Wordsworth Posted November 25, 2010 Author Share Posted November 25, 2010 Three easy steps to follow here: 1) Be sure to have a good alibi, no matter what!!! 2) At work, just walk up to her and rip the clothes off. Proceed to literally 'f*ck that sh*t up' 3) Depending on the outcome, you got a free sex-friend, with full on blowjob-under-the-counter benefits, OR something less. I've always gotten the former. Trust me, you're a cop. Hell no. She is an out-and-out fully developed swamp donkey. My dick would wilt like a tulip in a brushfire if it saw her naked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lithium Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 It's funny how it's always the bad ass ugly ones that stalk ya eh? If I were you I would just try to straight up tell her there's no chance in hell. She may not clue in, but it's worth a shot to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mister Pink Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 ....AKA Beast, Paul's Boutique, second album from the Beastie Boys. .....fugayzi I love what you have done here. Well, I'm not sure what you can do but just tell her. Or, say that you shouldn't be 'flirting' that you have a very jealous girlfriend and she would kick the sh*t out of any dirty ass ho that touches her man or some crap like that. Good luck! ＲＵＢＢΣＲ░Ｊ♢ＨＮＮＹ （スオッ） Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Posted November 25, 2010 Share Posted November 25, 2010 Three easy steps to follow here: 1) Be sure to have a good alibi, no matter what!!! 2) At work, just walk up to her and rip the clothes off. Proceed to literally 'f*ck that sh*t up' 3) Depending on the outcome, you got a free sex-friend, with full on blowjob-under-the-counter benefits, OR something less. I've always gotten the former. Trust me, you're a cop. Hell no. She is an out-and-out fully developed swamp donkey. My dick would wilt like a tulip in a brushfire if it saw her naked. Damn, didn't realise she was beaten stick ugly. In that case I'd spread rumours to your co-workers about her wanting to sex them up. It'll get the whole store awkward, and with any luck, someone besides you will get fired soon enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordsworth Posted November 26, 2010 Author Share Posted November 26, 2010 Three easy steps to follow here: 1) Be sure to have a good alibi, no matter what!!! 2) At work, just walk up to her and rip the clothes off. Proceed to literally 'f*ck that sh*t up' 3) Depending on the outcome, you got a free sex-friend, with full on blowjob-under-the-counter benefits, OR something less. I've always gotten the former. Trust me, you're a cop. Hell no. She is an out-and-out fully developed swamp donkey. My dick would wilt like a tulip in a brushfire if it saw her naked. Damn, didn't realise she was beaten stick ugly. In that case I'd spread rumours to your co-workers about her wanting to sex them up. It'll get the whole store awkward, and with any luck, someone besides you will get fired soon enough. I find your ideas progressive and intriguing. I must scheme on this for a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iulian28ti Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 ask her to leave you alone on a very serious tone ??? tell her you're gay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black-hawk Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 ask her to leave you alone on a very serious tone ???tell her you're gay Read much? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finn 7 five 11 Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 Ignore her man, thats the best you can do, telling her to f*ck off or something like that is a bad idea, she'll go crazy on you and make your life miserable, believe me, I'm telling you from experience. My super ex girlfriend is a prime example of one super powered angry lady after a break up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OysterBarron Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 I work with this girl who has, for some reason or another, convinced herself that I am going to be her new boyfriend. Luckily, she's part time. But whenever she works, she f*cking straight up coon fingers the sh*t out of me. Cannot keep her hands off of me. She practically gave me a breast exam today. It's slowly started leaking into my personal life. She got my cell phone number off a company emergency directory and now sends me text messages. At least three or four a day-- none of which I respond to. She added me on Facebook, which I accepted like an idiot. She spammed the sh*t out of my page until I started getting comments from other, you know, real friends who started wondering who she was. I had to resort to deleting my page. Saturday night, she out-and-out propositioned me via text message. I didn't respond and laughed it off when I saw her at work today. Before you ask, no, she is not attractive. She is an absolute beast, sea-beast, wildebeest, Dr. Hank McCoy AKA Beast, Paul's Boutique, second album from the Beastie Boys. Here's what I would like to happen... ideally. I'd like for her to leave me alone forever without me having to say anything to her. I might just sh*t myself in front of her-- but with my luck, she'd be into it... So, for now, I'm sticking with a stalwart front of tactical ineptitude co-mingling with a graceful haplessness. There are some people that like being fawned over-- even if it's from someone they find completely repugnant. I am not one of those people. I also thought, however briefly, about pretending to be a homosexual. But it would backfire because I work with two gay guys that could probably sniff me out pretty quickly as being a complete fugayzi sounds like love to me (dont forget the sea creatures need doing as well!) ps second comment on this topic is pretty epic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost of delete key Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 Dude... do you not see the forest for the trees? Obviously this is your lot in life; verily your destiny... just accept that you will find the Barbie doll you wished for under your Christmas tree, but instead this wonderful Cabbage Patch. Go with the flow, my man... you just may discover an incredible joy you never could have imagined. "I can just imagine him driving off the edge of a cliff like Thelma & Louise, playing his Q:13 mix at full volume, crying into a bottle." - Craig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bernard Jazz Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 Get her really drunk, put a horn on her head, drag her to the zoo and lock her up with the other Narwhals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floro Solo Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 Dude... do you not see the forest for the trees? Obviously this is your lot in life; verily your destiny... just accept that you will find the Barbie doll you wished for under your Christmas tree, but instead this wonderful Cabbage Patch. Go with the flow, my man... you just may discover an incredible joy you never could have imagined. Your girlfriend must be very ugly. But good for you to accept that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Kapone Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 Dude... do you not see the forest for the trees? Obviously this is your lot in life; verily your destiny... just accept that you will find the Barbie doll you wished for under your Christmas tree, but instead this wonderful Cabbage Patch. Go with the flow, my man... you just may discover an incredible joy you never could have imagined. Your girlfriend must be very ugly. But good for you to accept that. You mean boyfriend, right? Name's Kevin - I met him once, interesting fella. I've always said so long as the gays aren't bothering me for some.. activity, everything's cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost of delete key Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 I've always said so long as the gays aren't bothering me for some.. activity, everything's cool. A/S/L? ... not for me, for kevie-poo. "I can just imagine him driving off the edge of a cliff like Thelma & Louise, playing his Q:13 mix at full volume, crying into a bottle." - Craig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Kapone Posted November 27, 2010 Share Posted November 27, 2010 (edited) I've always said so long as the gays aren't bothering me for some.. activity, everything's cool. A/S/L? ... not for me, for kevie-poo. 14/f/ohio Oh and as far as faking you death goes, OP, just shove that bitch down some stairs once the sidewalks freeze over. Edited November 27, 2010 by King Kapone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pac. Posted November 27, 2010 Share Posted November 27, 2010 Too far faking your own death! Damn i would hate to be in your situation however that was quite an amusing story from a point of view but sounds unbelivably fustrating. Don't kill her, don't fake your own death, try and get her fired, maybe plant some drugs in her drawes or office table/locker and call the cops saying you just found it, i don't know if you got her arrested it would be pretty good, but you would deffinatly get her fired i'd day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punk-in-Drublic Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 Don't kill her, don't fake your own death, try and get her fired, maybe plant some drugs in her drawes or office table/locker and call the cops saying you just found it, i don't know if you got her arrested it would be pretty good, but you would deffinatly get her fired i'd day. Or alternatively you could just consult your line manager about the whole stalker situation instead of being a wanker. Some fat chick wouldn't leave me alone once so I kinda just said "f*ck off you fat c*nt" one night when I was drunk...she hates me now, job well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike752 Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 Things you could do: 1) Pretend to join the army. Much easier than faking your death. It would be really easy if your boss would allow you to temporarily work from home. 2) Go gay. See if the gay guys will help you out by pretending to be a good friend of theirs. If you make an attitude change, it could work. 3) Go to a bar with her, get her really drunk, take some pics of her, and tell her that you'll spread them around if she doesn't leave you alone. 4) Runey had a great idea of the STD thing. Go to a friend of yours and, while she's around, talk about you getting an STD. Don't tell your friend beforehand that this is a trick; his reaction is a big part in pulling this off. 5) Find out what she likes about you. If it is something as simple as your hair, change it. If it's your personality, act in the complete opposite. 6) If you know someone who's desperate for a girl, introduce him to her. 7) Pretend to be a white supremacist. Unless she's a redneck, this should help. 8) Be a nerd. Do anything and everything nerdlike. Talk about video games, wear glasses with tape, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wordsworth Posted November 29, 2010 Author Share Posted November 29, 2010 Haha pretending to be a white supremacist could be legendary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Posted November 29, 2010 Share Posted November 29, 2010 "God damn poles invading my damn Coffee Shop. Last I 'member coffee was AMERICAN!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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