Interview with Dan Houser

[grope_4_that_date]

 

THIS IS A PARODY. ITS NOT REAL. ITS ONLY PURPOSE IS ENTERTAINMENT. DO NOT LOCK.

 

Introduction:

I recently obtained Sam (not Dan/title is wrong) Houser's, co-founder of

Rockstar games, phone number (from an unnamed

source). Most people would quickly abuse this by

calling up immediately, and asking the most obvious

questions GTA fan could ask. However, I did the smart

and wise thing. I present,

 

A FRIDAY NIGHT INTERVIEW with Sam Houser

 

 

 

Approach:

 

I did not just call Sam Houser's house, and ask him

"Where will the next Grand Theft Auto take place?"

I did the smart thing. On November 28th, I delivered

a very expensive, very irresistible, (very strong), bottle of

Absinthe to Sam Houser's house in "I cannot reveal this information."

Then, hidding in a white van outside his home, equipped with

top of the line spy-equipment, I waited.

 

And now for the kicker- before all of this even started,

I contacted someone you all know, Michael Hollick. (Many

of you refer to him as "Niko Bellic.") It wasn't hard.

 

 

Here is the interview:

 

[ d i a l i n g ]

 

Sam: [ mumbling ] Yes? Hello?

-

Michael Hollick: (in Niko Bellic's voice) Hello. I am looking for Sam Houser.

-

Sam: [ with a drunked slurr ] Blah-ah- this is Sam. What- what do you want?

-

Michael Hollick: (in Niko's voice) I have some questions for you, Mr. Houser.

 

[ * For the remaining interview I will refer Michael Hollick as "Niko" ]

 

Sam: Who is this?

-

Niko: Niko Bellic.

-

Sam: Niko...? Niko Bellic? [sarcastically, laughing] Sure. [loudly] Niko Bellic!

-

Niko: You drunken idiot.

-

Sam: [mumbling] How is ah- [long pause] Liberty... City?

-

Niko: It is good. Please, Mr. Houser, I need to ask you some questions.

-

Sam: Bloody hell- alright. [laughing] Ask away.

-

Niko: I need to know where the diamonds are.

-

Sam: Who is this?

-

Niko: This is Niko Bellic!

-

Sam: No... it's not.

-

Niko: (in Serbian) Ja sam njegov duh.

-

Sam: Huh?

-

Niko: Where are the diamonds? I need to know this.

-

Sam: Ray Bulgarin's diamonds?

-

Niko: Yes.

-

Sam: I don't know, I didn't write that part.

-

Niko: WHERE!

-

Sam: Uhh- we made some bum find them... I don't know his name... Jerry Kaposi or something.

-

Niko: Where can I find this man?

-

Sam: Niko, you can't find him, the game is over.

-

Niko: Well then, what happens now, Mr. Houser?

-

Sam: We're working on it.

-

Niko: Do I get the diamonds back?

-

Sam: No, we are done with your story Niko.

-

Niko: What about Liberty City?

-

Sam: It's over.

-

Niko: Where will I go next?

-

Sam: Nowhere. You're not in the next game, Michael.

-

Niko: Where will the next game take place?

-

Sam: [sigh] I am too drunk for this.

-

Michael Hollick: [in regular voice] Sam, you owe me this. Tell me where it is.

-

Sam: Who is this?

-

Michael Hollick: SAM!

-

Sam: This is Michael, isn't it?

-

Michael Hollick: You know who it is.

-

Sam: Haha, alright.

-

Michael Hollick: Now where is it? Where will the next GTA be held.

-

Sam: I don't know.

-

Michael Hollick: [in Niko's voice] I need this from you.

-

Sam: Ha, I don't know Niko!

-

Michael Hollick: SAM! Please!

-

Sam: [silence]

-

Michael Hollick: Where is it?

-

Sam: Alright, alright.

-

Michael Hollick: Well...?

-

Sam: Did you send me the Vieux Pontarlier?

-

Michael Hollick: Yes.

-

Sam: [coughing/laughing] Th-Thank you!

-

Michael Hollick: Sam, where is the next GTA?

-

Sam: Fine, you win, mate.

 

[ Then he gave a long, sigh, with a few moments of silence, and came out with it. ]

 

Sam: London.

Edited December 2, 2010 by grope_4_that_date

[Niko_Vercetti7]

Well, um.... it certainly was entertaining I suppose. Except we all know GTA V isn't going to take place in London.

[Mati]

...okay. Yeah, kinda entertaining but not really the comedy of the year

3/5

[bobgtafan]

I don't see why it needs to be locked, better than most of the sh*t in the NEXT thread.

[Tyla]

Brilliant

[AnthMUFC-Champs]

Seriously WTF.

[maxopower]

In before LOCK

Docuhe! Why should it get locked, it's funny, interesting, kind of relevant, new, and something besides a Wishlist or a concept tread. I would Wish more topics were like this.

[SmC12]

LOL was kinda funny I admit.

 

But please not London.

[Ryan]

Evidently some people, A:) Cannot Read, B:) Did Not See, or C:) Do Not Know What A Parody Is. That being said, nothing wrong with the topic.

[Niko_Vercetti7]

There really is no reason to lock this topic. I mean it isn't causing any harm so why not?

[SilentSeas]

Well, um.... it certainly was entertaining I suppose. Except we all know GTA V isn't going to take place in London.

And how do you know that V won't be in London?

 

To be honest I didn't find this funny, it seems a bit childish to me.

[Kwandilibro]

Well, um.... it certainly was entertaining I suppose. Except we all know GTA V isn't going to take place in London.

And how do you know that V won't be in London?

 

To be honest I didn't find this funny, it seems a bit childish to me.

Well, simply put, London and LC are both two gritty, dark motherf*cking cities. And going from one gritty city to the next, that's no fun. We need some warm, sunny place. Although Grope's other thread got me interested in the Philly/B'More/DC.

 

Nothing against London or British people, but two gritty ass GTA's in a row doesn't sound like a great idea. Like Jeezy, I need a vacation.

[SilentSeas]

Well, um.... it certainly was entertaining I suppose. Except we all know GTA V isn't going to take place in London.

And how do you know that V won't be in London?

 

To be honest I didn't find this funny, it seems a bit childish to me.

Well, simply put, London and LC are both two gritty, dark motherf*cking cities. And going from one gritty city to the next, that's no fun. We need some warm, sunny place. Although Grope's other thread got me interested in the Philly/B'More/DC.

 

Nothing against London or British people, but two gritty ass GTA's in a row doesn't sound like a great idea. Like Jeezy, I need a vacation.

I see your point, but I'm saying London will be next. I'm just asking how it can be ruled out so easily when there is no real evidence of the next location. I would've said the same if any other location had been ruled out.

[Niko_Vercetti7]

 

And how do you know that V won't be in London?

 

I don't know, I'm just hoping that it's not. No offence towards the English or towards London.

[The Zone]

Well, um.... it certainly was entertaining I suppose. Except we all know GTA V isn't going to take place in London.

And how do you know that V won't be in London?

 

To be honest I didn't find this funny, it seems a bit childish to me.

Second that. Don't the TS have anything better to do?

[TommyMufc-Champs]

That was a nice read Very entertaining.

[Toup]

Only if it was true...

[_Rob_]

One of the most entertaining threads in the NeXt section, I'm just wondering when the conspiratists will arrive proclaiming that the hoax is a double bluff and for the record

please be VC and not London, England sucks

[Toup]

One of the most entertaining threads in the NeXt section, I'm just wondering when the conspiratists will arrive proclaiming that the hoax is a double bluff and for the record

please be VC and not London, England sucks

A proud english . Well, i don't understand the thing of hiding the next location. Wouldn't peapole buy it still?

[AnthMUFC-Champs]

One of the most entertaining threads in the NeXt section, I'm just wondering when the conspiratists will arrive proclaiming that the hoax is a double bluff and for the record

please be VC and not London, England sucks

Well i am a Britt but that last line does have an element of truth to it but not all of England sucks. Still i would prefer to see a GTA in the USA as many of the places over there are allot more diverse.

[Tyla]

 

One of the most entertaining threads in the NeXt section, I'm just wondering when the conspiratists will arrive proclaiming that the hoax is a double bluff and for the record

please be VC and not London, England sucks

Well i am a Britt but that last line does have an element of truth to it but not all of England sucks. Still i would prefer to see a GTA in the USA as many of the places over there are allot more diverse.

How so?

[AnthMUFC-Champs]

One of the most entertaining threads in the NeXt section, I'm just wondering when the conspiratists will arrive proclaiming that the hoax is a double bluff and for the record

please be VC and not London, England sucks

Well i am a Britt but that last line does have an element of truth to it but not all of England sucks. Still i would prefer to see a GTA in the USA as many of the places over there are allot more diverse.

How so?

Well to be honest with you mate, i dont think all of it does at all just where i am from. Trust me its sh*t where i live there is nothing to do and it is so quiet.

 

Anyway nice post G4TD some of it is quite funny.

[_Rob_]

One of the most entertaining threads in the NeXt section, I'm just wondering when the conspiratists will arrive proclaiming that the hoax is a double bluff and for the record

please be VC and not London, England sucks

Well i am a Britt but that last line does have an element of truth to it but not all of England sucks. Still i would prefer to see a GTA in the USA as many of the places over there are allot more diverse.

How so?

The UK is generally a dingy rainy place, it's ok in the summer butter after IV's gritty LC GTA is screaming for a more vibrant, warm and inviting place, this is not the UK I'm afraid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But VC Is

[Tyla]

Fair enough, a great deal of Britain is a horrible, sh*thole of a place that would most likely crop up in the same manner Liberty City did; a gathering of flash structures that form an impressive skyline and a gritty, murky underworld ticking over underneath. But they could do it. Give the right people with the right tools the freedom to create a game in a British setting and they'll turn out a blinder.

 

I've lived through enough dismal British summers to know that I'm not going to disagree with what you say about England not being warm and inviting, but what is to stop them including locations such as Brighton and Southend to change things up from the high rise flats and dark underpasses? Maybe it cannot compete with the warm vibrancy that a next gen VC beach could provide but surely you would recognize that feeling of rare British summer warmth when you spot that fat munter waddling past with her arse hanging out of a two-piece that is far, far too small with a kebab in her hand down Brighton pier?

 

They could throw in a lovely green backdrop to the city, also, with the countryside in London's surrounding area. City, Countryside, Sea, Sun, Parody; isn't that what people want?

[ldee]

why aint it recorded

[_Rob_]

why aint it recorded

[Mati]

 

This fits more than facepalm.

[mrpain]

Am I the only one who didn't find it funny at all? A bit childish if you ask me.

 

And about the London thing, I don't mind it at all. But I asked this question the last time and I will ask it again now, of all places in England/Britian, why London?

[_Rob_]

Am I the only one who didn't find it funny at all? A bit childish if you ask me.

 

And about the London thing, I don't mind it at all. But I asked this question the last time and I will ask it again now, of all places in England/Britian, why London?

I guess because it's featured in a GTA game in the past, it's the capital of the country and it's the most well known place in England from a foreigners point of view.

[Tyla]

Aside from the great potential for parody and storylines, ideal geographical location when it comes to diversity (countryside, seaside resorts, etc) potential for iconic characters and a wealth of gangs, the fact that it is undoubtedly the most recognizable location in Britain as Bam says instantly makes it the most marketable. This pretty much says it all.