Z-Day

[Digïtál £vîl]

Thank you. Removed for publishing rights reasons.

Edited August 26, 2011 by Digïtál £vîl

[Eminence]

For starters, I don't think the zombie thing is overplayed right now. I mean, yeah, in ways it is - it's everywhere, isn't it? - but that doesn't mean that there isn't room for more. You just gotta find a way to put a unique take on it. Not in terms of having some sort of gimmick, but just by having a deep, interesting story behind it all. Zombie films, novels etc. - the worst ones are when the actual story revolves around the zombies themselves. Think of them as a device, for plot and for atmosphere. You gotta have your human story behind it all or it's all a bit pointless: so make your characters memorable and the zombies will just fall where they're needed.

 

I liked this as a standalone story in itself, and I can imagine it being really cool for this character to recur in the novel later on - links like that are what you need to pepper in, definitely. But I can't help but feel that it's maybe not the most adequate starting point for your novel as a whole, especially if the actual thing is completely unrelated. I know you describe it as a 'prologue' of sorts, but that's still essentially the first chapter - it's the first thing people read, it's the thing you want to use to lure them in, to sink your teeth into them and get them hooked.

 

And if I'm honest, this isn't doing that - mainly because the character I've just gotten to know is gone and I'll basically be starting afresh. One of the most interesting aspects of a zombie story in particular can be the origin, but at the same time it can be the most frustrating, if you know what I mean? That moment when the characters just seem so damn dumb! We know we're reading zombie fiction, we know what's going on, but the characters don't - they're so oblivious to the fact that they're zombies! Not that there's anything wrong with that - it's kind of an essential way to set things up - but we're desperate for the character to just make the realisation and move into the flesh and meat of the story.

 

So the question I pose to you - and I'd suggest you ask yourself quite deeply - is whether this truly needs to be where you begin your story. Would it not be better to connect your opening to the novel as a whole? Introduce one of your main characters and the situation they'll be in?

 

A lot of the time people don't want to get straight into that - they want to give us background details, exposition, atmosphere first. You name it, they want it in there. But I want urgency. Give me the background details later. Give me a story where I need to know what happens next and a character I want to care about.

 

This mainly revolves around the conflicts you set up by the end of the first chapter - and the problem is, besides the obvious conflict of zombies taking over the world, there isn't any here (again, because the character is eliminated by its end) - it's about the zombies. It's all anecdotal; it bears no relevance to the rest of the story. I know you intended it to be like this - but it just doesn't lure me in as much as it could. You only get one chance to make a first impression on the reader, after all.

 

As for the writing itself, it flows well and you've got some good description. It may have benefitted from some more grisly details at the attack itself - that'll be a challenge throughout an entire novel, no doubt, as you'll have to keep reinventing yourself to describe similar things in fresh ways - but it's solid enough. The opening especially was well written, giving off that perfect eerie vibe of silence that I know you were going for. I liked the cat's inclusion, too; the juxaposition of the chaos we know exists and Dexter's tranquillity at the end was well implemented, as was his introduction, where we weren't quite sure that he wasn't actually a zombie to begin with. Things like that are a nice touch.

 

It does suffer a little bit when the attack comes, though - because it stays in the same eerie, slow-paced mood as the first half. By now we're getting into action and such large, chunky paragraphs of detail slowed everything down; I didn't feel any sense of urgency for Will, even though it was being described. That's not to say that you don't want any of that detail in there - you just need to find a way of breaking it up in parts, varying sentence lengths and paragraph structures a little more in order to find the right balance between a fast pace and more tense moments.

 

One thing that came off a little weirdly was the interruption of Will's thoughts as speech - it just seemed a little clunky. What about writing (this section, at least) in first person? I think a more casual narrator could've helped more naturally integrate these observations - at the same time though you'd lose the way of opening the scene in such a slow, eerie fashion. But it's something to think about anyway.

 

 

I hope this wall of text doesn't come as a bit of a shock anyway - hopefully you've found some of it useful. You can disagree with me on a few points if you want, haha... but only after you've really asked yourself those questions. I like your writing and I'm intrigued in the story you have to tell - but in all honesty I think you could probably have a stronger opening than this.

 

I'm really intrigued that you're working on a novel though, that's awesome. I'd love to know more about it and see where you're going with it. And good luck, of course!

[Digïtál £vîl]

Thank you for the honest feedback and critique. It is hard to put work forth and find someone who can look it over without fearing another writer wanting to steal your thoughts or work.

 

I'd prefer collaboration, but am cautious normally. I really appreciate the honest words.

 

In regards to the story as a whole, I had also noticed the independence of the prologue and was concerned that it would put the reader off. In truth, the character being tied in isn't even Will himself but rather the cute girl down the hall, Alison. (Trust me though, Will will make an appearance again). The prologue is also used mainly to tie in the city of Seattle as a whole. In the next chapter, I introduce the main character who is the fiance of Alison, the girl next door. It follows him through his first day of the outbreak and the resulting night. In the chapter, you learn that Seattle had been classified as ground zero of the outbreak, and it pushes forward the idea of the story, which in the end winds up back in Seattle. The chapter is entirely located outside of the city of Seattle itself though. I've had very mixed feelings on the intro chapter I posted, but have held onto it for now. So I really appreciate your comments.

 

 

For my book, the zombies are really only a force in the first half of the book. They are the unmoving obstacle in the main character's way and while the world revolves around the outbreak, it doesn't depend on the "zombie" part of it until the second half. When considering the zombies themselves, they could easier be replaced with any major natural disaster in the first half. I did not want to rely heavily on the zombies themselves to drive the story.

 

If you are interested I'd love to provide you further details and perhaps the first chapter or two through PM. I'd love to collaborate with someone who can provide quality feedback.

 

In truth, this novel was far less planned out than I'm used to. Usually I have sat and worked out many of the details of the storyline before writing. One of the many reasons I have so many partially created works and hundreds of plots and imaginary worlds left unwritten in my notebook - I just get distracted and move on. But the story I am telling is entirely from a dream I had. About three weeks ago, I dreamed up much of the main plotline and woke and immediately starting writing for several hours. It has come to me fairly easily and I've been amazed at how well it has come together. I write between 2 to 4 hours a night right now.

 

Still, I struggle with some aspects of it. I worry that I go on too slow in some parts and I fear that in the end I will not be able to elaborate on a key individual in the book who does not even make an appearance until easily halfway through - Alison, if you are guessing. This is where solid feedback and comments from readers would be helpful.

 

Thank you again for your comments. Please feel free to contact me if you are interested. I came back here to gtaf because I trust this network and love the support of this forum.

Edited May 26, 2011 by Digïtál £vîl

[Rhoda]

And if I'm honest, this isn't doing that - mainly because the character I've just gotten to know is gone and I'll basically be starting afresh. One of the most interesting aspects of a zombie story in particular can be the origin, but at the same time it can be the most frustrating, if you know what I mean? That moment when the characters just seem so damn dumb! We know we're reading zombie fiction, we know what's going on, but the characters don't - they're so oblivious to the fact that they're zombies! Not that there's anything wrong with that - it's kind of an essential way to set things up - but we're desperate for the character to just make the realisation and move into the flesh and meat of the story.

I think this is the paragraph of feedback that stood out most for me. I do enjoy a good zombie story, and quite honestly, the more traditionally typecast the better. I love mass infection. I love "government conspiracy". It's a guilty pleasure of mine. That isn't to say a twist on it is a bad thing, but I wouldn't enjoy it any less.

 

If I'm being as honest as Phil has just been, I really don't have much more to add that he hasn't covered. I'm not going to lie and say "oh I was going to say that" because I just wasn't. I'm fresh from recovering from a series of night shifts so I'm a little less lucid than usual.

 

What I loved in this was the most curious part of all - the cat wondering when his master will return home. I know, I know, of all the bits to be a fan of in a zombie story and it's that. It's something I've not seen yet, and it shows that the character can be as alone as he is but still have a pet wonder where he is for something so basic as being fed.

 

Sorry I have little to offer you in terms of structure. In truth, I can't fault your grammar or anything like that, but I'll be back after work tonight if you've added anymore and I'll gladly offer more.