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ClaudeSpeedIV

My Chain Story

Recommended Posts

The_Anti-tragedy

2) The Strip Mafia join the chase, but only end up interrupting the progress of the real mobsters.

 

Two rusty Mananas holding Strip Mafia members pop up from above. The leader is in one of them.

 

Leader: We don't need your help, buffoons!

Mobster: No one takes your goddamn gang seriously anymore! Just back the f*ck off!

Leader: You dare defy me?

 

One of the Mananas hits a fire hydrant and flips upside down onto one of the mob cars. Windshields are shattered as they crash into a building to their left. The remaining Manana and mob cars manage to catch up to the Roosevelt. Roman and Chester see them.

 

Roman: Cousin, they're catching up!

Niko: Is that really a relevant statement?

Yeager: Ay, cut into this alleyway.

 

Niko listens to Yeager and drives the Roosevelt into a narrow alley. Packie and Dwayne are knocked off the sides and run to the car.

 

Niko: Goddammit.

Leader: We've got you!

 

Packie and Dwayne find themselves running in between the Roosevelt and the mob cars. Packie gets shot in the shoulder again by one of the Forellis. Roman throws a hot dog at Packie. It hits him, healing him instantly. The same Forelli fires at the back windows of the Roosevelt. The glass shatters, Roman screams and Chester is shot in the elbow.

 

Roman: CHESTER! YOU'RE BLEEDING!

Chester: I CouLD go For A BleEDer BuRGeR.

Roman: Chester, listen to me!

Yeager: Use a goddamn hot dog.

Roman: Niko's all out!

 

Roman gets Chester to duck in the backseat to avoid getting shot. The alley their car entered splits off into different paths. They turn to the left, Packie and Dwayne running zig-zag after the Roosevelt. The Strip Mafia's Manana misses the turn and hits a corner. Their car stalls, the exposed engine emitting a billow of smoke. The mob cars crash into them, blocking the path for everyone except the Roosevelt.

 

Leader: It's all your fault, Herbert!

Herbert: Don't blame me! It's not my fault this car is a piece of crap.

Leader: I'm calling Bethany about this. You're not getting ass tonight, young man.

Herbert: We never get ass any night! Our little posse is flat f*cking broke we couldn't even afford a f*cking prostitute. And don't call me "young man," I'm four years older than you!

Leader: We lost our f*cking stash, and you're worried about getting ass.

Herbert: You brought it up, f*cking cow.

 

Packie and Dwayne have managed to get back onto the Roosevelt as the alley widens on its way out. The Group of Five plus Roman make it back to Caligula's safely. Roman carries the stash as they get ready to exit. They exit their car, Chester immediately staggering all over the sidewalk, falling over pedestrians. Packie guides Chester into the casino with the rest. They make their way to Yeager's office with the stash. Yeager waves at Fortuna as Roman sets the stash down on the table, dropping onto the floor.

 

Roman: Do you have any idea how heavy that f*cking thing is?

Chester: I used it as a bed.

Roman: You're no help, Mr. "Just a little dose!"

Packie: Roman, go easy on the ol' man. You know he ain't long for this earth.

Chester: I'm in my 60's!

Yeager: Guys! We f*cking did it! We stole sh*t from the mafia. It may have been sh*tty mafia, but mafia nonetheless. I'm gonna spend the next few hours finding a buyer. You guys do what you want. Leave the masks here and change out of your suits.

Niko: Good. Where's the private room, I gotta change?

Yeager: Actually, I was thinking you guys could just change in here.

Dwayne: I ain't gettin' naked in front of a man.

Yeager: Come on, we're all men here. I won't look, I promise. I know Fortuna will, am I right?

Fortuna: f*ck you.

 

1. They find a wire in the stash.

2. Fortuna doesn't look as the Group of Five all change inside Yeager's office. Roman handles the situation.

3. The Strip Mafia raid the casino.

4. Chester actually did all the of the stash; Roman had lifted a heavy cement block.

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Corndawg93

3. The Strip Mafia raid the casino.

 

The Casino floor with all the money machines and roulette thingys is overrun with Silly Fake mafia humans, where they wet the fancy electrical equipment which causes a black out in the casino, meanwhile we cut to the guys upstairs several minutes before where they are getting changed, where Dwayne won't stop looking at Niko ass

(Niko) Hey, Stop looking at my ass Dwayne

 

(Dwayne) Sorry but do you know you have a tattoo on your ass

 

(Packie) He does?

 

(Dwayne) Yeah but I can tell what it is

Chester and Packie go in for a closer look

(Chester) It's looks like a picture of a girl

 

(Packie) It's looks like a map of San Andreas

Just then the power goes out

(Yeager) God damn it, what now

 

(Niko) Oh no, now no one will continue to look at my ass (He says sarcastically)

They all get fully clothed and Yeager uses his phone to light up the room and direct the other 5 to a closet with Flashlights

(Yeager) Here you all go

 

(Packie) Now to take a second look at Niko ass

Packie walks over to Niko and try's to get a look at Niko ass but is knocked out red army style

(Niko) Anyone else want to look at my ass

 

(Dwayne, Chester, Roman and Yeager) No

 

(Niko) Good

They try to wake Packie up but due to his being knockout Red Army style he won't be waking up for days (in other words, Packie's knockout until the next page)

 

What happens next???

1) The group of 4 plus Roman go see what the problem is with the power

2) The Silly Fake mafia raid the upper levels of the Casino

3) The Forellis also raid the biulding but have trouble doing so because the power is out

4) The back up generator comes on

Edited by Corndog93

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Carbonox

3) The Forellis also raid the biulding but have trouble doing so because the power is out

A bunch of Forellis storm into the casino, where the guests have already ran off to all possible directions, giving the casino an abandoned look.

 

Guido 1: OK, our connections say the thieves should be right here.

Guido 2: Oh my god, I can't believe we're dealing with the Caligula's owner. I'm scared!

Guido 1: What the f*ck, man? You're a mobster! You've got a gun, you should use it.

Guido 3: Guido 2 has a point, though. That Yeager guy, he's... he's real serious. He's rumored to, like, have this creepy basement where he---

Guido 4: Does horrible things to us!

Guido 1: Well, I'll f*cking lead the way then. I actually remember this place, from back when Salvatore Leone ran it.

Guido 3: Look, there's someone in there!

 

The leading guido points a flashlight at the person, who turns out to be Herbert, from the Strip Mafia.

 

Guido 1: What the f*ck are you doing here?! I thought we told you to stay out of this!

Herbert: F*ck you, man! It was our stash!

Guido 1: A stash you f*cking idiots couldn't have sold in the last f*cking 40 years?!

Herbert: It was inherited from me and the others' badass predecessors! It has too much value!

Guido 1: I think they f*cking intended you to sell it, rather than keep it around as a f*cking treasure. Are there any more of you out here?

Herbert: Yeah! Me and Anthony got paired up, and we sprayed all the electrical equipment, so---

 

A knocking sound is heard in the distance.

 

Guido 2: What was that, what was that?

Guido 4: Oh my god, it's Yeager!

Guido 3: How are you supposed to know? It could be Yeager's pet lion!

Guido 1: Quiet down. Was that Anthony?

Herbert: I sure hope not...

 

The guidos run up to the location of the sound, where Anthony is found, knocked out cold. Herbert starts to panic, and so do the guidos.

 

Guido 3: This is just crazy, man. We don't want to stay here!

Guido 4: Whoever did this, show yourself now, before I---

 

A powerful shot is heard, and a heavy Magnum bullet pierces Guido 4's head, with blood splattering over the other guidos, as he falls over.

 

Guido 3: Nooooooo! Not him!

Guido 2: I'm sure it came from over there. Behind the slot machines!

Guido 3: I'll go check it out.

 

He goes behind the slot machines, but just abruptly seems to vanish. It takes two minutes, and he hasn't been back, but no sounds are heard either.

 

Guido 2: Oh f*ck. Oh f*ck. They got him too.

Guido 1: I'll admit, this is getting creepy. But you know what? We gotta face the fear. Grenade!

 

Guido 1 tosses a grenade at the slot machines. They blow up into pieces, but behind them, there's nothing except the dead body of Guido 3, whose throat has been slit.

 

Herbert: Horrible! Absolutely horrible!

Guido 1: We're being toyed with.

Guido 2: Can I go home now?

Herbert: Hey, I saw movement!

Guido 2: Where? Oh my god, tell me f*cking where!

Herbert: Near that door. I think it leads to the hotel side.

Guido 1: Well, since you've got the eagle eyes here, I suggest you go check it out as well.

Herbert: ...Whatever.

 

He enters the hotel. It's completely dark as well, and the receptionists and other workers have apparently already ditched it in a hurry. Before he knows it, someone grabs him and holds a knife on his throat. Herbert panics and tries to escape, only to have the knife press into his skin, just tightly enough not to create a wound. The female assailant laughs upon noticing the squirt gun, but takes it away anyway, because it could be used as a melee weapon.

 

Fortuna: How does your Strip Mafia even exist after all these years when you don't have real guns?

Herbert: Please! Don't hurt me, I'm... I'm just a guest. I just happened to be here when the power went out.

Fortuna: Usually guests don't carry squirt guns around. Where exactly is your boss?

Herbert: F, holy crap, is that you? Remember me from the big party at The Visage a few years ago? Umm, my offer for a date is still valid, you know...

Fortuna: F*ck off.

 

Meanwhile at the closet in Yeager's office...

 

Niko: Why exactly are we hiding?

Roman: Because I'm scared!

Chester: I'm not scared. In fact, those drugs f*cking pumped me up. I feel like I could be surrounded by wild dogs and not feel any f*cking fear.

Yeager: We're here for our own safety. We don't know who are attacking this time, but they sure seem to be serious.

Niko: Meh, with our luck, it's just the f*cking Strip Mafia again.

Yeager: We pissed off the real mobsters too, though. They can be dangerous in numbers... and they're connected too.

Dwayne: If they're here, they'll probably search the whole building to find us, including this closet.

Niko: So why the f*ck not just take the stash, kill our way outside, and escape to a more convenient hideout?

Dwayne: Unfortunately you knocked Packie out, which means he'll slow our progress down.

Chester: Meh, we can just kill every attacker, then we don't need to worry about speed at all.

Niko: I think it's a little more difficult than you make it sound like.

Chester: Hey, by the way, where'd that babe go?

Yeager: You mean Fortuna? I don't know, she just disappeared after the lights went out. Don't call her a 'babe' by the way.

Chester: Damn, you take everything too seriously.

 

What happens next?

 

1) 3 of the Group of Four leave the closet to check what's going on, while one stays behind to guard Roman, Packie, and the stash.

2) The Forellis call in reinforcements, who are a lot more confident than the first few guidos.

3) At the hotel, Herbert manages to break free of Fortuna's grasp.

4) Fortuna kills Herbert.

5) Some Strip Mafia guys show up to assist Herbert.

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The_Anti-tragedy

2) The Forellis call in reinforcements, who are a lot more confident than the first few guidos.

 

Guido 2: Herbert hasn't shown up. I'm f*cking callin' 'em.

Guido 1: No you're f*cking not. We're handling this situation by ourselves.

Guido 2: Are you f*cking insane?

Guido 1: Think about it. Raiding this casino could have us be made men.

Guido 2: What do we do about Yeager and his crew?

Guido 1: Actually, just f*cking call them.

Guido 2: All right. I'm calling Eddie and Them.

Guido 1: Eddie and Them? That's a bit of a stretch, don't you think?

Guido 2: This is serious.

 

Guido 2 gets reinforcements to come to the casino. Eddie and Them arrive at the casino, with flashlight modifications to their guns. Eddie's team consists of three other guidos. They enter the casino, using the bit of light to find Guidos 1 and 2.

 

Guido 1: Eddie, Is that you? That was too fast.

Eddie: We're like that. Where are the motherf*ckers?

Guido 2: Herbert just left to check the hotel. Maybe two of your crew could check it out.

Eddie: It's done. Them 1, Them 2, go into that hotel.

Them 3: What do I do?

Eddie: We're finding that manager's office. Let's go.

 

We cut to the office with the Group of Four plus a jumpy Roman and an unconscious Packie.

 

Yeager: One of us has got to stay while three of us go outside. I'm telling you, it's the best thing to do!

Chester: Why don't you do it?

Yeager: I'm the f*cking manager. Who's staying?

Dwayne: Fine, I'll do it. Roman, stay the f*ck in control of yourself.

Roman: Eh, sure.

Eddie: f*cking freeze!

 

Eddie and Them 3 have just broke into the office, Them 3 kicking the door down. The two stand in firing position with Eddie charrying a shotgun and Them 3 armed with an assault rifle.

 

Chester: Damn, it's the real mafia.

Eddie: Don't move a f*cking muscle.

Yeager: What do you want?

Them 3: We're here for your stash.

Dwayne: You ain't gettin' sh*t, punks!

Eddie: I beg to differ.

 

Eddie shoots Dwayne in the chest, severely injuring him. Dwayne falls back against a wall by Roman and Packie. Yeager takes his own gun and shoots Eddie in the head. Niko has gotten an assault rifle out too. The two crew members aim at the lone mobster.

 

Them 3: This ain't f*cking fair, I tell yas!

Niko: Don't move a f*cking muscle!

Them 3: That was Eddie's line. Damn!

Yeager: Hey. You see that door over there? Open it, you'll find some stairs. Go down those stairs. I'll be behind you the whole time.

 

Them 3 does so and goes down to Yeager's basement, Yeager following close behind. Niko is left alone with the dying Dwayne and the two deadweights.

 

Roman: Cousin, you must save Dwayne.

Niko: f*ck. Why does this have to be so complicated?

Dwayne: You heard him, Niko. *cough cough*

Niko: Where's the first aid kit?

Roman: Check that Eddie guy.

 

Niko reaches over to Eddie's body, and finds in the mobster's pocket,

1. A fluffy mouse toy and two condoms

2. Two clips of pistol ammo, which is strange considering Eddie had a shotgun.

3. Eddie's wallet, a few coins and a pack of salty crackers.

4. Two used tampons, a champagne cork, and a candy cane.

5. A pack of M&Ms and an EgoChaser bar.

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Corndawg93

5. A pack of M&Ms and an EgoChaser bar.

 

(Niko) This is what I could find, here eat these M&Ms

Dwayne munches on them but is only 50% better

(Niko) Damn, we'll eat this EgoChaser bar

Dwayne munches on the Ego Bar and is 100% better and gets on his feet and feels the need to kill a bunch of Italians

(Roman) Now that he's alive let's head down to the basement

 

(Chester) Good idea

 

(Niko) Ok, me and Dwayne will go down, you stay here and makes sure Roman and Packie are ok

 

(Chester) Ok

Niko and Dwayne head down the stairs and find The basement is completely dark

(Niko) Damn, I can't see anything

 

(Dwayne) Yeah no sh*t the powers still out

Just then as he finishes his sentence the power comes back on

(Niko) Are good

 

(Dwayne) Hey Yeager

There stands Yeager with a dead Them 3 laying on the ground with a hatchet between his eyes

(Niko) Damn Yeager, you cold

 

(Yeager) He made me do it

They all head back up the stair and find Chester and the two deadweights

(Chester) What happen down there?

 

(Yeager) This happened *shows Chester the hatchet with blood on it*

 

(Chester) Damn

Roman seeing the bloody hatchet pukes all over Packie

(Roman) Sorry

 

(Niko) Should we clean him up or leave him like that

 

(Yeager) Leave him, he's broken that damn wall too many times let him soak in his Roman puke

 

(Dwayne) That's nasty

They leave him and head down stairs.

What do they find???

1) A lotta dead Silly Fake mafia humans

2) Powers still out and The group of 4 plus Roman question why the upstairs is working but the down stairs isn't

3) The less confident Forellis sitting down wondering what's going on in Yeager office

4) Nothing

Edited by Corndog93

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Carbonox

3) The less confident Forellis sitting down wondering what's going on in Yeager office

Guido 2: Do you think we can trust Eddie and Them to do the dirty work?

Guido 1: Did you see their confidence? Crap, they make us look like amateurs. And now Eddie'll obviously get made...

Guido 2: Shhh! I hear footsteps!

 

The two Forellis attempt to remain stationary in the darkness to avoid detection. However, Yeager, who is shining a flashlight around the casino floor, spots them quickly. Niko, Chester and Dwayne show up alongside him, causing the guidos to panic for real. Roman's there as well, but he stands back, because in reality he's just as scared of the situation as the guidos.

 

Guido 2: Please don't hurt us! Oh my god!

Niko: What do we have here?

Dwayne: I assume that Eddie guy was one of yours? He had some tasty M&M's for sure.

Guido 1: E-Eddie? We don't know any Eddie. Quit talking stupid things. We were just about to leave anyway, so no hard feelings and all...

Yeager: Actually, you will not. Don't you think about running away. I still haven't got the blood of the previous guido off my hatchet.

Chester: You could just lick it clean. We all know how much you like the taste of blood.

Yeager: Yeah, but blood is only one of the best parts. The real tasty stuff is those organs, man. My favorite hobby is digging them out and eating them in front of my poor torture victim's eyes while they're still fully conscious.

Guidos 1 & 2: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

 

The guidos run off. Niko points a gun at them, but Yeager motions him not to shoot. As the guidos are about to exit through the front doors, they're suddenly locked in front of their eyes.

 

Chester: Wait, how'd you do that, while the power was out?

Yeager: The emergency door locking system even has a backup generator for the primary backup generator. It's just such an important feature when you want to trap these poor souls, who thought they'd easily cripple all my electronic equipment, inside a big, dark, scary casino.

Niko: This only changes things for the better.

 

The guidos are seen trying to kick their way through the doors. Eventually, the Group of Four plus Roman make their way to them. Niko and Dwayne grab the guidos and Yeager shines the flashlight into their faces.

 

Yeager: Right now, you will tell me everything about your leaders.

 

What happens next?

 

1) The guidos explain what they know right there, right now.

2) They refuse to talk at first, so they're taken to Yeager's basement for questioning.

3) The guidos SOMEHOW escape.

4) We cut to Them 1 and 2, who are on the hotel side, looking for Herbert.

5) More Strip Mafia enter the casino area and begin vandalizing the casino games with their squirt and paintball guns.

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The_Anti-tragedy

2) They refuse to talk at first, so they're taken to Yeager's basement for questioning.

 

The Group of Four plus Roman take the two guidos down to the basement. With some help from Niko, Yeager ties up both of them to the same chair.

 

Yeager: Start talking.

Guido 2: Leo Forelli, our boss, wanted the stash. We were only sent to do the work. It's him you want, not us!

Guido 1: You guys took the stash. What else were we supposed to do?

Yeager: Advise your boss not to get too greedy next time. Unfortunately for you two, there won't be a next time, will there?

Guido 1: I guess not.

Guido 2: You're not gonna kill us, are you?

Yeager: Oh, heavens no. I'm going to torture you. Niko, Dwayne, Chester, especially Roman, I suggest you go upstairs to get everything fixed. There's an emergency switch in the boiler room. Also, check on Fortuna in the hotel. I'm gonna be here a while.

Chester: You have a boiler room?

Niko: See you later.

 

The Group of Three plus Roman get out of the basement and into the main casino area. They use Eddie's gun as a flashlight. It takes a total of seventeen minutes to finally find the stairs to the boiler room. Roman causes everyone to fall down the stairs. Dwayne's back is broken.

 

Dwayne: Goddammit, Roman!

Roman: I couldn't see a thing!

Dwayne: That doesn't give you the right to run into everyone on the stairs.

Niko: Shut the f*ck up. We need to find that switch.

 

They locate the switch, on the other side of the room. Roman hits his head on a pipe and falls over as the others walk to the switch. Niko turns the switch.

 

1. Nothing happens.

2. The power is restored.

3. Everything in the boiler room starts to combust.

4. A disco ball appears and dance music plays.

5. The switch explodes.

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Onett

2. The power is restored.

 

Niko: H-holy f*ck. Nothing happened.

 

Everyone is astonished at this.

 

Chester: Hm. Hey, shouldn't we go and check on that Fortuna chick?

 

Roman: We could... Or WE COULD GO BOWLING!

 

Dwayne: (pained) Or we go to a motherf*cking hospital, because the f*cking fat piece of f*cking sh*t f*cking fell on me, breaking my motherf*cking back.

f*ck.

 

Roman: Relax, you just slipped a disk. Probably. BOWLING!

 

What does Niko do?

1) Agrees with Chester.

2) Agrees with Roman.

3) Agrees with Dwayne.

4) Does something completely different.

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The_Anti-tragedy

1) Agrees with Chester.

 

Niko: Chester, we go upstairs to check on Fortuna. Roman, Dwayne, you two go to the hospital.

Dwayne: All right. Don't f*cking break any more f*cking bones, you f*cking fat f*ck.

Roman: Are you talking to me?

Dwayne: You damn f*cking right I'm f*cking talking to you!

Chester: Let's go, Niko.

Niko: Yes; let's.

 

Niko and Chester go upstairs to ground level while Roman and Dwayne are left to argue in the boiler room. Some of the people in the casino have come out of their hiding spots. Yeager's voice is heard from a PA in the casino.

 

Yeager: Everyone please leave the casino.

 

Everyone does so as the rest come out of their respective places to get off of the casino premises. Niko and Chester stand at the hotel side door. Roman and Dwayne are seen leaving the casino, presumably going to the hospital.

 

Roman: Dwayne, don't forget to buy a few tampons while we're there.

Dwayne: F*ck you!

 

Niko and Chester enter the hotel. They fail to find her in the lobby, so they search the hotel's first floor hallway for Fortuna.

 

Niko: Fortuna. You there?

Chester: It's Niko and Chester. Did you know Yeager's into some sick sh*t?

 

Muffled screams are heard from a door to their left. Niko kicks the door open before him and Chester leap inside the hotel room. They find...

 

1. An unknown couple having rough sex.

2. Herbert, bound and gagged with Fortuna close by.

3. Fortuna, bound and gagged with Herbert close by.

4. Luis, being tortured by Ray Bulgarin.

5. Roman being tortured by Dwayne for his previous torment.

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Corndawg93

4. Luis, being tortured by Ray Bulgarin.

 

(Niko) What the hell

Niko and Chester point their guns at Bulgarin

(Ray) Niko, where's my money

 

(Niko) I don't owe you anything

Niko shoots Ray in the head causing a lot of blood to splatter all over on Luis

(Luis) That's f*cked up bro

 

(Niko) Why was he torturering you?

 

(Luis) Hard Drives

 

(Chester) Why

 

(Luis) He wanted them back and wanted me to get them

 

(Niko) Could've just ask you to do it

 

(Luis) That's what I said, no need to torture me

Just then a loud bang is heard from....

Where???

1) Upstairs

2) Down the hall

3) Outside

4) Back the way they came

 

Writers block is a bitch

Edited by Corndog93

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Carbonox

Writer's block is my bitch..

2) Down the hall

Niko: Goddamn, what was that?!

Chester: Are the Forellis trying to bomb this place?

Niko: Let's not arrive to conclusions too quickly. Luis, you coming with us?

Luis: Sure thing, bro, I'll just---

 

There's a puddle of blood on the floor, and Luis slips on it, hitting his head on the floor, with blood coming out.

 

Chester: Err... oops?

Luis: HELP! MOTHERF*CKING HELP ME AND QUIT STARING!

Niko: You got any hot dogs, Chester?

Chester: I've got gum.

Niko: Well, give it to him.

 

Chester does it, but Luis doesn't seem to get better. Instead, he is slipping towards death.

 

Niko: What the f*ck?

Chester: I don't understand either. Strawberry gum is the sh*t, at least in my opinion.

Luis: I HATE STRAWBERRY!

 

And with that, Luis succumbs to his injuries. Niko sighs.

 

Chester: Wanna go check that explosion?

Niko: Sure. Sure, whatever you say. And no, I'm not in the mood for any strawberry gum myself.

Chester: You don't like it either?

Niko: Let's just go...

 

They get back to the hallway and head to the direction of the bang. There's a dead guido lying face down in the area.

 

Niko: Looks like a Forelli. Why is he here?

Chester: F*ck if I know. Guy looks pretty messed up, I'm willing to bet he was trying to install a bomb, and it blew up on his face.

Niko: Serves the bitch right.

Chester: But wait, does this mean there could be more bombs in the area?

Niko: Sh*t, you're right. We better hurry.

 

They run up the stairs to the second floor, but it's empty. Suddenly, MORE muffled screams are heard from a room.

 

Niko: Not this again.

Chester: Well, we better see what's happening.

 

What will they find?

 

1) Herbert, bound and gagged with Fortuna close by.

2) Fortuna, bound and gagged with Herbert close by.

3) A couple engaged in rough bondage.

4) Cam (the sex shop guy from the original Group of Seven) in bondage, being whipped by a prostitute.

5) Them 1 and 2 trying to rescue Herbert.

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Fallcreek

4) Cam (the sex shop guy from the original Group of Seven) in bondage, being whipped by a prostitute.

 

Niko holds his AR-15 with one hand, and slowly opens the door, and too their surprise, they find Cam tied up to a rack, with a local prositute (We'll call her Klass) whipping him right in the chest

 

Cam: DADDY'S BACK YOU BITCHES! DADDY'S BACK!

Klass: Talk to me!

Cam: YEEEAAAAHH!!!

 

Niko withdraws his aim, and lets out a quick gasp

 

Niko: Cam? What the f*ck!? I saw you die in that plane crash!

 

Cam is startled when he sees Niko and some greasy hippie standing beside him.

 

Cam: Oh shi- Uh.. Hey Niko! Uh.. Dude, whatever your name is

Chester: It's Chester, man.

Cam: Right. Hey.. Do you guys want to stand outside for a minute? We're kind of in a middle of something here!

Niko, looking away: Yeah man, we'll be right outside; call us back in when you're ready.

 

Niko and Chester step outside, into the ominous hallway.

 

Chester: Who the hell is that?

Niko: He's an old aquaintence, long story.

Chester: We got time!

Niko: No, we don't. Just know a lot of crap went down, and I saw him die in a plane crash over Bullworth.

Chester: Whoa, you were in Bullworth?

Niko: Yeah man, for a while. It's kind of a boring town, it's small; quaint.

Chester, nodding: Yeaaah, sounds like my kind of pla-

 

Suddenly they hear Cam's voice calling them back into the room. They open the door and see Cam dressed and sitting on the bed.

 

Cam, who's gesturing towards some chairs: Please, sit down guys.

 

Niko and Chester both grab some chairs and place them opposite of Cam.

 

Niko, while placing his ass on the chair: Where the f*ck have you been? Let alone here?

Cam: Jesus, man.. It's a damn miracle. After I went barreling out of the Jet, I landed in a body of water. With luck like mine, I survived the fall, and later a passing boat found me floating in the water and they quickly took me to a dock in Vice City and called an ambulance. I've been recovering there for a while; just got out and decided to party with my favorite girl (He turns towards Klass and winks)

Niko: Why didn't you call us man?

Cam: Becuase you guys are fugitives! ..and I don't know your guys' numbers heh..

Niko: Aw crap, right! Here's my number (Niko hands Cam a business card)

Cam: You have a f*cking business card!?

Niko: Yeah man! If someone needs a gun-man, i'm their guy!

Cam: It's a miracle you haven't been locked up.

 

Chester clears his throat and butts into the conversation

 

Chester: Who says we haven't? Anyway, hate to break up this reunion party but we're kind of looking for someone, Niko!

Niko: Oh sh*t, right! Hey Cam, have you seen a suspicious looking girl recently?

Cam: I don't know, everyone looks suspicious here!

Niko: I mean, someone who's sneaking around with f*cking guns!

Cam: Oh yeah, I saw her enter the elevator with some dopey f*ck. Looks like she was heading for the 13th's floor.

Niko: You have to be kidding me. (Niko lets out a sigh) You want to join us?

Cam: Hell yeah!

 

They all stand up and head towards the door, Cam grabs his signature double barrel shotgun and they head towards the elevator. They finally reach the 13th floor, and they faintly hear a door close at the end of the hall

 

Niko: sh*t, you hear that?

Cam: Yeah man.. Is this lady friend of yours friendly?

Niko: She should be..

Chester: You two go up! I'll uh.. cover your back!

Niko: With what?

Chester: Details! Just push up!

 

They slowly walk towards the end of the hallway and finally approach the door. Niko leans in closer and hears subtle thumps coming from the other side

 

Niko, whispering: This is it, Room 307.. Be ready!

 

He slowly opens the door, rifle at the ready.

 

What does he see?

 

1) He spots someone writing a letter, then the mysterious figure notices them.

2) He finds Herbert with a loaded gun, standing over a limp Fortuna.

3) He finds Fortuna sitting on a bed with Herbert.

4) He finds a porno being filmed, and Niko gets dragged on scene with a famous porn star

5) He finds an empty room. Niko walks towards the window and notices that Las Venturas' streets are empty. He then does a double-take and looks further in the distance and notices a HUGE sand storm approaching the city.

6) He finds nothing, the room is empty.

Edited by Fallcreek

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Carbonox

3) He finds Fortuna sitting on a bed with Herbert.

Fortuna: ...and that's why I didn't contact you again. No offense, but you seriously aren't my type.

Herbert: Damn, girl, that's harsh. Wait, who the f*ck are you?

Niko: You don't recognize me?

Herbert: No.

Niko: Oh yeah, I was wearing a mask during the robbery. Nevermind, my mistake.

Fortuna: So why exactly are you here? And hold on, is that Cam?

 

Cam and Chester were peeking in from the half-open door. They both come in. (Long dialogue warning)

 

Cam: Holy sh*t, Fortuna, I didn't expect it to be you Niko was looking for.

Chester: I really feel like an outsider here.

Niko: Honestly, I'm just as confused about this situation as you are.

Fortuna: Why were you looking for me?

Niko: Yeager told me to.

Chester: Yeah, and we also wanted to say Yeager really has some f*cked up torturing methods.

Fortuna: I was aware of it.

Chester: So anyway, why are you sitting here, chatting in peace with a freakin' Strip Mafia idiot?

Herbert: Don't call me an idiot, old timer. If I had access to real guns, I could defend our stash with pride.

Fortuna: We know each other from the early days. And Cam too. Frankly, I'm not very pleased to see you here after that one time---

Cam: It was a freakin' one night stand! One among many!

Niko: Whatever, the Strip Mafia are still our enemies. Do you have any last words, err... Herbert?

Herbert: Yes, I'd like some strawberry gum.

Fortuna: No, don't kill him! This is a freakin' order!

Niko: I know there's clearly some personal sh*t between you, but Yeager would prefer me to end this guy.

Chester: You're being a cold blooded bastard, Niko. The guy's clearly harmless, so I say we leave him alone. Oh, and I've got you that strawberry gum, if you want some.

Fortuna: Listen to the old guy, Niko.

Cam: When you talk about the Strip Mafia, are you possibly referring to that stupid gang that tried to rob my store with squirt guns?

Herbert: Goddammit! You're the shopkeeper who killed Julius at point blank range with that shotgun!

Cam: Was he a close friend?

Herbert: Well... no, but he was funny. To be honest, losing him probably wasn't such an issue, because he was a Forelli ass-kisser anyway. Oh sh*t... I forgot.

Niko: Forgot what?

Herbert: There's a lot of Forellis in this building. Probably looking for me.

Chester: We're aware of that.

Niko: And the guidos didn't put up much of a fight.

Fortuna: I can agree with that.

Cam: Well, why the f*ck should we be worried, then? There's 5 of us here right now.

Herbert: Just clearing up one thing. You - umm, are going to give us our stash back, right?

Chester: Aw, hell no, man! Learn to live with the fact you just lost, and your petty attack on this casino didn't exactly help your cause.

Herbert: But the stash is unbelievably important! It's a family heirloom! ...like.

Fortuna: As much as I've defended you from getting killed, Herbert, I'm going to have to side with the others here.

 

What happens next?

 

1) Them 1 and Them 2 arrive, along with more Forelli reinforcements, making it a huge firefight.

2) Shooting is heard from the hallways. Them 1 and Them 2 are engaged in a battle against Klass the hooker.

3) Herbert grabs Fortuna as a human shield and demands Niko's crew gives him the stash.

4) Niko looks out of the window and notices the streets are empty - and a massive sand storm is heading their way.

5) We cut to Yeager gruesomely torturing Guido 1 and Guido 2.

Edited by Carbonox

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The_Anti-tragedy

3) Herbert grabs Fortuna as a human shield and demands Niko's crew gives him the stash.

 

Fortuna: Sh*t, what the hell are you doing, Herbert?

Herbert: Give me the stash, old man.

Chester: I ain't got the f*cking stash!

Niko: Chester, go behind him.

 

Chester goes behind Herbert while Niko gets his gun out. Herbert gets confused as he turns to block Chester but is shot by Niko in the back. He falls to the floor, landing on his knees. Fortuna also falls, quickly getting up.

 

Herbert: You got me. You f*cking got me!

Fortuna: You didn't have to shoot him, Niko.

Niko: He's getting on my f*cking nerves. Fortuna, you're coming with us.

Fortuna: Hell no, motherf*cker. I don't want to work for asshole Yeager.

Cam: Just come with us, bitch!

 

Cam points his shotgun at Fortuna. Herbert is standing beside her with his hands up. Chester and Niko watch Cam in awe.

 

Cam: I f*cking helped you when you were attacked at that club, remember? We were both piss drunk, but we got away from those assholes. Now you're not so grateful just because I didn't want to hook up with someone I didn't remember. Niko, Fortuna is working with D'arcy to take down Yeager. She's wearing a wire.

Niko: How do you know that?

Fortuna: That's a damn lie, Cam, and you know it!

Cam: We can't risk it, dammit. Let me put an end to this bitch.

 

Cam fires several shotgun shells at Fortuna. Herbert covers his eyes as Fortuna's body is splattered into a corner. Cam throws his shotgun into the air and kicks the floor in rage.

 

Niko: Herbert, I understand the Forellis sent backup here. Eddie was his name, yeah?

Herbert: And two more. I saw them earlier but Fortuna didn't. They're in this hotel somewhere.

Niko: Okay. You're coming with us. We can't wait any longer. We have to tell Yeager that his new employee is dead.

Cam: Didn't you f*cking hear me? She was a damn snitch!

Chester: We heard what you f*cking said! Get the f*ck out, you deranged son-of-a-bitch.

 

Cam bends down to pick up his shotgun. Niko gets his gun out and shoots Cam in the chest several times. Cam spasms against a wall before passing out onto the bed, over Fortuna's body. Herbert screams at the sight as Chester drags him out of the hotel room with Niko. The three take an elevator to the lobby.

 

Herbert: Why such an urgent exit?

Niko: This place is fitted with some bombs, we think.

Chester: A Forelli set it off in his face. f*cking amateur.

Herbert: I'm sorry for what went down in that hotel room. I do think it was good move killing Cam, though. That guy seemed nuts.

Niko: So do many other people. However, we don't know for certain that Fortuna wasn't wearing a wire.

Herbert: Poor girl. I guess it seemed like a strange coincidence that I would raid the place she works at. Now that I think about it, the pieces do fit together.

Chester: Don't dwell on it, man. We gotta get you to Yeager's office and see what he says.

Herbert: Where are the rest of your guys?

Niko: Two are at the hospital, Yeager's torturing your Forelli friends, one has been unconscious, and the two of us are here.

 

The three make their way to the casino door. The place is empty yet filled with silence. Niko, Chester and Herbert make their way to Yeager's office. The office is empty as well, save for Packie and Eddie's bodies.

 

Herbert: Damn, that's Eddie.

Chester: Aren't you and the Forellis different mob families?

Herbert: Yeah, but we were affiliated allies. I knew Eddie.

Niko: He didn't seem very nice.

Chester: Smug kid, too.

 

The three sit on chairs by Yeager's desk, awaiting Yeager's arrival. A pure scream is heard clearly coming from downstairs.

 

Chester: Who was that?

Herbert: You said Yeager's into some strange torturing methods.

Chester: Yeah, but he would've gagged them. The scream wasn't muffled at all.

Niko: Sh*t, we better get down there.

Herbert: How do you know he gags his victims?

Chester: I don't, but it's common sense when it comes to torture.

 

1. They go downstairs to find Guido 1 and Guido 2 still being viciously tortured by Yeager.

2. They go downstairs to find Yeager about to be tortured by Guido 1 and Guido 2.

3. They decide to not go downstairs, and continue waiting in the office.

4. Roman and Dwayne come back from the hospital, still insulting each other.

5. Another bomb goes off.

Edited by The_Anti-tragedy

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Onett

5. Another bomb goes off.

 

FOOOOM

 

Chester: (nearly asleep, as he hasn't slept in over a week.) Holy John Lennon!

 

Niko: Holy John Lennon?

 

Chester: Shut up, it was a phrase used by this little group I was in during the late 60's. Like a joke phrase, really. It then became less funny in 1980, but there were only three of us left. After all, the 1970's was a terrible time to be living. All the hopefulness and liveliness of the 1960's, gone, in terror attacks, oil embargoes, Richard Milhous Nixon *mutters* bastard..., and it made me question, "What happened to the American dream?" on New Years Eve, 1979 in LC. I could've sworn I heard someone say, "You're looking at it." Freaky.

 

Herbert: Fascinating, old man, but we gotta-

 

FOOOOOOOOM

 

A bomb goes off underneath the office, sending all in there to places, and fates, unknown.

 

Who do we follow?

1) Dwayne, as he discharges himself from the hospital, alone.

2) Yeager, as he continues torturing.

3) And now, for someone completely different.

4) Chester, in a flashback to New Year's Eve, 1979.

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Corndawg93

4) Chester, in a flashback to New Year's Eve, 1979.

 

We cut to Chester 32 years ago in Liberty City with 2 of his friends, Jack, Wilson and himself, it's 2:00 in the afternoon and they are hanging out at the casino grand opening in Alderney, where the major of Liberty is there to cut the ribbon

 

(Major Johnston) I here by announce this Casino open

 

(Crowd) WOOOOOO!!!!

They all head in and look for different sections of the casino, as for the fab 3 Chester, Jack, Wilson, they decide to go around back to see there local Drug dealer

(Chester) Hey you got any of the good stuff man

 

(Drug Dealer) I do, what's the deal feller

 

(Jack) We gunna get high while watching the fire works, it'll be freaky

 

(Drug Dealer) Alright here you go

 

(Wilson) And here you go

They exchange item and head back to middle park to meet another drug dealer. The drug dealer In the descendent of a current character

Who is it???

1) Packie's Father

2) Little Jacobs Father

3) Dwaynes Mother

4) Mallories Father

Edited by Corndog93

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Onett

1) Packie's father

 

Packie's dad: Aye, that's anoother hard day's work done. I think I'll head to the pub and get a couple o' pints pulled. Hah, cheap Yank bastards...

So he does. We cut back to the Fab Three returning back to Wilson's apartment near Fishmarket South. 'Miserlou' by Dick Dale and his Del-Tones is playing on a radio near on the kitchen counter.

 

Chester: This is some good LSD, man.

Wilson: I wondered what you were babbling on about in that cab. The driver was starting to get twitchy. Think he suspected anything?

Jack: Quit being paranoid, you android.

Wilson: What.

Chester: Quit babbling. We gotta get this place ready, man. Party of the decade! Here's to the Eighties, man! May it be peaceful and all loving!

Wilson: Let's save the speeches for New Year's eh?

 

So they do. Around 8:45, the guests start streaming in. The Fab Three have done absolutly nothing, except lay out food, and hang a banner that originally said 'Happy new Year 1970!' with 1971, 1972, 1973, 1974, 1975, 1976, 1977 and 1978 all drawn on above the 1970. They are pretty lazy, but brilliant.

 

The party gets started and various drugs are passed around. Packie's dad has turned up with heroin, with is bad news for Wilson and Jack, considering it's their drug of choice. He has a lot.

 

What happens?

1) They take it, and OD on it. Chester discoveres them in the closet, two hours later. The Needle and The Damage Done by Neil Young plays on the radio. (If you can, post the lyrics, too.) Chester wonders out onto the balcony just before midnight and asks himself what happened to the American dream.

2) They shoot something else and OD. The same thing that happened above happen here.

3) They turn it down, but are killed in a hit and run.

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Corndawg93

1) They take it, and OD on it. Chester discoveres them in the closet, two hours later. The Needle and The Damage Done by Neil Young plays on the radio. (If you can, post the lyrics, too.) Chester wonders out onto the balcony just before midnight and asks himself what happened to the American dream.

 

Chester all high off his face becomes sober and wonders where his friends went so he looks in several rooms and and eventually checks the closet and sees Jack and Wilson in there dead

(Chester) Must of over dosed on that heroin, damn!

He walks out of the the balcony, it's 11:52 just before midnight and asks that infamous question

(Chester) What happened to the American Dream?

 

(Unknown) You looking at it

Chester all shocked looks behind him but doesn't see anyone and so comes to the conclusion is the drugs playing tricks on him

Chester heads back and drags his friends bodies and throws them over the side and they land in a pool below. It's 10 seconds to the new year

10

9

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

(The whole of Liberty) HAPPY NEW YEAR, WOOOOOO

Chester stands there drinking the beer he has and the smoking rest of the drugs, Chester falls asleep

We cut back to 2015 where Niko, Chester and Herbert are sitting down in Yeager office

(Niko) That was a really weird story

 

(Chester) I wish my friends were still alive *He starts crying*

 

(Niko) I'm sorry

What happens next???

1) Niko ask why the Casino is abandoned

2) Yeager stops torturering the two guidos

3) Another bomb goes off

4) Chester gets a call

5) Roman and Dwayne come back from the hospital

Edited by Corndog93

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The_Anti-tragedy

2) Yeager stops torturing the two guidos

 

Yeager stands in the basement looking over the chair seating the two guidos. Both their heads are wrapped in cheesecloth and their torsos are bare of clothing. Their exposed flesh shows many gouges and bruises. Yeager holds a rotary saw in one hand, blood splatter all over his suit.

 

Yeager: Jesus, that was brutal. Enough for today, I suppose.

 

Yeager turns around at the sound of the creaking stairs. Niko, Chester and Herbert descend on the staircase and meet with Yeager.

 

Yeager: Guys, you're back. Where's Fortuna, what took you so long? Where the f*ck are Roman and Dwayne?

Chester: They're in the hospital fighting over periods.

Niko: Also, your employee fell out at the hands of Cam.

Yeager: Cam, the local sex shop owner? The same Cam we thought was dead?

Chester: Sure. Who the hell was that guy, anyway?

Niko: Long story.

Chester: You have the whole Chain Story to explain, you know?

Yeager: Shut up, Packie. Who's the gimp?

Chester: This is Herbert. Strip Mafia guy we found with your lady friend.

 

Yeager drops the rotary saw before shaking hands with Herbert. Herbert is explicitly terrified of Yeager, glancing over to the unconscious victims on the one chair.

 

Herbert: It's an honour to meet you, Mr. Yeager. Please don't kill me.

Yeager: I won't. As long as you don't try to first. Why should I trust you?

Herbert: I'm good with a squirt gun.

Yeager: Just wait for a bit, you'll be handling a real gun soon enough.

Niko: What was with the scream we heard from your office?

Yeager: Oh. Yeah, the one on the left bleeds heavily from the stomach area. You see my suit?

Herbert: Eww.

Chester: I almost forgot. Fortuna was working undercover for my old girl D'arcy.

Herbert: You guys don't know that.

Yeager: Working with D'arcy? Damn. It's a good thing Cam killed her. She never respected me. Where is that Cam son-of-a-bitch anyway?

Niko: He's dead. The man went insane and tried to kill Chester. I had to put him down.

Yeager: Oh, sh*t. Fortuna's dead. Cam's dead. Roman and Dwayne aren't here. Packie's unconscious. Anything else I should know about?

Herbert: Two Forellis are in the hotel. They could've followed us into the casino, who knows?

Yeager: Okay. Chester, you and Herbert smoke out those guido bastards in the hotel. Niko, I'll need some help with these guys over here.

Niko: I see.

 

Chester and Herbert depart from the basement. Niko walks to Yeager who is starting to untie the guidos to the chair. Yeager successfully unties them; Niko kicks the chair for dramatic effect. Yeager and Niko start to leave for upstairs, each holding a Forelli over their shoulders.

 

1. We continue to follow Niko and Yeager who are disposing of the guidos' bodies.

2. We follow Chester and Herbert, searching the hotel for Them 1 and Them 2.

3. We follow Them 1 and Them 2, who bump into Klass; Cam's "favourite girl."

4. We follow Roman and Dwayne, both being discharged from hospital as they beat each other up on the way there.

Edited by The_Anti-tragedy

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Corndawg93

1. We continue to follow Niko and Yeager who are disposing of the guidos' bodies.

 

(Niko) So where are we dumping these guys

 

(Yeager) There's a garbage chute that lead to a underground tunnel that's on the 6st floor, do you know it lead to a underground tunnel

 

(Niko) How do you know that

 

(Yeager) Because the garbage chute doubles as slip and slid

They enter an elevator and head down to the sixth floor, they walk out to see a married couple about to enter the elevator

(Women) Oh honey these men look bad, let's take another lift

They run away and Yeager and Niko head to the garbage chute and they throw away there garbage

(Yeager) Down the hatch

 

(Niko) Hahaha, hey where you going

Yeager jumps in the chute and Niko follows him

(Niko) Shhhhhh*********tttttttttttttttt

Bang!

They arrive down the bottom and make a loud thump, they stand up and shove the bodies on a nearby wheel-borrow

(Niko) Where does this tunnel lead

 

(Yeager) 4 Dragon Casino

 

(Niko) Sh*t, does the owner know

 

(Yeage) Nope a friggin clue, in fact he's so clueless I robbed the place 3 years ago of all the money they had

 

(Niko) Really, what a dumbass, we taking these guys to the other casino

 

(Yeager) Yep, frame the 4 Drag queen casino so the Forelli will take out these Guy's out and leave us alone

 

(Niko) Sounds like a plan

They reach the end of the tunnel and go up the stairs and go inside the 4 dragon casino basement and dump the dead guidos on the floor, they the Head back to the stairs and close the door, but not before they fire several shots in there to cause attention.

(Niko) Now it's time to run

They close the door quietly and run very quickly to the other side of the tunnel

What happens next???

1) They head back to Yeager office

2) They head over to where Chester and Herbert are

3) They continues to explore the tunnel

4) Another loud boom is heard and shakes the building

Edited by Corndog93

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Carbonox

2) They head over to where Chester and Herbert are

While Niko and Yeager are on their way towards the hotel, Chester and Herbert are walking along the hallways and investigating the area with their eagle eyes, looking out for anything suspicious.

 

Herbert: Man, I'm really starting to hate this place. Those goddamn events at the hotel room...

Chester: Oh. So was that Fortuna girl somehow important to you?

Herbert: Yes! My self-esteem took a huge blow because she never went out with me. I started doing drugs, and...

Chester: That was a very good choice. F*ck alcohol, drugs make your world so much more exciting.

Herbert: And then I started to watch porn! What a cheap substitute...

Chester: What did you say? Porn is NOT cheap. Don't be blasphemous again in my company, please.

Herbert: Anyway, I thought you could relate to me! With your friends dead from overdosing, and all that stuff...

Chester: What a horrible memory! You know, even though Mr. McReary was an awesome fella, he should've never turned up with that heroin. I mean, even I don't do that sh*t too often.

Herbert: Yeah. Just like how Cam should never have showed up here.

Chester: But what's in the past is done. We better find the bad guys.

 

As they're exploring the hallway in the 2nd floor, Niko and Yeager show up as well and join them. Chester notices them arriving at the edge of his vision, and quickly aims his gun at them, only to immediately lower it.

 

Niko: Damn, you're paranoid.

Chester: Sorry, man, but I don't take chances. Not anymore, after your supposed friend turned against us.

Yeager: So, you lads found anything?

Chester: Nopey nope.

 

They head up to floor 3. There, Them 1 is seen kicking open a door to one of the rooms, and entering it before he can notice the Group of Four approaching.

 

Niko (whispering): I'll lead the way. Everyone, please avoid creaking floorboards.

 

He takes up position right next to the doorway. Voices are heard from inside.

 

Them 1: I f*cking know you have something to do with those bastards!

Female Voice: Get out of here, you c*nt! I don't tolerate language like that! Not unless you pay me properly for services!

 

The woman is heard grabbing an object and throwing it, but it apparently misses.

 

Them 1: No more violence! I'm from the goddamn Forellis, and I don't play around!

Niko: Neither do we.

 

He steps inside the room, where Klass the prostitute had grabbed a knife and backed off away from the guido. Both her and Them 1 are shocked to notice the unexpected guest. Niko doesn't hesitate, and shoots Them 1 in the foot.

 

Klass: What the f*ck are you doing here?

Chester: Bit of a cliché question, if you ask me.

Yeager: Shut up, Chester. We're here because some guidos are threatening the peace in my hotel.

Them 1: My f*cking foot! Just wait until the Don hears about this!

Niko: Your Don won't hear about anything from you, because you're coming along to a certain basement.

Yeager: Although we might make your torture slightly less painful if you kindly tell us where your buddy is.

Them 1: No way!

Chester: Not scared of torture, eh?

 

He calmly walks up to Them 1, grabs his finger and twists it hard. Needless to say, Them 1 screams like a little girl.

 

Them 1: He's placing bombs on the higher floors! I can't know his exact location!

Niko: Really? Let's have a look at your phone.

 

Sure enough, there is a text message from Them 2, sent a minute ago, saying "Just finished planting bomb on floor 7".

 

Niko: I guess we're off to floor 8.

Them 1: Hold up! Is that Herbert with you? You f*cking traitor, how dare you switch your loyalty around?!

Herbert: You goddamn Forellis were always smug motherf*ckers who belittled us to no end! At least now I've found new friends!

Them 1: My leaders will make you pay! And even your leader might join them in doing that. He'll shoot you with a f*cking paintball gun until you suffocate, then we'll revive you and torture you even more!

 

At this point, Herbert is looking genuinely scared. Niko knocks out Them 1 and Yeager picks up the bastard, heading off to his office while the others go after Them 2.

 

Klass: Wait, is anyone in need of a hooker?

Chester: I could...

Niko: No, there's no time! This place is going to blow any second if we let those guidos finish their job!

Chester: Well, you and Herbert are more than good enough to take care of one freakin' guido. I haven't had a good mating session in ages, bros.

Niko: OK, do you have the money for that?

Chester: Oh sh*t, I forgot! I'm piss-poor.

Herbert: So I assume you'll be coming with us, then.

Klass: Ah, that's easily solved. Your crew just basically saved my life, so I'll give Mr. Crest this one for free.

Chester: F*cking awesome!

Niko: F*cking hell...

 

Chester closes the door of the room, while Niko and Herbert take an elevator up to floor 8.

 

Who do we follow now?

 

1) Niko and Herbert, looking for Them 2.

2) Chester and Klass. (No idea why, unless the next writer is interested in writing a porn scene between a young hooker and 64-year-old man)

3) Yeager as he drags Them 1 to the basement.

4) Dwayne and Roman, coming out of the hospital, still fighting.

5) Leo Forelli and the Strip Mafia leader discussing the situation in a secret location.

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The_Anti-tragedy

5) Leo Forelli and the Strip Mafia leader discussing the situation in a secret location.

 

Forelli and the leader, named Harold, are sitting opposite each other in an unknown location.

 

Leo: Mr. Harold, it's always a pleasure to see you.

Harold: Because of my natural charm?

Leo: Oh, Jesus no... 'cause you're always so f*cking funny whenever I see ya.

Harold: Listen, pal. I came for a meeting about Yeager and his crew. Herbert's been in that casino since the raid started hours ago. I need answers!

Leo: Why do you think I have them?

Harold: Because you always have the answers?

Leo: No need to flatter, kid. I'd say your friend Herbert is probably in with Yeager's people. Not to mention, the guys we sent are all either dead or missing. Your guy survived. So either you're trying to set me up after betraying my men, or you seriously need my help.

Harold: Sure.

Leo: What?

Harold: The second option, Mr. Forelli.

Leo: Okay. I suggest you call a hit on Herbert while he's at Caligula's.

Harold: Can you do it? We're proud, but we're about the weakest gang in all of San Andreas.

Leo: Sure, sure. So, Herbert's with Yeager's guys and they basically f*cked up all of our men at the casino.

Harold: That's right. It was a pleasure discussing matters with you, Mr. Forelli.

Leo: Keep up the vocabulary and you'll become a Grade-A quality ass kisser.

 

Harold exits through a door Leo's chair is facing. Leo dials up some Forellis for the hit on Herbert.

 

We cut to Niko and Herbert, looking for Them 2 on the 8th floor. They watch their steps to make as less noise as possible.

 

Niko: I wonder how Chester's doing.

Herbert: You sick f*ck.

Niko: No, I'm wondering if Klass will kill him. She was with Cam.

Herbert: Oh. Right. So what do we do when we find this last guy?

Niko: How about... we knock him out and send him to the basement to be questioned?

Herbert: I don't know. Yeager's had a long day, hasn't he?

Niko: He never wears down from torture.

 

Niko and Herbert turn a corner and find their target. Them 2 has his back turned, placing a bomb to the window at the end of the hallway. Niko hands Herbert what would be his first real gun, a Micro SMG. Niko arms himself with an assault rifle. They run at Them 2. Niko grabs his shoulders from behind and Herbert has his gun ready to fire. Them 2 is thrown onto the floor. While the Forelli is taking his time getting up, Niko kicks the nearest door open and he throws Them 2 inside.

 

Them 2: What's the hold-up, dudes?

Niko: Just be unconscious!

Them 2: Where's my other guy?

Niko: He's being tortured in a f*cking basement!

 

A couple is on the bed engaged in some rough bondage. The man and the woman immediately take notice, as Herbert smashes a lamp onto Them 2's head. Niko takes over, beating up Them 2.

 

Man: Who are you?

Herbert: Don't make a move and we won't go after you, f*cking knob.

Woman: What did you just call my husband, you creep?

Herbert: What did you just call me, sweetie?

 

Herbert shoots the woman in the foot. The man gets up to beat up Herbert, going for his legs. Herbert is knocked down and batters the man with a framed picture, the woman screaming all the while.

 

Them 2: Herbert, is that you?

Niko: Please be knocked out, already!

Them 2: f*cking traitor, Herbert!

 

Herbert gyrates his hips, getting the man off of him. He stands up and proceeds to kick the man while he's down. The woman jumps at Herbert's back, ready to attack. Herbert elbows the woman in the ribs and headbutts her. Both husband and wife are unconscious, unlike Them 2 who just can't seem to be knocked out. Niko breaks Them 2's nose, the latter screaming in agony. He runs all over the hotel room before hitting a bed frame, knocking himself out.

 

Niko: Motherf*cker, that guido was tough.

Herbert: Let's just get this guy to Yeager.

Niko: What about your casualties on the floor?

 

Niko and Herbert look down at the unconscious couple, the wife on top of the husband. They leave the hotel room with Them 2 in tow.

 

Herbert: They're not dead, so they're not casualties.

Niko: You shot the wife's foot for calling you a creep! I don't want you to go crazy like Cam did; you're one of us now.

Herbert: It's been a rough f*cking day. Getting yelled at by my boss in a car chase, getting lost at a hotel and running into an old friend. Seeing that old friend die at the hands of her other old friend, then see that other old friend be killed after going crazy, is just very grating for a Strip Mafia member. We don't see much action these days, is what I'm saying. So I don't need any lecture about how to run my sh*t!

 

Niko and Herbert reach the first floor, both silent after the latter's rant. They reach the casino area and get to Yeager's office with Them 2's body. They see Chester and Klass in the office, sitting next to each other at the desk.

 

Klass: That was good time. You may be an old-time, but you know all the right spots and tricks.

Chester: I get that a lot; at least, I used to.

Niko: Can you two please not speak to each other while I'm in this room?

Chester: Whoa, what happened on the 8th floor, Mr. "I'm Too Mature For Sex"?

Herbert: We don't wanna talk about it.

 

1. They drop the body off and leave the office for a quick break.

2. They drop the body off and wait for Yeager, still in the basement.

3. Roman and Dwayne enter the office after the trip to the hospital.

4. Yeager comes up from the basement, ready for his next victim.

5. The hit that Forelli called goes into action.

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Corndawg93

3. Roman and Dwayne enter the office after the trip to the hospital.

 

The two walk in to Yeager's office, immediently asking who Harbert and Klass are

(Dwayne) Hey everybody, where're back from the hospital

 

(Roman) I know who Niko and Chester are, but who are they

 

(Niko) That Herbert, he used to work with silly fake mafia, now he's with us, and that's Klass, An escort

 

(Roman) An escort!, how much do you go for?

 

(Niko) Seriously Roman

 

(Klass) $500 for an hour $1000 for two

Roman checks his wallet and sees $320

(Roman) How long for $320

 

(Dwayne) You would've had more if you didn't pay for my hospital bills

 

(Klass) 35 minutes

 

(Roman) That's good enough for me

 

(Klass) Well come on big boy

They leave to get jiggy with it and Niko, Dwayne, Chester and Herbert sit down

(Dwayne) So what'd I miss

 

(Niko) After you and Roman left me and Chester went down to hall where we found Ray Bulgarin torturing Luis, I killed Ray, Luis died after he tripped on Rays blood, we continued down the hall found a dead guido who was killed by his own bomb

 

(Dwayne) Hahaha, dumbass

 

(Niko) Then found Cam the sex shop guy

 

(Dwayne) Didn't he die in that plane crash in Bullworth

 

(Niko) Nope, he somehow lived, anyway, along with Cam was Klass, that escort Roman left with, so Me Chester and Cam went up stairs and found Fontuna with Herbert here being tortured, Cam killed Fortuna Because according to Cam, Fortuna was working with D'arcy, Cam got erational so I killed Cam

 

(Dwayne) So he's dead now, what else happened

 

(Niko) Chester told us a touching story about himself

Just then Yeager comes up to take a break from his favourite hobby

(Niko) What'd he say

 

(Yeager) Nothing but his phone went off, it's was a massage from his boss saying a hit went out on Herbert

 

(Herbert) Son of a bitch, how much???

(Yeager)....

1) "$200000"

2) "$300000"

3) "$400000"

4) "$500000"

5) "$600000"

Edited by Corndog93

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Carbonox

4) "$500000"

Yeager: Half million, no more, no less.

Herbert: Oh my god! Oh - my - GOD! I'm f*cked! I'm f*cked as a skunk trying to cross a 4-lane highway! These guys are dead f*cking serious, man. They're gonna find me, even if I tried to escape the country and settle for a peaceful life in Thailand picking berries. Oh my god, this is NOT what I wanted to hear! It, like, caps off this whole f*cking horrendous day!

Niko: Calm do---

Herbert: God, this is bad. I would've never joined any 'Mafia' group if I knew I could get a hit put on me for slightly wandering off my given path!

Yeager: Herbert. Listen carefully.

Herbert: But - but...

Yeager: I can understand your worry, but please do remember that Mr. Yeager always takes care of his own.

Herbert: Is - is that supposed to be comforting? There's, like, what, 5 guys in your crew? And one of them is knocked out cold? How will THAT be enough to protect my hide from the Mafia's thirsty bloodhounds running after me with a half million dollar check flashing in front of their eyes?!

Chester: Quite frankly, we've been through a lot worse than a few mobsters. I think we'll do just fine.

Herbert: Are you high again, Christopher? You sound just - irrationally calm. Like DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW F*CKING SERIOUS ALL OF THIS IS?!

Niko: Umm, dude, his name is Chester.

Herbert: Oh f*cking hell! I can't remember people's names when I'm nervous!

Dwayne: We got that, man.

 

A muffled scream is heard on the background.

 

Yeager: So - what shall we do next? It sounds like my newest victim downstairs still has some life in him left.

Niko: You know, man, we might not have time to finish him off slowly. Obviously the mobsters will come looking for Herbert right here, so we should move to a safer location.

Dwayne: Wonderful idea! But where, exactly?

Chester: I had this one friend, who OD'd in 1976, he was playing in a band. Really inspired me even after all those years when we impressed the crowd in the New Year's party. Anyway, he had this summer cottage somewhere in Tierra Robada.

Dwayne: Don't you think it might have received new ownership over 38 years later?

Chester: Nah, man. No one ever bought it 'cause people were going on about how it was haaaaaaaunteeeeeeeed. What a bunch of pansies. Anyway they did us a nice favor by leaving it empty. I'm sure that place will fit all of us.

Niko: Gotta be a big cottage if 6 people can fit in it - wait, oh f*ck, I forgot Roman was with us too.

Yeager: And he's got a good 30 minutes left with the pretty-looking escort.

Chester: Can we take her along too? And tell her we're doing it because we want to protect her from the Mafia as well?

Niko: Eh, whatever. At this point it feels like there's no difference if there's 6, 7 or 8 of us.

Yeager: Well, we better get moving. I'll go finish my target off - he's got lucky - while Dwayne and Chester, since you look strong, drag Packie outside. Niko and Herbert go get the rest from the hotel.

Herbert: Always the hotel, huh?

Yeager: Correct.

 

He goes down to the basement, where a shooting sound is heard. The rest go on around their business until, eventually, everyone has gathered outside next to Yeager's fancy Schafter. Roman has been convinced that he can finish his hooker service once they're all safe. As they look at the car, though, they find a problem.

 

Niko: This thing can't fit 8 people.

Yeager: Oh crap. Why didn't I consider that before?

Niko: Relax, there might just be a solution for this.

Chester: Really? Fill us in!

 

What will they do?

 

1) Rent another car.

2) Take a train out of town.

3) Hail a cab. (For comedic effect, this is once again the same cab whose driver is a huge Eagles fan.)

4) Jack a helicopter from the airport.

5) Before they can do anything, the cops (finally) show up to the casino to investigate all the shooting and bombing sounds.

Edited by Carbonox

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The_Anti-tragedy

3) Hail a cab. (For comedic effect, this is once again the same cab whose driver is a huge Eagles fan.)

 

Niko, Chester, Herbert and the unconscious Packie fill the cab that just pulled over on the curb.

 

Driver: You guys again, how it's going?

Niko: Hey, it's you. Not bad, not bad.

Driver: What happened to your friend back there?

Niko: A little embarrassing situation.

Herbert: What did happen to him?

Niko: *sigh* He stared at my ass.

 

The driver and Herbert crack up with laughter. They continue laughing for two minutes. They finally calm down.

 

Driver: Where will it be, men?

Chester: Tierra Robada. 131 Auerbach St.

Driver: Aw yeah, road trip! It'll cost you, though.

Niko: We're aware of that.

 

The cab begins to drive away from the casino. Meanwhile, Yeager, Roman, Klass and Dwayne are in the Schafter, with Yeager aiming to have his car next to the cab as they drive. Predictably, the cab driver puts on some Eagles music, putting down the car's windows. Yeager puts down his driver window.

 

Yeager: Hey, you got any Black Keys mix-tapes in there?

Driver: Oh, no siree. I don't listen to that hippie sh*t.

Yeager: Hippie sh*t? The Keys are nowhere close to hippie sh*t!

Driver: What's the right word, then? Hipster. Yeah, that's it, hipsters! They're a couple o' no-good hipsters!

Yeager: f*ck you, your Eagles can suck my f*cking dick!

Driver: And yours mine!

 

Yeager hits the cab with his Schafter. The cab driver retaliates with a hit right back. Dwayne, who is in the passenger's seat, hits his head on his window. He rubs his forehead. Yeager hits the cab again.

 

Roman: Hey, do you mind?

Yeager: This shouldn't annoy you, Roman.

Roman: Klass and I are- uh... baking cookies.

Klass: The oven's getting really hot.

Yeager: You gotta be f*cking kidding me!

Dwayne: Yo, they ain't kiddin', man. You should see this sh*t.

Yeager: I'm driving, you f*cking moron.

Dwayne: Eh, don't call me a moron.

 

The two cars leave Las Venturas and begin their journey across the rest of Bone County, everyone except Niko, Chester and Herbert, arguing.

 

1. The cab hits Yeager's Schafter once more. For some reason, they didn't lock their door; Packie falls out.

2. Roman and Klass reach climax in the backseat, coating the Schafter's windshield and blinding Yeager.

3. Fortunately for Yeager, a Black Keys song plays on the radio. He cranks up the volume to its loudest.

4. The Black Keys' tour bus T-bones them in the middle of the desert.

5. The cab driver turns up the volume on his radio; the Schafter is visibly affected by the sound waves.

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Carbonox
1. The cab hits Yeager's Schafter once more. For some reason, they didn't lock their door; Packie falls out.

Driver: NO ONE INSULTS THE EAGLES!

 

He turns right into Yeager's Schafter, causing both cars to go almost out of control. The cab's rear door blasts right open, and Packie, who certainly now doesn't have the luck of the Irish, falls right off.

 

Chester: He fell off! Stop the car!

Driver: Not until I've dealt with that menace! Listens to the Black Keys, what a f*cking hippie!

Niko: It's not worth it! They're just f*cking bands, let it go!

Driver: The Eagles... are not a band. They're gods, and they play those instruments in godly fashion.

Herbert: Oh god... f*cking hell...

 

He watches through the rear window with Chester, as a motorcyclist overtakes a slower car, and doesn't notice Packie's body on the road until it's too late. He runs over Packie's feet, causing Herbert and Chester to scream madly.

 

Niko: YEAGER! If you can hear me, turn around and fetch Packie!

Yeager: All in due time, Niko. First, some payback. Hold on tight down there, everyone except the Eagles cabbie!

 

Yeager smashes into the side of the cab, sending it off the road. The cab isn't built well for off-road driving, and bounces all over the place. Now the cab's passenger side door is flung open, and it just happens to hit a huge bump, which makes Niko almost fall off - but only almost, because he manages to hold on to the doorhandle.

 

Niko: STOP! THE! CAR! NOW!

Chester: Oh my god, this is even crazier than back when me and a buddy made a roadtrip from LS to LV.

Herbert: Cool story, Chester, but should we do something about the crazy driver?

Driver: I'm not crazy! Anyone who dislikes the Eagles openly, like that Schafter guy, are the crazy ones!

 

While all this craziness is going on, two police bikers, parked alongside the highway, take notice. Then again, anyone would, if they were passed by a Schafter with two people on the backseat performing suspicious-looking moves, and a cab driving off-road with both right side doors open, and with a guy hanging off the front door.

 

Biker 1: Damn, this looks like something where we'd need backup.

Biker 2: Yeah, I almost don't wanna even go after them.

Biker 1: Sorry, mate, but we'd get shunned if we didn't. Strict rules in the area, you know.

Biker 2: I know, I know. Get Stevenson on the line.

 

The bikers turn on their sirens and speed off after the two cars.

 

Next happens what?

 

1) Chester puts a gun to the cab driver's head.

2) The cab driver gets back on the road and hits Yeager, causing one of the Schafter's doors to fly open.

3) The cab driver rams Yeager's Schafter onto the oncoming lane.

4) Yeager and the cab driver start playing the Black Keys and Eagles (respectively) with maximum volume.

5) A huge number of police patrols, including a helicopter, show up.

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The_Anti-tragedy

2) The cab driver gets back on the road and hits Yeager, causing one of the Schafter's doors to fly open.

 

The force of the hit sends Klass almost out of the car. She hangs on to the car door while Yeager steadies the car. Roman reaches for his love.

 

Roman: Klass! Grab my hand!

Klass: You're too far! Get up and actually make an effort to grab me!

Roman: You ruined the moment.

Yeager: Puttana, what's going on back there?

Roman: Klass is falling out, don't worry, I got it.

 

Roman reaches Klass and pulls her back inside the car. The Schafter and the cab are now both on the road once again. Yeager comes up from behind and does a fender bender to the cab. The driver blasts some Eagles music, bobbing his head to the fast beat of "Get Over It."

 

Eagles: Get over it!

Yeager: You f*cking bastard.

Eagles: Get over it! All this whinin', cryin', and bitchin' a fit, get over it! Get over it!

Yeager: If anyone's gotta get over it, it's you!

Driver: Me? You gotta get over yourself and start appreciating the better things in life.

Yeager: Are the Eagles part of the those things?

Driver: Of course.

Yeager: f*ck you. Listen to some real music. None of this 60s bullsh*t.

Driver: This song's from the 90s, idiot.

 

Yeager goes through the radio station as he drives the car. After cycling through many different stations, he finally finds one that's playing the Black Keys.

 

Yeager: Get over this, you prick!

Keys: You got a worried mind, I've got a worried heart...

Driver: Overproduced psychedelic bullsh*t!

Yeager: Old man classic bullsh*t!

Driver: This song's from the 90s!

Keys: We let this beat us down, or get up off the ground.

Niko: I've had enough of this bullsh*t. You both need to get over it and respect each other's tastes in music. Your tastes don't even seem that different from each other!

Yeager: Niko, there's a huge f*cking difference.

Dwayne: Niko's right. You two don't stop fightin', I'mma pop someone.

Roman: I'm popping back here.

Yeager: Shut up, Roman.

 

Yeager and the cab driver continue their drive in silence, turning down their respective radios as they approach the border of Bone County and Tierra Robada. Roman and Klass continue engaging in their activities in the Schafter's backseat. Herbert and Chester decide to play a game of cards to pass the time. Niko has his head on the dashboard, idly looking out the window. Dwayne watches Yeager.

 

1. Yeager decides to engage in a conversation with the cab driver.

2. We follow Packie, who was completely forgotten about, about four miles away.

3. The police finally show up, with a helicopter and a few off-roaders.

4. The all-powerful Pixies appear in the desert sky to settle the musical dispute.

5. We follow Luis and Tony, who are acting as bounty hunters, on the trail of the two cars.

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Carbonox
1. Yeager decides to engage in a conversation with the cab driver.

Yeager: So, err, Eagles Cabbie, do you have any hobbies or anything?

Cabbie: Yeah. Making long roadtrips while listening to the Eagles, lifting weights while listening to the Eagles, and playing bowling while listening to the Eagles.

Roman: Did somebody say---

Yeager: No!

Cabbie: And how about you, Mr. Mafioso?

Yeager: I like torturing people.

Cabbie: You mean as in, mentally?

Yeager: No, god no, that's not fun at all. Physical torture is the sh*t.

Cabbie: Is there any music on the background when you do it?

Yeager: No! You should try that sometimes, it raises the tension when there are no extra sounds on the background.

 

The cabbie has no particular answer for that, and pretty soon everyone has gone silent again. The roadtrip continues gradually, and sooner or later, the silence is broken.

 

Klass: Roman, can I ask you an honest question?

Roman: Yes, m'love?

Klass: Why do you smell like chicken?

Roman: C-chicken? Heh, that was actually pretty funny! I smell like chicken, cluck cluck! He he...

Klass: I'm actually not joking. More accurately, you smell like fried chicken.

Dwayne: Oh my god...

Roman: It was because... I have this friend, who lives in the countryside. And, umm, one day there was a big fire in his farm. So I bravely stepped in to save the chickens, and did it! But one of them got burned really badly, so that's why... I've smelled like this for two years.

Klass: Oh, baby, that was so heroic of you! Let's bake some more cookies, shall we?

Roman: Yes, we shall! They'll be even more delicious than last time!

Yeager: You were saying something, Dwayne?

Dwayne: To be honest, I'm pretty much beyond words at this point.

 

In the cab, things are going at a normal pace. Chester beats Herbert for the 6th straight time in their card game, and the frustration is clearly visible in Herbert. He decides to call it quits and looks out of the windows to pass time, when he spots something worrying.

 

Herbert: Oh sh*t! No!

Chester: What? What's happening?

Herbert: I saw a glimpse of this... light grey car.

Niko: What's so special about that? I mean, I still have nightmares of driving dark grey cars for Roman, with horrible pay, but...

Herbert: This is no joke! It was a Forelli Exsess. They're pretty rare at this region, they only shipped a few across the country. Those cars are usually driven by the expert hitmen, so when you're wanted and see one of those, you know you're f*cked beyond comprehension.

 

Conveniently, the Forelli Exsess then pops up out of a side road and enters the highway.

 

Herbert: That's the one! F*ck! F*cking f*ck...

Chester: Light grey? It's more like light blue.

Niko: I dunno, man, light blue would be something that looks a lot more cleaner. That one has the color of sh*t-filled water.

Chester: By the way, didn't we forget something?

Herbert: Like what?

Chester: Packie.

Niko: Holy f*cking hell! I completely forgot him when I was almost thrown out!

Chester: And judging by how nobody ever turned around, I guess everyone had their own reasons for forgetting.

Niko: Oh god, he's not going to forgive us for this one...

Herbert: Yes, yes, he's probably not going to wake up a happy man, but can we deal with the more urgent threat first?

Chester: Relax, it's not even certain if those guys are going to att---

 

The Forelli Exsess drives right into the back of the cab, sending it almost out of control. The Eagles cabbie makes a quick correcting manoeuver and picks up his pace. Yeager in the Schafter notices the trouble quickly and slows down a bit, then, as he's alongside the Forellis, he does a P.I.T. Maneuver on them and causes them to fly onto the oncoming lane. A big pile-up is caused as cars brake and veer to avoid the spinning car.

 

Dwayne: Badassery at work!

Yeager: Damn right. At this stage, I really feel pumped up. How long to go?

Dwayne: A bunch.

 

Wot happens next?

 

1) More Forellis start chasing them down.

2) Klass' former pimp suddenly shows up and starts ramming Yeager's car.

3) The police show up.

4) Mallorie calls Roman as he's "baking cookies".

5) We cut to Packie, forgotten as always, now about 10 miles away.

Edited by Carbonox

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Onett

5) We cut to Packie, forgotten as always, now about 10 miles away.

 

MEANWHILE

 

Packie: Ugggh, my head. Uh, someone phone the U.N. and tell them that North Korea's performing missile tests in my cranium...

 

He sits up. He's on the side of the freeway (it feels so damn weird typing that. English English for life, yo)

and the Group of Five are nowhere to be seen. At all.

 

Packie: Where the f*ck are they now? f*ckers left me here, didn't they? In the middle of the f*cking desert.

Cock.

 

A police biker man pulls up near him.

 

Officer(he shall be Neil): Excuse me, sir. Have you seen a yellow cabbie and a Schafer come through here recently? We're trying to catch them.

 

Packie(putting on a mumbly Texan accent): Er, no. Sorry, I don't remember much.

 

Neil: Can I ask why?

 

Packie smirks.

 

Packie: Well, see, it was somewhere around Barstow, when the drugs kicked in...

 

Since the author is too damn lazy, Packie basically tells Neil a very strange story about him trying to find the American Dream in Las Venturas with a '71 open top Albany Emperor and two bags of grass, seventy five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum and a pint of raw ether in the trunk.

Neil: Why in God's name do you need so much drugs?

Packie: When you have an addiction, the idea is to push it, as far as you can.

 

He resumes his story. He went to a casino while completely stoned on ether, went to a desert race caked on tequila, raped a young girl, and used a check to pay for a dollar pie.

 

Packie: So, as you can see officer, I didn't find the American Dream. I came to the horrifying conclusion that there never was one, and never will be. Just some story spun by some dickhead. No, instead, I encountered fear and loathing in Las Venturas. And that's all.

 

Neil then slaps a pair of handcuffs on him.

 

Neil: Sir, you are under arrest for multiple counts of drug possession, raping a minor, and not paying attention to the American Dream!

 

Neil cuffs him the the bike and they drive off. Packie is not having a good day.

 

Who do we follow?

1) Packie, as he gets booked in LV County Jail.

2) Yeager, in the Schafer.

3) The Eagles Cabbie.

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Carbonox

3) The Eagles Cabbie.

Cabbie: Only a few miles to go according to the GPS.

Niko: Eh, f*ck it. Packie will probably find his way to us eventually.

Chester: How? He was knocked out when I told you the address.

Niko: Well, the Chain Story seems to have some kind of magic where important characters just mysteriously find each other when they really need to.

Herbert: Hey, that was a fourth wall breach!

Chester: Clever boy. We'll give Niko 5 lashes for that.

Niko: WHAT?! No lashes, that's for sure!

Herbert: Not even if we make Klass do it?

Niko: I stand my ground.

Chester (to Herbert): Told ya he's too mature for sex.

Herbert: Yeah, but anyway, remember when you told people said the cottage is haunted? Is that really true?

Chester: No! I already said that. Trust me, it's all a load of crap. I went there myself once after the friend died, to pick up his stuff.

Herbert: You better be right. After all this Mafia sh*t, ghosts are the last thing I'd want to additionally deal with.

 

The cabbie is a bit intimidated by all the haunted house talk, and decides to make the trip more lively. By playing a bit more of the Eagles, of course.

 

Niko: Oh sh*t, not this again!

Cabbie: Dude, you gotta get that attitude fixed. Appreciate the good music for a change.

Niko: It's not about my attitude! It's about the fact the Eagles are f*cking overrated!

Cabbie: Oh my god! Now I remember who you are exactly! The same guy who said that exact same blasphemous thing about the Eagles a bunch of weeks ago!

 

The cabbie brakes hard, pulls over to the side of the road, gets out, and drags Niko out of the car, throwing him face first on the pavement.

 

Cabbie: HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE THE EAGLES!

Niko: What the hell are you doing?!

Cabbie: You're walking the rest of the way, playa.

Chester: 'Ey, dude, that's not a cool thing to do. He offered to pay the f*cking trip and this is how you treat him?

Cabbie: My honor code DEMANDS me to end service for anyone who dares speak out against the Eagles like that!

Herbert: Dude, you have no confidence at all. Your only self-defense method is completely silencing any of your opposition.

Niko: What is it, you bastard? Too chicken-sh*t to face the truth about the Eagles?

 

The cabbie and Niko, who is still lying on the ground, stare each other into the eyes, with angry expressions. Chester and Herbert watch the situation unfold from the backseat, looking excited.

 

What happens next?

 

1) The cabbie doesn't give in. He leaves Niko there, and drives off. Niko has to go on a long walk.

2) The cabbie leaves Niko. Then, Niko gets a lift from an unexpected person.

3) The cabbie leaves Niko. Chester and Herbert get out of the car in protest.

4) The cabbie starts crying and tells a sad story about his childhood. He allows Niko to get back in the cab. The rest of their trip is free.

5) Yeager turns around after realizing the cabbie had stopped.

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