I Am Joseph Kony Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 HISTORYThe story of the Lord's Resistance Army, an army and organization lead by him- The Holy Spirit itself. It's a story of kidnapping, murder, and human rights violations. OUR VEHICLES The Lord's Resistance Army is gifted with vehicles so we can make our journey to Mecca. All cars are owned by The Holy Spirit. Our cars are safe, simple, and can be used to get into night commuter camps. If you are with the Lord's Resistance Army, you will most likely be riding a camel. Sometimes, maybe you can drive an unmarked white truck. Everyone is scared of a creature with two humps and mechanical demons. WEAPONS We use weapons to kill innocent civillians. If you're with us, it's your job to kill children's families. Hypothetically, if anyone ends up with a bullet in their head, it's probably the kid's fault. If you have to say they threw stones at you. If you must raise a gun, which will be always, don't miss. Those angry hippies will be less afraid if they find out a nigga has bad accuracy. LOCATIONS Central African Republic Democratic Republic of the Congo South Sudan Unganda Twitchin's Suger Factory (we keep a sweatshop full of kids here) IDEOLOGY We take care of anyone who is a part of us, and our primary goal is to ensure that we force others into our organization. This requires 50% talking sh*t on the forums and 50% manipulating others through private messages. Meaning, if you want to steal someone elses members, it's your job to make friends with them, while the Holy Spirit tricks their leaders into merging their group with ours. To do this, we try our best to keep everything secret. The only way to ensure the Holy Spirit's will is by doing everything it says not to. Furthermore, if you don't like the activities we're doing, then f*ck you. If you run off and tell the media what we do, we'll just kill you, then we'll tell them that never happened. The second part of our philosophy is how we start drama on the forums. Ideally, 10 assholes will argue with each other. But unfortunately, the mods always intervene, and the stupidity of Texas and Frank is ended before our topic can get ten more pages in. If you want to take over a gang you must be friends with them. If you meet a new gang that's small like the Yakuzas, who no one really cares about or is full of idiots, take them over. Those few people will then join your gang because they have no where else to go to since you disolved/killed their gang/family. On the flipside, to take over Africa, sometimes we have to annoy others, and that's through running away from a fight and talking smack instead of manning up since we use hit and run tactics and stabbing people in the back through assassinations because we're cowards. When you take over a gang, you can make them a part of The Lord's Resistance Army, who will then unknowingly help you in taking over other gangs. In a nutshell, we're manipulators and bullsh*ters. But that doesn't mean what we're doing is wrong. ACTIVITIES Free Modes/Genocides: We are very active in Africa. We can be found in both public and private lobbies, often simultaneously, and will generally be found in poorly defended villages. We prefer genocides because women and children are defenseless. Bomb Da Village 2: We scoff at the idea of fighting groups head on, so we just blow up sh*t. Children Slaves: Having grown up as a catholic school boy, I know how the Church operates. The more children, the better, but whenever the media finds out, we'll say they are the Lord's soldiers, or better yet, say they are adopted orphans. Skillset: Candy and window-less vans. Running Away: The best offense is running away. Knowing how weak our actual firearms are, we can never survive a head-on fight. Better hope you have on your Nike's. Skillset: Kenyen track runner. Politics: Our most important goal. While our goal is to take over Africa for ourselfs and the Lord, we can't have people knowing what we actually do. There are a hundred ways to go about manipulating the media. If you want them to get off your back, spout off religion. Skillset: Insanity/Lyme Disease. Drug Dealing: We don't really sell drugs, but we use them. If you think you're being possessed by the Holy Spirit, you're probably taking too much crack. Protection: Occassionally, we will be hired by the retarded to protect them. We'll pretend to do so, only to assassinate them or kidnap them. Turf Matches: Whenever a tribe is on our land, we'll fight them with spears and rocks. Sometimes with an AK. United Nations meetings: I am the voice of the Holy Spirit. Do as I say or die. RULES Avoid pulling rank over someone. I tell everyone what to do. We pretend to hold "democratic" votes but we don't really do that. If anyone other than me tells someone what to do, they die. We'll assassinate you if you go against us or don't do as I say, and if you try to give away proof about what we're doing, we'll deny it despite the evidence being obvious. The key to success is intimidation and favoritism. This includes preferring new people over veterans, or lieing and tricking others who work with us. In this organization, these two ways will get you to a high rank. Look at the Biancos, that worked well. Do jobs behind your leader's back. Plan for six months to overthrow those higher ranking than us. Just not me, or I'll kill you. If you have a dispute with someone, kill them. We'll even set up a death match for it. We'll give you brutal melee weapons, such as machetes. The more barbaric we look, the stronger we are. And that's our goal. To blantantly look barbaric despite saying otherwise. It's all about intelligence. What do you know about infidels? The more our regime grows, the more people will grow jealous of us, despite us pretending to want to work with them. Luckily, you can protect yourself by making the first kill but then say you didn't, such as when Rambo was killed. You have to be clever, and you're clever by hiding from others. That's why we run whenever we know those stronger than us join our games. Trust your guts and your instincts. Fear and apprehension are what we use, especially whenever it's on those who are defenseless. Our success has been because of the devotion of those who are idiotic and do whatever they are told, because anything told by a crazy person is supposed to be right. Don't mistake fear for anxiety, and you'll know what's best in any situation, by killing those we oppose even though they did not do anything wrong. If any of this interests you and you want to join, send a message to Joseph Kony/Doc Faustino/Pedochu/Chrome/Whatever other names I'm using right now or any other time just because I think it's a cool name and I have multiple names just because I want to and I kill/assassinate people in free modes because they have my name even though they have no way of knowing that it's my name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dilo Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Hmmmm Good Luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glenn tha killer Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Arhh my arch enemies, what should I do. Also whoever it is I just want to state that if you made a duplicate account your f*cked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rambo21k Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Arhh my arch enemies, what should I do. Also whoever it is I just want to state that if you made a duplicate account your f*cked! I think he did cuz he has a pretty good knowledge of the gangs and their members Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xXPrinceEzioXx Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 You are just disgusting. Shame on you. Bad Luck!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ex ZuluWarrior Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I have not even the slightest respect for you, good luck living on forums being attacked Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.2D Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 can i join plzzzz? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Mancini Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Twitchin's Suger Factory (we keep a sweatshop full of kids here)<--- Twitching sugars? I dont think you run a sweatshop ON EIC turf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OchyGTA Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Vehicles to get to Mecca? You realise they LRA are Christian right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Mancini Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Whoever it is they arent very bright clearly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EDMEISTERX Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I wish you only shame and failure !!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.2D Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 u guys r so mean.................this guy knos what hes talking about !!!! can i join u plzzz ????????????!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Rikowski Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Meh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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