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Silence Do-good

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Silence Do-good

So a chick at a party who was popular yet a bitch was acting like top sh*t. The host had all the Mexican food delivered and she cut through most people to get what she wanted first. She proceeded to eat whatever it was and about 1 min later we heard a fart, but it sounded wetter than usual. It seems the beans in the food had caused her to sh*t herself with diarrhoea, it was sliding down her leg and she ran to the bathroom but slipped onto the grass next to the pool and was covered in diarrhoea XD

 

Hope this suffices, 100% true story

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Well my japanese girlfriend dumped me last week. My friend raised my spirits when he let me know there are plenty more in the sea.

 

I'm pretty sure you are lying btw.

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Once I was drinking with friends in a country town. Through some misunderstanding a local thought I was macking his girlfriend. Though a series of several other - and I assure you, funny - instances, I bludgeoned him to death while my friends held him down. We tied his legs to some industrial chains and threw him in the river.

 

Still makes me roffle.

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How could you see the diarrhoea sliding down her leg? Did she have no pants on? No underwear? It's a pretty ridiculous notion. I'm sure she would have had time to either, sh*t in a secluded place or find a toilet.

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Silence Do-good
How could you see the diarrhoea sliding down her leg? Did she have no pants on? No underwear? It's a pretty ridiculous notion. I'm sure she would have had time to either, sh*t in a secluded place or find a toilet.

Pool+party, you do the math

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How could you see the diarrhoea sliding down her leg? Did she have no pants on? No underwear? It's a pretty ridiculous notion. I'm sure she would have had time to either, sh*t in a secluded place or find a toilet.

Pool+party, you do the math

You are lying! I know you are!

 

There wasn't really a party was there. You thought we would be impressed by your partying nature but you were wrong. How did you hear her fart at the party? Was there no music? Did you have your ear to her ass? You've at least exaggerated a little. Haven't you. HAVEN'T YOU!

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Pfft. Next thing you're going to say I'm lying about killing a dude in cold blood.

 

mad.gif

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Silence Do-good
How could you see the diarrhoea sliding down her leg? Did she have no pants on? No underwear? It's a pretty ridiculous notion. I'm sure she would have had time to either, sh*t in a secluded place or find a toilet.

Pool+party, you do the math

You are lying! I know you are!

 

There wasn't really a party was there. You thought we would be impressed by your partying nature but you were wrong. How did you hear her fart at the party? Was there no music? Did you have your ear to her ass? You've at least exaggerated a little. Haven't you. HAVEN'T YOU!

Well when we were eating the music was turned down in preparation for the host to have as speech (It was a going away party fyi) and no I haven't exaggerated smile.gif

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(nevermind, I has no funny stories)

Edited by Xtreme921
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Silence Do-good

 

Pfft. Next thing you're going to say I'm lying about killing a dude in cold blood.

 

mad.gif

Wait that's a lie? And change Ballarat to Sydney then it's true

Edited by Silence Do-good
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One time me and my girlfriend at the time were in the middle of foreplay and the lights were off. I decided to go down on her ya know because she went down on me. Well while I was doing the deed I noticed a weird liquid and I thought wow she's really turned on. Well a few minutes later I realized I was licking blood and I immediately started to flip out thinking she was on her period. Come to find out it was me not her. My nose started bleeding for whatever reason so she had blood all over her vag.

 

I was very embarrassed at the time and me and her are no longer together.

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She proceeded to eat whatever it was and about 1 min later we heard a fart, but it sounded wetter than usual. It seems the beans in the food had caused her to sh*t herself with diarrhoea,

This is physically impossible. Even a large dose of laxatives would not work that fast. I see how you operate. This girl has either denied your advances or injured you in some way so you felt the need to fabricate a misogynistic story about her horribly embarrassing herself in front of her peers. Shame on you.

 

 

jMNM8n3.gif

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pyramid head
How could you see the diarrhoea sliding down her leg? Did she have no pants on? No underwear? It's a pretty ridiculous notion. I'm sure she would have had time to either, sh*t in a secluded place or find a toilet.

She was probably wearing a mini-skirt or something.

 

One time my dad came in from work on a Friday i told him it was Thursday, he got up next morning (Saturday) to go to work, he was sitting in the car about to pull out of the driveway when the radio told him it was Saturday, it would have been funnier if he had made it all the way to work 30 miles away before realising it was a Saturday.

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How could you see the diarrhoea sliding down her leg? Did she have no pants on? No underwear? It's a pretty ridiculous notion. I'm sure she would have had time to either, sh*t in a secluded place or find a toilet.

She was probably wearing a mini-skirt or something.

 

One time my dad came in from work on a Friday i told him it was Thursday, he got up next morning (Saturday) to go to work, he was sitting in the car about to pull out of the driveway when the radio told him it was Saturday, it would have been funnier if he had made it all the way to work 30 miles away before realising it was a Saturday.

which seat did he take?

Edited by Law0070
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I'd been working late in the city one night -- a personal project, which required me to be in the State Library until it closed -- when I received a text message from one of my friends. "Come out, let's get wankered," it read, and I was in no mood to argue. It'd been a long, long day, and I was in desperate need of a pick-me-up. On this night, that lift came in the form of several super-sugary rum and Cokes -- my drink of choice.

 

It wasn't long before I became inebriated. I hadn't had much sleep the night before, and I'd been so busy that I had forgotten to eat. Adding alcohol to the mix was a recipe for disaster, but disaster and I have become quite close over the years, and his unpredictable and destructive nature both entertains and thrills me. We sang sloppy sea shanties and traded stories of conquests past, and the night bore on like a freight train in the night.

 

Staggering across one of the many bridges that spans the Brisbane river, our mob of droop-eyed yahoos spotted the casino looming promisingly up ahead. Tables, hot dogs and free-wheeling women were on the menu this evening, and we were young, drunk and wealthy. Why not have a punt and try our luck? It's a free country, and any man with balls and a brain can come up on top.

 

We sat out on the casino balcony, me swigging my Bundaberg and my friends necking bottles beer faster than they could be delivered to our table. Much money changed hands, and the ashtray was in constant need of emptying. The stars were our ceiling, and they flickered like match heads, as the moon danced its was across the rippled surface of the river.

 

Some time around three, I became unable to balance myself on the rickety stool I had claimed as my own, and security thought it a wise idea for me to leave. I couldn't disagree, really, as I was completely unable to form words containing more than one syllable. So, I picked myself up and loped with an awkward gait to the elevators. Down. Pinwheeling down and down. The doors opened, and I was free of this confusing edifice.

 

Walking to the train station, I spotted a bar that also sold take-home liquor, so I snatched a flask of rum for the journey. The weight in my hand gave me confidence, and I swigged like a madman -- a fiend fueled by sugar, booze and power. Gone was the munted stagger. I was legitimately strutting. Everyone I passed seemed beneath me, and I was ready for anything.

 

The train station was locked up for the night. I was new to the city, after all, and was under the assumption that trains ran all night. I resigned myself to the two-hour wait I was forced to endure, and spotted a homeless man sitting in a nearby square. Not wanting to be alone, I strolled over, parked myself next to him on a weathered park bench and tried to spark up some small talk.

 

He said I was crazy. That I must be high, or insane.

 

So I smashed the bottle on the concrete flagstones and ripped his f*cking throat out on the spot. The police never bothered to investigate.

 

lol

vbSWr1A.gif


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I'd been working late in the city one night -- a personal project, which required me to be in the State Library until it closed -- when I received a text message from one of my friends. "Come out, let's get wankered," it read, and I was in no mood to argue. It'd been a long, long day, and I was in desperate need of a pick-me-up. On this night, that lift came in the form of several super-sugary rum and Cokes -- my drink of choice.

 

It wasn't long before I became inebriated. I hadn't had much sleep the night before, and I'd been so busy that I had forgotten to eat. Adding alcohol to the mix was a recipe for disaster, but disaster and I have become quite close over the years, and his unpredictable and destructive nature both entertains and thrills me. We sang sloppy sea shanties and traded stories of conquests past, and the night bore on like a freight train in the night.

 

Staggering across one of the many bridges that spans the Brisbane river, our mob of droop-eyed yahoos spotted the casino looming promisingly up ahead. Tables, hot dogs and free-wheeling women were on the menu this evening, and we were young, drunk and wealthy. Why not have a punt and try our luck? It's a free country, and any man with balls and a brain can come up on top.

 

We sat out on the casino balcony, me swigging my Bundaberg and my friends necking bottles beer faster than they could be delivered to our table. Much money changed hands, and the ashtray was in constant need of emptying. The stars were our ceiling, and they flickered like match heads, as the moon danced its was across the rippled surface of the river.

 

Some time around three, I became unable to balance myself on the rickety stool I had claimed as my own, and security thought it a wise idea for me to leave. I couldn't disagree, really, as I was completely unable to form words containing more than one syllable. So, I picked myself up and loped with an awkward gait to the elevators. Down. Pinwheeling down and down. The doors opened, and I was free of this confusing edifice.

 

Walking to the train station, I spotted a bar that also sold take-home liquor, so I snatched a flask of rum for the journey. The weight in my hand gave me confidence, and I swigged like a madman -- a fiend fueled by sugar, booze and power. Gone was the munted stagger. I was legitimately strutting. Everyone I passed seemed beneath me, and I was ready for anything.

 

The train station was locked up for the night. I was new to the city, after all, and was under the assumption that trains ran all night. I resigned myself to the two-hour wait I was forced to endure, and spotted a homeless man sitting in a nearby square. Not wanting to be alone, I strolled over, parked myself next to him on a weathered park bench and tried to spark up some small talk.

 

He said I was crazy. That I must be high, or insane.

 

So I smashed the bottle on the concrete flagstones and ripped his f*cking throat out on the spot. The police never bothered to investigate.

 

lol

funneh

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Minus the Boom
How could you see the diarrhoea sliding down her leg? Did she have no pants on? No underwear? It's a pretty ridiculous notion. I'm sure she would have had time to either, sh*t in a secluded place or find a toilet.

She was probably wearing a mini-skirt or something.

 

One time my dad came in from work on a Friday i told him it was Thursday, he got up next morning (Saturday) to go to work, he was sitting in the car about to pull out of the driveway when the radio told him it was Saturday, it would have been funnier if he had made it all the way to work 30 miles away before realising it was a Saturday.

which seat did he take?

Hehehe, that was a genuine lol moment lol.gif

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