[GTA4 Film] Have Basic Plot. Could use advice.

[Coldkilla]

All of my previous GTA4 Films have usually been driven by music and the actions surrounding them. I've been eager to start a story driven film, but also run the risk of it being yet another one of my "generic's". Some of my previous films:

 

The Majestic:

Takedown:

The Job:

 

I'm now a Machinima partner and want to come into this new audience with a fresh set of goals, rather than sticking to the formula I've been stuck with for the past 2 or so years.

 

I've started working on a plot for my next film, and I've got 1 Voice Actor so far lined up to do my first voiced film.

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The film starts in a lawyers office. Two men are sitting on one end. On the other side.. a mafia boss and his mysterious henchmen silently sitting in the shadow. They are at a Job interview, only it isn't for the Sunday morning post, its for who will become the Bosses new right hand man. The "Boss" tells these two, we'll call them employees, that he needs a job done. The two employees are not told what the job is, only that they will find out once they arrive at their destination. The first one there to accomplish this task will be the one who will get the new job working for this Boss. The film continues by showing these two employee's basically running out of the office building and fighting their way to the destination (80% of the film).

 

Both of them manage to arrive almost at the same time. They work their way to the top of this 50-story structure and apon reaching the top there sits a table with an envelope on it. The first employee begins to make his way to this table only to be struck in the back of the head by some sort of melee weapon. A fight ensues, ultimately resulting in one of the employees falling to his death.

 

The last standing employee reads the letter and notices a Rifle pearched up alongside the table. The letter simply says "Look down", it is a man entering a helicopter preparing to take off. This employee pulls out the rifle, fires, kills the pilot, and the chopper crashes into a nearby gas station. The employee calls the "Boss" and simply says, "its done". The boss in tern calls the "secretive henchmen" who is on a nearby rooftop in relation to the remaining employee, he sets his sights on his rifle - the screen turns black, he fires. The end. [Thus leaving room for possible sequel].

=======================================

 

I was hoping I could get some input on the basic themes of this story and what I might be able to do to make this more interesting. Any input greatly appreciated.

 

I've still got to write the script, something I've never done, and I'd really be happy if I at least had the basic theme down before throwing down some lines.

Edited November 1, 2010 by Coldkilla

[Tyler]

Hey there man. Your past films are pretty good, and actually I've watched the first two before. The last one you had 'The Job' was also up to par with the whole music and explosions thing as well, though. I really enjoy watching your films, and it actually came as a surprise that you would be asking for help.

 

As far as script-writing goes, you were right to think about the theme and overall style of the film first. From what you wrote, it seems like you were going for a comedy angle on the 'Job' of the two henchmen. Correct me if I'm wrong on that. As far as a comedic stance on Machinima goes, you either going to be big, or be unknown. Machinima is a huge thing - which I am sure you knew - and I'm also sure you haven't heard of half the people that work for it.

 

Now, if you are really funny, then continue the project, I love funny videos. I'd suggest getting a panel of friends to look over your script and see if it was funny, as well as do rehearsals with the voice actors you get. GTAIV is already funny, but if you want to get the full on piss your pants hilarity, you're going to have to do some work of your own.

 

I pulled this website right off the front page of google, but it pretty much summarises the necessary plot elements of script writing.

http://www.playwrightsproject.com/tips.html

 

If you paid attention in English drama classes, then you will also have a better chance of knowing the usual do's and do not's of script writing. The best advice I'd say to you though, is to just keep trying at it until you get something solid, then once you are truly happy upload it and see what becomes of it.

[Coldkilla]

Yea it's been many months since my last film ("The Job" wasn't initially going to be posted because I thought it was horrible heh! But I just recently uploaded that to them). Over these last few months I've basically lost contact with many of whom used to play this game often and I'm essentially stuck back at square one. Kind of lost on where to begin, there are a LOT of good GTA4 film makers out there. I need to start learning After Effects, finding good royalty free music, voice actors that aren't 12 year old kids in their parents basement, actors that aren't immature, etc. hehe

 

In terms of the video, actually I hadn't thought about a comedic approach, granted I'm afraid that it'll become that way if I to a horrible job at creating some serious film lol!

 

I started working on a script. I hope this link works: https://docs.google.com/document/edit?id=1W...fJwut10Pg&hl=en

 

The introduction sets up the action that takes place for a good 4 minutes until the ending. I'm still wrestling with this game's animation(s) and would be more comfortable keeping the dialogue to a minimum (at least to start) so I can get used to using these voice actors.

Edited November 1, 2010 by Coldkilla

[Tyler]

I completely understand that. Unfortunately the link didn't work, you could just copy it and quote it on here so I'd know what it is. That would probably also help you in terms of keeping this alright in the Writer's Discussion anyway.

 

I saw on your page that you hadn't uploaded anything and I was wondering about that. That 'The Job' movie your first actual video in collaboration with them, right? It wasn't too bad, actually. I enjoyed it, but it could use some extra editing. I'm not sure if my old pc headset works, but if you need any extensively hilarious one-liners I might be able to help there.

 

[Coldkilla]

I tried to keep it short. This is just a rough draft. The actual version is color coded etc. Sadly that link didn't work.

 

 

NOTE: THIS SCRIPT DOES NOT CONTAIN STORY EVENTS SO IT MAY APPEAR CONFUSING. THIS IS WHAT I WILL BE SENDING TO THE VOICE ACTORS FOR THEIR READING(S).

 

CHARACTERS:

• MAFIA BOSS - Italian Accent, grungy voice.

• BOSS HENCHMEN - Russian Accent. Deep voice. 

• JOB SEEKER/EMPLOYEE1 - Italian Accent. Normal voice.

• JOB SEEKER/EMPLOYEE2 - Normal accent. Normal voice.

• HELICOPTER PILOT - New Jersey Accent. Normal voice.  

 

VO1: MAFIA BOSS, GENERIC HEAVY BREATHING NOISES/GRUNTS (12 IN ALL). 83 WORDS.

VO2: EMPLOYEE1, HELICOPTER PILOT, GENERIC HEAVY BREATHING NOISES/GRUNTS/LAUGHS (13 IN ALL). 11 WORDS.

 

SETTING: INSIDE A LAWYERS OFFICE.

 

PLOT: MAFIA BOSS IS ON ONE SIDE OF THE OFFICE DESK WITH HIS HENCHMEN STANDING CLOSE BEHIND, WHILE THE TWO POTENTIAL EMPLOYEES STAND ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE - AWAITING INSTRUCTIONS ON THEIR CHANCE TO WORK FOR THE LARGEST MAFIA BOSS IN TOWN.

 

MAFIA BOSS is getting impatient.

• I'll get right to the point. I need a new right hand man. You don't become CEO of a multi-million dollar company watching all the street signs and playing it safe. Sometimes you gotta take a detour and do things your own way... Now, there is a package at the top of the Liberty State Pavilion Towers for the one who gets there first. Once you find it you will receive further instructions. Now get the hell out of my office.

 

Both EMPLOYEES run out of the MAFIA BOSS's building and make their way to their cars:

• GENERIC HEAVY BREATHING NOISES PART-ONE (3 OR 4 NOISES).

Both EMPLOYEES are in a fist fight after just crashing their cars:

• GENERIC HEAVY BREATHING NOISES PART-TWO (3 OR 4 NOISES).

 

EMPLOYEE1 (Italian) pushes Employee2 into an oncoming car & proceeds to run away:

• GENERIC EVIL/SELFISH LAUGH

EMPLOYEE1 (Italian) reach MAFIA BOSS's objective first, but is hit in head by Employee2 with a baseball bat

• AHHH!

(The sound of your reaction just prior to a baseball bat hitting you).

 

Both EMPLOYEES are in a fist fight:

• GENERIC HEAVY BREATHING NOISES PART-THREE (3 OR 4 NOISES).

 

EMPLOYEE1 (Italian) is knocked down a 50 story ladder.

• AHHH!

(The sound of your reaction falling down, fading away from the camera).

 

EMPLOYEE2 (Normal), relieved.

• Whew!

(Sigh of relief)

 

HELICOPTER PILOT (Jersey). Helicopter is parked. Finishing up a conversation. Turning around to walk into chopper.

• Alright I'll see you later.

HELICOPTER PILOT (Jersey). Helicopter engine is shot and it is headed straight for the ground for a crash landing.

• AHHH!!!

(The sound of your reaction falling down, fading towards the camera).

 

EMPLOYEE2 (Normal), happy the job is done. Calls MAFIA BOSS on cell phone.

• It's done.

 

MAFIA BOSS, signals BOSS HENCHMEN to fire his sniper rifle at EMPLOYEE2

• Fire.

  (Tone is deep, but saying the word "fire" gives MAFIA BOSS satisfaction). 

 

END

 

[Menaced]

For your script writing, I recommend you use Celtx. Celtx has to be one of the best script writing tools out there. It's very easy and straight forward to use, as most of the formatting is done for you automatically - Not to mention, it's free!

 

http://celtx.com/

 

If you have an iPhone, you can also download the Celtx app so you can script on the move, which is what I sometimes do. You can transfer the scripts from your computer/laptop to your iPhone within seconds. However, the iPhone app costs, though it's not too expensive.

[GentlemanSquid]

I recommend you read some scripts and keep practicing.

 

http://www.simplyscripts.com/

http://www.script-o-rama.com/

 

 

[Ziggy455]

Yea it's been many months since my last film ("The Job" wasn't initially going to be posted because I thought it was horrible heh! But I just recently uploaded that to them). Over these last few months I've basically lost contact with many of whom used to play this game often and I'm essentially stuck back at square one. Kind of lost on where to begin, there are a LOT of good GTA4 film makers out there. I need to start learning After Effects, finding good royalty free music, voice actors that aren't 12 year old kids in their parents basement, actors that aren't immature, etc. hehe

 

In terms of the video, actually I hadn't thought about a comedic approach, granted I'm afraid that it'll become that way if I to a horrible job at creating some serious film lol!

 

I started working on a script. I hope this link works: https://docs.google.com/document/edit?id=1W...fJwut10Pg&hl=en

 

The introduction sets up the action that takes place for a good 4 minutes until the ending. I'm still wrestling with this game's animation(s) and would be more comfortable keeping the dialogue to a minimum (at least to start) so I can get used to using these voice actors.

I'm Eighteen, and I'd enjoy voice acting if you needed it.

 

I'd have to say that Theme-wise and Script wise, that you're getting there. You'd need alot of suspenseful music for the ending I say, and well, you need convincing voice actors.

 

If you have a more specific problem you think I could help with, Private Message me.