A New Clear Winter

[Ottae]

I haven't written anything in ages but I had a decent idea for a story, so here it is!

 

 

A New Clear Winter

 

The Story of a Nuclear Engineer

 

 

Chapter One

 

The doors slid open in front of Pete and he waited for the disgruntled businessmen to get off. As he stepped onto the train, his back trouser leg was caught by a wintery breeze that sent a chill up his leg. He walked into the relative warmth of the train carriage and chose a seat near the back next to the luggage storage.

 

Pete, 32 from Milton Keynes, stared outside the window at the winter wonderland that was Luton Railway Station. His mind was instantly cast back five months prior, when the weather was a polar opposite to the scene that lay before him on that cold December morning.

 

It was in fact a warm July morning and Pete was sat in a seat very similar to his future self, looking over Luton Railway Station. His emotions were also at a polar opposite, as his destination that day was Bedford, where he worked at a factory sorting mail to customers who didn’t want it. Pete hadn’t worked at many places in his life, but he knew that sorting mail was possibly the most boring job known to man.

 

He didn’t deserve such a mind numbingly boring job however; Pete was an incredibly intelligent man who had graduated at Manchester University with a Master’s degree in Nuclear Engineering. He even had the perfect job at a research company, developing safe nuclear energy for today’s world. Some of Pete’s discoveries had greatly advanced the way we use Nuclear Power today.

 

So, why is it that this brilliant nuclear engineer was sat on a train to Bedford to work at a factory sorting unwanted mail? You might be asking. Well, though Nuclear power is safe, there are still accidents.

 

Pete was more careful than most however and it was only when one of his colleagues (who incidentally hated him and was a close personal friend of the CEO) caused such an accident, jeopardising the whole facility and everyone in it, that Pete was blamed and given the boot as well as a black mark against his name.

 

As a result of his nemesis’ amateur mistake, Pete found it impossible to get another job in the field of nuclear engineering and because his degree was so particular, he struggled to get any job whatsoever. His girlfriend at the time, Nina, constantly pressured him into finding work, threatening to leave him if he didn’t.

 

After several months of looking and not finding a single thing, she did in fact leave him. A week later he finally found a job at the factory and tried reasoning with Nina, but it was too late, she’d found someone else. Pete had been miserable ever since.

 

On this particular summer morning however, Pete’s life was about to change forever. He’d taken this train every day for the last 6 months but today was about to be his last. As he sat staring out of the window, a tall, handsome man dressed in business garb came and sat next to him. Pete turned to look at him and gave him a weak smiling to acknowledge his presence and turned back to the window. The man smiled back and in a thick, American accent said:

 

“Good morning!” Pete wheeled back round, a little surprised by the volume of the man’s greeting. He smiled weakly again.

 

“Morning” He replied, as half-heartedly as his smile.

 

“I’m Gabe” said the man, as he extended his hand and waited for a handshake. Pete obliged and before he could reply, Gabe spoke again, “You must be Peter, correct?” Pete took several seconds to process the information before spluttering:

 

“Y-Yes… how did you know?” Gabe wasted no time in explaining himself and explained to Pete that he represented a new nuclear energy corporation in California and would very much like for Pete to be brought on as part of the research team.

 

“We know about the incident at your last position as we have it on good authority that you may not have been to blame. We’re on your side, Peter.” Gabe smiled again as he clutched Pete’s shoulder in reassurance. It was all too much to take in, how did they know where he was? Whose authority was it that knew Pete was innocent? How much was the pay?

 

Without another thought Pete beamed back at Gabe and accepted his offer of employment. He was told that he’d receive more information in a few weeks’ time about his new position and that he shouldn’t worry about his factory job now, they’d look after his financially. Gabe handed him a cheque for £5,000 to keep him afloat for the next few months.

 

Pete was beside himself with joy, this was finally the helping hand he needed to get back into the field of work he loved doing. After Gabe moved down the carriage to first class, Pete got up and left the train. He breathed in a lung’s full of sweet summer air and walked back to his flat with a spring in his step.

 

Sure enough, about a month later Pete received a letter through the post containing full information about his salary, benefits, conditions of work and a contract. He was to be working in California, earning $120,000 a year with three month’s paid vacation and he was starting in December. The letter also contained another cheque for a further £10,000 to pay the bills before December.

 

Pete wasn’t a religious man, but if there was ever reason to become one, it would be this job offer.

 

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Thoughts? I've got a broad idea of where I'm going with this, don't worry!

[El Zilcho]

I do like it. I'm wondering where it's going to develop from here, but I've got a vague idea. Think this one is going to be a good 'un. Look forward to the next part.

[Eminence]

Not bad so far. I loved the line culminating in 'how much was the pay?' - perfectly executed dark comedy there. The story seems interesting, too, what with the company, who sound a little too good to be true. It's all a little conspiratorial. The way you opened it up seemed to heighten this vibe for me, almost lending it a supernatural edge with the way you talked about the past/present self, that was a nice touch.

 

One thing I'm not feeling - though it's pretty much out the way now - is that so far it's all been a little passive, too much telling and not enough showing. I hate it when a quite interesting situation is totally undermined by a heap of exposition, no matter how essential it may seem; it just takes away all the urgency and intrigue that might have been there for me. I can understand wanting to build a slower pace, obviously, but you need that drama up front to capture our attention and go into the details a little later - I just found the few biographical paragraphs near the start to be a little underwhelming.