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Storyline idea


GTA-King

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So I've had this idea for a story in my head for far too long. Here it goes:

 

Our protagonist has a criminal past, as indicated in the trailer. He was once part of the Liberty City mob, but something went wrong, and he had to get out... fast. So he goes into witness protection to get away from "that line of work." He requests to be placed in Los Santos in the program because that is as far away from Liberty City as it gets. "Why did I move here? I guess it was the weather" could be a white lie to someone to cover up his past. So he starts a family, buys a big house, and lives honestly for awhile. Eventually the economy takes a turn for the worst and money becomes a problem. His mortgage is about to flop and he is close to bankruptcy. So he sees no choice but to return to his criminal past in order to provide a comfortable lifestyle for his family. He does this behind their back by the way, so he has to lie to them.

 

He does a few odd jobs for people, but eventually starts working for a drug cartel. That's when the real money starts rolling in. His wife starts getting really suspicious as to where her husband spends his time, and where all this money is coming from. Meanwhile, our protagonist is setting up a criminal empire for himself. He starts buying businesses and sets them up as fronts in order to distribute the cartel's drugs. Oh, and at some point the FBI finds out he is breaking the terms of witness protection, and you have to work for them in order to keep the peace. But you eventually grow tired of helping them do shady things and you stop working for them, as a result they get very pissed with you. Then for awhile all you do is run your empire, until you get a phone call from your wife saying that she regrets ever meeting you, and that how could you keep so many lies from her. She also mentions how she didn't know about your criminal past or that you were in witness protection. She wants a divorce and the kids.

 

It turns out that the FBI sold you out by telling your wife everything. They also forced you out of hiding by telling your former mob buddies where you are. As the protagonist awaits their arrival from Liberty City, he calls his wife and explains that he returned to this life because of his family. He didn't want them to become poor and homeless, and he says he loves them very much. His wife wants nothing to do with him, and hangs up the phone. Our protagonist then seeks assistance from the cartel, they are surprised to learn about his past with the mob, but they agree to help. Once the mob arrives, they meet him at one of his businesses. The cartel is with him. The mob tells him that he shouldn't have sold them out to the feds a long timme ago, to which he explains he had no choice. Turns out if he didn't the mob would have killed him because he ran out on a hit contract. The contract was for a family man, who owed the mob money. He just couldn't kill a father and leave the family in turmoil, so he fled. He was inspired to start a family of his own, in which he did. The mob then starts shooting, and then there's a gunfight between them and the cartel.

 

The protagonist escapes as this is going on out the back door. He picks up his family and drives them to a safe place out in the countryside. After a few days, he gets a call from the cartel saying everything is safe and they also kidnapped the FBI agent that sold him out. So he leaves his family at the countryside safehouse as he goes to confront him. As he arrives at the kidnapper's apartment, he see's the FBI agent sitting there blindfolded. The cartel member says, "You can either kill him, or we can." If you decide to kill him, then you get the good ending. Your wife doesn't take you back, but you're allowed joint custody of your kids. You also get to keep your criminal empire and continue helping the cartel. If you don't kill him then you get the "bad" ending where the FBI agent explains to the cartel before they kill him that you betrayed the mob and it was only a matter of time before you betrayed them too. The agent gives them details about you. Then the cartel shoots him in the face. A few days go by. You receive a package from the mailman. Inside it is the head of your wife, and a note that says "You ever decide to betray us, know that we will go after your kids next. Continue to distribute our drugs through your businesses, or face the consequences." You then begin crying and punching the wall. You are now basically a slave to the cartel, and you continue to run your empire for them.

 

 

 

 

So what do you guys think? Good stuff? Discuss! cool.gif

 

 

THIS IS JUST A ROUGH DRAFT OF MY STORY. THE POINT OF THIS THREAD IS TO OFFER YOUR IDEAS ON HOW TO MAKE THIS STORY BETTER. I WILL BE ADDING ALL YOUR IDEAS INTO A CONCEPT THREAD THAT I WILL EVENTUALLY MAKE. SO KEEP THE IDEAS FLOWING!

Edited by GTA-King

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[O]tter[ba]nned Oct 8, 2013, for 91 days.

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interesing, nice work icon14.gif

This.

 

I like the whole "This is what could have happened after Goodfellas" feel it has too it.

 

It would really suck if this was the actual story considering it's now spoiled, haha.

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Thanks guys! Yeah, this story is pretty much inspired by Breaking Bad and Goodfellas. I put alot of thought into it, and I'm glad I can share it with you all.

Edited by GTA-King

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[O]tter[ba]nned Oct 8, 2013, for 91 days.

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sh*t.

Pointless comment is pointless. You could have explained why is it so "sh*t"..

 

In my opinion it was pretty cool, and somewhat possible.

Nice work!

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sh*t.

In your mouth?

 

@The GTA Guy & Gtaghost22: Thank you! I'm glad you like it. smile.gif

 

The theme of the game could be about greed and how how family matters,

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[O]tter[ba]nned Oct 8, 2013, for 91 days.

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sh*t.

In your mouth?

 

@The GTA Guy & Gtaghost22: Thank you! I'm glad you like it. smile.gif

 

The theme of the game could be about greed and how how family matters,

Yeah, I think that it's alot about money and possibly greed and aswell as family - no GTA has really done it(except few conversations with Cipriani's mother in LCS...)

The family could actually play big part in GTA V, I would actually love if it would.

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I also liked this story - it has the kind of large scale phases of the game and the kind of dynamics and motivations that we have seen in the other GTAs. I do hope the real ending is a bit less bleak at the end -- that is, I want to protag to come out as a winner at the end, in control and with a good life, not under the cartel's thumb.

 

When I was reading the beginning, I was thinking that it would be hard for a guy to live a high profile, "buy a big house" lifestyle within the witness protection program, but as usual, truth is stranger than fiction. One of the FBI's most wanted fugitives, originally from Boston, lived well in Santa Monica for 16 years before he got caught recently http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whitey_Bulger .

 

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It was a well written, and explained, idea which i think looks both possible and entertaining.

 

The only thing I would like to be different is that the path changing bit comes earlier in

the game. That the ending is decided much earlier so the game can branch even more and

create an even greater replay value. Something like halfway or something.

 

Still a great idea though.

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Glad yall enjoyed it!

 

@saintsrow: Good point. I'm wondering if it would make sense for the FBI to have set him up with a big house, and the dialogue in the trailer is him protecting the truth of him being in witness protection by saying he bought the house.

 

@CommonSeb: Yeah I ccan see how that would work. Perhaps a little over halfway through the game you come to this point where the game can go two ways.

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[O]tter[ba]nned Oct 8, 2013, for 91 days.

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There are some very good ideas in here, and I think it's got good potential for a story. Have you thought of developing it into a full concept thread? Obviously it would need a lot more detail and work, but you've got the basis of one with a very good storyline.

 

One thing I wasn't so keen on though was the ending to it. I don't like the idea of permanently being like a slave to the cartel, unless there was more to go on from the story there. As well as that, if the protag thought there was any chances of the cartel believing the FBI agent, then he'd not make the mistake of leaving him with the cartel. As well as that, I doubt the cartel would believe someone trying to stop them so easily, and they'd want to talk to you about any particular reasons as to why you ratted out your old mob. Still though, that can be worked on.

 

Overall though, you've got some very good ideas here and I think it's got good potential for a concept thread, or at least to be developed more. If you want any advice or help from me if you're considering this, then just PM me and I'll be willing to help you out as much as I can, if you want it that is.

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Regarding the last branch of your story, where the cartel kills the protagonist's wife - if he really loved his family, I think that action would / could / should trigger a huge boss-level mission thread like "Payback" or "Man on Fire" or "Raw Deal" where the protag would grind through a massive killing spree of cartel members over a number of missions, to finally reach the cartel boss and his core operation and rip them all to pieces in a total act of revenge.

 

That would be a very satisfying ending and the protag could live (relatively) happily ever after and threat-free by the end of the game.

 

...................

 

Fan Fiction in general is a popular medium and a great way for authors and enthusiasts of a particular creation like GTA to immerse themselves in the environment and imagine fun scenarios. The OP in this thread has created a variation on the theme, by starting fan fiction even before the source art is published - clever idea, and something fun we can do to get us through the long dry spell waiting for new info.

 

http://www.fanfiction.net/game/Grand_Theft_Auto/

 

I have not looked into fan fiction much, since it is probably a big time sink and some mediocre stuff to wade through, but a really fun exercise for the authors and the readers.

Edited by saintsrow
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@funkybub: Yeah, the Mexican drug cartel.

 

@CheesyJ: Thanks for the feedback! I wanted there to be a good and bad ending, and this is what I came up with. But as I said earlier, if we was to make the choice earlier in the game, it can determine the path the story will take. Basically what I was trying to get at about the cartel in the bad ending was that they simply didn't trust the protagonist after learning from the FBI agent that the protagonist betrayed his old mob buddies. So they made an example out of him by killing his wife. So he is forced to continue working with them, or his kids will die as well. Then the credits roll and your free to roam. I AM thinking of making this into a concept thread. And yeah, just PM if you have any ideas. I would love the help!

 

@saintsrow: Totally agree! The protagonist loves his family deeply, and with his wife dead, he's simply protecting his children by continuing to work for the cartel in the bad ending. I was trying to go for realism, because I don't think one man will go after the cartel by himself and endanger his kids. In the good ending, he still works for the cartel, but not as a slave. His wife divorces him, but he is still allowed to see his kids. Oh, and thanks for the feedback. I will check that link out and perhaps post this there.

Edited by GTA-King

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[O]tter[ba]nned Oct 8, 2013, for 91 days.

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@funkybub: Yeah, the Mexican drug cartel.

 

@CheesyJ: Thanks for the feedback! I wanted there to be a good and bad ending, and this is what I came up with. But as I said earlier, if we was to make the choice earlier in the game, it can determine the path the story will take. Basically what I was trying to get at about the cartel in the bad ending was that they simply didn't trust the protagonist after learning from the FBI agent that the protagonist betrayed his old mob buddies. So they made an example out of him by killing his wife. So he is forced to continue working with them, or his kids will die as well. Then the credits roll and your free to roam. I AM thinking of making this into a concept thread. And yeah, just PM if you have any ideas. I would love the help!

 

@saintsrow: Totally agree! The protagonist loves his family deeply, and with his wife dead, he's simply protecting his children by continuing to work for the cartel in the bad ending. I was trying to go for realism, because I don't think one man will go after the cartel by himself and endanger his kids. In the good ending, he still works for the mob, but not as a slave. His wife divorces him, but he is still allowed to see his kids. Oh, and thanks for the feedback. I will check that link out and perhaps post this there.

Cool, I'll probably get some ideas over time so just PM me when you're thinking of making the concept thread and I'll be more than willing to give some input for you.

 

For the ending, if you were to go the other way of leaving the agent, I'd have it go something like this. The cartel murder the agent, and decide to question you about whether he's right or not. You firmly state that you'll remain loyal to the cartel, and they believe you. By this stage though, you're worried. You decide that it's safer for your family to move, however they refuse, and your wife attempts to go to the police. In the frenzy, she is found and murdered by the cartel. You are then offered one last chance by the FBI to work for them, and help them bring down the cartel, as they do not think you were involved in the murder of their agent. The story then continues on from there.

 

Obviously though, there are characters who can be developed in all of that. The leader of the cartel, the leader of your old mob, people within the mob and cartel, as well as other criminals you're involved with within the city, and the FBI agents who you have to deal with as well. You don't have to go with any of this of course, but it's just a few suggestions for you.

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^ I like that idea! Once I integrate all this into the concept thread, I'll be sure to build up the characters better. I don't know when I'll get around to this though because I'm in the process of writing an original story by me. Basically it's like Breaking Bad, but replace the meth, chemistry, and cartel with counting cards, mathematics, and the mob. cool.gif

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[O]tter[ba]nned Oct 8, 2013, for 91 days.

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HydraulicWaRiOr

I stopped reading and laughed as soon as you said "mob" and "wife".

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@Hydraulic: Again, it seems you are alone in your opinion. So I guess keep on sucking your own dick. icon14.gif

 

PS. As I know you will continue arguing because your ego is so irritating, just PM me and we will continue there. If you're going to criticize something, offer valid points for an argument.

Edited by GTA-King

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[O]tter[ba]nned Oct 8, 2013, for 91 days.

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^ I like that idea! Once I integrate all this into the concept thread, I'll be sure to build up the characters better. I don't know when I'll get around to this though because I'm in the process of writing an original story by me. Basically it's like Breaking Bad, but replace the meth, chemistry, and cartel with counting cards, mathematics, and the mob. cool.gif

No worries. Whenever you're ready though, just PM me and I'll help you with the story. That's all I'd probably be able to help you with though as I'm poor with graphics, maps and all that sort of stuff.

 

Really, you've got a story plan in mind: all it needs is developing now. We've got some main characters in mind as well, so they just need to be developed into proper characters who can be placed in the game. I've got ideas in mind for them as well. Plus, we'll just need to develop other characters involved in the game. Assuming it would be a long story, you'd obviously have a lot going on inbetween the main story as the protag tries to earn money and build up his criminal status.

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HydraulicWaRiOr

 

@Hydraulic: Again, it seems you are alone in your opinion. So I guess keep on sucking your own dick. icon14.gif

Yes, just as you are the one who thinks there will be Mobs in a gang city, kids in a GTA game, and a wife in a game which is more likely to have just hookers let alone girlfriends, I see you've obviously done your homework, good job, I nominate you for the special olympics icon14.gif

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I stopped reading and laughed as soon as you said "mob" and "wife".

 

[supreme]

Well then, you're in no position to judge his whole concept based on a sentence or two, are you? If you're going to criticise anything, try to at least be constructive with your criticism. The OP has put a lot of effort and thought into this, so needlessly flaming him and putting him down won't help anyone.

 

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I heard the Mexican drug cartels are extremely ruthless like Los Zetas. That's the only bit what wouldn't work near the end were the FBI rat Jim out. Irl the cartels would behead him. Great ideas though

 

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@Hydraulic:

1. Mob is from Liberty City. Read before you criticize, dumbass.

2. She divorces you, so that's a good reason to pick up hookers.

3. Vice City Stories had a baby in it, so perhaps you only see the kids in cutscenes.

4. This is all just ideas. herpa derp

 

You really don't want to be respected around here do you?

 

@CheesyJ: Thank, I'll let you know!

Edited by GTA-King

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[O]tter[ba]nned Oct 8, 2013, for 91 days.

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HydraulicWaRiOr

 

I stopped reading and laughed as soon as you said "mob" and "wife".

Well then, you're in no position to judge his whole concept based on a sentence or two, are you? If you're going to criticise anything, try to at least be constructive with your criticism. The OP has put a lot of effort and thought into this, so needlessly flaming him and putting him down won't help anyone.

It's different when his concept affects his whole hypothesis, so I think I have the authority to judge him considering I have a much more different opinion than him, which proves to make much more sense than anything a Ned Luke theory retard has posted, and I base my theories on things that R* would actually do, not something fantasized in a bad acid trip, but other than that, good job for responding to me without telling me to go fondle myself, I see at least some people here have decent respect.

Edited by HydraulicWaRiOr
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Hydraulic, how in the f*ck could you possibly know what Rockstar actually would do? I'm betting you just KNEW GTA IV will take a more realistic approach as well? BULL sh*t! Do everyone a favor and stop smelling your own farts. You're not "Supreme" your an inconsiderate prick who nobody cares about. I know none of what I said is confirmed, which it is why it's all a story that I MADE UP. Make your own story about your precious hispanic protagonist, then we can judge YOUR thoughts.

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[O]tter[ba]nned Oct 8, 2013, for 91 days.

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i liked it overall you kept the story on the same theme the whole time.

 

however i want a more gang based story but if it isn't then i want this one. good on ya cookie.gif

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@Hydraulic: Again, it seems you are alone in your opinion. So I guess keep on sucking your own dick. icon14.gif

Yes, just as you are the one who thinks there will be Mobs in a gang city, kids in a GTA game, and a wife in a game which is more likely to have just hookers let alone girlfriends, I see you've obviously done your homework, good job, I nominate you for the special olympics icon14.gif

 

[supreme]

And you're the stupid one that are stuck at GTA III and can't see any future changes about how we play GTA.

 

You must live a pointless life, with everything around you old and dusty.

You don't have an open mind or a great imagination thinking that nothing will change and everything will be like it was in the past games.

What's the difference between the GTA world and the RDR world? The age? The place? It's ok, but Marston was a killer and had a story that can be compared to Niko, CJ, Tommy or whoever you want. He has a kid and a wife. And you could kill both, if that was your objective. It wouldn't change anything in the story, but the protagonist had a wife and a kid.

 

It seems that Rockstar is miles away from you, and you're stuck at the third-era and at the PS2 generation.

Grow up.

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