Build Up Your San Andreas Gang

[Landstalker]

Going to add the weps and cars right now.

[mrpain]

I will be away for two days. I'm going to make Build Up Your Posse in RedDead.Net.

 

Stories need to be rated:

Kaizer Chief's 8th Chapter

mrpain final gang war Chapter

[marlord911]

Final gang war chapter.

 

San Fierro Rifa @ Cranberry Station

#4: "Hitting 'em Where it Hurts"

 

We crouched, completely still, behind the steel railings of the catwalks of the Triads' underground bunker. There was no sound, except for the groaning of the Triad members who had fallen to the ground. We had eliminated them all.

 

We made our way over to the pile of injured Triads. Some were still alive, while others had bled heavily and perished. We dragged two of the live ones over to the edge of the catwalk.

 

Santiago began the questioning. "Look, we know that you guys are all lackeys. We want to know, where are the Triad chiefs?"

 

The Chinese man spat blood at Santi's leg, and stared at him with unwavering eyes. "f*ck off, Jose."

 

Santi, angered at the stereotypical remark, dragged the man's arms over the catwalk's edge, and stomped down on them forcefully. One of the man's arms broke, while the other one fractured. He shrieked in pain for one full minute.

 

Santi then fished a pair of brass knuckles out of his pocket. He held their glistening rings up to the howling Chinese man's face. "Tell us, Genghis, where your bosses are, or I swear to god I'll pop your eyes, break your legs, blowtorch your f*cking cock and skin you alive."

 

When the man did not respond, Santi punched his arms with his brass knuckles. A sickening crack was heard as the man's broken arms got completely severed. The detached arm rolled off the catwalk and fell three stories down onto the bunker floor.

 

I had never realized how powerful Santi's legs were. Meanwhile, the Chinese man finally cracked. "Okay… I'll tell you. They're at the Four Dragons Casino, in Las Venturas."

 

"Thank you. Now, don't you want to be put out of your misery?"

 

Santi aimed his gun at the man's head and fired. Although it seemed cruel, I knew deep down that the man would've wanted for his suffrage to end permanently.

 

We made our way across the catwalk, and back into the grocery store. The shopkeeper was still completely out cold, so we walked past him and got back into our car. I decided to call T-Bone to report this victory. As I dialed the number, Santi and Javier discussed the trip to Las Venturas which we were about to make.

 

Curiously, however, T-Bone didn't answer his phone. I redialed; again, no answer. I thought about telling Javier and Santi about this anomaly, but Javier said, "Come on, Maxi. Start driving."

 

The drive to Las Venturas was a long and treacherous one. Tierra Robada and Bone County were not exciting at all, and we passed the time by planning out our attack on the Four Dragons Casino. When we finally got there, we disembarked across the street, marched towards the casino, fully armed. However, we had no more satchel charges with us left.

 

The minute we went in, one of the guards spotted us, and began running into the back room, eager to alert his Triad bosses. He might well have succeeded, if it weren't for Javier's quick and masterful shooting skills. With a well-placed shotgun blast, the guard was downed, but also, panic was created on the casino floor.

 

Gamblers and croupiers began running around in panic, while the bartender — himself a Triad member — produced a shotgun of his own and fired at us. His stubby shotgun, however, was no match for Santi's AK-47, which ripped him apart like a marionette doll.

 

All the civilians ran for the entrance, and soon, there was no one left on the casino floor. We crept up to the door that led to the back room, which, evidently, was soundproof. If there were Triad members inside, they didn't hear the fiasco that had gone on.

 

Santi and Javier discussed how we should open the door. After much thought, I stepped forwards and knocked on it. Santi looked at me in surprise, but I gave him a look which explained, They've no reason to suspect anything, so we'll catch them by surprise.

 

I was right. A tall man wearing extremely dark sunglasses opened the door, perhaps expecting to see one of his Triad followers. But instead, Javier was there, and he sent a shotgun blast right at the man's stomach.

 

"Wu Zi!" came a voice from inside the room. It was one of his bodyguards, whom Santi promptly dealt with, firing a volley of automatic gunfire right into the man's groin. Another bodyguard attempted to whip out his AK-47, but I denied this opportunity by sending three crisp shots into the man's face with my pistol.

 

There were three men left in the room, in addition to Wu Zi, who was groaning in pain. We aimed our guns at the men, who immediately stood down. They slid their guns at us, surrendering completely.

 

"Where are the rest?"

 

"There's no one left, I swear!" came the voice of one of the cowering Triad leaders. "This is all that's left of the San Fierro Triad! You blew up Chinatown, you destroyed our bunker, and now you've got the casino too. There's no more left, I promise!"

 

Santi seemed satisfied. He cocked his pistol, as if ready to execute them all. But I reached out my hand, saying, "We are not savages, Santi. We won the war, now let's make our dignified exit."

 

Santi smirked, took one last glance at the terrified Chinese men, and left the room. As we made our way out, Javier suggested, "Drinks and whores at the Pink Swan?"

 

I replied, "How about the Visage?"

 

Santi nodded. "As far away from here as possible."

[Build Up Your San Andreas Gang]

marlord911~ You have earned yourself $97 for your three chapters. You made at least 17 errors. Those are; verb confusions, ortographic errors and gramatical errors.

 

mrpain~ You earned yourself $96 for you three chapters. You made at least 22 errors. Those are; verb confusion, ortographic errors and gramatical errors.

 

The winner, who will win $500 and a free vehicle of his choice from the opposing member garage is.............................................................. m.......................... arlord911.

 

Congrats to marlord911 for his victoy against mrpain. You did a good job too mrpain.

 

As a special gift from the BUYSAG Corporation, I'd like you to accept those gifts.

marlord911~ The BUYSAG Corporation is offering you a free PCJ-600.

mrpain~ The BUYSAG Corporation is offering you a free Maverick.

 

P.S. Kaizer Chief, your story will be rated soon and your $100 bonus was added mrpain. Plus, everything is added (weapons, cars and cash).

 

~Cheers, Landstalker~

Edited June 21, 2010 by Build Up Your San Andreas Gang

[marlord911]

marlord911~ You have earned yourself $97 for your three chapters. You made at least 17 errors. Those are; verb confusions, ortographic errors and gramatical errors.

Seriously? It should be "orthographic" and "grammatical".

 

I'll take my $500, as well as the Triads' Elegy.

[Build Up Your San Andreas Gang]

marlord911~ You have earned yourself $97 for your three chapters. You made at least 17 errors. Those are; verb confusions, ortographic errors and gramatical errors.

Seriously? It should be "orthographic" and "grammatical".

 

I'll take my $500, as well as the Triads' Elegy.

Oups! I made two errors

 

P.S. Adding the Triads Elegy to your garage

[Landstalker]

I know this chapter is not long.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

San Andreas

Bone County

Los Santos - Los Santos

Unknown Time

Unknown Weather

 

San Andreas Army

Chapter five: Secret helper and new numbers

 

Jason Flyll – Underground

 

When I woke up the other day, I was, to my great surprise, a wooden box with a letter on it. In the box, there was, amazingly, all the stuff we needed, plus some little extras. The swimming uniform, the weapons, some matches, a map of this castle, even a map of the secret passageways in the fortress. There were even some uniforms with a lot of medals. I quickly thought that it was some high-ranked soldier uniforms that the box sender sent us.

 

The letter had this to say:

“Dear Jason Flyll,

In this box, you will find all what you need to bet out of this prison. There is everything for you and for your friends. Do not try to learn who I am because it could be fatal. I am just someone who wants good of you.

Sincerely, BJ”

 

General Manning alias number XXVIII – Los Santos

 

“Number X,” I started to say through my cell phone.

“Speak,” the voice said.

“The mission is complete. I am in good terms with Sweet Johnson. Now, I just need to find his brother Carl and then I will bring them to number I,” I said looking carefully to be sure I was not being looked at.

“Good. Be careful though. They are both dangerous. One of them was able to steal in the military base in Bone County and the other have a whole gang under his control,” he said before I got interrupted.

“You’re looking for Carl Johnson?” said the black guy with a familiar voice.

“Yes. Who are you?” I asked him hopping he didn’t heard the whole discussion.

“I am Carl, you little bitch!” he yelled at me fisting me. I had no choice but to answer his provocation.

 

The battle only took five minutes to attract the attention of the entire neighborhood. In the battle, my stomach got nude showing my tattoo. In this case, it was “XXVIII”. When he saw this, he quickly stopped. I found him weird. Then, all of a sudden, he got ride of his shirt and to my great surprise, I saw “V” tattooed on his stomach. Sweet arrived running like a little puppy with his cell phone.

When he looked at both of us, he exclaimed, “Both of you are of them!”

“Yes,” we said at the same time. “How do you know about our group?” we both asked, again, at the same time.

“It is simple,” he said getting ride of his shirt. “I am number XIII,” he said looking at all the other fools looking at us.

 

He was about to say something else when the ground started to shake and underground explosions started to happen.

 

Jason Flyll – Los Santos

 

We had made our way out since a good twenty five minutes and had reached the end of our way. We only needed to make explode the rock that was standing in our way. We had nothing to make it explode, but by chance, a terrorist followed us and was shooting bazooka shell at us. A few shoots later, it exploded and we quitted the tunnel to see the tunnel collapsing right on the guy. We were in a house basement. A few posters made us think we were in Los Santos and we were right.

 

[Ziggy455]

I'll take San Fierro Police Department AT...The San Fierro Police Station

 

I'll take a Sawn - off shotgun please

 

 

A Man of his Word.

 

The San Fierro bank was bustling. The hundreds of civilians walked from line to counter with ease; no troubles worrying them. As a masked figure stepped inside the brightly lit room with a clown mask tightly fixed on his head – his hair still visible as it he fired off the first round of a sawn – off shotgun; the bullets causing small pieces of rubble to hit the gleaming floor.

 

More of the clown masked followers began to move around the bank – shoving civilians to the floor. All of them fearing for their own lives as most of the bank hit the floor suddenly.

 

“No need for...alarm.” the head robber exclaimed with a shotgun aimed at the bank teller’s face.

 

The man’s fear lit his face up as the head robber cocked his gun forward.

 

“EVERYBODY DOWN ON THE FLOOR!” screamed one of the accomplices – as he finished yelling he slowly realised the head of the group was ahead of him. He didn’t even see the shot to the head coming.

 

A few screams echoed out throughout the bank as the robber’s body hit the floor with a thud.

 

“We’re here for one only,” the head robber tore of his mask. A white painted face with a large red painted smile cheek to cheek wide, black paint around each of his eyes.”To send a message.” He whispered to himself; pulling on a pair of leather gloves.

 

“Who here has kids? Anyone? Hmm?” the clown taunted curiously.

 

A lone man raised his hands, his arms shaking in fear. The clown sighed before grabbing him off the floor; holding his business suit tightly with a superhuman grip. The man yelped as the clown pushed the shotgun into his head. By now one of the accomplices was video taping all of the robbery.

 

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” screamed a lone woman cowering on the floor, shaking violently with fear and confusion.

 

The clown dropped the man with a quick push and grabbed the old woman.

 

“You,” said the clown calling to the video recording robber. ”tape this.” He said as the robber zoomed in on the clown’s face – his gun now aimed on the woman’s head.

 

He cocked the gun, cleared his throat and stroked his long green greasy hair back.

 

“Hello there San Fierro...You’re probably wondering why I’ve made this little...as we should say ...tribute.” he taunted with a sinister tone.

 

“This marks the day of a beginning of...anarchy! From now on, unless the San Fierro police Department throw over all power to my associates here and myself, expect San Fierro to become a burning pile of rubble within the next few hours. And to commemorate my word, here’s a parting gift.” He explained with a taunting smile, he placed the shotgun into the woman’s mouth – gagging her as he stared at the camera.

 

“I’m a man of my word.” He said with a cock of his and a blast of his gun...

Edited June 22, 2010 by Ziggy455

[donkeyfunker]

 

Donkey Funker: Not bad so far but could use more description.

 

$45

added to the Grove Street Families.

Yeah, I just noticed that my chapters are definitely more dialouge-heavy, which in turn causes less description. I'll try to fix them up a little bit, thanks for the advice.

 

@Kaizer Chief, Landstalker: Appreciate it, thanks for answering.

 

Chapter 5: Graveyard Shift

 

I flopped down in bed earlier then usual, but I was tired and sore all over, I didn't even know if the bullet was still lodged in my leg or not. I fell asleep like a rock that night, until I got a strange call at around 2:30 in the morning. I was going to let it go, but then I remembered; Armando! I quickly got up and answered, and I was met with a Hispanic voice on the other end.

"Is this Patrick?" the voice asked.

"Yeah, it's him," I said, trying to keep my eyes open.

"It's me, Armando. I don't know what the f*ck you're trying to pull, I tried to be a friend to you, and this is what you do? Lie to me? I'm in some deep sh*t now, being chased by Vagos all through East Beach because they think I'm a traitor," Armando said angrily.

"Listen, I didn't lie, I only told my friends like you said, but we saw the Landstalker, and one of my friends wouldn't listen to me, and chased them. I got you in this mess, but I'll get you out of it, what car are you driving?" I asked.

"I'm in the Tornado you saw yesterday, I'm driving down East Beach southbound, two Landstalkers are chasing me filled with Vagos, alright?" Armando told me.

"When did the Landstalker become a gang car for the Vagos?" I asked, confused.

"I don't know, it's not. Look, are you gonna help me or not?" Armando asked.

"Keep driving, I'll be waiting for you along the beach, alright?" I told him.

"Alright," Armando said, and I hanged up.

 

I quickly got dressed, grabbed my knife just in case, and took my bike. As I rode through the darkness to East Beach, I realized, just how the heck am I going to help him? Throw my knife at the Vago car? All I could do was hope he had a gun in the glove box or something, as the cold wind made me grind my teeth. It was an extremely cold wind, blowing straight in my face. But I kept riding, not knowing what to expect. I saw a police car at a red light, I hid in the shadows so he didn't question me, or get me for 'not having a light on my bike.' I rode closer, finally, I reached East Beach. I crossed the rode quickly, and soon, I saw Armando's car, just as he described what was happening. I waved him down, and he turned around, and pulled down the window. I locked up my bike and dove through the open window, and he sped off again. I needed to think of something that could get the Vagos off his back. But what?

 

"Nice to see you showed, Patrick," he said, eyes fixed straight on the road.

"No problem, I'm gonna get us out of this mess, don't worry," I told him.

"Don't worry? How the hell am I going to escape these guys? They think I ratted out the plan, which led to the four Vagos getting killed, which means I'm going to get killed," Armando said.

"Please tell me you've got a gun somewhere in here," I asked him.

"I might have one in the back, be careful because I'm gonna be making some sharp turns, holmes," Armando said. I searched through, and I actually found a Tec-9 in the back.

"Keep driving, I'm gonna start shooting back at them," I shouted, as the Vagos started to shoot at the car. I knew then that it was going to be more dangerous than I thought.

 

I leaned out the passenger window once the bullets stopped, and started to shoot like a madman. I only hit their car a couple times, but I did crack their windshield. Now they were getting aggresive, slamming into the car and trying to pull side-by-side.

"Sh*t, they're playing rough now, where do you want me to go?" Armando asked me.

"Keep going straight, I think I can get some good shots," I said. They pulled right on the side, Tec-9's aimed right at us.

"Duck!" I yelled out to Armando. They fired like crazy, hitting everything but us. Once I could tell they were reloading, I immediately shot up and fired a fully loaded Tec-9, nailing the driver's head so bad, it looked like connect-the-dots. Getting down and reloading, I noticed the Vago car started to swerve. They pulled back up, the guy from the passenger seat taking over the driving just in time. We were now driving through the highway in the country, as we started getting shot at from all directions.

"I don't know how much more the car can take!" Armando said, ducking and driving at the same time. I had to work faster if I wanted to save his life, and mine as well.

 

The cars were side-by-side once more, and I didn't care if they started shooting again, I jumped up and fired like hell, the driver caught completely off guard. Bullets splattered his brains all over the dash board, then I shot the tire and the car flipped over and over, and quickly exploded, probably leaving no survivors.

"One down, one to go!" I told Armando as we went further and further down the highway. The second car fired at us, and I noticed some smoke coming out of the engine of our car.

"Armando, we can't wait any longer, pull up along the car's side, and I'm gonna dive through the open window so you can escape, alright?" I told him.

"Are you loco, holmes? I don't want you to kill yourself," Armando answered back.

"Don't worry about me, I've got a knife here, just do it before we both die!" I told him. He did it, and we were now neck and neck with the second Vago car. I got out through the window and jumped, knowing if I miss, I die, and if I make it, I probably die also.

 

I grabbed onto the edge of the window, and climbed right in. I quickly grabbed the driver's neck and put my knife to it, so if they shot me, I slice it.

"You pendejo, who the f*ck's gonna drive?" one Vago yelled out.

"I don't give a sh*t. In fact, this is just for you f*ckers," I said, turning the steering wheel right, causing the car to fly over the guardrail and plummet off the cliff, onto the beach. I sliced the driver's neck in mid-air, then held onto the steering wheel as the car fell down roof first onto the sand. The car caught fire, and I quickly rolled out through the small crack I could see. I dragged myself as far away from the car as I could, when it exploded, parts falling on top of me. I even saw an arm of a Vago land two feet in front of me, that was really disgusting. It's finally over, I thought to myself, cuts all over me. I had a pretty bad laceration over my forehead. Then I heard a gun load, I had no idea who it was, I just prayed it wasn't the police.

 

"Get up, you son of a b*tch," the voice of a Vago said. I got up, it was one of the Vagos from the car. "You thought I was dead, as*hole? You think you're Superman? That you're some tough guy? Not against me you're not. Us Vagos are too smart and powerful against you're sh*tty kind. Haha, trying to do some Batman trick, f*ck you," the Vago said.

"Hurry up and get the f*ck on with it," I told him.

"I think I'll torture you a little, Grove Street c*cksucker. I think..." I heard another voice in the distance interrupt him. It was Armando!

"Leave him alone, Juan, and drop your gun while you're at it," Armando said, the Tec-9 he had pointed right at the Vago. He dropped it, and now it was a matter of who Armando wanted to let live, seeing as how it looks like they know each other.

 

"Armando, buddy, how's it going?" Juan asked, trying to butter him up.

"Don't ask me sh*t like that, you were in that car with all the other f*cker's trying to kill me, huh?" Armando asked, sounding more serious than ever.

"Uhh, no, I just stopped by wh..." he stopped when Armando pointed the gun closer to him. "Okay, I was. But I never shot at you, I was praying you would make it out alive, seeing how me and you are such good friends," Juan said.

"I don't know if we are anymore, seeing as how I've been ran out of the gang, by a certain person..." he pointed the gun at me, and the tables have now been turned. After all I did for him, he'd turn his back on me like this?

"Yeah, he ran you out of the gang, I knew you were innocent, man. Finish that gangbanger off, and I will personally get you back in the gang, I swear," Juan said. I knew I had to do something quick, but there was nothing I could do, seeing how I've got a gun pointed right at me. He pointed the gun right between both of us, and I shut my eyes, ready to get it over with. I heard the shots, and I almost cried, but then I noticed, he didn't kill me!

"After what you did for me, I couldn't kill you, man. Now, let's get the hell out of here before the cops show," Armando said.

"Yeah, but we got one more problem, dude. You got the biggest target on your back in East Beach now. I'll think of something, trust me," I told him. But honestly, I've never experienced something like this before. I had no idea what to do.

 

[Build Up Your San Andreas Gang]

Landstalker: An intriguing story, although there were some big errors. For example:

 

 

When I woke up the other day, I was, to my great surprise, a wooden box with a letter on it.

 

Are you saying that your character became a wooden box? Obviously not. Try to pay more attention to such mistakes. You get $34 for this story.

 

Ziggy: Added, and sawn-off shotgun bought.

You tend to make quite a bit of sentence structure errors, for example,

 

All of them fearing for their own lives as most of the bank hit the floor suddenly.

This is not a complete sentence. Also, a small error made the last sentence sound completely awkward and inappropriate:

 

He said with a cock of his and a blast of his gun...

However, your level of description is of a high standard. So I'm giving you $36 for the story.

 

donkeyfunker: Your levels of description are improving, and they're mixing with the dialogue nicely. $43 + $100 (5th story bonus) added to the GSF.

 

NOTE that Kaizer Chief's 8th story still needs to be rated.

 

Ratings and comments brought to you by Kaizer Chief

 

 

[mrpain]

marlord911~ You have earned yourself $97 for your three chapters. You made at least 17 errors. Those are; verb confusions, ortographic errors and gramatical errors.

 

mrpain~ You earned yourself $96 for you three chapters. You made at least 22 errors. Those are; verb confusion, ortographic errors and gramatical errors.

 

The winner, who will win $500 and a free vehicle of his choice from the opposing member garage is.............................................................. m.......................... arlord911.

 

Congrats to marlord911 for his victoy against mrpain. You did a good job too mrpain.

 

As a special gift from the BUYSAG Corporation, I'd like you to accept those gifts.

marlord911~ The BUYSAG Corporation is offering you a free PCJ-600.

mrpain~ The BUYSAG Corporation is offering you a free Maverick.

 

P.S. Kaizer Chief, your story will be rated soon and your $100 bonus was added mrpain. Plus, everything is added (weapons, cars and cash).

 

~Cheers, Landstalker~

I lost to him by one dollar? Aww.

 

I'm not complaining though as I will be enjoying my new Maverick.

[marlord911]

San Fierro Rifa @ Cranberry Station

#5: "Repossession"

 

I woke up the next morning, severely hung over from the previous night's intense celebration at Misty's Bar. We had successfully purged the Triads from San Fierro, and with the lowly Da Nang Boys still moping about their freighter, the Rifas were now the big shots in the city. After washing myself up, shaving, and eating a celebratory breakfast, I gave my buddies Javier and Santi a call, and asked them to meet me at Cranberry Station.

 

When they arrived, we shared hugs and got into the car, my beat-up Stallion. Santi jokingly asked, "When are you gonna pimp your ride, Maxi?"

 

"Funny you should say that. The answer is today."

 

"Where are we going?"

 

"Back to the Triad bunker. We didn't have time yesterday to do some actual exploring. I think there'll be plenty of nice surprises waiting for us. Cars, drugs, money... who knows."

 

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, there could be some... 'leftover' Triads."

 

"I think we sent a damn clear message yesterday, Javier."

 

It was a short drive down to the familiar street in Ocean Flats, but when we parked, we saw that the grocery shop, which was the legitimate front of the bunker, had been sealed shut by a metal garage door. We peeked inside, and discovered that all the fruits and vegetables were gone, as well as the shopkeeper, who presumably decided to close up shop and flee after he discovered the carnage.

 

"Great. Now what do we do?" Santi asked.

 

But Javier was known for his resourcefulness. He found a metal pipe on the ground next to the entrance. Then, he instructed Santi and I to raise the door with all our might. Although it wouldn't be possible to open it completely, we would be able to create a small opening for Javier to slide the pipe through.

 

The door was surprisingly heavy, and even with all our strength, we could only get it a couple of inches above the ground. But Javier lodged the pipe between the door and the ground, and it stuck.

 

"Now, we have to do it again, and this time I'll stick a larger object in."

 

So the work continued. We took turns lifting, as the heavy door wore off our muscles. Finally, when we managed to lodge a tilted trash can beneath the door, the opening was big enough for all three of us to crawl under. We slithered into the shop, and as the cockroaches scattered, we began to smell dried blood and stale flesh. We made our way through the back door, where the Triad bunker — its lights dimmed — was once again revealed to us in its deathly glory.

 

We made our way down the catwalk's stairs, sidestepping the grossly deformed bodies. The stench of dried blood ascended from the floor, and we were eager to get out of there as soon as possible. But first, we had to find what we came for — Triad possessions to pillage.

 

A shout came from the corner that Santi had headed to. "Hey, guys!" We rushed over, and we discovered a locked room. Using a cement block nearby, we easily dislodged the lock and shoved the door open. Inside, we saw a large shelf, which was largely empty. However, on one level of the shelf, there were a couple of bottles filled with red liquid. On another level, we saw a small plastic bag, filled with tan-colored powder.

 

"That's heroin, eses! And here we've got a whole gallon of boomshine!"

 

"Wow, these Triads were intense."

 

"I guess that means we're more intense," Santi said with a laugh. "Okay, can we get out of here now? The dried blood is killing me."

 

"Hold on," I said, observing a small switch on the wall to my left. I flicked the switch, and all of a sudden, a large vibration noise was heard. We looked around in surprise. Then, suddenly, one of the walls began to lift! It rose slowly and heavily, and the noise got louder as it rose. Finally, when the wall had completely slid into the roof, the noise stopped, and we gasped in awe at the sight that lay in front of us.

 

In what seemed like a garage was parked no less than fifteen customized cars. We looked at each one in detail. All of them were of the Elegy brand name, and they all had shining rims and were fitted with nitrous. This was turning out to be a fantastic day.

 

"How are we going to get them out of here?"

 

I had already figured out the answer to that one. I walked forwards into the garage, and, as expected, I found another switch on the wall here. Upon pressing it, the vibration noise came on again — this time twice as loud. The back wall of the garage was being lowered, while the front wall was raising! We watched in delight as the garage opened up directly onto the street.

 

I ran towards a colorful blue-green Elegy, and claimed it as mine. Javier claimed a fiery-red one, while Santi took the orange one with black streaks. We drove cheerfully out into the San Fierro streets, and spent the rest of the day cruising around the hilly roads of Paradiso. When we finally returned to our apartments in Doherty, my hangover had disappeared completely. What a beautiful day.

 

I'm buying an ounce of heroin and a gallon of boomshine.

[Build Up Your San Andreas Gang]

Kaizer Chief~ Good story. I spotted one error though.

 

 

Then, to Andrei: "Now, I want you to drop that sack you're carrying. Throw me the gun, and crawl obediently back into the factory. Then — "

 

It should be:

Then, to Andrei: "Now, I want you to drop that sack you're carrying. Throw me the gun and crawl obediently back into the factory. Then — "

 

For your chapter, I, well, you will receive the price of $36.

 

marlord911~ I spotted two verb errors. In the garage. You said .... was no less..... But it should be .... were no less.....

 

....While the front wall was raising.... It should be ....While the front wall was rising...

 

Since it is your fifth story and you made a good chapter, you will get paid a good price. $134.

$134 ($100 (Fifth story bonus) + $34 (Story pay))

 

Your drugs will be added too.

 

~Cheers, Landstalker~

 

P.S. Expect to see updates for the stories count in the next few days.

Edited June 22, 2010 by Build Up Your San Andreas Gang

[Landstalker]

San Andreas

Bone County

Los Santos - Los Santos

Unknown Time

Unknown Weather

 

San Andreas Army

Chapter six: One down, twenty eight to go

 

Jason Flyll – Los Santos

We inspected the, what as looking like, basement of this house to find a switch, well, a lot of them. The first one I tried opened the light. The second one showed us the path to a secret passageway under Los Santos. The third was leading to a secret bathroom. Another one leaded to a meeting room. One was full of wooden crates with some strange signs on it. They all looked like the Nazis one. The last one was empty and had a list which was, because of water and time, pretty incomplete. I took it with me thinking this list could be useful. It had thirty names and numbers on it. At least, it looked like names and numbers.

 

After a few minutes of investigating, we decided to look for a stair. There was two stairs; one was going down and the other up. The one going down was looking solid and in perfect condition. For the one going up, it was another matter. Made of wood, with a whole loads of hole, with mould all over it, not looking solid at all, shacking to only a little wind breeze, we hesitated to take it even if it was maybe our only way up to the surface. After a bit of argue, we came to a consensus; I would go first since I weighted the less between all of us. I arrived at the top of it without any problems and I was a door. I was about to open the door, when it opened by itself. I made sign to them to come fast, which they have done without needing to get told to do another time. As I passed the other side of the door, it started to close. The good thing was that they had the time to pass before me. The bad thing was that we arrived in a kitchen with three persons with weird tattoos on their stomach. I didn’t take care of it so, after a one hour of apologizing, we quitted the house.

 

Luckily, we found a Patriot parked somewhere nearby. We stole it and got something to eat at the restaurant. The Cluckin’ Bell was full of random weirdo’s. The manager asked me if I was alright pointing my stomach. I had blood coming out of my tattoo. Passing me some brown paper I knew I had missed something. The guys with tattoos in the kitchen were having the same tattoos as me. We ate our dinner then I told Shell and Blackman the situation. They could not believe it. We paid the manager who was still walking around and quickly got in our newly acquired Patriot. We headed straight back to the house and entered it with our M4’s, Desert Eagle’s. We waited a little moment since they had a cell phone discussion with someone important. They were talking to number IV. When I had heard enough, I breached into the kitchen and pointed my M4 at the cell phone guy. Shell pointed his at the big shaped guy and Blackman at the one with the green hat.

 

I recognized the big shaped one as General Manning and shot a bullet in each of his legs. I was so angry that I didn’t notice some guys arrived behind us.

“Welcome to Ganton, Grove Street Families hood. You will pay for your provocation. XXVIII? XIII? Get ride of those insolents,” said the one tattooed number V.

 

I quickly got ride of my shirt for I don’t know what reason and jumped on General Manning. Shell and Blackman took down those poor Grove Street boys and started wrestling with the two others. While fighting Manning, my vision started to become weird. I saw red and after that nothing…

 

Number IV – Las Venturas

 

“Speak,” I said through my cell phone.

“Hum… Well… It…” said the voice not knowing where to start.

“Calm down and say it,” I heard through the cell phone.

“Well… Number XXVIII is dead,” said the voice of number XIII.

“What!” I yelled at him.

“Number V can confirm it too since he was at the scene,” said again number XIII.

“Yo, number XXVIII got killed by number XXX. He’s good guy. He mutated in what we got told by our spies of Bone County,” he said nervous.

“Where are you?” I asked jumping in my car.

“We are at the military base in Bone County. We have escaped this monster,” he quickly replied.

“God damn it!” I said throwing my cell phone away. Goodly, the cop car that passed nearby didn’t saw my infraction and I continued my way to the base.

 

[Build Up Your San Andreas Gang]

Landstalker: Although your writing has improved, try to add more description. Don't just write "I did this" or "I did that". Add more wisdom to your writing. Keep up the good work though.

 

$40 added to the San Andreas Army.

 

Rated by mrpain

 

 

Also, mrpain will not be doing any writing duties for a few days time. Instead mrpain will just do the ratings duties in the meantime.

[Landstalker]

It would be fun to see hoods wars sometime.

 

P.S. Which gang would you recomend me guys if I wanted to quit the San Andreas Army at the Restricted Area?

Edited June 22, 2010 by Landstalker

[Kaizer Chief]

 

 

Chapter 9: Substance Abuse

 

It was about four hours after Andrei returned from his eventful ordeal in Las Venturas that a mysterious call was placed to his apartment. Andrei, who had just awoke, picked the phone up after much hesitation, slightly scared that the Sindaccos were giving a call of revenge.

 

"Hello?"

 

But it wasn't an Italian voice on the other end. Instead, it was the distinctly recognizable voice of a West Coast ghetto boy. Andrei was bewildered, and asked, "Who is this?"

 

"Hi, you must be Andrei. My name is Kanin McPherson, but you can call me Kane."

 

Andrei remained cautious in the face of the inviting comment. "And what do you want from me, Kanin McPherson?"

 

"I'm the leader of the Rollin' Heights Ballas, Andrei. I realize we've had some… misunderstandings since the time you arrived. Your men killed many of mine, although in fairness, we attacked you first."

 

Andrei swallowed this news, extremely surprised that he was in this position. "What are you trying to say?"

 

"I'd like to call a truce — in the form of a drug deal."

 

"Drug deal? What have you got in store?"

 

"We were actually hoping to acquire some drugs. Now you see, after much ruling over Los Santos, we've gotten quite a lot of cash, but some of our OGs are getting jumpy. And we're quite certain that you, my friend, have done a little dealing in your short time here."

 

Andrei looked over at the large sack he had taken from the Sindacco meat factory, which contained a plethora of ecstasy pills. "Indeed, we have an entire sack of ecstasy pills that we can offer."

 

"Hmm, interesting buy. We'll buy it for 8K, deal?"

 

"No. 10K at the minimum, take it or leave it."

 

"10 thousand bucks? Look, that's way more than it's worth — "

 

"Listen, it's your people who are getting 'jumpy', yeah? So you can either buy the drugs for 10K and get yourselves together, or you can watch your junkies crumble into insanity. Like I said, take it or leave it."

 

"Fine, 10K it is then."

 

"There's a warehouse in Ocean Docks, next to the large bridge from the island. Be there at 2 pm today. If you try to do anything funny, Kane — "

 

"I won't. See you at 2."

 

Andrei spent the morning gathering some of his fellow Russians, telling them to work protection during the drug deal. He told everyone to bring their AK-47s, if possible, and also to grab as much armor as possible. At noon, he went over to the compound, where he paid several workers to act as lookouts during the deal.

 

At 2 o'clock, the Ballas arrived promptly. They came in three cars, each carrying four gang members. The man known as Kane approached Andrei, and the two shook hands.

 

"Nice to meet you, Andrei." Kane smiled warmly.

 

"You too," replied Andrei, without smiling. "Minkowski, why don't you assemble our men and position them as lookouts? I don't want this deal being busted up."

 

Kane waved at some of his men, and instructed them into their positions as well. Then, Andrei, Kane, Vasili, and two of Kane's lackey entered the warehouse. They decided to conduct the deal in the warehouse's office, which was located on the second floor.

 

Proceedings were going along fine when suddenly, gunshots were heard from the outside. Everyone stood still and nobody spoke, but the gunshots kept on coming. Then, they heard the screams of their Russian and Balla guards. Andrei looked around, panic-stricken, and decided to hurry the deal along.

 

"Alright, Kane, hand me the money."

 

Kane, also worried about the incoming intruder, obeyed. Andrei hastily counted the money, and when he made sure that the 10K was there, tossed the sack at Kane. Kane caught it; some pills spilled onto the ground, but Kane didn't care. He rushed over to the office's door, eager to kill the intruder.

 

Andrei, however, was slightly wiser. He saw a back door to the office, and began running towards it. "Vasili! Follow me!"

 

Vasili was also next to the office's front door, ready to stop the intruder. But right at that moment, Kane's head blew apart in a flurry of crimson, and his lifeless body fell to the ground. Vasili looked up in shock, but was then immediately hit in the stomach with gunfire. He hit the ground in pain, but gave Andrei a look that said "Run!"

 

Moments later, the intruder came through the front door. Andrei got a good glimpse of him, a muscular African-American wielding an MP5. Andrei rushed out the back door, descended the steps at the back of the warehouse, and got into his car. He sped away through the gates of the compound, and turned northwest, heading into the city.

 

After about 500 meters on the road, Andrei looked behind him, expecting to have lost his attacker. But instead, the man was right there on a sport bike, chasing him, and aiming his MP5 at him! Slightly surprised at the assailant's persistence, Andrei floored the accelerator and made his way onto the Los Angeles Freeway.

 

With his adequate driving skills, Andrei weaved his way through the traffic, hoping to confuse the man on his tail. But the maneuverable sport bike followed him with ease, and Andrei could not shake him no matter how he tried. Then, he looked to his right and saw an opportunity — a chance to shake off his tail completely.

 

It was a small ramp on the side of the freeway, and as he neared it, he swiveled his vehicle onto the ramp, and, using his car's momentum, flew off the ramp and into the air. The man on the bike wasn't quick enough to react, and sped on in confusion before realizing what happened.

 

As the car flew through the air, Andrei braced for impact. When the car hit the ground, its engines stalled and all the windows shattered. Furthermore, the chassis had been deformed, making the car no longer drivable. Andrei ditched the vehicle, grabbed the briefcase of cash, and made his way into a café — strategically positioned beneath the Mulholland Intersection so that his attacker couldn't see him.

 

Inside the café, Andrei picked a seat and ordered a cappuccino. He picked up the briefcase, and admired its sleek, metallic edges. Then, he heard a bell ring. It was the waitress alerting him that his cappuccino was ready. When he looked up, the waitress signaled for Andrei to approach the counter to get his drink.

 

"Can you please bring it over here?" shouted Andrei, but the waitress seemed too busy to notice.

 

Sighing, Andrei got out of his seat and went over to the counter, grabbing his drink and giving it a sip. Then, when returning to his seat, he noticed that something was wrong. The briefcase was missing.

 

He spun around. While he was getting his drink, someone had nicked the briefcase and hastily made their way out of the café. Andrei locked eyes with the waitress, whose gaze revealed that she had been part of the theft; she had been in cahoots with the thief, and had drawn Andrei out with the drink while her accomplice took the briefcase. Furious, Andrei sped out of the café, looking for the thief.

 

He looked to the left; no one. Then, looking to the right, he discovered someone running quickly around the corner. He immediately dashed after him. Back in grade school, Andrei had held the school record for sprinting. Now, he put his skills to good use.

 

The thief didn't run far before he was tackled fiercely by the ferocious Andrei. He retrieved his briefcase and pinned the thief against the wall. "Who are you? Who are you working for?"

 

"I'm… I'm not working for anyone… just a theft ring…"

 

"What? A theft ring?"

 

"We operate around Los Santos… we target businessmen, unsuspecting women, teenagers, basically everyone…"

 

Andrei considered what the man was saying. He figured that his gang would benefit nicely from the services of a theft ring.

 

He opened the briefcase, and fished out around $2,000 in cash. He passed it to the thief, who stared back in shock.

"Give this to your boss. Tell him that I've just bought out your theft ring. Everyone in your little circle, everyone, now works for me."

 

------------------------

 

I've sold my ecstasy for $10,000. Using this money, I'm buying a theft ring, in addition to 4 extra thieves, which makes 5 thieves in total.

[Landstalker]

The price is $2200 though. I will give you one for free and the four others you'll have to pay them. Even if you should pay the five. I can let you go for now.

 

I will make the change like addign the cash and getting ride of the cash you use to buy the racket and the assets. I updated your chapters count. The rate will be coming soon.

 

P.S. Which gang would you say me to join in if I wanted to quit the SAA (San Andreas Army)?

 

EDIT 1: This is the map of all the territories that can be fought for or that can be buyed or attacked, etc...

 

http://pdescobar.home.comcast.net/~pdescob...zone_mapper.png

Edited June 22, 2010 by Landstalker

[Kaizer Chief]

The price is $2200 though. I will give you one for free and the four others you'll have to pay them. Even if you should pay the five. I can let you go for now.

 

I will make the change like addign the cash and getting ride of the cash you use to buy the racket and the assets. I updated your chapters count. The rate will be coming soon.

 

P.S. Which gang would you say me to join in if I wanted to quit the SAA (San Andreas Army)?

 

EDIT 1: This is the map of all the territories that can be fought for or that can be buyed or attacked, etc...

 

http://pdescobar.home.comcast.net/~pdescob...zone_mapper.png

Umm, thanks, I've looked at the prices and I know what I'm doing. I get $10000 from the drugs, and the theft ring costs me $2200, while the 4 extra thieves cost me $3000 in total. It seems like you've got it down right.

 

I'd say, join a Los Santos gang like the Ballas or the Vagos! Then we could have gang wars/hood attacks/etc.

[Landstalker]

I'll join the Varrios Los Aztecas. At Cesar's House when my next chapter will be rated.

 

P.S. There will be a vehicles, planes, helicopters, boats, motobikes update soon

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

San Andreas

Bone County

Los Santos - Los Santos

Unknown Time

Unknown Weather

 

San Andreas Army

Chapter seven: A son and a new life

 

Jason Flyll – Red County

 

When I woke up, with a big headache, the other day, with my friends, around seven o’clock, I was in a cabin which seemed to be a garage and at the same time a little house. We were in the little cabin in North Rock, north of Los Santos, the city of the gangs and of the drugs and, not forgetting of the hookers, of the corruption. The only thing I could remember was seeing red and all becoming black. Shell and Blackman were staring at me fearing something, which at the time I didn’t knew what was this fear, like if I was about to attack them in the beast way.

 

Number II – Red County

 

I had with me number III, VI, VII, VIII, IX, XI, XII, XVI, XVIII, XX, XXI, XXII, XIV and number XXIX to launch the attack on number XXX and his two companion. With our personal guard, which totaled one hundred twenty two terrorists, we were approaching North Rock and were not in the mood to fail this mission. We separated the group in two; the first team was Alpha A and the second one Bravo A. We would circle them until they surrender or that they would die. Number I wanted to stop getting trouble from number XXX or should I say, didn’t wanted to have trouble coming from him since he had a virus plus a weird medicine injected to him by number XXVI in the project. I wanted to say him all the details before he died, because he was my…

 

Jason Flyll – Red County

 

We were eating some wood fruits and sitting around a campfire when we heard a heavy engine looking like noise approaching. We ran to the cabin and hided in it only to get trapped in it. Then, after a few minutes of waiting, we saw at least one hundred terrorists approaching our location with Rhino’s, and Patriot’s.

 

Number II – Red County

 

“Surrender number XXX, you are circled!” I yelled at him.

“Really? Why would I do that?” he answered me sarcastically after some laughing and coughing.

“Because number I wants you back on the team,” I lied to him ordering my troops to circle the cabin.

“It is too late to ask me to do so!” he laughed at me dramatically shooting some bullets to scare us.

“Plus, I want to tell you some other things, dad,” I said more lower trying to steer away those tears wanting to come out. “Can I come to talk you?” I quickly asked him before he could say anything that he could regret badly.

“You can come, we don’t have any weapons,” he said showing his head through one of the windows of this shack.

 

I approached the shack and entered it fearing that I got trapped to my own game.

 

Jason Flyll – Red County

 

Number two entered our shack slowly and scared a little bit of getting shot at by me, Shell or Blackman.

 

“Well, dad, hi,” he said looking around him surely to make a fast exit.

“What?” I asked him surprise of his declaration.

“You are my dad, dad. I am Steve Flyll. The son of Jason Flyll, wich his you, and of Elena Flyll, Jawkins of his family name,” he said approaching me trying to shake my hand at the same time.

“You’re my son?” I asked confused letting him shake my hands so he would let me in peace.

“Yes, dad, I am your son. If you want to escape, I would greatly recommend you to take this trap here,” he said pointing us a trap leading to one of those underground tunnels, which by time now, I greatly hated to use.

“What are your going to say to number I?” I asked him fearing his imminent dead.

“I’m going to say you took a trap and that you guys hit me with one of your weapons and fled,” he said while opening the trap.

“If they ask you what took you so long?” Shell and Blackman asked at the same time as going down into the tunnel.

“I will say I lost consciousness,” he said starting to get out. “Just get new identities guys. Join a gang or a Mafia family, but just stay away from the army,” he said completely going out.

“Good bye,” I said taking the ladder which was leading to the underground tunnels and he said, “I will take care of number I personally, dad.”

“Oh and…” I wanted to say before I got interrupted by him, “One day, I will explain you how you killed General Manning. Just keep in head those four words; Red Mercury, project and virus.”

 

Then I closed the trap door and joined the others. We had a new mission; make us a new life. We were going to make it with the… Varrios Los Aztecas eses.

 

Edited June 22, 2010 by Landstalker

[Build Up Your San Andreas Gang]

Kaizer Chief~ Spotted only two errors. "Awoke" should be "Awaken".

"When suddenly," should be "When suddenly;"

 

Nice chapter which is rewarding you $44.

 

Landstalker~ Story to be rated.

 

~Cheers, Landstalker~

[donkeyfunker]

Chapter 6: Drug Dealin' Blues

 

Armando and I drove through East Beach, where we witnessed the carnage from the first Vago car, having exploded and several Vago bodies were laid out like a puzzle. As we drove, we began to hear sirens. But instead of being behind us, we saw the police, ambulance, the whole thing, come flying by us at high speeds, obviously because of the explosions. We decided to dump the car off in a large parking lot, since it was pretty totaled and the Vagos knew it was Armando's. I reached my bike, and we both got on it, Armando on the pegs, and rode for my house.

 

We reached it finally, and and Armando and I sneakly walked in, thankfully my Dad was a heavy sleeper.

"Where do I sleep?" Armando asked.

"Just sleep under my bed, it's the only place I can think of where my Dad won't find you," I told him. He agreed, and I finally got some sleep, so I could wake up to do my first mission for Sweet. I woke up at 8:00 that morning, took a shower, and walked into the living room. Armando was already up, eating breakfast.

"Wow, my Dad didn't see you?" I asked him.

"He did, he didn't care at all. Said I talked to him more that morning than you have the past month," Armando said. That made me notice I really don't spend much time with my Dad. Hopefully I could fix that, but right now I was too busy with my own problems.

"Well, where are you going?" Armando asked, noticing me put my shoes on.

 

"Grove Street business. Look, I don't want you going outside, going anywhere until I come back, alright?" I told him.

"Why not?" he asked, mouth full of frosted flakes.

"You're Hispanic, you've got gang tatoos, not to mention, you could be murdered at any time. It's just not safe in Los Santos for you. When I get back, I'll think of something, alright?" I told him.

"Alright," he said with a sigh, and so, I was off for Sweet's. I walked there, since I couldn't run because my leg was still sore. It wasn't far at all, and I decided to wait in front of his house until the other guys showed up before I knocked. It was 8:25, I saw Rashean come out of his house, Deion must of spent the night with him. Jerome pulled up in his car, finishing off a bucket of chicken. We knocked on Sweet's door, I was nervous to see how he was going to greet us.

 

"How's it going fellas?" Sweet said, looking happy to see us. "Listen up, I got a hit I need you guys to do. The Balla I told you about yesterday is called DeShawn, and not only did he kill my main errand boy, he's selling dope to Groves. He lives in the Idlewood Apartments, number 27, take him out, alright? I might have some more work I need you to do if you can pull this off," Sweet said to us.

"Will do, but has that f*cking Vago spilled about where Marco is yet?" Jerome asked.

"Oh, uh.. yeah, Marco, I, uh.. have been questioning him about that, I'll find out soon don't worry," Sweet said, obviously lying. Jerome was about to open his mouth, but Sweet said good luck and shut the door.

 

"Oh man, this is gonna be a piece of cake! Speaking of food, I'm out of chicken, damnit!" Jerome said, tossing the bucket aside. We got into the car and left the cul-de-sac, pondering about how we're gonna take him out.

"How about, baseball bat style?" Rashean suggested.

"No, how about just plain ol' fists?" Deion suggested.

"How about both?" Jerome said, we all agreed. We reached the apartment, and knocked on the door.

"Go the f*ck away, I don't deal 'til 5:00, GSF b*tch," the voice said, we could see him looking through the little mail slot.

"He asked for it, right?" Rashean asked us, we said yeah, and he started to pound on the door extremely loud, while me and Deion went to the back of the apartment and busted the back window. We snuck through, the pounding so loud, the Balla didn't hear us. "You keep pounding on my f*cking door and I'll blow your brains out all over the porch, got that, b*tches?" the Balla threatened. I picked up a 9mm off the counter, and loaded it. "That's it, you Grove b*tches just got the death penalty!" he said, turning around to pick up his gun. The only thing he got was a gun pointed at his face.

 

"What the f*ck! No, no, please, don't kill me yet!" the Balla pleaded, and I actually felt a little bad for him. The door busted down and Jerome and Rashean came through.

"How's it going, b*tch?" Rashean asked, baseball bat in hand.

"Ah sh*t, cut down before 30. Cut down in my prime! I can't believe it," he said, hands in the air.

"What, cut down in your dealing prime? You should know dealing is a serious business, you don't even have protection, you dumba*s," Jerome said.

"Listen, spare me, and I'll supply you with drugs the rest of your life! Half my profits, are your profits! I swear!" the Balla offered, begging for his life.

"Hell no, you didn't spare the Grove that you killed, did you? Payback's a b*tch, b*tch," Rashean said, swinging the bat so hard across the Balla's face, blood splattered across the walls and teeth were scattered all over.

"You son of a bi..." he was cut off by another swing across the head, cracking his skull wide open. Rashean let us each have a turn, but I passed on mine. We left the dead Balla, although I took the gun because I would probably need it.

 

Of course, Rashean got after me for taking a Balla's gun, and Jerome got after me not swinging the baseball bat. I just used the old 'I'm tired, I've been through a lot' excuse, which worked. We reached Sweet's house, he was standing at the door, I was excited to see what the next mission was.

"Back so soon? How'd everything go?" Sweet asked.

"Went just fine..." Jerome started to say until he saw who Sweet was with. CJ stepped out, and I couldn't believe it.

"How's the fellow GSF doing?" CJ asked.

"We're good, just cleaned out a Balla drug dealer for Sweet," Rashean said.

"Cool, cool, what's your names?" CJ asked.

"I'm Jerome, this is Rashean, and that's Patrick and Deion," Jerome said, introducing all of us.

"Nice to meet you, so Sweet, these guys doing what I use to do back in the day?" CJ asked.

"Yeah, this was their first mission, I got a Vago in the basement I'm trying to interrogate, when I get something out of him, I'll have these guys help me," Sweet said.

"Yeah, it's hard to find Groves now-a-days that don't just dress up in green and walk around smoking and drinking, you know?" CJ told Sweet.

"I hear you, so see you around CJ, good luck with the Madd Dogg recording," Sweet said as CJ walked off into his fancy Turismo.

 

Before he went though, he stopped in front of me.

"You know, this guy looks a lot like me when I was younger, he's even helping out Sweet like I did awhile back. I bet these guys are gonna help Grove become King of Los Santos once again, just like me. Good luck with the tasks Sweet gives you, I'll tell you from experience, they're not too hard," CJ said laughing to himself, getting into his Turismo, then he drove off.

"How'd you guys like meeting the richest gang member in LS?" Sweet asked us.

"That was the greatest experience of my life," I said, so happy I felt like I could just rocket up in the sky.

"Well listen, come back at 3:00, I might have some info on that Marco guy you want," Sweet said to Jerome.

"Thanks man, peace," Jerome said, hopping in the car. "You guys want some pizza?" Jerome asked. We all said yes, and got in the car, ready to celebrate our success. The day was far from over, though...

[Kaizer Chief]

Kaizer Chief~ Spotted only two errors. "Awoke" should be "Awaken".

"When suddenly," should be "When suddenly;"

Actually, "when suddenly," with a comma is correct. A semicolon would be incorrect since the two parts of the sentence are not separate clauses.

 

Good spot on the other one though.

[Build Up Your San Andreas Gang]

Landstalker: Glad you added more description, but do you mind not adding cliffhangers like because he was my..., in movies it will work but in writing it doesnt.

 

$40 added to the San Andreas Army.

 

 

donkeyfunker: I advise you to check your story before posting. Spotted careless errors such as and and Armando and tatoos.

 

$35 added to the Grove Street Families.

 

Rated by mrpain

 

 

mrpain shall go play Red Dead Redemption now.

[donkeyfunker]

 

donkeyfunker: I advise you to check your story before posting. Spotted careless errors such as and and Armando and tatoos.

 

$35 added to the Grove Street Families.

 

Rated by mrpain

 

 

mrpain shall go play Red Dead Redemption now.[/color]

Ouch, I usually look harder to find those. I wrote that chapter out months ago, and while reviewing it yesterday, I had to take out so much dialouge and rewrite stuff I forgot to look for typos. Thanks for pointing those out.

[mrpain]

I also spotted sneakly when it should be sneakily.

 

Just to let you know

[Kaizer Chief]

I'll buy a Chainsaw, a Desert Eagle, an SMG, and a Combat Shotgun for the Russian Mafia.

 

EDIT: It's all good, I bought it for myself.

Edited June 23, 2010 by Kaizer Chief

[Kaizer Chief]

edit: My mistake, never mind this post.

[marlord911]

San Fierro Rifa @ Cranberry Station

#6: "The New Enemy"

 

Once we arrived back at Cranberry Station the next morning, Santi and I didn’t waste a single second getting down to business. We had our deal set up. The drugs would be sold to the Da Nang Boys this evening. Since T-Bone’s decease, the Rifas and the Nangs haven’t been at peace, since the Vietnamese goons saw opportunity in the Triads' demise. With T-Bone gone, they would presume that the Rifas were weakened. I was hoping today might put them in their place.

 

“This is it, Maxi! Tonight we’ll have the money in our pockets, and hopefully our business will come soon,” said Santi ecstatically.

 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves Santi, we still have to get through the deal, without someone ruining it.” I reminded him.

 

“Yeah I guess you’re right.” Santi said, sitting down in an arm chair and grabbing a drink.

 

“So what’s our plan?” I asked him curiously pouring my self a drink.

 

“Alright,” He began through mouthful of rum, “We’ll head to the docks around 5 o’clock this evening. The Da Nang Boys will be meeting us there. After the deal's done, we’ll take the money back here.” He explained.

 

“Is anyone else in on the deal, any other gangs, or families?” I asked.

 

“No, it’s just us and the Nang, plain and simple.” Joey assured me. I nodded in agreement. I had a good feeling about today, and I hoped that wouldn’t be spoiled.

 

In the afternoon, Santi and I had just finished gearing up when the evening started to approach. We had taken the time to gear up. We were armed with a wide array of pistols, tucked and concealed under our suits. We got into Santi's Elegy, and Javier began escorting us to the deal. I was a bit nervous; I wasn’t positive that the other families wouldn’t try something. The drugs lay next to me on the seat, in a leather briefcase that seemed to stare at me, watching me and reading my mind. Beads of sweat gently tumbled down my cheek as we grew closer and closer to our destination. Would the Da Nang Boys try something? Would we get out of there without the cops ambushing us? None of these questions had a solid answer. I’d just have to wait and find out.

 

We arrived at the docks; I could see the Vietnamese guys off in the distance. They were huddled together in a crowd next to a beat up van. I could also see they were armed. Santi and I casually walked over to the group, side by side. One of the goons stepped forward; I recognized him as the leader of the gang.

 

“Hello there.” I said, extending my hand in a gesture of peace. He shook my hand and gave a calm non-violent nod.

 

“Hello. You have the drugs?” he asked impatiently.

 

“Yes I do. A gallon of Vice City-quality boomshine, as well as an ounce of heroin.” I answered him, popping open the briefcase, which was large enough to fit the bottle of beet-red liquid, as well as the powdery substance. He gazed inside and smirked. He then flashed me a brick of bills, fastened together by a silver money clip. I passed him the briefcase and he threw back the clip on money. The Da Nang Boys leader replied stepping into the van, with his assistants close behind. Santi and I strolled away and got back into the stretch. As we sped away, I noticed an eccentric white vehicle to our rear. Anxiously, I asked Javier to accelerate. The strange vehicle proceeded to do the same. They started to pull up along side of us. I gazed out the tinted windows, and saw the vehicles window roll down to reveal a purple-clad gunman aiming at us. It was a Ballas soldier.

 

“Drive by!” I hollered, ducking bellow the windows view. Bullets began spraying into the car through the side windows. Javier was stuck in an ongoing struggle to gain control of our vehicle as it was pelted with lead. I quickly drew my sawn-off shotgun out of my blazer’s pocket and returned fire, making sure I did not reveal my body above the seat. Surprisingly, I managed hit the assassin, sending his car veering into a building.

 

We arrived back at the train station in one piece, but we were all a bit shook up.

 

“Santi, why would the Ballas try to kill us?” I asked, confused.

 

“I don’t know Maxi, somehow they found out about the deal. They know we have the money to open a business and they don’t like that. You know, even though their home's down in Los Santos, doesn't mean their interested in spreading their wings, gaining a foothold in the Fierro.” Santi explained.

 

“They’re probably going to want to wage war now!” I said in anger, “Javier, go find some of our best men and bring them here. We’ll have to inform them of the situation. If any gangs want to try something on us, we’ll be ready.”

 

***

 

I'm selling my heroin and boomshine. With the money, I'll buy a Restaurant.

[Landstalker]

Might someone rate my story aswell as the one of marlord911?