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Love Lost, No Love Gained


Vega LVI

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“Greg, you’ve got to get your ass out of bed,” Drew said as he pulled the covers off of his friend. Greg lied still in his bed, with his face in his pillow. His hair was a mess, his clothes were wrinkled and his room was a pigsty.

 

“Leave me alone,” grouched Greg as he reached for his covers that were on the floor. Drew pulled them away from him, rumpled them up into a big ball and tossed them into the hamper. Greg stared at Drew with fierce and piercing eyes. He sat up on his bed and ordered Drew. “Go get them!” exclaimed Greg.

 

Drew threw on an angry facial expression and crossed his arms. “Make me,” he grumbled. Drew now stood up and punched the wall. His eyes were full of hate and sadness. “Why does my life suck, Drew?” Greg cried as he sat on his cooler. “I tried to be a good guy. I am just a damn twenty-nine year old trying to help out whenever I can. I never harmed anybody.”

 

Drew could see that Greg was fighting back tears. Drew sat down on the cooler, trying to comfort his friend. “It’s not your fault Jackie threw you out. She was a bitch and couldn’t realize that you were the best she could find. But look at the bright side. There is a silver lining in this dark cloud.” Greg looked at Drew and raised an eyebrow in confusion.

 

“Dude, listen,” Drew commanded. “You’re broke, divorced and your car is covered with pigeon sh*t.”

 

“Are we at the silver lining part yet?” Greg asked as he reflected on his miserable life.

 

Drew smiled and said, “Yes we are. You’ve hit rock bottom. You have nowhere to go but up.” Greg prodded his head up. He stood up with a grin on his face that reached from one side to the other. “You’re right, Drew! My life cannot possibly get any worse! It has to get better!”

 

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Drew shouted. “Now let’s get you cleaned up and out of this damn house.”

 

“Agreed,” Greg smirked as he walked to the bathroom. But, he stopped and looked back at Drew. “Thanks,” he said. Drew made a gesture with his hand indicating that it was no big deal.

 

“Take a shower quick, man,” he began. “You smell like cabbage.” Greg laughed and dashed into the shower.

 

Greg washed his body and hair and then dried it. He shaved his long beard that resembled the one of Jim Morrison’s and brushed his teeth. He waltzed into his bedroom and put on some nice and clean clothes. Greg rushed into the living room where Drew was and asked, “How do I look?”

 

Drew nodded his head. “Not bad. It only took you an hour and forty minutes.” Drew leaped off the couch and gave his buddy a high five. “Want to head down to a strip club and see if we can find some action?” Drew asked.

 

“No, no, no,” Greg chuckled. “We got something better to do.”

 

“Like what?!” Drew stammered. “What’s better than getting potted and meeting some lovely ladies?”

 

“You said earlier that life couldn’t get any worse for me,” Greg stated. “You said that I could only go up from here at the lowest point. So, I figured that Jackie is going to come back into my life to lift my spirits. It all makes sense!”

 

Drew shook his head and questioned, “Where’d it say that Greg? Did your razorblade say it? Maybe your shampoo spoke to you while you were washing yourself.” Greg rolled his eyes and grabbed his car keys. “Follow me. I’m going to get Jackie back. She’s probably at her house. I know she wants me.”

 

Drew stepped in front of Greg. “You can’t go to Jackie’s house. She is not home.”

 

Greg limboed under Drew and said, “If she isn’t, I’ll wait for her.” Drew dragged his hand across his face and stomped his right foot.

 

“Well,” Drew sighed. “You’re going to find out sooner or later. It might as well be now.”

 

“The only thing I’m going to find out is how quick it takes to get to Jackie’s house. Let’s go!” Greg cheered as he skipped out the front door and into the driver’s seat of his Acura. Drew rolled his eyes and followed him into the car.

 

After fifteen minutes of driving, Greg pulled up in front of Jackie’s house. But, something wasn’t quite right. There were women in formal clothing in the front lawn with giant smiles on their faces. Greg called one of the women over.

 

“How can I help you, sir?” the woman asked.

 

“What’s going on here?” Greg asked with a what-the-hell expression upon his face.

 

“Oh Ms. Jackie Reynolds is marrying Mr. Brad Tomlin,” she said pleasantly. Greg’s eyes sunk into his face. “Thanks for your help,” he whispered to the woman who then resumed to what she was doing before. Greg looked at Drew. “You knew about this?”

 

Drew nodded his head. “I didn’t want to tell you because I knew it would make you feel even more depressed.” Greg sat back into his seat and said, “I thought Jackie and I were going to get back together. It was our destiny!”

 

Drew put his shoulder on Greg and told him, “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”

Edited by StoneHead37
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  • 2 weeks later...

Firstly, it's great to see a new face around here! I'm glad you've taken part, and I certainly hope you stick around to take part in the months to come, too! smile.gif

 

Onto the story, though. There were certain moments and lines I enjoyed; the dialogue was bouncy and flowed pretty well. But the situation seemed a little off. The way the protagonist is filled with all that optimism didn't seem to play quite right; it turned him into a bit of a caricature for me. I think the whole twist was obvious given the theme, but I just didn't quite feel it - I found it hard to relate to the character and get into his mindset.

 

But that's just one little thing about the character that threw me off a little. The description is nice, to the point, quick-paced. It reads well. Like I said, I'd love to see what else you can write!

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