DP Man Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 So a while back I asked on advice on some girl I liked and long story straight, she was in love with me back so we started a relationship. Fast forward to a month and one week later, she messages me over Facebook telling me that she's losing feelings for me and that she's been feeling depressed over it during the last few days. She said this was because I'm too clingy, too "full-on" and that my constant reminders of how beautiful and that I love her were making her feel a bit bad. What do I do? We're taking a break until she "gets back on track" but I don't want to lose her because I genuinely love her so much that it hurts. I don't know if this is wishful thinking but I think something else may be bothering her, I've been somewhat worried about her for the last few days and I have a feeling that how I've been acting isn't the main cause of this. Keep these points in mind... - I tell her how beautiful she is a lot because she is beautiful and suffers from crippling self-esteem issues caused by her mother (She called here worthless, fat, ugly, a slut etc everyday for the last 3 years to break her and it worked) - She said she still loves me - She was crying whilst writing me this message and used a ":'s" emoticon (She always uses them but not during this period.) - She said she's broken down and cut because she can never see how beautiful she is - She said she'll break down if we talked about this face to face (Not sure if that's good or bad...) - She said it's okay because I didn't know these things were affecting her - She said "i know and i feel like the biggest bitch for acting like this :'s" during our conversation - She said "i dont like it when people care about me because i hurt them in the end, like now." so I think she's had some bad experiences with people that cared about her... - She said she wants to deal with all of this alone (That means no one at all, not just me) - She said she still wants to hang out and talk during this break, I even told her that she doesn't have to but she says she wants to. What do I do guys ? This is my first relationship and I literately fell in love with her at first sight, please help me out? </3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Typhus Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 There is no such thing as a 'break'. It's a euphemism to spare your feelings. The relationship is over and you should move on. Want some advice? The girl needed someone strong to take charge of her, weak people gravitate towards those who are dominant and commanding. You however felt that the best course of action was to coddle her, pander to her insecurities, in doing so you made yourself look insecure and desperate. She most likely sensed this which only exacerbated her own feelings of worthlessness. You should have been stronger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryuclan Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Give her time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HydraulicWaRiOr Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Is this like an online dating thing or what? Call your f*cking woman man. See her in person. Buy her a f*cking gift for Christ sake. That Facebook sh*t doesn't work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lt_yao Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 There is no such thing as a 'break'. It's a euphemism to spare your feelings. The relationship is over and you should move on.Want some advice? The girl needed someone strong to take charge of her, weak people gravitate towards those who are dominant and commanding. You however felt that the best course of action was to coddle her, pander to her insecurities, in doing so you made yourself look insecure and desperate. She most likely sensed this which only exacerbated her own feelings of worthlessness. You should have been stronger. Very much this, me and this girl have been taking a break for 4 years now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A J Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Girls have these moments, that lack any reason, she was feeling the relationship was not going anyway or questioning it, it could be just a temporary feeling she has, and perhaps you can try to work it out. It could be over, who knows with women! My advice would be to tell her, sure let's have a break, stop calling her beautiful and don't let any of these sad feelings you have right now obvious to her, be solid as a rock. As for insecurities about her looks, it seems she might be a bit on the crazy-side, in the long term do you really want the hassle of reminding her how good she looks? Trust me after 5 years, it get's pretty annoying, but if she is hotter than she is crazy, like me just stick with it Try Giving her space, and give the relationship time, if it's meant to be, it shall be. Good luck buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DP Man Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) There is no such thing as a 'break'. It's a euphemism to spare your feelings. The relationship is over and you should move on.Want some advice? The girl needed someone strong to take charge of her, weak people gravitate towards those who are dominant and commanding. You however felt that the best course of action was to coddle her, pander to her insecurities, in doing so you made yourself look insecure and desperate. She most likely sensed this which only exacerbated her own feelings of worthlessness. You should have been stronger. I've been thinking that and I'm probably going to consider this if nothing improves tomorrow. Is this like an online dating thing or what? Call your f*cking woman man. See her in person. Buy her a f*cking gift for Christ sake. That Facebook sh*t doesn't work. It's not that simple, I wish it was. I'm going to try talking to her tomorrow but I'm afraid it'll ruin any chance we have :'l EDIT Girls have these moments, that lack any reason, she was feeling the relationship was not going anyway or questioning it, it could be just a temporary feeling she has, and perhaps you can try to work it out. It could be over, who knows with women! My advice would be to tell her, sure let's have a break, stop calling her beautiful and don't let any of these sad feelings you have right now obvious to her, be solid as a rock. As for insecurities about her looks, it seems she might be a bit on the crazy-side, in the long term do you really want the hassle of reminding her how good she looks? Trust me after 5 years, it get's pretty annoying, but if she is hotter than she is crazy, like me just stick with it Try Giving her space, and give the relationship time, if it's meant to be, it shall be. Good luck buddy. Thank you AJ, I'll stay as strong as I possibly can <3 Edited August 13, 2012 by DP Man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreas Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Give a break for a few days so not too short and not too long and hen surprise her with something big, something that she really love. A gift wouldn't be bad and like HydraulicWaRiOr said that this facebook sh*t doesn't work well and ajbns87 is right too. Good luck, man. I hope that everything is fine for you soon. GTAForums Crew Chat Thread - The Sharks Chat Thread - Leone Family Mafia Chat Thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DP Man Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 See the problem is that she never really likes me buying her gifts or even paying for our dates :s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andreas Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 See the problem is that she never really likes me buying her gifts or even paying for our dates :s Oh, okay I know this from my ex girlfriend. Wait a few days and then talk to her. Ask her what's exactly wrong and if it's already better after these few days. It's hard to tell because I don't know you or your girlfriend. I wish I could help you. GTAForums Crew Chat Thread - The Sharks Chat Thread - Leone Family Mafia Chat Thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DP Man Posted August 13, 2012 Author Share Posted August 13, 2012 See the problem is that she never really likes me buying her gifts or even paying for our dates :s Oh, okay I know this from my ex girlfriend. Wait a few days and then talk to her. Ask her what's exactly wrong and if it's already better after these few days. It's hard to tell because I don't know you or your girlfriend. I wish I could help you. I was thinking I'll talk to her on Thursday, is that too long to wait for? Okay guys what should I say to her on Thursday? Keep in mind that I want to make it as comfortable as possible for us two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Back off in telling her shes always really good looking and that you love her all of the time. That sh*t just grates on you after awhile. Especially if the girls got low self esteem she probably cringes every time you've said something like that. I'd probably leave for her a couple of days so she can get a better grip on herself, and then see if you can actually ask what's really wrong with her if you know its not just about you. She might give in and tell you, which might make her feel better and after a couple more days she might want to be back with you. Seriously though, lay off all of the mushy crap for awhile so she can get a grip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shiva. Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Give a break. But, make sure if she broke up with any guy before you met eachother. This happened to one of my friend. Sometimes, girls fear that they'll break up with their new boyfriend just like they did with their previous boyfriend. This break thingy could be the result of her fear. Hope this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loch Dawg Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Just move on dude, theres better sh*t to do then mope around being upset about girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GunWrath Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) Let me get straight to the point man, no sense in throwing a cherry on top. Just move on, she obviously isn't ready for a committed relationship, no matter how you look at it. But one thing that stuck out to me about yourself though, you were too "clingy" and possibly said "I love you" too much. If I were a female, I'd hit the door as well. Don't take this as me being rude, but telling you how it truly is. I've been with one girl since school man, we aren't married, we have a child and life is good. She's a wonderful woman, treats me well, feeds me, entertains me and keeps me satisfied, as I do the same for her. We rarely throw the Love word out there, because we already know we love each other, we don't need to hear it. Her and I have an open relationship, in which she is bi-curious, so she occasionally brings one of her female friends over or she goes on dates with other women. Which is nice, it doesn't bother me at all. It keeps her "sexual" side pleased when I'm not there to take care of it and it lets her know that I trust her. In order for any relationship to work, you can't constantly be with her or any female for that matter, too much time together will in the end separate the both of you. Because you will run out of topics to talk about, get too used to each others physical interactions and emotional interactions. You have to have space in a relationship. Private time is the best time.. because remember, you have a whole life ahead of you, no need to waste it up the girl's ass. Also, I noticed you two have only been together for a month? Yet you're already clingy, throwing I love you's like it's candy and other things. Tsk tsk, that's not healthy at all. From personal experience, just chalk the girl up as experience, learn from your mistakes and don't go rushing or looking for a relationship, just let it happen. Another thing, why did she tell you on Facebook? Is that how you two are dating? Online? or what.. because if she's an actual partner of yours, real-life, I would have lost abit of affection for her just because she chose to do it through a message rather than in person or atleast a phonecall. I don't know man, do what you think is right, but don't become a stalker.. just let it go, let her go, and move on. (Plus it's your first love man, those are always the hardest.. It gets better. There's sites to help you through that.) Edited August 13, 2012 by GunWrath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Pink Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 I'd take Rebel's good advice. Don't smother her. You'll only drive her away as you are doing now. She's giving you a lifeline by not breaking up with you and going on a break. Give her time. Don't try contact. Show her that you don't 'need' her. Go out have some fun. When she see's your out having fun and 'not' thinking of her she'll come back to you when she's ready. If/when she does. Play it cool. Let her know you were full on. Tell her and show her that you've had time to think about your situation and that you promise you will be more cool in the future. A lot of girls and guys are attracted to what they seemingly can't have. It's OK and fun to tease her as well. My new GF has insecurities so I slag her about them in a playful and teasing way, turning her insecurities in to a joke. More like I'm showing her I don't care. I fancy her as she is and she shouldn't be so self-concious. If every time she said she was insecure about something and I took it seriously and just told her she's beautiful, she'd get bored and smothered. I play it cool and tease her over it. Good luck with whatever happens. MOVING LIKE BERNIE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darrel Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) Losing feelings for someone after only a month is not normal. The sparks should still be flying and you want to see that person every chance you get. And yeah you need to cut the facebook crap, and MSN or whatever you use out of ANY relationship. My girl is always the first to say "i love you ,night" or" love you" randomly. Dont let anyone tell you that its not ok to say you love someone though, or call them beautiful. Just don't over do it. Edited August 13, 2012 by Darrel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chunk Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 You seem like a nice guy, mate. There's some great advice in here. Take it on board and you'll be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Secura Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 A question that needs to be asked to better understand these circumstances, how old are both of you ? If you're very young fourteen/fifteen then it's nothing to worry about and girls come and go during that period. I'm currently in a relationship with someone and we've been together for nearly seven months and she's only just moved into my apartment, so don't bother with her if she can't be with you for more than a month, you're trying breath life into something that never lived. It's hard to understand why some people don't reciprocate the feelings that you have for them but perhaps they're just not ready yet, this can be due to a number of issues such as age, inexperience, or previous relationships that ended quite badly. By the sound of it this relationship doesn't sound to serious anyway considering that she wouldn't even brake up with you face to face and had to use a social networking site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy_Leppard Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Man, I'm in a very similar situation right now. Someone stated earlier: ''Who knows with women?'' - And that's the biggest truth. I talked to a very close female friend of mine and she said they get into that kind of state sometimes. You can be harsh to your girl, she won't like it. You can be polite and caring and she won't like that either sometimes. You have to experiment and see what makes her happy, what makes her sad and watch or read closely, whatever. Sometimes, I guess it's the best to take couple of steps back no matter how painful it is. Be friends with her. Just be there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or something. Suppress your feelings a little. But, as someone else stated earlier, it's your first love, man. If the thing doesn't work out, move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OysterBarron Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 There is no such thing as a 'break'. It's a euphemism to spare your feelings. The relationship is over and you should move on.Want some advice? The girl needed someone strong to take charge of her, weak people gravitate towards those who are dominant and commanding. You however felt that the best course of action was to coddle her, pander to her insecurities, in doing so you made yourself look insecure and desperate. She most likely sensed this which only exacerbated her own feelings of worthlessness. You should have been stronger. Seriously typhus can i get your number to have on speed dial or something cracking advice! It's pretty obvious you have some pretty strong feelings for this girl, but this unfortuantly has a tendency to cloud your judgment. Move along bro she'll only sh*t on you again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viperman Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Whip It Out Someone had too - [- No Fear. No Limits. No Equal. -] - - [- Ride For Life -] - Digging deep. It's not just an expression that's thrown around the locker room at halftime. It's a way of life. A daily code that drives a champions existence. It's not always glamorous. It's not always blue skies and sunny days, and its certainly not always welcome. But love it or hate it, to become a true champion take pure, unrestricted commitment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freakorama Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 So a while back I asked on advice on some girl I liked and long story straight, she was in love with me back so we started a relationship. Fast forward to a month and one week later, she messages me over Facebook telling me that she's losing feelings for me and that she's been feeling depressed over it during the last few days. She said this was because I'm too clingy, too "full-on" and that my constant reminders of how beautiful and that I love her were making her feel a bit bad. What do I do? We're taking a break until she "gets back on track" but I don't want to lose her because I genuinely love her so much that it hurts. I don't know if this is wishful thinking but I think something else may be bothering her, I've been somewhat worried about her for the last few days and I have a feeling that how I've been acting isn't the main cause of this. This happened to me, and it basically means it's over for you two. May as well run out with your head held high and move on. Or........ constantly badger her for an entire year on end nonstop and eventually they'll change their mind and things will go back to normal.* *not recommended, but it worked for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EscoLehGo Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Don't put the pussy on a pedestal bro, girls don't like it and as Typhus mentioned earlier it makes you look insecure, or like you're not used to having a female in your life. Also, if you're a youngin I suggest you take this as a lesson and move on, I know when you're young things like this seem very important and feel like they'll last forever but when you get older you'll barely remember it. The next girl you get with don't shower her with compliments and don't hit her up all the time, even if you don't have anything else going on in your life create an illusion that you do. Girls always say that want a guy like you described you were to her but the cake is a lie, my son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freakorama Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 This advice is all good, unlike mine. But what I do understand from being there myself is that no matter what we tell this guy, he isn't going to listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Viperman Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 This advice is all good, unlike mine. But what I do understand from being there myself is that no matter what we tell this guy, he isn't going to listen. Other than computer related garble, when was the last time anyone took advice from randoms on the internet? - [- No Fear. No Limits. No Equal. -] - - [- Ride For Life -] - Digging deep. It's not just an expression that's thrown around the locker room at halftime. It's a way of life. A daily code that drives a champions existence. It's not always glamorous. It's not always blue skies and sunny days, and its certainly not always welcome. But love it or hate it, to become a true champion take pure, unrestricted commitment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Typhus is so right here, my first thought reading the topic title was 'drop that bitch', OP you should start getting out on the prowl for some fresh vag asap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WF the Hobgoblin Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 Start being a d*ck to her and tell her what's what. It's unlikely but she may respond well to this new "manly" version of you and unless your dead set on remaining friends, it's about your only option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA36362355 Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 My first relation ended in a similar way. I learnt a lesson. There is never a break in a relation. Either she doesn't want a relation with you, has someone else as an option or her mindset is causing hindrance. Before some days, my rant in the grumpy old forumers was all about a friend who was in a situation like you. The only difference was that his break had ended in a break up and he wasn't accepting it. In my relation of four years, there have been problems between me and my partner but texting/Facebook, they never work, man! It becomes a stale-mate. I think you really should meet in person. You must convince her to meet you. You guys need to open up. See, what you've been saying here are the same words you should tell her. You say you don't want to lose the relation, tell her, man. I bet you haven't told her that. Just tell everything that you feel and then leave it upon her. Managing and trying to save the relation are other words for 'forcing the relation to work' and this does not work in the long run. First relationship is always more precious. All the best, man. I don't know you but I hope all goes well for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anus Posted August 13, 2012 Share Posted August 13, 2012 This is definitely not what a relationship is to me. I mean, you like a girl and as soon as this happens you're STRATEGISING. 'What do I ask her' 'How often should I tell her she's beautiful' 'Do I play hard to get' What's the f*cking point? I mean if you wanna tell her she's beautiful, say it when you feel like it, don't make it into something where you go 'OH sh*t ITS 3 PM I BETTER TELL HER SHE'S BEAUTIFUL OR SHE'S GONNA DUMP ME'. I mean if a relationship means constantly strategising and plotting to keep the other person loving you, I'd rather stay single forever. Seems more of a chore than what I'd consider a relationship. But hey, that's just what I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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