Football

[Master of San Andreas]

Here it goes........

 

"They step on the pitch,

The crowd roaring behind their backs,

The match begins;

A short pass by the opposition,

 

Their striker makes a dash for the goal,

but fails in the end.

 

Our playmaker has a shot,

Their keeper edges it away

Our ace striker heads in the corner,

And scores the first goal!

 

After half-time-

The opposition takes control,

Their substitute goes for the goal,

But is tackled brutually by our defender.

 

He earns a red card!

A short fight-

But the refree stands by his decision,

 

10 seconds to spare-

Their striker's in again,

Another horrible tackle by our defender,

The refree awards a penalty.

 

The last kick of the game-

He has a go,

And put's it past the keeper.

 

The final result-

A 1-1 draw."

 

[TenEightyOne]

Man, I hate soccer

 

Still, reading this poem I was immediately struck by how you lift the game into the realms of mystic battle and summon up the feeling of challenge and brutality. While the style might not be to everyone's test it's well-written and well-constructed overall.

 

The final line... I'm not sure about it, I see how you wanted to end with a lyrical full-stop but it seems a little twee and, in my opinion, diminishes the strength of all that's come before.

 

Overall this is good, I really liked it