ElRobino Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 (edited) removed 22/01/2018 Edited January 22, 2018 by Alicam7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narcis_speed6 Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 Looks fine for now, you should write a prologue on how Niko got there in the first place, also you misspelled 'hospital'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ats. Posted December 7, 2010 Share Posted December 7, 2010 I'm no story critic, but I can say it's decent. It's way too short though, should have write longer chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eliani23 Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Phil Cassady died, aswell as tommy, cj, and all the other characters you've seen in the gta games except gta iv Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zilcho Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Don't want to be harsh but it seems a little disjointed and random, like even you don't know what's going on I think you vould do with either elaborating a bit more or perhaps trying to put more attention to your first chapter - because at the moment it isn't quite effective enough. Hope to read more though. U R B A N I T A S Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElRobino Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 (edited) removed 22/01/2018 Edited January 22, 2018 by Alicam7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unvirginiser Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 This does really seem disjointed, the best thing for you to do would be to expand a lot on the first chapter. Get reading, see how books begin, look at the description and setting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElRobino Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 (edited) removed 22/01/2018 Edited January 22, 2018 by Alicam7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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