Need help faking my own death

[Wordsworth]

-

Edited February 27, 2014 by Wordsworth

[Lemus 91]

Edited June 12, 2011 by Lemus 91

[_-=Zombie=-_]

You know, killing her would be more effective.

[Typhus]

Okay, try this.

Tell her flat out that you dislike her. Hate her. Find her repulsive.

In front of a large group of people. Total public humiliation of this sorry creature may not win you any friends, however, it will ensure that she can not look you in the eye anymore, let alone send you pictures of her anus.

Of course, that's only if you've tried telling her this politely and privately beforehand. But you've got to really, REALLY make your point and crush her quite brutally. That's your best bet, mate. Although it is a very unpleasant thing to do.

 

Assuming that this isn't some milestone, or that you haven't just been too chickensh*t to hurt her feelings, I must say that she sounds like a stalker. A delusional, damaged individual persuing a fictional relationship. Men suffering from such an ailment are more dangerous than women, but I would still be careful. Jilted 'lovers' can do very horrible things. Even if that 'love' did not exist save for in their own mind.

Edited November 24, 2010 by Typhus

[Gezim]

Just tell her to suck your cock and ask her to f*ck off afterward.

[Moonshield]

I've dealt with 'stalkers' before. It's kind of annoying, but you can't afford to lose your cool.

 

Step 1: Get her fired for abusing the Emergency Contact list. If that doesn't work, try getting her canned by sitting down with your manager and explain the situation; that she makes you uncomfortable to work with. This could either lead to her getting fired, or possibly not being scheduled when you work. Starbucks employees are pretty come-and-go.

 

Step 2: Block her f*cking number. You should have blocked her facebook instead of deleting yours. Never respond to texts. If she works a shift with you, ignore her as much as possible.

 

Step 3: If she doesn't get the message, flat out tell her you aren't interested. In even being friends. She bugs you, and makes you feel uncomfortable.

 

There are some people that just can't take a hint.

[Crunch]

Smack that b**ch up and tell her that you don't like her.

[Slingaa]

Tell her your gay.

[Moonshield]

Tell her your gay.

 

I also thought, however briefly, about pretending to be a homosexual. But it would backfire because I work with two gay guys that could probably sniff me out pretty quickly as being a complete fugayzi

lurn 2 reed.

[Fnorg]

Have you considered the Salvation Army? Could be a neat experience.

[Robinski]

Get a canoe, take out some life insurance then get back to me.

 

I swear it'll work this time.

Edited November 24, 2010 by Robinski

[Zook]

Why did you delete your facebook page why not block her.

[The-King]

Get a canoe, take out some life insurance then get back to me.

This.

 

Don't forget to bring Seth Green along, else it'll lose the whole interesting experience factor.

[pyramid head]

Romeo and juliet is so overrated, Juliet faked her own death Romeo thought she was dead and killed himself and then she killed herself when she saw that she was dead, my advice don't fake your own death just leave town faking your own death will open up a whole can of unwanted worms.

 

 

[dog_day_sunrise]

There's a much easier remedy to this:

 

1) Arrange a date with her. Perferably somewhere relatively upmarket, and at least 2 weeks in the future.

2) Don't wash, rub yourself down with fish and cheese every night and forget to wipe your arse.

3) Turn up and be as rude as humanly possible.

 

If the above doesn't work then

4) Invite her to come back to your house. When she gets in, strip naked from the waist down and curl one out on the floor.

[nerner]

I might just sh*t myself in front of her-- but with my luck, she'd be into it...

Well there's no harm in trying is there?

 

 

nerner eagerly awaits results.

[dog_day_sunrise]

 

Romeo and juliet is so overrated, Juliet faked her own death Romeo thought she was dead and killed himself and then she killed herself when she saw that she was dead, my advice don't fake your own death just leave town faking your own death will open up a whole can of unwanted worms.

And the award for "taking the OP far too seriously" goes to...

 

 

Tell her your gay.

 

I also thought, however briefly, about pretending to be a homosexual. But it would backfire because I work with two gay guys that could probably sniff me out pretty quickly as being a complete fugayzi

lurn 2 reed.

He could always suck one off at work. That'd be pretty convincing, but you might end up being stalked by the bloke instead.

Edited November 24, 2010 by dog_day_sunrise

[UNRATED69]

Here's what you do:

 

1. Take a picture of yourself naked.

 

2. Shop the hairiest, ugliest vagina you can find onto yourself.

 

3. Send the picture to her.

 

If that doesn't work, then you're screwed.

[Kevin...]

Stop using facebook and get a few of your friends to post sh*t about you dying. Stuff like how they miss you or sh*t like that. Real sappy "I just lost my best friend" sh*t. With any luck, your other friends will follow suit and you are now officially dead. Thats how the internet works these days.

 

 

 

If you have no friends, I have another plan: kill her. If you have no friends, chances are, people already don't like you and possibly see you as a loaner/drifter/crackjob. You killing someone will surprise no one and you will no longer have to deal with the clingy bitch.

[Waddy]

Stop using facebook and get a few of your friends to post sh*t about you dying. Stuff like how they miss you or sh*t like that. Real sappy "I just lost my best friend" sh*t. With any luck, your other friends will follow suit and you are now officially dead. Thats how the internet works these days.

 

 

 

 

All very well until he turns up at his family home and asks who's wake it is.

[nerner]

Stop using facebook and get a few of your friends to post sh*t about you dying. Stuff like how they miss you or sh*t like that. Real sappy "I just lost my best friend" sh*t. With any luck, your other friends will follow suit and you are now officially dead. Thats how the internet works these days.

I like the sex-change option better. Change your profile picture to a female who looks roughly like you, change jobs and get all of your mates to post stuff about your sex change. Unless she's bisexual with a transexual fetish that is pretty much guaranteed to work...

[SilentSeas]

Tell her your a furry, that'll put her off.

[Node]

 

Stop using facebook and get a few of your friends to post sh*t about you dying. Stuff like how they miss you or sh*t like that. Real sappy "I just lost my best friend" sh*t. With any luck, your other friends will follow suit and you are now officially dead. Thats how the internet works these days.

 

 

I like the sex-change option better. Change your profile picture to a female who looks roughly like you, change jobs and get all of your mates to post stuff about your sex change. Unless she's bisexual with a transexual fetish that is pretty much guaranteed to work...

 

i think thats going too far out of his way to remove her from his life. Change jobs? what if he cant get another job, Posting stuff about a death and sex change ?....well

[Jesus'En'Hitler420]

Oh man, that sucks. I offer my condolences. Maybe you should file a sexual harrassment claim with your employer?

[beto]

stalkers are f*cking crazy, thankfully i never had to work with one.

 

 

idk man, pretty much what everyone else said, ignore her texts, block her from FB, don't tell her some crazy sh*t like f*ck OFF c*nt blah blah. that'll just make it worse.

[Rojo89]

Ignore her man, thats the best you can do, telling her to f*ck off or something like that is a bad idea, she'll go crazy on you and make your life miserable, believe me, I'm telling you from experience.

[AreXi]

Tell her your gay.

 

I also thought, however briefly, about pretending to be a homosexual. But it would backfire because I work with two gay guys that could probably sniff me out pretty quickly as being a complete fugayzi

lurn 2 reed.

Do note Slingaa said "Tell her your gay."

 

I'm not quite sure what he meant by that, but he might have something.

[WF the Hobgoblin]

You should string her along for a bit and use her to do your bidding.

Then when you're bored, convince her to kill herself.

 

Also

 

 

Stop using facebook.

 

*fixed

[860]

Here is the solutions in a couple of easy steps.

 

1. Tell her you don't want her.

 

..And that's about it.

[beto]

Here is the solutions in a couple of easy steps.

 

1. Tell her you don't want her.

 

..And that's about it.

you've obviously never dealt with a stalker.