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The Angel of Death (Poem)


Dr-Mayhem111

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Dr-Mayhem111

 

The Angel of Death

 

I wake up in the mourning with a tear in my eye.

 

Wondering what would've happened if I were to die.

 

My hands are soiled, stained with blood of the innocent.

 

I pick up a weapon when I know I shouldn't.

 

As I force my body to get up from bed.

 

I look in the mirror and see a man with a heart that is dead.

 

I look over my shoulders 24/7.

 

Knowing if my life ended, I'm not going to Heaven.

 

When it's time for a job to be done.

 

I'm always ready but my heart beats like a drum.

 

Once I see the next person who's life I have to end.

 

I pull the trigger but happiness is not what this tragedy sends.

 

So I ask myself, "who am I?" in an empty breath.

 

I'm an angel, an angel of death.

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  • 2 weeks later...
TenEightyOne

Fairly good overall - some of the scanning is a little off-beat, I guess that depends on how you want to deliver th poem.

 

The imagery and use of language are very good though; don't take my first sentence too negatively!

 

If I was going to be picky about grammar I'd suggest reworking the line that says "Wondering what would've happened if I were to die.", there's a mix of tenses in there.

 

Still, pretty good, I'd give it 8/10 for how it hangs together overall!!!

 

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A very tight knit poem. You can really feel the poet's disgust at himself yet he must toil onwards with this dirty work. It flowed together quite well. I can just envision a cold blooded killer, sniper rifle briefcase in hand on a balcony writing this.

 

A few words were crammed in. Poems usually consist of two syllabic words. Longer ones than that usually make the poem seem like a block. Not a bad piece, not a bad piece at all.

 

cookie.gif Have a cookie.

"I don't know about angels, but it's fear that gives men wings."

 

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