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Heroes United


cas-97

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This is Heroes United a WWII Story. I wrote it 5 Months ago and thought let other people see it.

Discription: Heroes United is based in 1942 where Private: Tom Johnson (Later Promoted Corporal) has finished all training and is now ready for the battlefield against German forces. He joins the 2nd Marine Division in Sergent: James Thompson Squad. Then there's Corporal: Jake Griggs in the 17th Airborne Division he's been in the War since the 1st Day under command of Captain: Luke Griffan.

Edited by cas-97
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Chapter 1: 1942 United States. My name is Tom Johnson i joined after my family died and after what i did they could of sentenced me to death so a man named Sergeant: James Thompson made a different suggestion so i was brought here the Military i just finished training time to go into the battlefield said Tom.

Tom put down that damm Radio and come here said James madly.

Ok Marines you bunch of soft f*cking panzies would of became some Cell daddy's little b*tch shouted Sergeant: James Thompson.

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LongHairedFreakyGuy

Uhm, the main point I can say is that story makes no sense, due to the lack of punctuation and grammar. You posted a tiny synopsis, which doesn't do really well at explaining anything at all, and then you're first paragraph is 2 lines long, followed by some speech, which should be put in "".

 

You're also running the text of the story into speech, so makes it even harder (if possible) to follow the story.

 

If you are being serious about this story, then I suggest you put ALOT of work into producing something worth reading.

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