Guest Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) removed 22/01/2018 Edited January 22, 2018 by Alicam7 Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/469919-tell-me-what-you-think-of-the-start-to-my-book/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanjeem Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Personally i think there's a lack of Atmosphere, there's no tension that leads up to the big assasination. I think you could improve it with more writing between where people speak. However i'm no author either so i'll let sombody else judge aswell. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/469919-tell-me-what-you-think-of-the-start-to-my-book/#findComment-1060343390 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 (edited) removed 22/01/2018 Edited January 22, 2018 by Alicam7 Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/469919-tell-me-what-you-think-of-the-start-to-my-book/#findComment-1060343414 Share on other sites More sharing options...
mayday123456 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 This is a good start and will be better around the middle Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/469919-tell-me-what-you-think-of-the-start-to-my-book/#findComment-1060343453 Share on other sites More sharing options...
fireguy109 Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Just one question. If the guys in suits had knives and the main characters had guns, why didn't they just kill them? I mean, just bcause their car was gone doesn't mean they can't shoot people. Why run away? And they could always steal somebody else's car when they were done. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/469919-tell-me-what-you-think-of-the-start-to-my-book/#findComment-1060354226 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 (edited) removed 22/01/2018 Edited January 22, 2018 by Alicam7 Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/469919-tell-me-what-you-think-of-the-start-to-my-book/#findComment-1060362250 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loch Dawg Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 You should improve on your formatting, it's only a new line for a new speaker not a new line every sentence. Hope that helps. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/469919-tell-me-what-you-think-of-the-start-to-my-book/#findComment-1060362840 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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