words. IMO writing numbers is lazy. It looks untidy and amateurish. Also i've expanded that up, better punctuation and you'll see "..." - these signify delays. He's saying to himself and thus the reader "One - WAIT - two - WAIT - three - WAIT"

 

SWISH! He was off in a flash to the other end,quickly he got into the car and ducked behind the glass pane.

I try to avoid words like "SWISH". Firstly i don't know why it's used here.

Personally i think this sentence could be so much more too.

"In a desperate run, Ryan was on the street, his sights set on the car ahead. He didn't look toward the policemen, instead he reached the car as quickly as he could. He defeated the lock in seconds and was quickly ducking down, out of sight of the police. I'm Invisible,, he thought as loudly as he could, you didn't see me!"

In my example i think there's more character. Instead of putting the reader out there watching, the reader should be right next to Ryan (use his name more) or even better, BE ryan himself. A note on the italics - i use these for emphasis, to show characters' thoughts (as if they're talking in their own head) or when writing foreign language words. A useful thing to remember/learn.

 

The two officers i think could have more life too.

"What was that?" The officer turned, seeing something down the road.

His colleague shrugged, "Might have been the wind. A bit of litter? Come on, Gary, Its too cold for this."

 

Again like i was saying - give the cops life and respect. In real life the cops would investigate what they'd seen, here i've explained why they're not - its cold. If its summer, then it's too hot. Perhaps he needs a drink or a piss tounge.gif Also i've used a name because you want to avoid using the same labels if you can - "the officer", "his colleague" "Gary". just by that, these cops are alive, not just drones, there to facilitate danger for danger sake - they're there because that's their job, like it or not.

 

Next you say he's not in the car yet - i don't get that. you said he hid behind the window pane - what window pane? This could confuse the reader and the reader is a fickle person - confuse them or annoy them and they'll not read any more. at all. I rewrote it on the assumption you meant he jumped in the car, and was hiding inside. Perhaps you meant he hid behind the car? i dont think that's been made clear.

 

They resumed their search apparently unaware of Ryan in the car.Slowly, Ryan made his way into the driver's seat.It suddenly struck him that the car was unlocked.This he found suspicious - Even more so since the key was there as well! Nevertheless he started the car slowly.

Note my addition of a comma - that's to break up the sentence - trying to control pace.

The sentence lengths here are good - not too long or short, but you've used "suspicious" twice - that stands out. I've changed it as an example here, trying to make it work better.

Also how does one start a car slowly? You turn the key, the engine comes on. Perhaps it'd be better to say "cautiously" ?

 

 

After fifteen minutes he was nearing the docks. He hadn't noticed it at first, but he kept hearing a strange sound from the back seat. It came and went, but he could definitely hear something.

A ticking.

Again, 15 -> Fifteen. It looks more professional and makes you, the writer, look more credible, and that you've put more effort in, and that it's just cleaner.

Also notice my rewrite? I've tried to inject a little bit of mystery, perhaps tension.

 

He looked at the backseat and to his horror noticed a timer bomb,there were 15 seconds on the clock.

 

"So,it was a trick" he said to himself,he tried the door but it was locked,he was afraid to stop the car as he thought it might explode.

 

"Gotta jump the hardway" he said.

 

5,4,3,2,1- BOOM!

 

Nice little twist you put in there, with the bomb. i remember that car in GTA III....

 

again though, 15 - fifteen. you're still missing spaces and a few sentences i would take a second look at if it was me.

my final observation: 5,4,3,2,1. that's a pretty standard countdown. Like you're lifting a chair "one my count 5,4,3,2,1"

Better to use my example as before but put things inbetween it.

 

Five

Ryan stamped on the gas, turning toward the ramp he say ahead.

Four

He was sweating now, but what was that saying? Do or die? He certainly didnt want the latter.

Three

The front wheel took most of it, but he still felt the jolt as the car hit the ramp.

Two

He was in the air now. No time to look around though. He swung his elbow toward the window.

One...

 

maybe that was a little cheesey, but i'd definietly change it to the "Five.... Four.... Three... Two... One..." style. More tension...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now to the good. I liked it. I'm curious who Ryan is. A made up guy? Does he have any connection to the games protags? I'm interested to see how you've developed your character. I hope you've already done that. I hope he'll be interesting, with personality. I was playing Fallout yesterday and one of the dialogue options (i didnt choose it as it didnt fit my character) was (after being asked what it was like to disarm a mine) "Easy. You just jump up and down in it. You go first" - a brilliant quip, i fought. GTA characters have always had something like that (apart from claude). "Dumb. Florida. Morons." for example. Something that makes them them.

IF you havn't i'd say stop uploading and work on the characters. As i said, the police are small, unimportant things here, yet their role in GTA is a big one. They're an enemy, and enemies are supposed to be dangerous. I think you should show them as more dangerous, as they really are. The good thing about fanfiction is you can blend the games features and characters and universe with real world - cops are easy to dispatch in GTA, but not so in the real world. Kill a cop and the entire city will hunt you down and not give up till they have you. So far the cops are like robots. Standing there. It really bothers me how easily Ryan lost the cops - consider editing that.

 

 

But all that aside (and the grammar - seriously look into that), i quite liked it. As the reader i was asking why he's being chased, why he's had to phone lee, and finally, how the hell is he going to get out of that car!!!!

What's next?

 

A good chapter, but i hate to say it, that's all it is - good. It needs a bit or work, but with a bit of work - proof reading, editing, it could be fantastic. But to be blunt, judging from your join date, you're relatively new. The (possibly incorrect) assumption i inadvertently make is that you're therefore young, and thus new to writing. If that's the case all the above errors can be forgiven.*

 

But i hope you've taken my words not as insults, but as constructive. Harsh? I can be at times, but none of what i've said is meant to be insulting. Most of the errors above are easily fixed by two things: One, reading, two writing.

Read other books. Tom Clancy, Phillip K Dicks, Stephen King, Agatha Christie, try to read different styles and genres. See how they've done it. Read enough and you'll absorb it naturally, but also pick them apart. See what they've done, work out why they've done it. I hope my changes to your work are all explained - its not important that i did them, more WHY i did them.

 

I would consider giving this an edit, then update it with improvements. Most of all though, be patient. Once you've written a chapter, leave it. Write the next. then the next. Read a book, go outside. Meet up with mates. Come back to that first chapter a week later. Read it - you'll see the errors. IF you've read a lot you'll see the stylistic changes or so such. Youll see one sentence that's not working, another that is, one out of place, one nonsensical. Allow yourself to edit it and be firm - don't let yourself off the hook. if you've made a mistake, examine it and learn that rule!

 

Most importantly though is to enjoy it. There's no such thing as a perfect sentence or a perfect chapter. We should pursue that, but if you're editing the same thing 5,6,7 times, STOP. If you have a friend, brother, girlfriend (or boyfriend), perhaps someone who's interested in writing, read them (or show them) the chapter. get them to point things out, ask questions.

Better yet, show it to your school (if you're still at school) english teacher - my writing talent is probably 75% down to the encouragement and help my english teacher gave me when i was at school.

But that's what this dusty old corner of the forums is for.

 

I enjoyed reading and critiquing that work though. I like the idea of it, but as eminence always says, find your own spin. Whats going to set this aside from any other gta fanfic? Make it unique, make it YOURS!

 

Keep up the work though man, don't get put off by my observations, use them to make you better.

 

 

*i admit to not taking much notice of usernames - you might be someone i called a c*nt two weeks ago, i'd have no idea, and tbh i dont care. Ill judge your writing on your writing, and offer my opinion. I'm not a perfect writer - not even one of the top ten around here tbh, but i'll give my opinion/advice. You can take it, or not, that's up to you.

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Pyrrhic

Awesome job Master, will definitely have to remember to keep reading these, and I look forward to doing so.

 

And those are some great pointers Mokrie, they will vastly improve the story. icon14.gif

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Mokrie Dela
Awesome job Master, will definitely have to remember to keep reading these, and I look forward to doing so.

 

And those are some great pointers Mokrie, they will vastly improve the story. icon14.gif

I do try smile.gif

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Master of San Andreas

2nd chapter will be up soon smile.gif just to know that this is NOT dead or I have forgotten.

 

Excerpt:

 

Dizzy-Glass Shatters-Dimly Lit room-Coward-Kent-The very man-betray-state I am- wine spills on the floor-hits pole

 

Just a 2nd chapter teaser smile.gif

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Pyrrhic
Looking forward to the next chapter, Master. icon14.gif

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Zancudo

Nevermind.

Edited by Zancudo

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Shiva.
That's the worst story I've ever read in my life.

Way to add to your critic, man. Just explain what is wrong/worst in it.

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Zancudo

Nah, just joking. The story's well-driven.

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Master of San Andreas

You post just like your member titile Zan! lol.gif

 

Post has been edited with 2nd Chapter! biggrin.gif

 

 

Chapter 2 - 1 Month Back

 

Dizzy and drunk,The man walked blindly forward dimly aware of the steel pole infront of him.He continued to walk and then-

"Aaargh!"

He had collided with the steel pole right in his face.His glasses shattered onto the ground.

"Help me" he moaned

Without the glasses his eyesight was weak but he had a funny feeling someone else was there with him too-

He was abruptly awake in a dimly lit room.His glasses were fixed too.Vaguely he heard a female voice call "He's awake!".He was just about to examine his glasses when-

"Ah!" said a cool,crisp voice "The very man,the very man I wanted to meet Ken Rosenborg"

"But - I - how you? spluttered Ken Rosenborg

The man smiled and pulled up a chair and sat infront of him.Ken recognised him as Claude Speed from one of the posters in the City.

"I am Claude Speed" he said still smiling "But,I daresay you already know me while you were hiding in Liberty City?" he added suddenly stern.

"How the hell do you know I'm in hiding"

"My spies have been keeping a close watch on you"

"I've been watched?Why?"

"That is NOT the thing to discuss now!" said speed waving an impatient hand.

He paused and called a man and ordered two bottles of wine after he had served them both drinks,Claude spoke:

"You know Carl Johnson?"

"Yes"

"The coward who calls himself King of San Andreas?"

"Coward maybe but I would call him a whiner"

"Thought you'd say that"

Claude took a sip of wine before speaking again

"You know alot about both Tommy Vercetti and Carl Johnson?"

"Yeah"

Ken took a sip of wine.His face had become very apprehensive-

"I betrayed them" he said with what seemed like a huge effort.

"Why?"

Ken took another sip,he was slightly shaking now.

"Well after we killed that Forrelli guy and Lance in that manision.Tommy was King of Vice City it was good for sometime until......wel he did not give me my share of money and I was in heavy losses too so I asked him and reminded him to give me money he however refused saying I didn't deserve it and I was a 'good for nothing'"

He took a deep breath and continued

"So we had a row and I told him that I was never going to see him again leave him forever you know,So I packed up my possessions and headed for San Andreas.I also met an English guy called Kent Paul along the way,we became good friends"

Ken took another sip:

"And I met Johnson who was not so bad at first.I stayed with him for nearly a month in San Andreas before saying Goodbye and leaving for England with Kent.We stayed there for three years until 1995 where I told Kent you know I'd go and see Carl just for one day you know see how he's doing.I hadn't packed anything it was just a day that's all.I found him King of San Andreas and I congratulated him but then he started boasting alot which annoyed me and I told him it was just a matter of time before the Ballas and the Vagos rise again,that he should still be on his guard"

Ken was now shaking so much he actually spilt some wine on the floor

"He got angry aswell and called me a 'Stammering git' well I don't stammer now but I got really angry and left him aswell.When I returned to England I couldn't find Kent nor my possessions,Some say he was murdered but that was the last I ever saw of Kent Paul.That was the incident that left me in the state I am today"

A Silence followed Ken's story who looked relatively calmer now that he had revealed his secrets.

"Well Ok.We are the Yakuzas of Liberty City fighting against the Mafia and the Yardies for taking over Liberty City and my goal is to take over San and Vice too and so you need to help me.I'll pay you 500$ per month,OK?"

Ken nodded.

"Good" said Claude "Come on I'll show you around"

---------------------------------------------------------

"Listen" said Lee hoarsley "We are in huge money losses and I want you to rob Portland's local bank alone"

Ryan looked up his face paper white:

"Alone? You've got to be joking Lee-"

"I am joking" said Lee smiling "I'll send five guys with you and you have to take hostage of everyone inside except the security guards whom you will kill using my silenced pistol.You will go there using the PCJ-600 the rest will follow in a Yakuza Stinger.Order the others to take hostage and make sure no one presses the alarm,You meanwhile will go upto the safe break it open using a explosive and grab as much money as you can and dump it into the trunk I will give you,If all goes well you should be able to make it out before the police arrive If anything happens call me using your Cell Phone OK?"

"Yeah,but I need-"

"Here" said Lee as though he had read his mind stretching out a large piece of paper with many drawings and markings.

"OK" said Ryan staring at the paper "When will we do this job?" he added looking up.

Lee hesitated before saying "In four weeks time"

----------------------------------------------------

Edited by Master of San Andreas

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