GTA San Andreas Stories

[Prasdana]

PLOT:

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Stories takes place in 1990.Officer Nick Rosenberg is a brave and diligent Cop.but he get wrong Superior Officer.Officer Tenpenny take him to criminal underworld.after realizing the jobs he is doing for Tenpenny are against the law,Nick rats out Tenpenny and is kicked out of the police force for unprofessional behaviour.after that,Sweet invite him to Grove Street Families.

 

[Prasdana]

Characters

 

Officer Nick Rosenberg:The Protagonist,when he was child his dream is become a cop.he realize the dream of becoming police,but no longer after that,LSPD kicked him out .however,Nick become a criminal.at the ends of story he leaves San Andreas and go to Vice City and continue his relationship with a gang leader

 

Officer Frank Tenpenny:Nick finds out his status as a corrupt cop,but due to Tenpenny's influence,Nick is unable to prove it and gets kicked out of the police force.after that,Tenpenny gets Ballas and pay them for Nick's head

 

Sweet:Nick does a few helps for him,Sweet trust Nick.but after Nick kill Litle Devil(he along with Big Smoke tried to kill him but Nick survive)Grove Street betray him.this is the main reason Nick leave Los Santos.At the end of story it's discovered that The Ballas were threatening to kill Sweet if Sweet didn't dipose of Nick,forcing Sweet to blow him

 

Moms (Sweet,CJ,Kendl,and Brian's mother):Moms was f*ckin with The Ballas everyday(yeah,she was a gang banger),Nick mets Mom while he is working with Sweet.and Moms continues helping Nick even after the Grove Street Families betray him because she likes his "butt".(At the end of story it's discovered that The Ballas were threatening to kill Sweet if Sweet didn't dipose of Nick,however that was Moms who got killed.not Sweet)

 

Kendl Johnson:she isn't with Cesar yet,however,she had minor role

 

Big Smoke:He's for Grove in this story and he doesn't trust Nick.he and Litle Devil are planing to kill Nick,but Nick killed Litle Devil and try to kill Smoke.however Smoke survive and fleeing to Vice City and giving a phone call to Sweet about "taking a vacation" (this is the future of his betrayal in San Andreas)

 

Ryder:unlike Smoke,he trust Nick.he still likes weed.Nick is forced to help him with his crazy and stupid ideas.until Nick gets into bad feet with the Grove Street Families,and Nick has to engage in a shootout with Ryder.

 

Litle Devil:similiar to Smoke,he didn't trust Nick.he only had minor role.he and Smoke are planning to kill Nick.however,Nick killed him(he was the first person Nick killed)

 

Cesar:He isn't with Kendl yet,when Nick is working with Grove,Cesar try to get Nick and help him.Nick does a few helps for Cesar

 

Kazuki Kasen:he came to Los Santos and helps Nick from Grove and Ballas.however,Yakuza has a connection with Ryder.Nick and Ryder engage a shootout in his place.Yakuza still protect Nick in both San Fierro and Las Venturas

 

Toshiko Kasen:she knew Nick when Nick is working with Kazuki.Nick and Toshiko loves eachother.

 

The Truth:Nick meet him in San Fierro and become Nick's best friend

 

Zero:Nick knows him from The Truth.Nick does a few help for him

 

Claude(GTA 3 protagonist):a street racer.Nick beat him in a race

 

Mike Toreno:he knows who is Nick and everything about him.Toreno wants Kazuki's head and he can protect Nick from Ballas.Nick reject this idea and Toreno become Nick's enemies

 

Ken Rosenberg:Nick's cousin and he invites Nick to Las Venturas.however,Tommy sends him to Fort Carson Medical Center(we knew in The Introduction of San Andreas he succeds his rehabilition)

 

Tommy Vercetti:he knew Nick from Ken.Nick and Tommy became strong allies in Las Venturas.Nick and Tommy came to Liberty City for a deal with Leone Family.but Forreli Family ambush the deal.Kazuki told Nick if he still work for Tommy he doesn't want protect Nick.however,their relationship are ends.at the ends of story they continue their relationship in Vice City

 

Pete Vance:the brother of Vic and Lance.he still had chronic asthma but getting beter.he wants killed Vercetti.Nick and Pete got fistfight

 

Carl Johnson:when Nick and Tommy came to Liberty City they saw CJ stole a car

 

Toni Cipriani:he represented Leone Family for the deal with Vercetti Gang

 

Fred Sampson:the Antagonist of the Story.he was an abnormal Antagonist(like Massimo Torrini).he was Ballas leader after Nick killed him,Tenpenny also in there and Nick tryed to killed him.however,Tenpenny survived.At the end of story it's discovered that The Ballas were threatening to kill Sweet if Sweet didn't dipose of Nick

Edited August 22, 2010 by Prasdana

[Prasdana]

Chapter 1.Los Santos

 

(Nick is waiting his Superior Officer and Tenpenny come)

 

Tenpenny:so you are a new Officer huh?

 

Nick:yes,sir

 

Tenpenny:can you drive?

 

Nick:yes,sir

 

Tenpenny:ok,you drive

 

Nick:ok

 

(Nick and Tenppeny in the car)

 

Nick:where we going?

 

Tenpenny:Iddlewood

 

Nick:ok,and i can't wait for my first duty.

 

Tenpenny:hey kid,tell me why you did join LSPD?

 

Nick:this is my dream when i was a child,and my dream is come true.i still can't believe this.and you sir?

 

Tenpenny:to get rich

 

Nick:i'm sorry sir,but are you from poor family?

 

Tenpenny:hey,what's your mouth asshole!!both of us had different background and i hope you can keep your mouth shut before i cap you!!

 

Nick:i'm sorry sir

 

Tenpenny:forget it!

 

(they arrive in Iddlewood)

 

Tenpenny:ok,kid do you see 2 men with purple clothes?

 

(2 Ballas members are talking)

 

Nick:yes,sir.will we catch them?they look like gangsters

 

Tenpenny:woa,woa,woa easy kid.you right,they are gangsters but we won't catch them

 

Nick:why?

 

Tenpenny:you go to them and tell them you are my new parthner

 

Nick:ok

 

(Nick approached Ballas)

 

Nick:hey fellas,i'm Officer Tenpenny's new parthner

 

Balla member no.1:ok,wait a minute(to another Balla member)hey take the "stuff"

 

(Balla member no.2 take a box with drugs and give it to Nick)

 

Nick:is this drugs?

 

Balla member no.2:yo,and give it to Tenpenny

 

Nick:why?

 

Balla member no.2:he is a drug addict idiot!

 

(Nick come to Car)

 

Nick:Officer Tenppeny,are you a drug addict?

 

Tenpenny:yeah,and i hope you can keep your mouth shut and don't tell other officers about this

 

Nick:i just have one question

 

Tenpenny:what?

 

Nick:how can you joined LSPD if you are a drug addict?

 

(Tenpenny punch Nick)

 

Tenpenny:i have my own plan!!understand!?

 

Nick:augh,yeah

 

Tenpenny:good.take the stuff to your home

 

Nick:a'right

 

(they go to Nick's house in Playa Del Seville)

 

Tenppeny:ok kid,don't tell this to other Officers

 

Nick:i understand

 

Tenpenny:good,but remember,i got my eyes on you

 

(Tenpenny leaves Nick's house)

 

Nick:asshole

Edited August 1, 2010 by Prasdana

[Prasdana]

Chapter 1.Los Santos

 

(Nick is waiting his Superior Officer and Tenpenny come)

 

Tenpenny:so you are a new Officer huh?

 

Nick:yes,sir

 

Tenpenny:can you drive?

 

Nick:yes,sir

 

Tenpenny:ok,you drive

 

Nick:ok

 

(Nick and Tenppeny in the car)

 

Nick:where we going?

 

Tenpenny:Iddlewood

 

Nick:ok,and i can't wait for my first duty.

 

Tenpenny:hey kid,tell me why you did join LSPD?

 

Nick:this is my dream when i was a child,and my dream is come true.i still can't believe this.and you sir?

 

Tenpenny:to get rich

 

Nick:i'm sorry sir,but are you from poor family?

 

Tenpenny:hey,what's your mouth asshole!!both of us had different background and i hope you can keep your mouth shut before i cap you!!

 

Nick:i'm sorry sir

 

Tenpenny:forget it!

 

(they arrive in Iddlewood)

 

Tenpenny:ok,kid do you see 2 men with purple clothes?

 

(2 Ballas members are talking)

 

Nick:yes,sir.will we catch them?they look like gangsters

 

Tenpenny:woa,woa,woa easy kid.you right,they are gangsters but we won't catch them

 

Nick:why?

 

Tenpenny:you go to them and tell them you are my new parthner

 

Nick:ok

 

(Nick approached Ballas)

 

Nick:hey fellas,i'm Officer Tenpenny's new parthner

 

Balla member no.1:ok,wait a minute(to another Balla member)hey take the "stuff"

 

(Balla member no.2 take a box with drugs and give it to Nick)

 

Nick:is this drugs?

 

Balla member no.2:yo,and give it to Tenpenny

 

Nick:why?

 

Balla member no.2:he is a drug addict idiot!

 

(Nick come to Car)

 

Nick:Officer Tenppeny,are you a drug addict?

 

Tenpenny:yeah,and i hope you can keep your mouth shut and don't tell other officers about this

 

Nick:i just have one question

 

Tenpenny:what?

 

Nick:how can you joined LSPD if you are a drug addict?

 

(Tenpenny punch Nick)

 

Tenpenny:i have my own plan!!understand!?

 

Nick:augh,yeah

 

Tenpenny:good.take the stuff to your home

 

Nick:a'right

 

(they go to Nick's house in Playa Del Seville)

 

Tenppeny:ok kid,don't tell this to other Officers

 

Nick:i understand

 

Tenpenny:good,but remember,i got my eyes on you

 

(Tenpenny leaves Nick's house)

 

Nick:asshole

[Prasdana]

Listen to your "friend"

 

(Nick's phone is ringing and he answers it)

 

Nick:hello?

 

Tenpenny:it's me,Tenpenny.get your ass over here right now!

 

Nick:where are you?

 

Tenpenny:Glen Park

 

Nick:a'right

 

(Nick arrive)

 

Nick:what's going on Officer?

 

Tenpenny:put this drug to another Officer's table.

 

Nick:what?

 

Tenpenny:put this drug to another Officer's table asshole!!!if you do this i swear both you and me will be promotoed.

 

Nick:i don't think this is good idea

 

Tenpenny:but i think this is good idea

 

(Nick come to LSPD and approaced his Chief)

 

Nick:Chief,do you see this drug?

 

Chief:yes,how can you get that?and who's the suspect?

 

Nick:well this is Officer Tenpenny's drugs

 

Chief:Tenpeny?he is a good officer.

 

Nick:he is a drug addict

 

Chief:i don't believe your story Officer!!can you prove it!?

 

Nick:yes, this is the proof.Tenpenny is...

 

Chief:Tenpenny is your superior officer and your out from here Officer!!!get out NOW!!!

 

Nick:but..

 

Chief:I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN!!

 

(Nick left LSPD Office with Casual Clothes)

 

Nick:oh,man...

[Prasdana]

Grab and GO!!!

 

 

(Nick's phone is ringing and he answers it)

 

Nick:hello?

 

Tenpenny:i heard LSPD kicked you out because you showed the drugs!?

 

Nick:yeah,and one day they will find the truth about you

 

Tenpenny:hey assholes,i called you before i have bad news for you

 

Nick:what?

 

Tenpenny:i paid The Ballas and they are going to kill you because you are a ungrateful bastard for me

 

Nick:what!?screw you Tenpenny!!!i never learn a thing from you!!!you just an asshole!!!

 

(a Ballas car are coming and they are shooting Nick)

 

Tenpenny:good luck(close the phone)

 

(Nick get a bike and he pushed a head as fast as he can because Ballas are trying to kill him and he fall in Ganton)

 

Balla member no.1:hey,this is Grove Street Teritory

 

Balla member no.2:yeah,we can kill several members of Grove after we kill this motherf*cker

 

Nick:i can't believe i'm only 25 years old

 

(Sweet are shooting 2 Ballas member and approached Nick)

 

Sweet:are you ok?

 

Nick:yes,thanks for save my life

 

Sweet:no prob,because i hate Ballas

 

Nick:can i do something for you?you save my life and this is how i show my grateful.by the way,i'm Nick Rosenberg

 

Sweet:yeah,Grove is needs new members maybe you can become a Grove member.just call me Sweet

 

Nick:Grove?

 

Sweet:Grove is my gang,and i'm the leader.but before you become a Grove member i want you show your fighting skill and your guns skill

 

Nick:ok,1 hour ago i was a cop,but now i'm a loser.i hope i can kick Tenpenny's ass

 

Sweet:Tenpenny!?do you know him?

 

Nick:yeah,he was my superior officer in LSPD

 

Sweet:ok come to see me when you ready

 

Nick:ok

 

[Prasdana]

are you a fighter?

 

 

(Nick come to Johnson's House and knocks the door and Sweet opens it)

 

Sweet:what's up man?

 

Nick:good.and you?

 

Sweet:i'm good,so do you want become a Grove Member?

 

Nick:yeah

 

Sweet:ok,let's go to East Los Santos

 

(they arrived in East Los Santos)

 

Sweet:ok,i think you know who they are

 

Nick:yeah,they are Ballas member

 

Sweet:yeah,and they don't have guns

 

Nick:so?

 

Sweet:we must fight them,this is your first test

 

Nick:a'right

 

(Nick and Sweet approached Ballas)

 

Sweet:Grove Street is the King,Bllas is the servant

 

Balla member no.1:what?just bring it fool!

 

(Nick and Sweet get fistfight with them,Nick knocked out 1 Balla Member,and Sweet still have a fight.Nick helps Sweet and knocked out another Balla Member)

 

Sweet:hey that's cool Niga,are you a fighter?

 

Nick:of course not,you know i'm an ex cop

 

Sweet:oh yeah,i forget it.i'm sure you can knocked out Tenpenny in a fight

 

Nick:thanks

 

Sweet:let's go to Grove Street

 

(they arrived in Grove Street)

 

Sweet:seriously,you are a good fighter,i'm sure other members will happy if they know your fighting skills

 

Nick:thanks

 

Sweet:but you have another test,i want you show your gun skills

 

Nick:ok,no problem

 

Sweet:ok,later

[Prasdana]

"Gun and Rosses"

 

(Nick come to Johnson's house and knocks the door,and an old lady opens it)

 

Moms:who in the hell are you?

 

Nick:hello,i'm Nick.i'm Sweet's friend

 

Moms:Sweet's friend?are you a Grove Street Member?

 

Nick:not yet,umm,may i know who are you?

 

Moms:i'm Beverly Johnson,i'm Sweet's mom

 

Nick:nice to meet you

 

Moms:nice to meet you too

 

Nick:where's Sweet?

 

Moms:he's in the toilet.he trash his sh*t

 

Nick:hahaha

 

(Kendl come to Moms)

 

Kendl:Moms,i want go to Sandy's home

 

Moms:ok,be careful honey,but this is Nick.and Nick,this is my daughter Kendl

 

Nick:hi

 

Kendl:hi,i'm sorry but i'm busy right now

 

Nick:ok

 

Moms:if you meet Ballas you must kick their buts

 

Kendl:i don't want any trouble Moms

 

(Kendl leave and Sweet come)

 

Sweet:hey nigga,what's up?Moms,i want go to Emmet's place.he aint in there but he allows me use his place

 

Moms:ok.hey Nick,you have nice buts

 

Nick:thanks

 

(Nick and Sweet arrived in Emmet's house)

 

Sweet:ok,take that 9mm and shoots all the bootles

 

Nick:all?

 

Sweet:yeah,if you can break all of them i consider you as a Grove Street Member

 

(Nick shooots all the bottles)

 

Sweet!:that was amazing!

 

Nick:thanks

 

Sweet:now you are a Grove Street member,welcome to Grove Streets Family

 

(Ballas come to Emmet's place)

 

Balla member no.1:hey Sweet,you and your white girlfriend must pay after what you did to me and my friend

 

Nick:Sweet's Girlfriend!!?am i look like a woman?a'right tough guy i'll pay but i have the change

 

(Nick and Sweet engane a shootout with Ballas and they survive)

 

Sweet:HOLY f*ck!that's was great!

 

Nick:yeah,we had the change and they accept it

 

Sweet:let's go to Grove

 

(they arrived in Grove Street)

 

Sweet:ok Nick,you are a full member of Grove,and you know,Grove's colour is Green.go get yourself some Greens

 

Nick:ok

 

Sweet:see you later

[McReary7772]

The punctuation is terrible.

[Ziggy455]

Okay, well...

 

 

What the f*ck? Eight god damn posts!? You're lucky you aren't verbal warned, and on the other hand. Conal speaks the truth, the punctuation is bad, run it through Microsoft office or any equivalent of that just to see what punctual errors you have. Besides that, you seriously must improve.

 

 

It's got potential, give a face to it.

[Tyler]

Script style writing requires a certain style. Frequent breaks in between dialogue to narrate where the characters are is very good. Try it for every new scene. New scenes also require narraration, as the reader does not know if the scene changes whilst dialouge continues on. Overall, you need to revise and edit this and proof-read it before you post, to make sure it is what you really needed it to be in your mind.

 

Let others post a review, and if they don't then post new acts to the story every five days, time is one of the writer's best tools. Think of our work as wine, fermenting in our minds, and when we see fit we sell the barrel to the reader. The reader, even if hating the plot line and taste, will at least appreciate the time you took, and how your grammar was so well evaluated.

 

Keep the dream alive, but keep it alive with enthusiasm.

[Prasdana]

thanks for your opinion guys

[sminem]

To me it seems like the first part of the story is a combination of

and the beginning scene of Vice City Stories.

[Prasdana]

To me it seems like the first part of the story is a combination of

and the beginning scene of Vice City Stories.

lol,yeah you right,but i have my own creation.stay tuned

[Prasdana]

here come's the money

(Nick phone is ringing and he answers it)

 

Nick:hello?

 

Tenpenny:Ballas said you are Sweet's friend?so you must be a Grove Street member

 

Nick:yeah,i'm a Grove member

 

Tenpenny:Ballas is Grove's enemy,and since you mess with them they want your f*cking head.i dot know what are you thinking but when you go to funeral,i'll be there

 

Nick:yeah,yeah,yeah,thanks for your warning SIR!!have a nice day(close the phone)

 

(at The Johnson's House Sweet and a fat Grove member are talking and 2 other members playing video game,Ma in the upstair,listening to WCTR)

 

Big Smoke:how's CJ man?we need his help

 

Sweet:you do know CJ is enjoying himself in East Coast don't you!?i don't care about him,i never talk with him since Brian died

 

Ryder:yeah,he was a busta,and i'm sure he still

 

Litle Devil:but at least he is your brother Sweet

 

Sweet:I DON'T CARE NIGGA!!

 

Moms:Sweet!!can you make your voice lower!?i'm listening to Lazlow

 

Sweet:i'm sorry Moms,it's never happen again

 

(Nick comes to The Johnson house)

 

Sweet:there he is!!he isn't a black man,but at least he can knocked out 2 Ballas members at the same time

 

Ryder:what's up homie?before you ask my name just call me Ryder

 

Nick:ok Ryder,i'm Nick Rosenberg

 

Big Smoke:how in the hell you can said that Ryder!?i don't trust you Nick and i'm sure you still a cop,and f*ck the police!!

 

(Moms comes to the downstair)

 

Moms:don't talk like that Smoke,Nick is a honest man

 

Litle Devil:but i agree with Smoke Miss,and i know he is Tenpenny's servant

 

Nick:what did you say!?do you have a problem with me!?

 

Litle Devil:yeah

 

Big Smoke:if you have a problem with him,you have a problem with me!

 

Moms:STOP!Smoke,Devil,get the hell out right now!!

 

Smoke:ok Miss,but remember,don't f*ck with Grove or i'll f*ck your family!c'mon Devil,let's go get some f*cking beer

 

(Smoke and Devil left)

 

Moms:forgive them Nick,they just have a problem in their head

 

Ryder:yeah,and i need your help Nick

 

Nick:for what?

 

Ryder:i have a quiz for you ,where we could get the money?

 

Nick:umm a bank?

 

Ryder:genius!look we go to a bank in Downtown Los Santos and we rob the bank

 

Sweet:here we go again,don't count me in Ryder!

 

Ryder:asshole!ok,let's go Nick!

 

(Nick and Ryder arrives in a bank and they wear masks)

 

Ryder:give up the money!this a raid!

 

Cashier:are you gonna kill me?

 

Ryder:if you open the door then no,open the f*cking door!

 

Cashier:ok,ok,i got it

 

Ryder:what are you waiting fool!?take the money

 

(Nick collects the money)

 

Ryder:we are going to be rich!!

 

(across the road Tenpenny sits in squad car with his new partner)

 

Tenpenny: When’s my back up coming? 2-11 in progress.

 

Operator: Dispatching now, road blocks are being set up to the East, West and North of the bank.

 

Tenpenny: We need a unit to be on standby to intercept from the south. If we’re gonna’ send them in to a bottle neck then we need some back up. Get away car is a white picador, parked directly in front.

 

Operator: Rodger,orders are not to engage until back up arrives.

 

Tenpenny: Understood, it’s possible that these guys may have some bullet proof gear, get SWAT on the way as well as air support.

 

(inside the bank Nick and Ryder hear a siren)

 

Ryder:damn!!LSPD comes!!

 

Tenpenny:this is Officer Frank Tenpenny from Los Santos Police Departement Lower your weapons and come out with your hands up, we have the building surrounded and will open fire if-(Nick go to outside and shot Tenpenny at his hand,Ryder go to outside asswell)

 

Ryder:you crazy nigga!!let's get outta here!!

 

(Nick are driving and Ryder shooting,they go to Spray and Paint Shop.Ryder's picador turn Brown)

 

Ryder:damn,i don't like this sh*t!!

 

Nick:but at least,we alive Ryder

 

Ryder:ok let's go to the Grove

[Aljohnk]

cool interesting...

[Prasdana]

Grove4life(New account)' date='Aug 17 2010, 13:11'] cool interesting...

thanks

[twannie1997]

cool! continue! continue!

[Prasdana]

cool! continue! continue!

 

 

thanks

[Prasdana]

World War 3

 

(Nick is slepping because it's 00:00 AM,but his phone is ringing,he answers it)

 

Nick:who the f*ck is this!!i'm really tired!!

 

Sweet:it's me,Sweet.get your ass over here now,pronto!!

 

Nick:why?what happened?

 

Sweet:my boys on the streets said The Ballas are coming to Grove

 

Nick:really?i'll be there(close the phone)

 

(Nick arrived at Grove,and Sweet give him AK-47)

 

Sweet:don't say words Nick,just stay focus

 

Nick:(nod)

 

(The Ballas are coming,all Grove Members shooting them,Grove win,but many Grove members dead)

 

Sweet:this is real f*ck up!!everything!!

 

Smoke:we should call CJ baby

 

Sweet:let CJ do whatever he wants!!you right,we need his help,but let him back by his mind

 

Ryder:why we need a busta?

 

Devil:he may a busta fool,but he was good gunman,but yeah,maybe you better than him but i'm better than you

 

Nick:who's CJ?

 

Smoke:what's the f*ck do you care?i'm sure you will catch us

 

Sweet:that's enough Smoke!!!are you racist!?

 

Smoke:I ain't racist,but I never trust him

 

Sweet:ok,let Nick helps your problems then

 

Smoke:What the f*ck!?

 

Sweet:we better split up now

 

(all Groves split up)

[LuisBellic]

good story bro

 

EDIT: I should start putting my story's on here since they dont seem to get locked that much

Edited August 22, 2010 by LuisBellic

[Prasdana]

good story bro

Thanks

[Aljohnk]

pls continue continue xD

[mrpain]

What...the...f*ck?

 

How can people say this is a good story? Seriously the writing is terrible. Add more description to it and seriously don't make it an all dialouge chapter.

[The Guru]

Been a long time since I passed by this section of the boards. But I'd just like to say that you need to work on your grammar, punctuation, and detail.

 

-I mean seriously, have a space after a question mark/exclamation mark/full stop, please?

-Don't use multiple exclamation marks/question mark. Instead, do it like ''!?'' to represent something like ''!!!!!!!". And for questions, just use "?!". You've done this in a few parts but to make it even better, do it always.

 

 

(The Ballas are coming,all Grove Members shooting them,Grove win,but many Grove members dead)

 

That sentence (if you could call it that) is full garbage (sorry).

 

 

Don't take any of this personal, think of it as advice for the future.

Edited August 25, 2010 by The Guru

[Riden0001]

 

World War 3

 

(Nick is slepping because it's 00:00 AM,but his phone is ringing,he answers it)

 

Nick:who the f*ck is this!!i'm really tired!!

 

Sweet:it's me,Sweet.get your ass over here now,pronto!!

 

Nick:why?what happened?

 

Sweet:my boys on the streets said The Ballas are coming to Grove

 

Nick:really?i'll be there(close the phone)

 

(Nick arrived at Grove,and Sweet give him AK-47)

 

Sweet:don't say words Nick,just stay focus

 

Nick:(nod)

 

(The Ballas are coming,all Grove Members shooting them,Grove win,but many Grove members dead)

 

Sweet:this is real f*ck up!!everything!!

 

Smoke:we should call CJ baby

 

Sweet:let CJ do whatever he wants!!you right,we need his help,but let him back by his mind

 

Ryder:why we need a busta?

 

Devil:he may a busta fool,but he was good gunman,but yeah,maybe you better than him but i'm better than you

 

Nick:who's CJ?

 

Smoke:what's the f*ck do you care?i'm sure you will catch us

 

Sweet:that's enough Smoke!!!are you racist!?

 

Smoke:I ain't racist,but I never trust him

 

Sweet:ok,let Nick helps your problems then

 

Smoke:What the f*ck!?

 

Sweet:we better split up now

 

(all Groves split up)

nicee

Edited August 25, 2010 by Riden0001

[Landstalker]

Your storyline seems good but your spelling is terrible.

[McReary7772]

Story is ok but the Punctuation is terrible.

 

4/10

 

[Prasdana]

thank you for advices and comments.i can take any criticism.maybe i'll post next mission tomorrow(and with new concept)

[Prasdana]

I'm sorry,I dont think I can continue this story(if you like my story)but one day I will,I have no ideas