na89340qv0n34b09q340 Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 (edited) Okay sorry for the article that go locked, heres a layout of what i was thinking . Didn't expect that much criticism, atleast it was all construictive Location: Paragio (pa-ra-jio)-based on Paris, France. It is actually a country with three cities that the locals call boroughs because they're small. The population is 2,000,000 and growing. Nickname:Ville de la criminalité Protagonist: Gaspard, a guy who grew up in poverty, his mother died when she was hanging out with jacqueses mother at a pub and a shoot-out began. Boroughs: Discothèques - a borough of nonstop partying and beauty, it is extremely light at night (kind of like star junction) and is full of nightclubs,and also houses the fashion district. Landmarks: Louge (luje)-A museum of renisance art.- Based on the Lourve Arc de l'échec-A large Arc across the street from the louge-based on Arc de Triomphe Little Happiness-a small statue facing the river that seperates the two sides of Discothèques-based on Statue of Liberty replica Anthony's Torch-a torch about the size of the actual statue of hapiness-Based on The flame of liberety Glory Hole Pranz Resort-a somewhat large theme park where you can ride rides-Based on disneyland Paris fuite vagin d'un ratt- The poor ghetto area of Paragio, it is home to most street gangs in the city, and is mostly run down apartments and out of business stores. Landmarks: bara'ge(bar-ah-J)-a small village that houses a few small museums-based on barbizon Effel Tower-a tower in the middle of the city it towers above any other landmark in the city-based on Eiffel Tower collines rurales- The rural hilly area of paragio, many refer to it as a retirement nieghborhood and it's full of windmills, graveyards, and small villages Landmarks: château de la vis sans tête-a large renisance castle on a hill, it is filled with corridors and rooms- based on Château de Chambord Basil De Denise-a church within a small village-based on Basilica of St Denis Notre Nikelica-a church/tower that you can climb and base jump off of-based on Notre Dame Language: Everyone speaks english as a first language but exclamates and cusses in french. Most landmarks, and citys are named in french. Story Gaspard awakens one day at his workplace that he had just shot up the other night and was knocked out and left there by the police, the police left a note "Went to get Croissants, stay here or we will find you" of course taking the chance he fled immediatley. When he got home to his apartment in fuite vagin d'un ratt he called up his best friend Morgan to tell him what just happened. Morgan told him to stay where he was and he'd pick him up soon. When morgan arrived the protagonist gets in Morgans Buffalo S150 and they drive to his penthouse in Discothèques. When they enter a small group of Pranz Police Force start shooting at the two, when all of the PPF are dead Gaspard and morgan begin to argue about who got them into this mess. During the arguement local club owner and morgan and the protags friend Jacques walks up to them from Morgans kitchen and tells them both to shut up and offers Gaspard the idea to start street racing to gain money for a house in Discothèques and to make allies. Eventually after racing a few people someone named Billy Jean gets angry at the protagonist for beating her and places a remote bomb under the car that he borrowed from morgan. While racing he begins to sense something bad is going to happen so he gets out of the car and calls Jacques to pick him up. While he's waiting he hears a discharge sound and walks across the street because he thought something was up with the car. When Gaspard reaches the other side of the street the car explodes and some of billy jeans hired thugs start attacking the player with knifes and baseball bats, the protagonist pulls out a mini-uzi and kills all of the goons then jacques pulls out of an alleyway and comments on Gaspard's fighting skill based on how much health he had left after the fight. He pulls up to Morgans house and tells Gaspard that he will take the blame for the car. Gaspard waits outside and hears gun shots Morgan then stomps out of the penthouse and tells Gaspard that Jacques is dead because that was his mothers car before she died. The player and Morgan then drive to the bank and collect insurance on the car and Morgan uses it to help the player buy a small shack in collines rurales. From there the player runs a small Prostitution business until one day a girl nicknamed BJ shows up in a Gimp outfit she seduces Gaspard but then ties the player up and burns the shack down. She leaves a note in his/her mailbox that reads "Love, Billy Jean". The player is saved but then recognized by the PPF and begins undercover work to pay off his crimes and eventually has to choose between killing, arresting, or saving Morgan. If you decide to kill morgan The PPF will let you go and make it twice as hard to get a wanted level, if you arrest morgan he will escape from jail and hunt you down eventually dying in a mission where he is chasing you through collines rurales and drives into a lake. If you save morgan you will both go to the PPF headquarters in Discothèques and kill half the police force of Pranz making it twice as hard to get a wanted level. When the PPF lets you go or is destroyed, you will meet up with Jacques brother and start going out with him, he will eventually ask you to marry him which you will decline he then attacks you at his brothers old nightclub where he says he's going to talk it out with you, you then have to escape the nightclub without dying and escape to your fathers mansion in collines rurales. After working for your father and his power hungry Political friends you get a Black bullet proof Pit Rider which you can choose to keep in your fathers garage or sell for $800,000. After this your Ex-Girlfriend meets you and reveals herself to be a part of the PPF and she chases you because of your crimes for a few missions until you see her working at her garage in fuite vagin d'un rat and stealthily assassinate her, after this you own a garage in fuite vagin d'un ratt where you can store and customize up to 15 cars. From there some old friends from your street racing days and tell you that billy jean has taken over the street racing in Discothèques, the player then goes back there and (if morgan is still alive) morgan joins the racing scene as an allie of you (if morgan is still alive), eventually the player wins against BJ and runs her off the road later, making her run into a gas station and blow up. After this a helicopter appears carrying BJ's brother named Collet Forge he shoots at the protagonist until the helicopter runs into the effel tower where Forge parachutes to the ground and jacks a 360X, then a high speed chase occurs through the country including the louge, the underground corridors of Discothèques and a large mountain in collines rurales. Eventually the 360X blows up after hitting a wall of château de la vis sans tête. Then the player chases Forge through the corridors of the castle until they reach a dead end in the execution room. Collet comments that it feels like they traveled back in time to the dark ages, the player then says " so i shall torture you as they tortured their enemies". Then the credits play with screaming in the background and when that's over the song Island in the sun by weezer plays. Weapons Pocket Knife Butcher Knife Baseball Bat Hammer Screwdriver Machete Chainsaw 9mm Mini Uzi Dessert Eagle Silenced 9mm Skorpion Sniper Rifle Hunting Rifle Chain Gun Flamethrower AK47 M4 RPG Grenades Molotov Cocktails Remote Detonation Bombs Vehicles Perrenial-Ford Focus Boxington-VW Golf Mercei-Mercedes Benz SLR Maclaren 360X-Nissan 350z Buffalo S150-Dodge Charger Daytona R/T MoonBeam-VW Multivan Genitalina-VW Scirocco Hound-VW Fox Faggio-Peugeot satelis 125 Rainbown-Renault Twingo LowGo-Georges Irat Jester-Venturi Atlantique Plasma-Mazda Kiyora Electricité-Citroën C-Cactus Blade-Lamborghini Estoque Midgit-Bolloré Blue Car Escalador-Chevrolet Orlando Ribbit-Audi R8 Patriot-Land Rover Defender Luminesence-Škoda Octavia Pit Rider-P.T cruiser P.s theese are only a few of the vehicles i thought of. Dating: Joquene- Jacqueses brother, he enjoys the nightclub scene and driving at high speeds, if you have some coffee with him before the mission where he asks you to marry him you get his purple fireproof ribbit. Jane- A french journalist who reports on the doings of the french mafia, she enjoys fighting the mafia if you have coffee with her she will give you her Maroon Luminessence Mark- A russian war hero who is based on Niko Bellic he enjoys killing innocents if you have coffee with him he will give you his Olive Green damage proof MoonBeam Marilla- An Irish celebrity who sells her hair to fans for money, she enjoys walks through the luge if you have coffee with her she will give you her smartphone (based on Droid) Felix- An American hipster, he enjoys going to shows, if you have coffee with him he will give you his black tuned 360X. Meg- An austrailian Enviormental Activist she enjoys walks in the park if you have coffee with her she will give you a shirt with the recycling emblem on it. Cheng- He is a japanese street racer he enjoys driving through the countryside at top speed, if you have coffee with him he will give you his Green Jester. Stores Clothing & Shoes Fapp- Sells sporty clothing based on Gap Buubiez- Sells Skatboarding style clothing based on zumiez TimberWoof- Sells outdoor wear based on timberland Snot Tropic- Sells hipster Clothing based on Hot Topic Ocean Avenue- Sells surfer type clothing and bathing suits, based on Billabong Shanes- Sells generic clothing and underwear based on hanes Victinis Circle- Sells Womens Lingerie based on victorias secret Critch Crotch- Sells mens "sexy" underwear based on ginch gonch Accesories Snot Tropic- Also sells hipster accesories, see above Ocean Avenue- also sells surfing accesories and surf boards, see above Da Vinci- Sells classy watches Prove- sells street gang Bandanas Food Cluckin Bell- Chicken Burger Shot- Burgers Pizza Me!- Pizza Parena- Sandwiches and Wraps Johns Long Silver- Fish Star Cafe- Sandwiches, Wraps, and Pasta Bean Machine- Coffee Taco Smell- Tacos Guns Ammunation- Expensive guns but no chance of Wanted Level Random Underground Shops- Cheap guns but 10% chance of wanted level for every gun you buy House Depot- (Can buy Melee weapons) without chance of wanted level but theres only one store in all of Pranz Radio Stations: some of the radio stations are in differen't languages based on thier stereotypical listener. Dues ex machine- Plays house and trance music. Carraig Treocht- Plays Irish punk rock. Vladivostok- Plays russian pop music. raidió Tíre- Plays French Folk music. The Vibe- Plays american pop music. An vibe- Plays French pop music. P.S. theese are only a few radio stations i envision (i couldn't think of more) Edited October 3, 2010 by zoo3891 Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwandilibro Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Protagonist:Your choice of appearance and name. Good luck getting any respect with that. Just a heads up man, a choice of protagonist appearance and name= zero depth= nearing towards SR. You should probably revise that. Besides, a good story cannot possibly work with interchangeable characters of opposite genders. There is no way Niko's story would have worked with a woman. Also, I have absolutely no intentions of reading that wall of text. You really need to separate that into paragraphs. If not, prepare for the heat...... Just a bit of advise as you seem to be setting yourself up for quite a few negative responses. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/#findComment-1060148861 Share on other sites More sharing options...
na89340qv0n34b09q340 Posted October 3, 2010 Author Share Posted October 3, 2010 Protagonist:Your choice of appearance and name. Good luck getting any respect with that. Just a heads up man, a choice of protagonist appearance and name= zero depth= nearing towards SR. You should probably revise that. Besides, a good story cannot possibly work with interchangeable characters of opposite genders. There is no way Niko's story would have worked with a woman. Also, I have absolutely no intentions of reading that wall of text. You really need to separate that into paragraphs. If not, prepare for the heat...... Just a bit of advise as you seem to be setting yourself up for quite a few negative responses. Well i've seen longer and blockier, your view towards my story is jaded and yes Niko's story could have worked fine without a male protagonist, also all of the other stories could have except for claude's, CJ's, and Jonhhy's and that's only because of the characters around them. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/#findComment-1060148888 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mati Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 You should work on some logos and writings or make a request at GFX. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/#findComment-1060148960 Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrpain Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 You should work on some logos and writings or make a request at GFX. Yeah what he said. My suggestion is to scrap everything and start over fresh. Why was I thinking of Pants On The Ground when I saw the title? Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/#findComment-1060149156 Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentSeas Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 I agree with Kwandilibro, you lost me as soon as you mentioned characte creation. As for the wall of text that is your story, it doesn't matter if yu've seen bigger paragraphs, it puts people off as it looks like a chore to read and doesn't give peo[ple time to reflect on what they've read. Finally I don't really like the names, R* usually name the city after something that is linked to the location, Pranz just sounds like a cheap and tacky rip off. The same goes for the landmark names. One suggestion I have for the city name is Parisii. The name is taken from the Parisii who were a celtic tribe that inhabited the Paris region from approximately 250 BC. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/#findComment-1060149232 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwandilibro Posted October 3, 2010 Share Posted October 3, 2010 Protagonist:Your choice of appearance and name. Good luck getting any respect with that. Just a heads up man, a choice of protagonist appearance and name= zero depth= nearing towards SR. You should probably revise that. Besides, a good story cannot possibly work with interchangeable characters of opposite genders. There is no way Niko's story would have worked with a woman. Also, I have absolutely no intentions of reading that wall of text. You really need to separate that into paragraphs. If not, prepare for the heat...... Just a bit of advise as you seem to be setting yourself up for quite a few negative responses. Well i've seen longer and blockier, your view towards my story is jaded and yes Niko's story could have worked fine without a male protagonist, also all of the other stories could have except for claude's, CJ's, and Jonhhy's and that's only because of the characters around them. Tammy Vercetti? Victoria Vance? Toni Cinpriani (yeah, the name is the same but come on, that's just stupid) And what the f*ck would we even call Niko? You really need to try thinking next time before posting random sh*t. And really, character creation? You must really enjoy receiving negative comments. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/#findComment-1060149984 Share on other sites More sharing options...
SilentSeas Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 And what the f*ck would we even call Niko? We'd call him Nicole or Nicola Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/#findComment-1060150062 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwandilibro Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 And what the f*ck would we even call Niko? We'd call him Nicole or Nicola And she'd be a butch lesbian? With a beard? I think the best ones would be either Niko, Tommy, or CJ (who's storyline in some areas revolved around his relationships with women). Seriously though, I don't think a female protagonist has any place in GTA. Nothing sexist, it just doesn't fit IMO. Like zombies or Zaibatsu. Or full character customization. Kids these days. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/#findComment-1060150066 Share on other sites More sharing options...
cactus. Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 I don't usually care for these concept threads, but I agree with the above posts. If you want anybody to actually take the time and read it, you'll need some illustrations and artwork that strengthen, and help conceptualize, the idea. Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/#findComment-1060151084 Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommyMufc-Champs Posted October 5, 2010 Share Posted October 5, 2010 Yeah It looks a bit plain to me. A logo? Link to comment https://gtaforums.com/topic/460344-gta-pranz/#findComment-1060151373 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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