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A revenge.


DHIREN

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Mission pack in progress.

 

user posted image

 

It is a story about Payne. He has come to Las Ventures to find and kill a man who killed his brother Max.

 

user posted image

 

CHAPTER ONE[WORK IN PROGRESS]

 

1.Intro

2.Going to John house

 

user posted image

 

Payne

Introduced in:Intro

He is the main character. He came from Los Santos to Las Ventures to find and kill a man who killed his brother Max.

 

Daniel

Introduced in:Intro

He is Max friend. He stays in a hotel suit. He will help Payne to find the killer of Max.

 

user posted image

 

1.M14.

2.Sawn off shotgun.

3.Uzi.

4.Rifle.

5.Desert eagle.

 

 

Coming soon

Edited by DHIREN
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I will tell you how was the mission wink.gif, Oh and, Payne's brother was Max, lol, easter egg? Max + Payne: Max Payne.

 

EDIT: Well, the history is promising, but you need improve a few things, such the history, It doesn't is deep, you need to work it a bit, the missions too, In the Intro it was just like you come to Las Venturas and there's a guy Daniel, who was friend of Max, so he explains that he was friend and blah blah but, It was just like 5 cutscenes, you must make more deeper the story and the missions you know. Anyway, keep doing missions.

Edited by Gorgonit
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I will tell you how was the mission wink.gif, Oh and, Payne's brother was Max, lol, easter egg? Max + Payne: Max Payne.

 

EDIT: Well, the history is promising, but you need improve a few things, such the history, It doesn't is deep, you need to work it a bit, the missions too, In the Intro it was just like you come to Las Venturas and there's a guy Daniel, who was friend of Max, so he explains that he was friend and blah blah but, It was just like 5 cutscenes, you must make more deeper the story and the missions you know. Anyway, keep doing missions.

I will make other missions better.

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I will never play mission packs like this. Why? No creativity at all.. These mission packs are getting boring

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I will never play mission packs like this. Why? No creativity at all.. These mission packs are getting boring

Dude... be easy on him he's just a beginner.

 

Damn -_-

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I will never play mission packs like this. Why? No creativity at all.. These mission packs are getting boring

Dude... be easy on him he's just a beginner.

 

Damn -_-

thats the point!

Back in time when i joined, new guys didnt rush to create a new mission packs. People first practiced making single missions for dyom.gtagames.nl and only after few weeks of practice they made missions packs

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This is my first mission pack, that's why this missions was not so much good. Other missions will be nice.

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Back in time when i joined, new guys didnt rush to create a new mission packs. People first practiced making single missions for dyom.gtagames.nl and only after few weeks of practice they made missions packs

Just like i started smile.gif

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I will never play mission packs like this. Why? No creativity at all.. These mission packs are getting boring

Dude... be easy on him he's just a beginner.

 

Damn -_-

thats the point!

Back in time when i joined, new guys didnt rush to create a new mission packs. People first practiced making single missions for dyom.gtagames.nl and only after few weeks of practice they made missions packs

Jezus you make it sound like they're getting paid.

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I will never play mission packs like this. Why? No creativity at all.. These mission packs are getting boring

Dude... be easy on him he's just a beginner.

 

Damn -_-

thats the point!

Back in time when i joined, new guys didnt rush to create a new mission packs. People first practiced making single missions for dyom.gtagames.nl and only after few weeks of practice they made missions packs

Jezus you make it sound like they're getting paid.

And go to a DYOM school first. wow.gif

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I will never play mission packs like this. Why? No creativity at all.. These mission packs are getting boring

Why the hell are you saying it's boring if you haven't played it yet.? bored.gif

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I will never play mission packs like this. Why? No creativity at all.. These mission packs are getting boring

Why the hell are you saying it's boring if you haven't played it yet.? bored.gif

I did.

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Rytuklis leave him alone for f*ck sake! You want to everybody be like you or like the others, just let him be like he wants, he published his first mission pack here, is good, no problem, and you come here saying that his first mission are boring, of course are boring for you or for the others because he is a beginner, just leave him alone.
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Please, stop the spam. If you want to give comments, give constructive comments.

 

I played the mission and I believe its good for a start.

 

The cutscenes are well presented with animations, even though they are very few. Your English is also not very bad, so that's also the good part.

 

As Gorgonit said, you still need a better story to keep the things interesting. Maybe you can add more dialogues to give details to the story.

 

If you want, you can actually make this 'boring story ' a very interesting one. You can do this by adding twists to the story.

 

You should also make the missions long by adding more objectives.

 

Keep on making more missions, as you know practice makes perfect. You are surely going to improve on your missions. And also don't worry as your missions will be played by many, if not all.

 

So good luck in your future missions and welcome to the forums.biggrin.gif

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I will never play mission packs like this. Why? No creativity at all.. These mission packs are getting boring

Doing things like that doesn't make you cool confused.gif

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I understand being harsh so someone learns a lot easier, but you guys are just f*cking terrible.

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I understand being harsh so someone learns a lot easier, but you guys are just f*cking terrible.

Who the hell cares? If he's terrible, well he is! We all been terrible some time, back in 2009 I was HORRIBLE when creating missions, I hate people that are harsh on others just because they're bad on something.

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I understand being harsh so someone learns a lot easier, but you guys are just f*cking terrible.

Who the hell cares? If he's terrible, well he is! We all been terrible some time, back in 2009 I was HORRIBLE when creating missions, I hate people that are harsh on others just because they're bad on something.

I was talking about you guys bashing poor Dhiren.

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General Scrotum

Instead of spamming this thread with off-topic posts and moaning about it, there's your friendly button: report post. Or, you can PM the users about it and discuss about it in private without spamming the threads.

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Rytuklis leave him alone for f*ck sake! You want to everybody be like you or like the others, just let him be like he wants, he published his first mission pack here, is good, no problem, and you come here saying that his first mission are boring, of course are boring for you or for the others because he is a beginner, just leave him alone.

Oh, Mr , because this one is your opinion, it means it's everybody's opinion?

 

I had conversation with many DYOM members in skype, they had pretty much same opinion as me.

 

It's the same thing, just like if you joined an army, do you go to war after first day you joined? Ofcourse not.

 

Please think before you say something.

 

Back in time , the "golden ages" as i would call, new people didnt just rushed publishing first mission pack after the first day they joined. They practiced weeks before making anything big. And most of these people are now known designers.

 

 

Anyways, sorry for being very rude and offtopic'ing here. I'm just getting tired of people who starts mission packs without even practice. Just look- this mission pack is ALREADY abadoned. No updates since the last time.

I'm sorry again, but i just cant look how today's community accept's such a behaviour. This is how TonyCJ started his DYOM career. MAde missions packs without planning and after few days we find out it's canceled and he makes another load of mission packs and cancels them making useless spam.

Sooner or later we will find out that this mission pack is canceled, or owner wont even post updates. You'll see. And then you will understand why i am being so angry on new users.

Edited by Rytuklis
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  • 2 weeks later...

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