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Yossarianite

The Bible Decoded

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Yossarianite

The Bible has been a mystery, its an international bestseller and it has so many things in it.

 

Those christian may know about the books of the Bible and about how how each book can be related to the other. How a parable has much more in it,more than we've actually read or understood. How the stories and events relate to each other, how we need to read some other verse to understand the one we 're reading.

The Bible is a big, beautiful and miraculous web that contains more than meets the eye.

So, here we 'decode' the Bible, put all the threads together, tell the stories not mentioned/hidden, lets go into detail about it all.

 

Even atheists are invited, but mind you, no flaming, only contributions.

 

We can start off in order or go randomly with anything we know at all and I will add everything .

All our findings will be put in order in the next post.

So grab the nearest Bible and lets start right away!

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lil weasel

The 'Books' of the Bible are the ranting’s of a few self-appointed Religious 'Freaks'.

The rambling writings of disassociated people, who dream, hear 'spirits', have omens, et cetera.

For every entry on one side there is another of complete opposite thought.

There is no Killing, but there is also a time to kill.

You mustn’t sing or dance, then you should rejoice by dancing and singing.

It’s been pointed out that some books of the bible are censored, others are deleted.

It is a political based platform. Whomever is in power says what belongs in the bible, there is no input by the ‘Real’ God that hasn’t passed through the kidneys of a council.

Why Versions? If it is truly the word of a God there should/can only be one.

It’s a menu, you pick or chose which parts your tribe will follow and kill anyone who disagrees before they can pollute the tribes young minds.

 

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sivispacem

I've been umming and aahing about this, as it's not a traditional debate topic and I fear that it's just going to become some kind of flame war. I think, therefore, it's probably better served elsewhere- but the question is where? For now, I've moved it to General Chat, and the other staff can then do with it as they please.

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Darth Yokel

There's nothing to decode. A collection of fairy tales written by a bunch of bronze age fellows. And some ancient idiot decided it should be used as a book of laws.

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na89340qv0n34b09q340

You're not using the thread right.

 

 

Even atheists are invited, but mind you, no flaming, only contributions.

 

OP, this community probably won't be able to help you, there might be a few members that'll do it, but as you can see, the majority of people here are going to call bullsh*t on your theory.

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Drake1212

What is there to decode? Why should we decode? What makes you sure that there is something to find in the bible?

Honestly, it's an old book with old stories and nothing else.

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EscoLehGo

Let's start off with the duetoronomy verse that states a man can not enter the assembly of the Lord if his penis has been chopped off or his nuts have been crushed. So with the crushed part does getting kicked in the balls count or are we talking sledgehammer crushed? Also, are dickless males, no matter how they became dickless, allowed into heaven even if they follow all the rules? If they're not allowed in the assembly on earth I would imagine they might be barred from the assembly in the afterlife as well. Let's discuss this, brothers.

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Voodoo

It's... it's a cook book!

 

 

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Icarus
It's... it's a cook book!

I bet they have the perfect recipe for rib of man.

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Kevin...

 

It's... it's a cook book!

I bet they have the perfect recipe for rib of man.

No...the only way they say to enjoy the rib of man is in the missionary position. F*ck that noise...I ain't doin all the work.

 

@EscoLehGo: You sound worried. Is there something we should know? Maybe a personal concern?

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Typhus

The only way it can be "decoded" is to seperate the tiny grains of truth from the lies and gross exaggerations.

View the Old Testament in its true light, not as a moral guide that still holds weight in the 21st Century, it doesn't, but rather as the revenge fantasy of a supremely brutal, xenophobic tribe trying to explain their various stages of enslavement and nomadic wandering.

 

There is no hidden meaning, much of it is childish exaggeration designed to sway the young and uneducated. But then, isn't that to be expected? The Israelites existed in a state of perpetual war, assailed by neighbours, privy to internal power struggles and facing the very real threat of annihilation. And like any people, they would obviously utilise propaganda to explain away these tribulations as the will of God or the machinations of perverse foreigners.

 

Look at Moses, for example, more likely than not a real figure, an insurrectionist who seized control of the Israelites. But doesn't it make sense for him to 'pad out his record'? Thus, he orders his origin rewritten. He wasn't just one of the Hebrew labourers, he was adopted by a member of the Egyptian royal family. The intent is clear, the man was always destined for greatness, the man was raised by Kings and is so qualified to lead the Israelites.

Lies, but lies told in the service of tangible political goals.

 

There's your hidden meaning, folks. It's ancient propaganda to further the agenda of an ancient tribe who were attempting to ethnically cleanse their neighbours and colonise existing lands.

Edited by Typhus

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EscoLehGo
@EscoLehGo: You sound worried. Is there something we should know? Maybe a personal concern?

I am worried for the afterlife destination of my dickless brethren and also for myself as I've been kicked, punched and slapped in the balls on several occassions. I'd hate to be barred from heaven due to being kicked in the nuts, we need to draw the line on where we stand with what defines crushed testicles.

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IM_YOUR_GOD

I guess for heavens sake the best thing to start of with is Genesis. ph34r.gif

 

 

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coin-god

This comedy-fantasy is one of my favorites to read when I'm having a bad day.

The plot follows the antagonistic character God, an angsty old man hungry for power, who becomes bored in his isolation and so creates a magical world where he places a naked man and a woman, but neglects to tell them the difference between right and wrong. He puts a magic forbidden apple on a tree and places a magic snake to tempt the naked people to eat the magic apple, apparently forgetting that he forgot to teach them what it means to be "wrong" about trusting the snake and eating the apple- so they eat the apple, and then the fun really begins!

 

Follow God through the years as he overcomes obstacles such as figuring out how to kill off the human race, impregnating a married woman, and being generally disliked by the majority of the world's population!

 

With countless stories about incest, murder, rape, violence, and genocide OK'd by God, The Holy Bible is a laugh a minute! I just love that every hotel I visit already has The Holy Bible laid out for me, where I can easily reach it if I am feeling homesick and need a quick pick-me-up.

 

::SPOILER ALERT::

 

The character Satan fill's the role of God's avasary. Satan and God both enjoy killing people- in the end however, with his all-powerful and all-knowing magical powers, God racks up thousands of kills while Satan is barely able to boast a handful!

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IM_YOUR_GOD

@Goin-God

 

THAT. IS. FUNNY!!! lol

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K^2

If you never read the Bible, you still have fewer misconceptions about what it says than a person who read the Kings James Bible. And unfortunately, that's majority of English speakers. In fact, if you read the Bible in any modern language, you have more likely than not been reading a poor translation of The Vulgate. There are some modern translations that do a passable job of translating Vulgate, but none of them are perfect. So unless you've read it in Latin you already picked up some mistranslations.

 

And, of course, The Vulgate itself has been translated from ancient Greek and ancient Hebrew. While I don't understand either of these two languages, and so cannot say with certainty that the translation was bad, there is no reason to believe that it was done by people who were actually qualified to translate. Maybe it's not as bad as King James, but it would be pretty bad.

 

So while there are a handful of people who study ancient texts and can claim to have actually read the Bible, none of them are present here. I can point out mistakes that were made in translating from Latin, but that's as far as my knowledge of the languages goes. And discussing some horrible translation of a horrible translation of a text written by somebody over two millenia ago seems a bit silly.

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Typhus
If you never read the Bible, you still have fewer misconceptions about what it says than a person who read the Kings James Bible. And unfortunately, that's majority of English speakers. In fact, if you read the Bible in any modern language, you have more likely than not been reading a poor translation of The Vulgate. There are some modern translations that do a passable job of translating Vulgate, but none of them are perfect. So unless you've read it in Latin you already picked up some mistranslations.

 

And, of course, The Vulgate itself has been translated from ancient Greek and ancient Hebrew. While I don't understand either of these two languages, and so cannot say with certainty that the translation was bad, there is no reason to believe that it was done by people who were actually qualified to translate. Maybe it's not as bad as King James, but it would be pretty bad.

 

So while there are a handful of people who study ancient texts and can claim to have actually read the Bible, none of them are present here. I can point out mistakes that were made in translating from Latin, but that's as far as my knowledge of the languages goes. And discussing some horrible translation of a horrible translation of a text written by somebody over two millenia ago seems a bit silly.

Whilst your point about the numerous translations of the original text is correct, I propose that very little of any importance would have been lost in said translations.

In any language, surely the Bible is first and foremost a book designed for the sake of controlling people? Establishing laws, punishments and giving supposedly divine endorsement to human-constructed power structures.

 

I doubt anything would really change were you to read the text in its original language, aside from perhaps allowing more room for interpretation due to the natural double meaning words in all languages can accumulate to native speakers.

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K^2

Oh, from that perspective, certainly. In fact, some mistranslations in King James are not simply due to error. They are intentionally placed there to push agenda of the Church. "Thou shall not suffer a witch to live" is a fine example of that. There were no witches in ancient Egypt, Israel, or anywhere in the vicinity. The line simply cannot refer to practitioners of witchcraft. Worse, the line doesn't talk about any kind of sorcery. The word used is "poisoner", which only gained meaning "sorcerer" later. But that didn't stop people getting burned at the stake "because God said so." Oops.

 

My main point is that even if you happen to be a religious type who expects to find word of God in the Bible, if you are reading any modern translation, you are looking in the wrong place. If Bible ever contained truth, it doesn't any more. Not after all the errors, intentional and otherwise, that have been made in translations.

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El Dildo

is there really any mystery?

 

the bible is a book.

it is a collection of stories. stories written by men.

ignorant, bigoted, old men. men who lived in one of the most uneducated and irrational societies the Earth has ever known, whose knowledge about the world amounts to no more than what a modern child has learned by 3rd grade.

 

sometime later, at least a century after these men had died, some other men decided to organize these writings.

these men were slightly less ignorant and bigoted than the men who wrote the stories, but not much.

and even then, these men still couldn't agree on what to consider an "official" story and what to ignore. they took some stories and called them true, they discarded other stories and called them false.

 

what you have left is a poorly translated, poorly collated, and blatantly inconsistent mess of ancient fables.

 

at best it's an intriguing insight into mankind's earliest attempt at philosophy and morality.

at worst it's a misleading and immoral collection of strongly-worded but ambiguous diatribes that anyone can use to justify horrific acts of cruelty and suffering.

 

if anything belongs at a book burning, it's the Bible...

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AlexGTAGamer

 

My main point is that even if you happen to be a religious type who expects to find word of God in the Bible, if you are reading any modern translation, you are looking in the wrong place. If Bible ever contained truth, it doesn't any more. Not after all the errors, intentional and otherwise, that have been made in translations.

This.

 

Things have been added, removed, and twisted in the Bible for years. If the Bible contained a hidden message(s) of how to stay forever young, the precise day the world will end, or the great questions man has always pondered, it will no longer be found in there. confused.gif My father has a gripe with religion/the Bible for this matter as what at first was supposed to be the word of God, has been changed at the hands of men.

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Tyler
The 'Books' of the Bible are the ranting’s of a few self-appointed Religious 'Freaks'.

The rambling writings of disassociated people, who dream, hear 'spirits', have omens, et cetera.

Says the 72 year old man who thinks our life-forces never die because he read that energy is conserved in a 3rd grade physics textbook.

 

The Bible is a source of both wisdom and caution, and as a Christian and follower of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ I believe that it's a collection of books that holds authority. Not in it's ownership or authoring, but in it's messages. We can gain much wisdom from the Christian Bible by simply ruminating on the various tales and parables presented throughout.

 

Let's pray for a moment.

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Iminicus

Does the disdain found here towards the Bible continue to other religious texts, like the Qu'ran? Or is it simply for the Bible because Christians haven't been known to kill people since the Crusades, whereas, Muslims will blow your ass up even today.

 

( I know not all Muslims will but the point is some will because you don't like their religion )

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EscoLehGo

I think Christians can be just as hateful and bigoted as Muslims to those who don't endorse their beliefs, they're just much more passive aggressive about it. "Hey it's cool man, I'm fine with you being atheist. I mean sure, you'll burn in the pits of hell and be raped with pitchforks by fire demons for all eternity in the afterlife but that's cool with me, man, totally your choice."

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Iminicus

 

I think Christians can be just as hateful and bigoted as Muslims to those who don't endorse their beliefs, they're just much more passive aggressive about it. "Hey it's cool man, I'm fine with you being atheist. I mean sure, you'll burn in the pits of hell and be raped with pitchforks by fire demons for all eternity in the afterlife but that's cool with me, man, totally your choice."

So, you also have disdain for the Qu'ran? Or am I right in thinking you only have disdain for Christians cause f*ck Christians, amirite?

 

My problem with people who hate organized religion is they tend to only hate ONE organized religion, ignoring that there are many out there. So, really, they should say that hate they Christianity or hate all organized religions.

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EscoLehGo

Are you a Christian yourself? You seem to have a dog in this fight. I put it all on an equal level, I don't hate organized religion, I tolerate it but I recognize that it's man made and there's nothing for me in it.

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Typhus
The 'Books' of the Bible are the ranting’s of a few self-appointed Religious 'Freaks'.

The rambling writings of disassociated people, who dream, hear 'spirits', have omens, et cetera.

Says the 72 year old man who thinks our life-forces never die because he read that energy is conserved in a 3rd grade physics textbook.

 

The Bible is a source of both wisdom and caution, and as a Christian and follower of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ I believe that it's a collection of books that holds authority. Not in it's ownership or authoring, but in it's messages. We can gain much wisdom from the Christian Bible by simply ruminating on the various tales and parables presented throughout.

 

Let's pray for a moment.

Whilst I can see your obvious intent with your recent post history, I think it's an interesting idea that you've raised nonetheless.

 

Many apologists, whose number I once belonged to, would have you believe that at the very least Jesus was a great moral teacher. And that somehow, if you can latch onto that fact, then all of the hokey, fantastical content of the Bible can be swept under the rug.

But let us take a moment to really consider the teachings of Christ and really ruminate upon just how worthwhile his ideas were.

 

For a start, there's the oft touted notion of 'turning the other cheek', the concept of complete forgiveness. And whilst it may sound very noble, doesn't it strike anyone else as an unnatural proposition? Even an irresponsible one? Humans are not wired to simply accept injury or insult, if they were the world would not be as violent as it is. Whilst you can debate about the morality behind that violence, you cannot reasonably argue against the fact that it's a part of our nature.

So this 'forgiveness' philosophy is unnatural, it refuses to view the world in realistic terms. Want to know what happens when you forgive your enemies? They walk all over you. Weakness is not a sign of holiness or nobility, it's an invitation to slavery and abuse.

 

On this similar vein, credit is often given to Christ for filling up his ranks with social pariahs. Whores, tax collectors and their ilk. Isn't it at all possible that like many cult leaders before, this wandering rabble-rouser was fully adept at manipulating the lowest rungs of society? Giving them a sense of purpose in exchange for their free will?

Because free will is exactly the price he was asking. He asked people to give up their families, give up their property, and for the sole purpose of following him around and helping spread his faux humanitarian manifesto.

And once again, we reach the main issue with Christs teachings, the unnatural command to detach yourself from the world around you. Contrary to what he may have said, your possessions are not a mark of evil or decadence. People work hard, people accumulate property, people eek out a little comfort from a cruel world. This is not hedonism, this is simply a way of making our existence more bearable.

The effrontery, the sheer effrontery of this uneducated carpenter to ask this of people, to try and remove them from the lives they've built up. It's staggering.

 

What makes it especially shameful is how transparent it was. For a man who was so often criticising the world around him, Christ gave many signs of being just another power hungry demagogue. The kind of false prophet who preyed on apocalyptic sentiment in Roman Judea at the time. And in the proud style of David Koresh, Jim Jones and Savonarola, it became apparent that Jesus hated all authority that didn't derive entirely from himself. Consider his actions upon reaching Jerusalem, supposedly he waltzed into a Temple and flew into a rage, assaulting people, vandalising property and 'reclaiming' it.

So rash, so brazen. Yet throughout much of the New Testament, Christ is wary of people trying to trap him, going to lengths to avoid saying anything incriminating. But as soon as he makes his grand entrance into the city and sees people cheering for this mysterious prophet, it goes to his head, he overextends himself, he declares war on the system, war on the same traditions and customs he had perverted for his own ends.

 

And in the end, when you consider the likelihood of this, his death is seen for what it is. Not the noble, selfless sacrifice of a God. But the rightful condemnation of a deeply cynical, manipulative cult leader.

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Iminicus
Are you a Christian yourself? You seem to have a dog in this fight. I put it all on an equal level, I don't hate organized religion, I tolerate it but I recognize that it's man made and there's nothing for me in it.

Everyone has a dog in this fight.

 

I'm not Christian. What I am is someone who respects others' right to belief and follow whatever they like as long as it doesn't affect me. As such, I have no disdain to the teachings of the Bible or the fact it even exists. I just let it be. Which is something I thought would be right up most atheists' and agnostics' alleys, it seems however, that they continually need to rag on something that many insist is nothing more than a book of fables.

 

On that note, atheism is man made yet you seem to have found something in that for yourself. Science is man made and I bet you have found something in Science. Language is man made and yet many people find something in language and art and movies and music and f*cking everything. So, your argument that it being man made = bullsh*t should resonate with everything that is man made.

 

And no, I'm not agnostic or atheist.

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Finite

There's never, ever been any hidden secrets to the Bible. It's essentially the homework the dog ate, it claims to have all the answers but once you see it nothing. The Bible for the longest time has simply been used as an excuse, in the days it was written is was for land and people, today it's used to justify crazy ignorant things that just can't be true.

 

If I were to look up to the clouds and start talking to Charlie the Unicorn I'd been put in the loony bin, but because you call it prayer and the Bible says that prayer connects you to the Almighty Yahweh then it's completely normal and intelligent thing to do. The point is the Bible was written over two thousand years ago by ignorant mindless bigots who lived in a society worse then any of today's to justify their crimes, the Bible is an excuse.

 

It's really not hard to figure it out, the Bible has had many reiterations and as such no single version of it can be correct, the word of God if it's to be believed would need to contain no contradictions what-so-ever, yet it's filled with them - God's apparently got a plan that we're all playing into and yet we've all got freewill which makes no sense whatever.

 

You'd believe this stuff if you were a fool born over two thousand years ago, but your not - this is 2012 and there's no place for two thousand year old desert ramblings in today's society.

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Iminicus
There's never, ever been any hidden secrets to the Bible. It's essentially the homework the dog ate, it claims to have all the answers but once you see it nothing. The Bible for the longest time has simply been used as an excuse, in the days it was written is was for land and people, today it's used to justify crazy ignorant things that just can't be true.

 

If I were to look up to the clouds and start talking to Charlie the Unicorn I'd been put in the loony bin, but because you call it prayer and the Bible says that prayer connects you to the Almighty Yahweh then it's completely normal and intelligent thing to do. The point is the Bible was written over two thousand years ago by ignorant mindless bigots who lived in a society worse then any of today's to justify their crimes, the Bible is an excuse.

 

It's really not hard to figure it out, the Bible has had many reiterations and as such no single version of it can be correct, the word of God if it's to be believed would need to contain no contradictions what-so-ever, yet it's filled with them - God's apparently got a plan that we're all playing into and yet we've all got freewill which makes no sense whatever.

 

You'd believe this stuff if you were a fool born over two thousand years ago, but your not - this is 2012 and there's no place for two thousand year old desert ramblings in today's society.

Do you have this same disdain for the Qu'ran and other religious texts which teach many of the same principles found within the Bible? Or do you simply have disdain for the Bible because it is the Bible?

 

 

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Finite
There's never, ever been any hidden secrets to the Bible. It's essentially the homework the dog ate, it claims to have all the answers but once you see it nothing. The Bible for the longest time has simply been used as an excuse, in the days it was written is was for land and people, today it's used to justify crazy ignorant things that just can't be true.

 

If I were to look up to the clouds and start talking to Charlie the Unicorn I'd been put in the loony bin, but because you call it prayer and the Bible says that prayer connects you to the Almighty Yahweh then it's completely normal and intelligent thing to do. The point is the Bible was written over two thousand years ago by ignorant mindless bigots who lived in a society worse then any of today's to justify their crimes, the Bible is an excuse.

 

It's really not hard to figure it out, the Bible has had many reiterations and as such no single version of it can be correct, the word of God if it's to be believed would need to contain no contradictions what-so-ever, yet it's filled with them - God's apparently got a plan that we're all playing into and yet we've all got freewill which makes no sense whatever.

 

You'd believe this stuff if you were a fool born over two thousand years ago, but your not - this is 2012 and there's no place for two thousand year old desert ramblings in today's society.

Do you have this same disdain for the Qu'ran and other religious texts which teach many of the same principles found within the Bible? Or do you simply have disdain for the Bible because it is the Bible?

I have disdain for every religion simply because we shouldn't need something that has no factual or worthwhile basis in society.

 

 

Are you a Christian yourself? You seem to have a dog in this fight. I put it all on an equal level, I don't hate organized religion, I tolerate it but I recognize that it's man made and there's nothing for me in it.

Everyone has a dog in this fight.

 

I'm not Christian. What I am is someone who respects others' right to belief and follow whatever they like as long as it doesn't affect me. As such, I have no disdain to the teachings of the Bible or the fact it even exists. I just let it be. Which is something I thought would be right up most atheists' and agnostics' alleys, it seems however, that they continually need to rag on something that many insist is nothing more than a book of fables.

 

On that note, atheism is man made yet you seem to have found something in that for yourself. Science is man made and I bet you have found something in Science. Language is man made and yet many people find something in language and art and movies and music and f*cking everything. So, your argument that it being man made = bullsh*t should resonate with everything that is man made.

 

And no, I'm not agnostic or atheist.

 

Wrong. You're at very least an agnostic if you believe in something as you can never be certain of it's existence and only hope that it is real so whether you like it or not until it's a proven fact that a certain religion is true then you like everyone else on this planet apart from the Atheists are an Agnostic.

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