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GTA Short Story


deadsliez1

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Hi, this is a story I made based off the in dept-roleplays I do on GTA. Please give feedback on my writing.

 

PS: I really have good ideas although struggle putting my thoughts on to paper, so please give feedback.

 

 

My name is Roy Gordinio, a washed up loser from Los Santos. Me and Joe go way back in Middle School. And officially became good buds in high school. We were bullies at that time, doin' funny sh*t. Stealin' kid's luch money, banging teachers, good times. As best friends, we never thought our friendship would die out, even as a way like this.

 

 

"Got 99 problems, and they all bitches. Wish I was Jigga Man care free-" sang Kid Cudi from my favorite radio station, Beat. The music was loud and we were high out of our minds. Joe was driving, smoking a blunt as he sped off to toward Dukes and Broker. I was in back seat of his SUV throwing up all over the leather material. Damnit vodka. We were near by the Homebrew Cafe. Joe stopped the car.

 

"Ight man. Pick you up tomarrow at two," said Joe Tatteck, with his deep voice.

I coughed. "Okay, dueces brotha." I got out of the car and J-walked a block north to my apartment.

 

As I entered in I began to lay flat on my lumpy matress. Untill, "they" came in. I was renting a trashy room off of three bikers, that's what I could afford back then. The leader took my by the collar and pushed me against the wall.

 

"Where's are rent", he said. "You f*ckin' weasle." He hooked me in the face. Blood gushed out of my nose.

"I don't have the money," I said, in fright. "Just give me one more month!" I was still on the ground. Lay next to me was several cock roches.

"No!," the leader started to speak again. "The rent is due by tomarrow. From this month, and the months before that." The muscular biker kicked me once more. I became unconcious untill I woke up the next day.

 

 

When I woke up, no one was there. Not even the cock roches. Although I had a knock on my door. I got up from the ground wipping the left over blood from my face. I opened the door, Joe. "Sup Roy, let's go. I need you to come with me for somethin'.",

 

I had a headache. "Alright man," I said in a weak voice. "Let's go." I came outside where his SUV was parked.

"That was a real f*ckin' party, eh?" Joe laughed. "I cleaned up that sh*t you left for me last night."

I started to laugh. "Hey. Where we goin'?"

"What time is it?" Joe looked at his watch, 2:25 PM. "Oh sh*t! Damn, I need to go visit my man."

"Your man?" I questioned.

"Ya, the stud who's been givin' me all my products," Joe answered.

"Damnit Joey, you know how I feel about that sh*t since I got locked up in Los Santos."

"Ah, come on man!" Joe said in a friendly way. "I need one of my boys to go with me."

"I thought you knew this guy?"

"I do, but this is a f*ckin' large amount. I need you to make sure he wont do sh*t. Here, this will help." Joe reached into his glove compartment and took out a glock, and handed it over to Roy. He then starred directly at Roy. "Come on homie." Joe was smiling.

I sighed. "Fine. Let's roll."

 

 

 

 

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Not bad. Space your dialogue lines, and there's a few mis-spelt words but overall you're getting your words across alright. Don't capitalize everything and [/center] can sometimes ruin the overall layout of a story when you post it on here. I'd like to see you write something of your own creation, as I think you've got a lot of potential, but criticism is something most people can't take. Not bad, but not great either.

"I don't know about angels, but it's fear that gives men wings."

 

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Not bad. Space your dialogue lines, and there's a few mis-spelt words but overall you're getting your words across alright. Don't capitalize everything and [/center] can sometimes ruin the overall layout of a story when you post it on here. I'd like to see you write something of your own creation, as I think you've got a lot of potential, but criticism is something most people can't take. Not bad, but not great either.

Alright, thanks for the respectable feedback icon14.gif

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Not bad. Space your dialogue lines, and there's a few mis-spelt words but overall you're getting your words across alright. Don't capitalize everything and [/center] can sometimes ruin the overall layout of a story when you post it on here. I'd like to see you write something of your own creation, as I think you've got a lot of potential, but criticism is something most people can't take. Not bad, but not great either.

Alright, thanks for the respectable feedback icon14.gif

Not a problem man. If you need any more feedback or anything proofread, PM me. icon14.gif

"I don't know about angels, but it's fear that gives men wings."

 

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