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Making friends


T.Rez

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When I ask this question to people, they tell that I just need to "talk to people". I do this, but I find that conversations go nowhere, they stay at just small talk. I'm 19 years old, at university, living in halls and I've made no real friends. This is suppose to be the best time of my life yet its been f*cking sh*t to put it bluntly. I don't understand where I go wrong, I talk to people but they show no interest in me or just go off and talk to other people. I'm tired of sitting in my room by myself night after night. I feel like its affecting my work, I have an exam tomorrow and this is all I can think about. sad.gif

 

How do you guys make friends who you will talk to again and again?

 

thank you for listening.

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Step one - proper oral hygiene.

 

 

jMNM8n3.gif

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Friends or aquantaces?

whichever one means I get invited to parties or outings and don't sit by myself in lectures.

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Drift-Kingz

Find somebody that has the same common interests as you. For example - music, food, type of clothing you prefer (?), etc. That way, there's more to talk about, and you can make a friend real easy. icon14.gif

 

Also, try going out more... I have an assumption in my head that tells me you don't.

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You need to talk to them more and more. ''Nice weather, isn't it?'' is not enough. Find out about their interests, tell them about yours, go to some parties and such.

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Find somebody that has the same common interests as you. For example - music, food, type of clothing you prefer (?), etc. That way, there's more to talk about, and you can make a friend real easy. icon14.gif

 

Also, try going out more... I have an assumption in my head that tells me you don't.

You'd be correct, but where would I go? Nobody will go with me. sad.gif

 

I find it hard to find common interests with people, or even when I do they just show no interest in me. I get invited no parties, my flat mates barely talk to me or invite me to anything.

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Drift-Kingz

Go to a bar, a game, a park, wherever! There are plenty of people to meet at these kind of places. Just give it a try man, it won't hurt.

 

Also, try to blend in with the other students. Pertaining yourself out of the scene doesn't work.

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Go to a bar, a game, a park, wherever! There are plenty of people to meet at these kind of places. Just give it a try man, it won't hurt.

 

Also, try to blend in with the other students. Pertaining yourself out of the scene doesn't work.

I tried that at the beginning of the year, the middle and towards the end. By Easter I gave up hope as the semester was nearly finished. I feel weird going to places on my own, I feel like everyone is judging me when I'm by myself and would rather not be bothered by some some nerdy guy like me.

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You can't just walk up to people randomly in your halls and start talking. You have to go to places that you enjoy, there you will find people with the same tastes and interests that you have. If you go to these places often, there will be times when you won't even have to approach people and talk to them, they'll come and talk to you. It can take only one little thing to spark a friendship, from having on the same shirt to laughing at a guy who slipped on a wet spot.

 

At the end of the day, it takes just making one friend. If you make one friend and hang out alot with him/her, it attracts more people. Next thing you know, your problem will be 'How do I get rid of friends?'

user posted image
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I feel weird going to places on my own, I feel like everyone is judging me when I'm by myself and would rather not be bothered by some some nerdy guy like me.

The first step to making friends is to gain some self-confidence. icon14.gif

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There's always Facebook stalking, but that could turn out ugly.

7FTgFLB.png

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it really is easy as 'talk 2 peeple'. juss do it man

 

my 1st yr at collge i juss met peeple by chatting wit them in class hang out in public plases etc nervous.gifnervous.gifnervous.gif dont be too nervus remmember that dey probly as shy as u for the mos part

 

and finally god stop been so scurred of what peeple think of U

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You can't just walk up to people randomly in your halls and start talking. You have to go to places that you enjoy, there you will find people with the same tastes and interests that you have. If you go to these places often, there will be times when you won't even have to approach people and talk to them, they'll come and talk to you. It can take only one little thing to spark a friendship, from having on the same shirt to laughing at a guy who slipped on a wet spot.

 

At the end of the day, it takes just making one friend. If you make one friend and hang out alot with him/her, it attracts more people. Next thing you know, your problem will be 'How do I get rid of friends?'

I've been thinking about joining a society next year, but I'm scared I'll just have the same problems. I never had these problems in high/secondary school, I was always able to make friends quite easily. But here its like nobody gives two sh*ts and I feel invisible sometimes.

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Drift-Kingz
Go to a bar, a game, a park, wherever! There are plenty of people to meet at these kind of places. Just give it a try man, it won't hurt.

 

Also, try to blend in with the other students. Pertaining yourself out of the scene doesn't work.

I tried that at the beginning of the year, the middle and towards the end. By Easter I gave up hope as the semester was nearly finished. I feel weird going to places on my own, I feel like everyone is judging me when I'm by myself and would rather not be bothered by some some nerdy guy like me.

Let me just ask you something... do you have any bullying problems?

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I'm going to college next year, so this is in the back of my mind, too. My plan is to join some activities I'm interested in. Try getting involved and you'll meet some people who have very similar interests to you. It's simple.

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Go to a bar, a game, a park, wherever! There are plenty of people to meet at these kind of places. Just give it a try man, it won't hurt.

 

Also, try to blend in with the other students. Pertaining yourself out of the scene doesn't work.

I tried that at the beginning of the year, the middle and towards the end. By Easter I gave up hope as the semester was nearly finished. I feel weird going to places on my own, I feel like everyone is judging me when I'm by myself and would rather not be bothered by some some nerdy guy like me.

Let me just ask you something... do you have any bullying problems?

Not really, in fact my friends used to tease me because I looked jewish but I just saw that as 'banter'. I kinda miss that.

 

I'm just incredibly worried that people talk behind my back. Nobody really invites me anywhere. I went out with my flatmates once and I might as well not have of been there. I also recall trying to talk to someone in class and he just ignored me and talked to his friend next to him. Feels bad man.

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TheBlackProject

Automatically ignore these people that tell you "talk about the weather and what music they like". Conversations usually don't start with these.

 

First of all, find some hobbies that you like. If you don't have any then find new ones. You need to entertain people, an example would be uploading professional filming of yourself on YouTube and facebook to show off to all the students. Join a group or volunteer at a community service, and remember that first impressions count the most and are very important. Say that you're in a class but you've already been attending for 6 weeks. By that time it may be too late for you to start being liked by people in that class if you're not talking to anyone or speaking out loud. And in class when the teacher says something, say a joke corresponding to the subject as a response but don't make it sound annoying or cocky. Start wearing some nicer clothes, you live in the U.K so I don't know what brands of shirts I could tell you to wear. Go work out, this takes your mind off "getting friends/who to sit with at lunch" deal and the less you worry about it the more confident you naturally become.

 

Ask people to go to their party, no matter how popular they are just f*cking ask. Look at recent evens and talk about it the next day, examples would be "the boston celtics lost against the miami heat yesterday, i hope lebron james gets injured so they don't win the playoffs! this chick drove by me, rolled her window down and said that ants are all over town!" and stuff like that.

 

Don't try too hard or people will think you're annoying or desperate. You become more confident naturally. Feel free to PM me anytime for anything you need.

 

EDIT: Go outside, being inside is what makes you depressed and not knowing what's going on in the world.

Edited by TheBlackProject
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I've been thinking about joining a society next year, but I'm scared I'll just have the same problems. I never had these problems in high/secondary school, I was always able to make friends quite easily. But here its like nobody gives two sh*ts and I feel invisible sometimes.

Join that society. Don't be afraid to, what's the worse that can happen? Rejection? Ok, then you will be back where you started but if you don't try, then you wouldn't have advanced anywhere anyway. Give it a try, you're not going to war or anything. You can't make friends without interacting with people. As you get older, life starts getting harder and people begin feeling alot stress. So it may seem like they're not giving two sh*ts about making friends for that moment but they always calm down later. If you join that society, you'll catch them on good moments.

user posted image
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When was the last time you stopped to make sure you weren't ginger?

 

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RobsEpicFret
is there no one with the same interest and preferences similar to yours?
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What worked for me a few times was striking up conversation while walking out of classes, especially if it's a challenging class or the instructor is confusing. Hell, one time I just asked a girl, "are you really gettin' anything out of this class?"

 

Chances are if you feel a certain way about the class, other students will too. Just build on that.

 

Now that you and I are in exams, if you walk out of an exam with a classmate, ask him how they think they did and share questions you might have been stumped on. Then get a name, their major, and so on.

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When I ask this question to people, they tell that I just need to "talk to people". I do this, but I find that conversations go nowhere, they stay at just small talk.

Small talk is actually pretty big. But it's up to you to take it to the next level: ask people what they're up to and if they want to hang out, attend events, parties, etc. And so long as you carry yourself in a confident manner, it won't be long before people are asking for your time.

 

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EmoNinja909

As someone already said, hygiene is really important. I'm not having a go or anything, but english people usually tend to have bad oral hygiene. Nobody likes yellow teeth and bad breath, that's super important when having a conversation. So, that's step one done, now for step two. Find someone you like and ask them if they want to do homework together after school. Just keep asking until you succeed and go from there.

I guarantee you'll make a friend, just be yourself. Don't pretend to be something you're not and remember if someone doesn't like you, they weren't your friend to begin with.

Real friends are hard to find, but they last you a lifetime once you find them.

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Drift-Kingz
Not really, in fact my friends used to tease me because I looked jewish but I just saw that as 'banter'. I kinda miss that.

 

I'm just incredibly worried that people talk behind my back. Nobody really invites me anywhere. I went out with my flatmates once and I might as well not have of been there. I also recall trying to talk to someone in class and he just ignored me and talked to his friend next to him. Feels bad man.

Damn, seems like your friends have lost interest in you. Try to become more interesting and entertaining. Entertainment always works, trust me. Just don't make a fool of yourself, otherwise you won't have any real friends. Just a bunch of clowns laughing AT YOU and not WITH YOU.

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Thank you for all the advice guys. I feel like I know where I went wrong. Beginning of the year spent way too much time trying to get with a girl I really liked who lives in the same flat as me. I'm one of those guys who falls in love with every girl who is nice to me. I feel like I deliberately ruined my chances of making friends with people just so I could follow this girl and have her accept me.

 

Whenever I go to nightclubs, the music is too loud to strike up a conversation. I sometimes wonder if I should take up smoking just so I have a reason to go outside. My dental hygiene is ok, don't have great teeth but don't have hideous ones and I brush so my breath doesn't stink.

 

I try talking to people about things I like but usually we don't have the same interests. I'm usually fearful of talking to people about music because most people seem to only listen to top 40. The guys in flat are potheads and I don't smoke so I can't just hang out with them. I just feel people ignore me in lectures, I seriously feel like standing up and just saying "I hope you all die" sometimes.

 

 

When was the last time you stopped to make sure you weren't ginger?

 

user posted image

 

My old friends haven't lost interest, we just go to different unis. We still meet every now and again.

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Just don't be something you're not. Have people like you for you, not an image. If you fake like you're something you're not, then your friendship won't be authentic and it will crumble down the road. There's always someone out there for everybody.
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Ah man, you remind me of myself during the first half of school year '10 - '11, man, I can relate, despite the gap between our ages.

 

When I started high school/junior high last year, I was lucky enough to end up on the same class with a lot of older friends - otherwise, I would've been screwed; I love sports but I don't play in a team, and my school is a sports school. I was very uncapable socially, even to a point when I got really worried instead of plain frustration.

I ran the whole seventh class with only the friends at school I already knew, making new friends was def out of the question.

 

After the summer, I realized I was a nobody in school, I only knew my classmates, and my self esteem seemed lower than the other's - that's when I realized I've got to do something.

 

I got a haircut, a sh*tload of new clothes and started paying more attention on my looks and hygiene - basic.

 

I started talking, finding people with common interests and such - I hate to sound cheesy, but I know I'm correct.

As the year has passed by, I've become quit popular, honestly, and the 'old me' is nothing but a distant memory.

 

As cheesy as it is, the basics you hear everywhere are accurate - dress nicer, be talkative, go out (anywhere, man! As long as you're out in the public, you stand a chance to meet people - you don't have to attend parties or concerts if that ain't you), be yourself and be as open as you can - learn some body language and show people that "Hey, I'm a cool guy and I'm ready to make friends!". Say what you want and show 'em who you are, and don't give a f*ck about any haters.

 

One life, live it.

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EmoNinja909
Just don't be something you're not. Have people like you for you, not an image. If you fake like you're something you're not, then your friendship won't be authentic and it will crumble down the road. There's always someone out there for everybody.

Summed up perfectly.

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