To Turn a Blind Eye

[Eminence]

[]

Edited May 4, 2011 by Eminence

[Tashan]

Edited November 17, 2010 by shrekdj

[Girish]

 

That the details are easily lost and that, at the end of the day, every action leads you to where you are and you’re better off just letting yourself get swept away with the mess that is life without worrying about every single consequence of every single action.

You missed a preposition there, but I believe that's a typo.

 

Other that that, it's almost perfect. Didn't quite expect the ending at first but it became more and more clear as I continued reading. No matter how short, it managed to keep me interested throughout and that's what I like about it.

[Vercetti21]

Nice tone Emi. Despite the melancholy dialog, the imagery brings an eerie atmosphere to this piece, notably the parallel between hanging the tie and himself. Guilt is the real villain - it's a ghost, a plague. This theme was easy to pick up on, so I think it's safe to say this was very well-executed.

[Eminence]

Thanks for the feedback guys. Vercetti's pretty much hit the nail on the head. Do you think that message was too clear, perhaps not subtle enough? Or do you think the balance was right?

 

Oh and girish, it's not a typo. The phrase reads fine either way in my eyes. I can see why you'd want to add the 'to' but don't forget, it's in first person so we're not dealing with something that has to be rigidly grammatical.

[Vercetti21]

Thanks for the feedback guys. Vercetti's pretty much hit the nail on the head. Do you think that message was too clear, perhaps not subtle enough? Or do you think the balance was right?

Nah, the balance is good. Subtlety is a little overrated in my eyes. As long as you're not cramming the message down the reader's throat, a short piece deserves a simple theme.

[Oxidizer]

This is why you should write and/or post more on here; you write some of the most convincing interactions and relationships between characters and make them seem real.

 

I also like how Tom's and David's roles are reversed by the end of it, and the clever way you began and ended it with David noticing both Tom's eyes and Tom having something around his neck; you're good.

[Girish]

Oh and girish, it's not a typo. The phrase reads fine either way in my eyes. I can see why you'd want to add the 'to' but don't forget, it's in first person so we're not dealing with something that has to be rigidly grammatical.

Actually, now that I re-read it, it seems fine. I must have been in a very critical mood when I read it last time.

[The Unvirginiser]

I liked it mate, especially the noose/tie and afternoon thing, plus the great atmosphere. Just seemed that you crammed a little too much in to those sentences at the start if you know what I mean. This has reminded me that good pieces don't need to be ten pages long.

[TheJonesy]

This piece really shows what I find to be the most interesting aspect of writing: the paradoxial relationship between simplicity and complexity.

 

Notably, your use of descriptions, as well as execution, is my main example. In simplicity, and literal terms, you only go into a certain amount of description, only noting such objects as a tie, a fire, etc. Yet, the complexity shows through. Your wonderful use of emphasizing certain surroundings and integrating them in context as well as the narration really paints the colors here, concerning the overall tone.

 

In addition, the dialogue expresses this, too. Even after reading a few lines of dialogue, you can already feel their personality. You can sketch a picture of this person. And by the end of the piece, it feels like the character could be sitting right there with you.

 

Writing. It's so beautiful. This piece is quite the example of it's beauty.