Eminence Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 (edited) [] Edited August 2, 2011 by Eminence Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blitz Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 That's a masterpiece. I wonder where you guys from the Writer's Discussion section get your inspirations... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Typhus Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Interesting story Eminence. First of all, it goes without saying that it was very well written indeed. I cannot fault you on that whatsoever, the dialogue perfectly fitted the two characters, the peaceful serenity of a man looking forward to a well-earned rest and the desperation of a stuck-up professional with an illogical desire to preserve life even when there's not much more life to preserve. This story strikes me on a personal level too, I have often wondered what I would do if I was diagnosed with an ailment like that, part of me would want to just give up, to go quietly and enjoy some rest away from all the hustle and bustle of the world, but in the case of the old man I wonder what the true reason is. Does he want to see Heaven? Or does he view all that surgery as some insult to his faith? Is his indifference to his fate noble or stupid? It makes one wonder. I think you've done a superb job of crafting a thought-provoking yet strangely peaceful story. This would be a good choice to vote for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkconnor55 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Wow. that is just amazing really deep and like how you set the mood , atmosphere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meta187 Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 (edited) I enjoyed that. As an encapsulated short story the final line seems to work nicely. Though I must say, this really feels like it's setting the stage for a somewhat longer account of this man's ordeal. A great opening chapter in a Bucket List type telling perhaps. Edited July 5, 2011 by meta187 ~ Studio: Q-13 Lounge / Q:13 Warrior Tunes / Interweb Chex Mix, yo.~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eminence Posted July 8, 2011 Author Share Posted July 8, 2011 Thanks for the comments guys, really appreciated. I received a crit where the reader thought the POV needed to be tightened up, as they couldn't really tell whether we were following the story of the doctor or the patient. What do you guys think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhoda Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I'll agree with that in a way, but I was happy following both. I suppose if it was to be tightened to follow one or the other, it'd change the story slightly, but wouldn't necessarily make it better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zilcho Posted July 8, 2011 Share Posted July 8, 2011 I'm surprised I didn't read this before, because it's brilliant. It' just the right balance of everything - with lots of emotion to boot. It's a poignant, yet vivid depiction of a an almost 'moral' conflict between patient and doctor. It was great, very very good piece right here. U R B A N I T A S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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