The Love Connection

[vertical limit]

You guys, relationships aren't just about the physical stuff sex, yes a bit but not all of it. They are there because they cheer you up when you feel like sh*t, make you laugh, have a good time. I don't mean a blow job, but an actual good time

 

I recently got an Italian girlfriend and I am truly happy.

[Ronmar The Only]

I read your story Ronmar, and I thought about it, you start off by saying, you never cared enough to be in a relationship. Are you certain of this? From your interactions with this girl with the button nose, I'd say you cared enough to spend time with her, and although not a fully fledged relationship was ever confirmed or fully declared, in sorts you had something going there.

Maybe it was just a casual one off fling, but seeing as you see yourself as a wandering puppy, maybe you have more feelings for her than you actually care to admit?

Anyways you wrote it very nicely, and "wanting every moment to last longer than possible", is a feeling Im sure everyone can relate to.

Good luck with whatever you chose to do, Im sure things will fall in to place.

Thanks for your advice.

Probably should've phrased it a bit better. I've never cared to be in a relationship. As in the past tense. I would like to be in one with her, but it would be a long distance thing and difficult with school.

 

Anyways, she has stated that she doesn't want anyone right now and even if she did, she'd probably try to be with someone completely new.

 

Bullsh*t I somewhat say. But whatever. I've begrudgingly come to the realization that nothing will happen now. With her.

 

Doesn't mean I'm not going to test the waters in my free time. If a point in time comes where we're both free and interested, I'll be happy for that day. If not, we had some time together where I believe we truly liked/lusted over each other.

 

 

To Stonehead:

 

 

I've personally never let a lady pay for something if we go out, even if we are friends though I only pay whenever I invited them to coffee or something cheap.

 

Having said that, I would take issue with the constant desire to go out and spend money. A few times is not necessarily an issue, but if it is as constant as you say, you might need to lay down some law about how often you'll go out, or, at least, that you can't afford to do this all the time.

 

Some girls are like that, wanting to go out constantly. If they are, hopefully they're relatively cheap drinkers.

 

Try to let her know how you feel. Or, maybe plan some "romantic" night in. I put it in quotes just because it doesn't have to be candles and Barry Manilow. Make dinner or something. I'm always up for cooking, especially for a lady.

 

Also, I don't know if you should hold that sickness story against her. Maybe she just hasn't been around someone that sick. And, if that was two years ago and she is 20 like you are now, that would still be late teen years. Hopefully she has matured some since then.

[mrpain]

I was thinking that this topic was pretty lame but then I realized I have my own love problems so....

 

There's this sweet girl who I'm close friends with. Do I have feelings for her? Yeah. Does she have feelings for me? Yeah, she confessed to me on several occasions. Problem is, she has a boyfriend. This is where I started to get confused. Do I be an asshole and break them up or do I just wait for them to end it? And am I a jerk to be flirting around her even though she has a boyfriend? She already told me that her boyfriend ain't that perfect for her.

[Ronmar The Only]

 

I was thinking that this topic was pretty lame but then I realized I have my own love problems so....

 

There's this sweet girl who I'm close friends with. Do I have feelings for her? Yeah. Does she have feelings for me? Yeah, she confessed to me on several occasions. Problem is, she has a boyfriend. This is where I started to get confused. Do I be an asshole and break them up or do I just wait for them to end it? And am I a jerk to be flirting around her even though she has a boyfriend? She already told me that her boyfriend ain't that perfect for her.

 

I did. -------> Read above comments if you want my story. Short and sweet, I messed around with someone I cared about for a long time who had a boyfriend who I was once good friends with.

 

Though, my situation isn't entirely the same.

 

Your question about being "that guy" (I don't want to be referred to as an asshole, I'm quite the gentleman) depends on a several factors.

 

 

1) How long have they been dating?

2) How long have you had these feelings?

3) How long has she had these feelings?

4) How long have you known her?

5) What is the endgame, would it just be a curiosity fulfilled or possibly more?

6) Why must it be her?

7) Has she said anything about leaving him?

8) Has she said anything about trying to leave him?

9) How do they act around each other when you're around?

10) How do they act around each other in general?

11) How does she act around you?

12) How do you act around her?

13) Could you live with yourself with the thought that you were "that guy" at one moment in time?

14) Could you wait for her to break up with him?

15) Could there be anyone else?

 

 

Alright, that is enough questions. I can think of more if you want. There are only a few that I might consider the most important. Notably 2-4 and 11-12. Though, I came up with them.

 

Also, from a personal stand point, do you keep a journal of sorts? If so, write down what you feel. See if it stays constant. See if she is mostly on your mind or if someone else is.

[mrpain]

Also, from a personal stand point, do you keep a journal of sorts? If so, write down what you feel. See if it stays constant. See if she is mostly on your mind or if someone else is.

SHE IS MOSTLY ON MY MIND EVERY SINGLE DAY! Seriously, I can't stop thinking about her. Well that and I text her everyday.

 

Alright, I have free time, might as well do the questions here.

 

1) How long have they been dating? Exactly a year now.

2) How long have you had these feelings? Since I met her, like two years ago.

3) How long has she had these feelings? Since she met me, like two years ago.

4) How long have you known her? Sigh... two years ago.

5) What is the endgame, would it just be a curiosity fulfilled or possibly more? I just want to be around her. Something about hanging with her really affects me.

6) Why must it be her? Because she's the only girl in my life that I ever cared about.

7) Has she said anything about leaving him? Well, several times. I heard from her too many times this "It is final."

8) Has she said anything about trying to leave him? Yeap, but failed to do so. There's something about her boyfriend, I dunno.

9) How do they act around each other when you're around? Pretty normal really, but the boyfriend does hate me. I called him Chubby.

10) How do they act around each other in general? That I don't know.

11) How does she act around you? She's pretty comfortable around me. She always opens up to me and really we behave like brothers/sisters in public.

12) How do you act around her? Same thing like how she acts around me.

13) Could you live with yourself with the thought that you were "that guy" at one moment in time? No, I can't. I already told her I do not want to be the reason for ending their relationship.

14) Could you wait for her to break up with him? Actually yes.

15) Could there be anyone else? Well, there's me....

 

You might be thinking, if I met her two years ago, why didn't I go for her? Well that's because I didn't truly know whether I really had feelings for her. And by the way, the boyfriend used her Facebook to block me so I can't see what she's doing on Facebook anymore.

[Ronmar The Only]

Hmmm. Sounds something like Raisin and me.

 

Are you actually around 16? (I'm particular about details sometimes, sorry if it offends you that I tried to figure out your age)

 

If so, I would say don't worry at this point in time. I never thought I would end up with the girl I liked back in high school and while what we had didn't last, or isn't still there now, that week we were smitten was great.

 

 

Now, if you can't live with yourself being "that guy," you've already answered the question. Especially if you think you could wait.

 

Don't be that guy. Be a good friend, tell her what you truly think she should do. If you can, detract your own feelings and look at it objectively. It would help if you have reasons to why they should break up. I had reasons. Well, I say I had reasons. Maybe it is just justifications for what I did.

 

 

Also, he blocked you on her facebook? She doesn't have control of her own facebook. (Hint. Hint. Wink. Wink. ---> Reason 1)

 

Crazy.

 

And, I'd say, if you are nearly 16, be open to other opportunities. It was nearly six years before I was with Raisin. I remember the day I met her. She shown up on my doorstep and a friend and my stepfather answered it, frightening both girls some. I remember letting her drive my mother's lexus. I remember so many good memories of when we were just friends. Moments I'll never forget. Rain dances. Walking through k-mart in pajamas.

 

I just wished she remembered things as well as I do.

 

Sorry about that digression back to me. She's on my mind most times. Until I find something pretty to distract me.

[Kevin...]

 

My girlfriend wants to get married next fall. Should I marry her?

No. Marriage is a cage and eventually you will resent this woman for keeping you from doing what you want. At a certain age, women want to get with a free spirit. But as they grow older, they want the safe option. They want a man they can domesticate and change so they can kid themselves that they're some fairy princess who's found their Prince Charming.

Men who get married eventually end up whoring out their individuality to keep the missus happy. The whole institution of marriage is a sham. Relationships are often fickle and based on heated emotions, easily stirred but easily extinguished. Yet marriage proclaims to make these feelings constant and lifelong.

It's a falsehood, it doesn't work. Keep your freedom, don't get married.

Relationships should be about a man and a woman being equal. Not some woman having a 'special day' whilst you just get shoved around and told what to say like a damn slave.

Not if you find the right woman. I'm a flaming heterosexual, but chicks tend to annoy the crap out of me. That didn't stop me from my promiscuous years, and I believe those were the years where I discovered that chicks can be annoying.

 

I've been with the same chick since around 1987. We are married now and ,honestly, it is a good thing. Even though she still can annoy me, she doesn't annoy me half as much as any of the other girls I was with .

 

And Kevin has some solid points in his post. Guess what people, it isn't the 50s any more. All of your jokes about 'make me a sandwich' don't really translate into the real world of marriage in today's world.

 

 

@Lith, if she is the right woman for you, and you don't see yourself wanting to kill her in a few years, there is nothing wrong with marriage. There is always divorce.

Nah, its not a 50s thing, she just can't f*cking cook and she is kinda lazy. I would quicker clean the livingroom and make dinner than she would because she would rather watch tv in another room and order pizza...but its not all that bad. This is the happiest I have ever been. I got a stepson, a baby due March 22nd, a good job that lets me work at the same place and on the same shift as my wife...life is good. Gotta admit though, being married makes arguing easier. Its not like you can leave for a few days like folks who are dating. We eventually have to compromise or she just gives in to the prevailing logic or easier way.

Edited September 8, 2011 by κενιη

[Iminicus]

I am married. I can no longer f*ck other women without getting murdered by my pregnant wife or getting a divorce. I am not a cunning man so sneaking around behind her back is out of the question.

 

Just saying this now, don't ask for advice from me. It will only get you use to hearing:

 

"Honey, come rub my back."

"No, you cook me dinner. I'm your wife, not your slave."

"Go bother daddy. Mommy wants to sleep."

 

 

 

 

lol

Does that mean the Annual Gangbang at your place is cancelled?

[Jonesizzle]

 

It's a falsehood, it doesn't work. Keep your freedom, don't get married.

Relationships should be about a man and a woman being equal. Not some woman having a 'special day' whilst you just get shoved around and told what to say like a damn slave.

Sounds like a typical 'my hearts been shattered to pieces' view on things, sorry, but it's quite...interesting the way you put it. Women may have "special days", they'll want the back rubbed, they'll want the pussy ate, and if you have the right women who you dearly love, then you will do anything for that women, regardless of the situation, to make her happy. And you know she's the right one if she does the same for you, on a physical, mental and spiritual level.

 

You've never felt love, or never will with that stupid ass attitude.

 

People who search for love will find it, eventually, but having a mind-frame of "marriage is a scam" is asking for a life of being loney... especially if you try to have a relationship with a women.

[Jay]

 

I appreciate your feedback

 

the whole "kidding yourself that the good times are worth the bad" hits a note, I hate to admit it, I think that is true.

She sounds like the type of girl who would post that Marilyn Monroe quote on her facebook page, if only to justify being periodically insufferable. To me, that is a red flag. Any girl or woman looking up to someone as neurotic, self centred and lonely as that is nobody you should be interested in.

 

Excuse me while I go into other threads and cast more aspersions.

 

 

My girlfriend wants to get married next fall. Should I marry her?

If you have to ask other people then I'd say no, you shouldn't.

It was more of a joke than anything. Theres very few people on this forum I would listen to/heed advice from when it comes to life changing matters.

That pretty much explains why you're still with her.

Edited September 8, 2011 by Jay

[Iminicus]

I think marriage is overrated and I never plan on getting married. It is really a personal choice.

[mrpain]

Hmmm. Sounds something like Raisin and me.

 

Are you actually around 16? (I'm particular about details sometimes, sorry if it offends you that I tried to figure out your age)

 

*advice advice advice*

Raisin sounds like a pretty name. And yeah, I'm around 16, says right on my profile info. Don't worry I ain't offended

 

Yeah thanks for the advice. I really wouldn't mind just staying as her good friend, as long she's around me is what counts right? Just few days ago she told me that she felt like kissing me when we were taking the train together.

 

Feels good getting this out, even on the Internet.

[Law0070]

I appreciate your feedback

 

the whole "kidding yourself that the good times are worth the bad" hits a note, I hate to admit it, I think that is true.

 

The hair pulling thing has happened, but its the pinches that are the worst, they're like a stealthy nasty thing she does to my arms or ribs, one time she was feeling down about the way she looked, despite my best efforts to remind her she is really good looking, a girl walks past wearing hot pants, guys check her out, I make an effort not to, she notices her, and demands I look at her and say if she looks nicer or something along those lines, I refuse to look at other girl, instead try to convince her that she is the most gorgeous girl in the world,I then feel nasty motherf*cking pinchon my arm , ouch all because I refuse to compare her to this girl.

 

Now people often suggest communication is key, I agree and talking helps, but it almost seems useless when she is in a mood swing, afterwards I get the same apologies and the promises it won't happen again, and she is really sweet to me afterwards, I guess all those rough times though, when she put me to tears, its not surprising I thought about this other girl....

 

A lot of the time after arguments, I always get to be made to feel its partially my fault for all of this, I'm the reason she is unhappy, If I showed her more attention and affection she wouldn't be in this mood in the first place, I m not sure how much truth is in that, I've grown up in circumstances wereby I had affection as a child but I also suffered a lot, I saw my mum change to someone else because of alcohol, I havent seen my dad since I was 3, and it got so bad I stayed with my grandparents since I was 12, maybe I don't show my feelings enough because of all this.

ok, nobody replied directly to you it seems (or i looked over it) so i'm gonna add some stuff from my past relationships

 

hmmm, I once had a girlfriend that pinched me, the best I ever had IMO, we were constantly annoying eachother (for fun) ah well, you probably know it, immature couple but the pinching was just to keep me in control because physically she was a LOT weaker than me, but I suppose her (your gorgeous gf) pinching is just being mean and meh...maybe you should pinch her back...so she feels what she does to you (it's nothing to feel bad about, just don't ever slap her 'cause then the emotional and hurt card will be played)

 

and then, the moodswings and the "it's partly your fault" problem...my ex (another one) had moodswings too, one day she was very happy, next day she cut herself...it's horrible and depressing to see people that actually have a good life act like they have to live in a cardboard box and act like failures whilst you know they aren't...I broke up with her, partially because of the moodswings and the enormous amount of attention she needed, and partly because I know I am not the one who could make her happy...and maybe THAT is what you should think about, can you offer her what she wants? are you really a doormat? maybe you should get rid of her just to let her look after some guy who WANTS to be a doormat...(they actually exist), back to my ex and the breakup, after a while I got to hear I treated her bad and it was my fault too and i'm a bad bf etc....solution => ban her from my life...she's still on my facebook, still in my cellphone contacts....We just don't talk anymore (I pissed her off once too much, that's what you get for blaming it all on me xD)

 

tl;dr consider getting rid of her, she might not be the good one for you nor might you be the good one for her (probably)

if she ever pulls out the "you mistreated me during the whole relationship" card, ban her from your life, or make her ban you from her life

 

hope this helps, if not i'm sorry

 

 

 

[Kevin...]

 

I think marriage is overrated and I never plan on getting married. It is really a personal choice.

Seeing as you are a full grown man who has only had sex maybe 3 times in his life and can't manage to hold down a decent relationship for more than a few days, if that, I completely understand.

[okei]

thanks for advice bros!! now i know I'm definitely in for a blow job at the cinema

[anus]

My girlfriend wants to get married next fall. Should I marry her?

No. Marriage is a cage and eventually you will resent this woman for keeping you from doing what you want. At a certain age, women want to get with a free spirit. But as they grow older, they want the safe option. They want a man they can domesticate and change so they can kid themselves that they're some fairy princess who's found their Prince Charming.

Men who get married eventually end up whoring out their individuality to keep the missus happy. The whole institution of marriage is a sham. Relationships are often fickle and based on heated emotions, easily stirred but easily extinguished. Yet marriage proclaims to make these feelings constant and lifelong.

It's a falsehood, it doesn't work. Keep your freedom, don't get married.

Relationships should be about a man and a woman being equal. Not some woman having a 'special day' whilst you just get shoved around and told what to say like a damn slave.

Oh f*ck off.

 

Your constant negativity is a f*cking joke.

[sivispacem]

My girlfriend wants to get married next fall. Should I marry her?

No. Marriage is a cage and eventually you will resent this woman for keeping you from doing what you want. At a certain age, women want to get with a free spirit. But as they grow older, they want the safe option. They want a man they can domesticate and change so they can kid themselves that they're some fairy princess who's found their Prince Charming.

Men who get married eventually end up whoring out their individuality to keep the missus happy. The whole institution of marriage is a sham. Relationships are often fickle and based on heated emotions, easily stirred but easily extinguished. Yet marriage proclaims to make these feelings constant and lifelong.

It's a falsehood, it doesn't work. Keep your freedom, don't get married.

Relationships should be about a man and a woman being equal. Not some woman having a 'special day' whilst you just get shoved around and told what to say like a damn slave.

Oh f*ck off.

 

Your constant negativity is a f*cking joke.

Personally, I love Typhus' posts. They're always interesting to read, usually quite amusing and the responses the solicit are always a hoot.

[anus]

I never really liked his posts, but I was always curious of whether he's being authentic or not.

 

He isn't. All he comes off as now is some try hard emo f*ck who's only goal is to bring everyone down.

 

I mean really, can you find a single positive post of his? Or atleast a neutral post? It's come to a point where it's really f*cking annoying.

[Lithium]

I never really liked his posts, but I was always curious of whether he's being authentic or not.

 

He isn't. All he comes off as now is some try hard emo f*ck who's only goal is to bring everyone down.

 

I mean really, can you find a single positive post of his? Or atleast a neutral post? It's come to a point where it's really f*cking annoying.

I thought he was leaving anyway? What ever happened to that?

[anus]

No idea.

 

Though leaving and working on his life would do him some good.

 

I mean sh*t, we all go through sh*t, but it's about working on yourself to get out of it. What good is complaining constantly gonna do?

 

This is why I think he's fake, coz anyone's who's truly as f*cked up as he portrays himself as isn't gonna be posting around in a f*cking internet forum endorsing their extremely negative views.

[Typhus]

No idea.

 

Though leaving and working on his life would do him some good.

 

I mean sh*t, we all go through sh*t, but it's about working on yourself to get out of it. What good is complaining constantly gonna do?

 

This is why I think he's fake, coz anyone's who's truly as f*cked up as he portrays himself as isn't gonna be posting around in a f*cking internet forum endorsing their extremely negative views.

Oh, I love you. I love you so very, very much. I want to have sexual intercourse with you and then go running gaily in a meadow whilst we mull over just how special we are. Oh, our love is so unique! So strong! With our love we can move mountains and drain rivers!

Why so defensive darling? Why so hostile? And, above all else, why so distrustful? I am an honest man. I do many things, but lie is not one of them. You don't believe what I write?

Maybe that's because you've lived a sheltered life and have never struggled with mental illness. Or have you? Have you lived a bad life? Grappled with thoughts of suicide? EVERY F*CKING DAY? Ever been assaulted and emotionally abused by people who were supposed to love you and take care of you?

Let me guess, you have, right? I know you have. And because you have suffered so much you are perfectly qualified, whilst sitting behind your little computer, to call me a liar. You know the funny thing? So many people here have had far worse lives than me. Kevin, D-Ice, the list goes on. All of them with horrible, horrible experiences. Are they liars? Or am I just a liar because I don't value my own life and pray to get cancer or a brain tumour because my life is full of people like you? I'm a liar because I can't get over my pain? I'm an EMO because I admit my pain? I'm an attention seeking malcontent because my experiences have left me rather cynical?

Kinky.

Your doubt turns me on, your hatred makes me hard. I'm so hot for you right now baby. Sweating, heaving, panting. Maybe if I asked you nicely, we could go dancing in that meadow I was speaking about. Sound good?

[anus]

lol

 

Whatever man.

[Typhus]

 

lol

 

Whatever man.

Don't call me a liar if you can't deal with my rebuttal.

Whatever.

You're f*cking pathetic and you need to apologise.

[Lithium]

I almost wish Typhus was in an official so we could take this in to the Drama lama topic.

Edited September 8, 2011 by Lithium

[Typhus]

Look, I'm sorry. And I don't mean to flame Warlord. He is actually a good member, I've enjoyed reading his comments on a lot of threads, in fact, I believe I've agreed with him about a lot of stuff in the past.

But why is it that my honesty is always, always doubted by people like him? I have tried to give some advice in this forum to the best of my ability. Why? Because I like this place, I like the posters here and think I can be of some use. The problem is that a lot of my advice can seem a bit skewed because of my outlook on humanity in general. You tell me to 'get over it'. And you're right, I should.

But maybe it would be easier to do that if someone actually gave a sh*t about me. And didn't, y'know, call me a liar for no reason. I have never been given a sympathetic ear, I have never been shown even the slightest bit of pity or compassion, no one has ever listened to me without keeping one eye on their watch and another on the nearest exit. How can I 'get over it' when all my feelings are treated with nothing but doubt and contempt? Do you treat other people like that? People on here who have went through far worse sh*t than me, both in their love lives and their upbringing, do you treat them like this? Of course not. But I'm a lower form of f*cking life, I don't count.

 

I'll never understand that.

[Rhoda]

I can see this going into "honesty and moral debate" territory as apposed to giving desperate virgins common sense advice, so I advise we all take hold of that big old wooden pirate ship wheel and tug this topic back on course.

[Kevin...]

But why is it that my honesty is always, always doubted by people like him?

I don't think its that we doubt your honesty. I think it has to do with the majority of us thinking you are mentally unstable, socially retarded or inept, or think you are just generally mentally retarded. When you say "people like him" I think you fail to realize that it turns out "people like him" generally means "everyone but you".

 

 

On a love related note: I was messing around with the wife last night around 4am. She couldn't sleep, felt kinda sick (just the general "blah" feeling she has caused by the whole 3 month pregnant business) and was messing around with me as I was on the computer. She just kept on poking and tickling me. So I chased her to the bedroom and go to kinda lean over her to give her a kiss as she gets back into bed. Still playing around, she starts kicking and pushing away...and kicked me right in the face. Well, honestly, she did a heel-drop to my upper right forehead right at the hair line. Left me with a nice goose-egg, a little rugburn from her sock, and a rockin headache. I was pissed so I walked out of the room and took a walk down to the gas station for a pack of smokes. I figured the 20 minute walk would cool me off enough. I didn't want to be all pissy and end up screaming over an accident. Anyways, the headache f*cking sucks.

[Icarus]

My girlfriend wants to get married next fall. Should I marry her?

No, because I don't think either one of you is mature enough yet for a commitment that large. Given the instability at times in your relationship, it would be too early to commit to something that serious. You guys seem to fight a fair bit, not to mention there seems to be a lack of trust on both your parts in the relationship. In the end, that can only lead to disaster and an unhappy marriage.

 

I'm not saying this to be an asshole (and I'm sure you'll say, "What do I know?" and fair enough), but I'm saying this more as your best friend who would rather see you get married and enjoy it instead of being a miserable bastard and regretting it. You don't have to marry the first girl you've had a really long relationship with.

 

My $0.02.

[El Zilcho]

My girlfriend wants to get married next fall. Should I marry her?

If you aren't up for it totally (and having to ask a forum for advice on something as big and personal as this) then it obviously isn't something you're convinced you want to do. Therefore, don't marry her. The last thing you want is to get stuck with her and that niggling doubt in your mind.

[Illousion]

You know I am starting to suspect that I'm asexual or something. I feel an attraction to women but the thought of a relationship or even a dinner-date makes me feel just, meh. And the thought of seeing someone just for intercourse just feels immature to me.

 

Ah to hell with it. To make things easy I'll just get married to my job instead.